Chapter 1: The Third Rib
Li An Ning was fiddling with the domain name in her computer, as she wanted to transfer it from G.o.daddy toname.com. But because G.o.daddy was not user friendly, the transfer was exceptionally difficult. At this moment, Mao Mao messaged her on MSN and asked her when she’ll be returning to the university. At the same time, she quickly sent her the experiment outline for the 3rd week of Year 2 study. An Ning was startled by it. As expected, the real job of a postgraduate student was to be the tutor’s odd jobs labourer because helping to move house was also part of the outline……
An Ning: ^ – ^ Can we call the removal company?
Mao Mao: I agree if you pay.
An Ning: ……
Li An Ning’s life as a second year postgraduate student was like this. Everyday she’ll wake up early in the morning at seven o’clock to YY (fantasizing or thinking strangely) for half an hour. Then back to reality, to do odd jobs, experiment SPSS and experiment PPT ……
Today, when An Ning was going out, she ran into Qiang Wei, the girl living next door: “Hi, Meow Meow.”
An Ning: “Good morning.”
After hearing that, Qiang Wei’s face began to look grim: “Why I’ve to wake up so early? Why I’ve to rush everyday to finish the report overnight? Why I don’t have a man in my life? !! Tell me why?!”
An Ning: “Well … in fact, I also don’t have a man……”
Qiang Wei: “This won’t do, I must request leave of absence today. I want to go and find a man! Meow Meow, you think of a way to help me to request leave of absence from that old woman!”
An Ning: “How about …… inventing an excuse?”
Qiang Wei suddenly stared deeply at Li An Ning: “It’s strange, why a woman like you with everything, appearance, figure, brain and cold humor also doesn’t have a man?”
An Ning said in grief and indignation: “In other words! Could it be that the requirements of the current male are too low ….?”
Qiang Wei: “…… I finally know why.”
At the weekend, An Ning rode her new bike home. She had two bikes before this. One was robbed and one was s.n.a.t.c.hed by Mao Mao but has not been returned. This time she forked out big money to buy a scooter (it is called sheep in China after a famous scooter brand), adding two extra locks. When the wind was blowing strongly, An Ning felt the automatic one is really more comfortable than the one by feet.
While she was feeling pleased, she hit a car when turning a corner.
When Li An Ning was getting up from the ground, her scooter was lying stiff like a corpse……
“Little girl, are you okay?”
“My scooter …… baby come back to life……”
The driver uncle probably did not understand, so he asked again, “Are you injured? Do you want to go to the hospital to have an examination?”
An Ning sighed and patted away the dust on her body, “I’m fine. Give me your business card, if my scooter really die……” She turned around and saw a long scratch mark on the shiny car door, “Oh ……forget about it. Each takes care of their own corpses.”
Uncle: “……”
At this moment, a person pa.s.sed by. He did not look at her, but An Ning can clearly see him smile.
Later, Li An Ning remembered that person is her senior male fellow student, very famous…… although she didn’t know why he is famous.
A week after the accident, An Ning carelessly went to the wrong music course cla.s.s. Then she was unfortunately called by the teacher to answer questions.
Teacher: “The distinguishing features of River Vltava is its repeated theme and variation …… in that case what does the repet.i.tive rhythm trying to convey?”
An Ning: “Repeat …… repeat …… uh …… is …… infinite recurring decimals ……”
Both sides also did not understand each other.
Teacher said sternly: “In that case, where do you think this tune is best suited to be put to use? To convey what kind of mood?”
An Ning replied softly: “Suitable to be alarm ……”
Teacher: “You stay back after the end of the cla.s.s.”
That was the first time Li An Ning was given detention.
After all the students have left, while walking past her, they laughed and stared at her. The teacher called An Ning to go to the front to face the blackboard to reflect on her errors.
River Vltava (LaMoldau) is from Smetana’s symphonic poem “My homeland.” The composer wrote it meticulously and euphemistically, describing the beautiful coastal scenery and depicting the custom of the Czech people. The unique style of the music notes highlight their deep love for their homeland …… love ……
An Ning’s vision was blurry, her eyes glanced at the student honor list on the top right corner of the blackboard.
Qian Lin Lin, Li Bo, Xu Mo Ting …… Xu Mo Ting…..Mo Ting…… An Ning suddenly wanted to laugh. Mo Ting, did his parents want him to never ever stop? (Mo means do not in Chinese and Ting means law court in Chinese but it is also similar in sound to stop)
An Ning appeared like she was dedicated to her study and made the harsh teacher finally gave a satisfied smile. Then the teacher said: “That’s it for today, you can go now but pay attention next time.”
An Ning:. “Okay.” Next time I would not go to the wrong cla.s.sroom again.
After finishing her experiment, An Ning went to the library in the afternoon to collate some information and also to return the two books she borrowed last time. There was not many people today, only four or five in the queue. While waiting, she has the habit of staring blankly ahead …… The one standing next to her was a tall guy. Oh, her head only reached his third rib.
Then she heard the black-faced librarian who always accused her of returning her books late, said: “Student, your card is demagnetized.”
An Ning’s attention was alerted, she looked at the person in front of her and heard him said: “Like this, then write me a list.”
Bravo, she usually will nod and apologize to black face.
Black face said: “Do you think this is a store? Hurry and get a new card, then come back to borrow your books.”
While that person was thinking of a solution, to An Ning surprise, she bravely said, “Here, use my card.”
Thus, the black-faced librarian swiped the card with a black face.
He took the books and glanced at her, “My number is 984932.”
An Ning waved her hand, “You just have to return the books.”
The other person hesitated, said thank you and nodded before leaving.
When An Ning was done and returned to the dormitory, it was nearly 7 o’clock. The moment she entered the room, she saw Mao Mao was rubbing her b.u.t.tocks against the wall, so she can’t help being surprised.
“Could it be …… possessed by monkey ……?”
Mao Mao gave her a supercilious look: “I sat for too long so I reckon I got rashes on my b.u.t.tocks.”
Basically Mao Mao read online novel in front of the computer every day. She can sit for twelve hours without moving her b.u.t.t, until she said, “I can’t hold it, I can’t hold it!” Then she’ll run into the toilet. One minute later, she’ll come out all smiling to continue reading her online novel. “Oh …… ah ……” “Don’t ……” “People already ……” slowly strolling down.
As a second year postgraduate student, she can live life like a second year university student. This was also a kind of capability which An Ning deeply admired.
Qiang Wei walked to their doorway: “Ah Mao, what time do you want us to wait until as the cafeteria is running out of food soon?”
Qiang Wei’s roommate Lili followed behind, “Wei Wei, can’t you put on your pants properly before you come out from the toilet?”
Qiang Wei turned to her and smiled sweetly, “I like to lower my waistband in a public place.” Then she turned around, “Mao Mao!!”
“Wait, wait, wait, wait, I’ll be getting to the X (exciting/climax) part right away!”
Everyone turned black.
After everyone was gone, An Ning switched on the computer and her older female cousin’s avatar flashed on the screen the moment she went online.
An Ning: Meow.
Cousin: I am going to send you a handsome picture.
An Ning: ==! Don’t want.
Cousin: Just to let you YY (fantasizing or thinking strangely) a bit, not asking you to sleep with him so why are you nervous?
An Ning: …… I am not nervous.
Cousin: He is a senior fellow student in my previous faculty, the first president of the drumming (it is called daji as in hit something in Mandarin) club.
An Ning: Drumming club? (An Ning understood it as criticise people (criticise people is p.r.o.nounced as daji ren in Mandarin) club)
Cousin: It is a drumming club! Handsome ah, Come, come, you can pa.s.s by but you must not miss it!
A minute later, Cousin: …… Girl, your MSN version is too low?
In the end, An Ning was forced to install the latest version of MSN. Then she looked at the picture of the fight club president …… a little familiar-looking, appeared to have seen him in her cousin’s computer before. Then she has nothing else to do …… well …… she toyed with the picture for a while. A winsome smile and beautiful eyes. If made it bigger, it’ll be too long but if reduced it, will be too short. If put powder on the cheeks, too white but if put blusher, too red.
An Ning wished she could clap her hands: Good!
Cousin: Seem to have been PS (photoshop) too much, no matter from which angles, he also looks like a woman…… Girl, who did the PS?!
An Ning quickly offline.
The next night, another of An Ning’s roommate called Chen Zhao Yang has just come back from Guangdong. This person said she had broken her leg and requested for half a month off. An Ning helped her to apply for the ‘leave of absence’. When someone was using the flying rate to run towards her, An Ning felt how could she had been so foolish ……
Chen Zhao Yang enthusiastically took An Ning’s hands and also brought Mao Mao and Qiang Wei to the city’s most upmarket noodle shop – “A Bowl of Noodles.”
Zhao Yang: “I think I’ve put on weight.” Such a remark was usually spoken to let people refute.
Thus, Qiang Wei and Mao Mao: “No la!”
An Ning: “Well, a little.”
After the noodles were served, Zhao Yang: “Should I lose weight? But I like to lie down on the bed and don’t like to exercise.”
An Ning thought for a second: “Then …… exercise on the bed?”
Everyone: “Meow Meow, you’ve a dirty mind!”
An Ning was speechless: “It is just that all of you are not innocent.”
Qiang Wei said “stop”: “I am the most innocent! After dinner I am going to download A (‘Adult’ p.o.r.nographic) video.”
An Ning black faced: “Download this kind of thing, won’t the computer get virus?”
Qiang Wei: “Oh, you are right. Then I’ll get the head of the dormitory to download it, let her computer get virus.”
Then An Ning heard someone laughing at the table beside them. She turned her head and looked over to see a long haired girl who was staring at her now. An Ning felt a little embarra.s.sed. The next moment when An Ning looked at the person sitting opposite the girl, he was rather familiar-looking? Oh …… the third rib. His lips were pursed up and his side profile was very good looking.
An Ning thought about this later, fortunately she was An Ning, not Qiang Wei …… otherwise so humiliated.
Friday afternoon, while An Ning was waiting for someone to return from the lab, she saw a blood donation vehicle parked outside the gymnasium. There was a big crowd.
Qiang Wei: “I remember when I went to donate blood, I got rejected. On that day, there was too much blood type B so they didn’t want anymore …… What is wrong with type B?! You are type B! Your whole family also type B!!” (This is typically uttered by someone in anger)
An Ning: “In fact, if the parents have blood type B, there is a 75% chance that the child will also have blood type B. Hence the probability that the whole family also type B is quite high.”
Qiang Wei immediately walked away. Whereas Mao Mao and Chen Zhao Yang refrained themselves from laughing.
In the end, Mao Mao went with An Ning to donate blood and Zhao Yang attempted to placate Qiang Wei.
The outcome was Mao Mao’s blood type B was accepted on that day. On the other hand, An Ning’s blood type O was rejected because she weighted less than ninety pounds.
The actual spoken words used: “Girl, your weight does not reach the set standard. If you donate blood, something may go wrong and we may have to transfuse blood to you later——”
An Ning: “……”
When An Ning was signing Mao Xiao Xu’s name on the blood donation register, she saw a seemingly familiar name, Xu Mo Ting in very beautiful handwriting. An Ning thought he must have practiced calligraphy before.
She felt bored so she took a paper left on the table to write that name in various Chinese calligraphic styles. Then she looked at Mao Mao’s painful facial expression. Actually, it was An Ning who wanted to go to donate blood and Mao Mao was to accompany her only …… An Ning turned around to see someone outside the door.
At this moment, that someone walked in and to An Ning’s astonishment, the third rib ah …… He nodded at the two nurses who were drawing blood. When he saw her sitting there, he seemed stunned for a moment, then came up to glance at the tabletop. After that, he found his gray mobile phone, half covered by the papers. When he walked away, he seemed hesitant and in deep thought, then glanced suspiciously at her paper.
An Ning was thinking: Could it be that she has been scribbling on his paper?
At night, An Ning was having her regular chat with her cousin.
An Ning: Today, when I accompanied someone to donate blood, I saw a handsome guy, uh…… actually that was the third time I saw him.
Cousin: Oh. Speaking of which I actually ate lunch today when the decision was not to eat.
An Ning: You usually don’t eat?
Cousin: What usually don’t eat? ! Today was the first day that I decided not to eat but in the end I ate ……
An Ning: ……
Another quiet day pa.s.sed by.
An Ning will not be going home this weekend. She’ll usually go to the library to kill time, mainly because that place has air conditioning.
The moment she entered the library, the black faced librarian called her, “Hey student, come over here!”
An Ning looked around but there was n.o.body, so she has no option but to walk over, “Yes, what is the matter?”
Black face took out a book from the shelf behind and put it on the counter, “In the future, don’t leave your personal items behind in the library. This will increase our workload.”
“…… This is not mine.” Although she read various type of books, she was certain that she has not read “An Introduction to Diplomacy of Contemporary China” before.
“Your name is Li An Ning, I remember correctly, right?”
“Yes ……” Oh no, she has already remembered her name.
“Then this is yours. The day before yesterday, when you returned your books, this book was among them. Quickly take it away.” Black face turned to look at the computer and ignored her. An Ning saw from the mirror behind that black face was …… stealing vegetable (online farming game). Wah, indeed very busy.
An Ning holding that book “An Introduction to Diplomacy of Contemporary China”, found a quiet place to read it.
Later two girls came to sit across from her. After about ten minutes, they started to chat.
A: “During the summer vacation, there was a fire downstairs of my house. By the time I ran out, my boyfriend was already outside. I asked him why he did not wait for me. My boyfriend replied if he did not run first, how will he be able to save me? I immediately choked. ”
B: “This is the reason you broke up with him?”
“In fact——” A laughed: “I had long wanted to break up with him. You know, I’ve always admired senior student Jiang.”
B: “Senior student Jiang ah …… I remember Fu Qiang Wei from the Physics Department always comes to our Language Department to look for him? Really don’t know what is the intention in her heart?”
A: “Sima Zhao’s trick is obvious to every man in the street.” (What General Sima is after is common knowledge)
An Ning: “In fact…… Qiang Wei’s previous surname is Sima.”
“……”
A minute later, the two girls left the scene …… An Ning continued to read her book. At midday, she returned to her dormitory. Before that she’ll usually ask two of her roommates who always stay in the dormitory if they need her to buy lunch. They’ll always reply they were on a diet. When she was approaching the doorway of Gourmet, she saw Qiang Wei who was talking to another person …… Soon after, An Ning recalled this person was the famous senior male fellow student who pa.s.sed by when she had an accident last time.
“Meow Meow!”
Originally she intended to quietly walk to another door but the loud calling of her nickname dashed her hope. Now, she could only walk up to them.
Qiang Wei: “Come on, let me introduce both of you. This is Li An Ning, my roommate in my university days.”
This time he finally smiled openly at An Ning, “It’s you?”
An Ning: “…… No.”
Qiang Wei: “An Ning, this is my alma mater senior. Of course, he is also my current senior! You definitely have heard of him who is from the Chinese Folk Literature Department. He is in charge of our university’s periodical newspaper.”
An Ning saw both of them looking at her as if antic.i.p.ating her to say something so she said: “Senior ——What is your name?”
Later Jiang Xu recalled: Li An Ning is someone who can use her warm and graceful manner to annoy a living person to death!
An Ning accompanied Qiang Wei and famous senior to have a meal, really eating. An Ning ate in silence, because she was hungry. While eating, she received a text message from her cousin: “The best time to lose weight ought to be prior to 25 years old. I also think it is very easy to lose weight before 25 years old”. This is simply not true!
An Ning lamented that losing weight is the latest trend in the world.
The next day, An Ning was eating her breakfast while going into the lecture room. She always attracted a lot of attention when she pa.s.sed through the door. Qiang Wei waved to An Ning and looked at her slowly walking up. She can’t help saying to Zhao Yang who was sitting next to her: “Is Meow Meow here to attend cla.s.s or to stroll in the street? Old man Zhang was glaring at her.”
Zhao Yang: “Have you ever seen her rushed for anything? ——-what should I do with my lab report? I’ve to hand it in now!”
Qiang Wei smiled: “Brother, early demise makes a comeback faster.”
Zhao Yang: “…… you’ll bury with me?”
Qiang Wei: “I’ll burn you paper money.”
“You should burn real money to me!” Zhao Yang took her bag aside to let An Ning sit down. “Where is Mao?”
An Ning: “She twisted her waist.”
Qiang Wei was surprised: “Mao Mao’s waist …… is so thick, how can it be twisted?”
At this time, student C who was sitting next to An Ning, said: “Meow Meow, such a pity, if you came five minutes earlier, you’ll be able to see a good looking guy.”
Zhao Yang interrupted: “Not that good, only his build is good.”
D sitting at the back: “You are just sour grapes.”
C: “He seemed to be here to talk about something with old Zhang? Could it be that he wanted to come to attend our course?”
D: “When I went to hand in my report just now, I deliberately lingered. He appeared to be asking the teacher for the student list or something.”
An Ning opened her backpack and casually said, “Should be someone from the student union?”
Everyone looked distracted, recalling that posture and felt highly likely.
Qiang Wei smiled wickedly: “Could it be that the student union finally want to prepare a blacklist for our university?”
C, D, Zhao Yang: “Then you definitely will be the first on the list!”
That day after finishing old Zhang’s quantum statistical, An Ning originally wanted to attend a medical cla.s.s in the Department of Bio-engineering. When she got out, she found out it was raining. Only Zhao Yang brought a small umbrella with lace at the side. There were a few transparent flower embroidery patterns in the middle.
Qiang Wei: “What is your umbrella for? Can’t even shelter from the sun!”
Zhao Yang: “It looks pretty.”
Qiang Wei: “OK, go, go into the rain and run one round to let me see how pretty, meow meow! You—— ”
An Ning: “Hey …… Wei Wei, please don’t use my nickname as synonymous with dirty word, thank you.”
Qiang Wei walked away once again.
In the end, they called the one who twisted her waist to bring the umbrella.
Mao Mao: “But I twisted my waist.”
Qiang Wei: “Then you come with your twisted waist!!” She added, “If you continue to give excuses, don’t expect me to help you to answer the roll call in the future.”
When Mao Mao rushed over, Zhao Yang smiled and patted her shoulder, “Brother, you’ve worked hard.”
An Ning comforted her: “It is good that your waist is okay ……”
Everyone was silent.
On Wednesday morning they helped their tutor moved house. This was actually a very depressing thing. If you did well, which you should. But if you did badly, your ability will be questioned, maybe will also affect your “normal grades”. When An Ning and Mao Mao went into the office together, there was already two students inside.
The tutor introduced them: “This two are from the Faculty of Foreign Studies. In the future, they’ll be in the same team as both of you but different faculty, different topics. I hope all of you will able to help each other and improve.”
“Of course! We will certainly help each other, so teacher, please rest a.s.sured.” …… An Ning gazed outside the window, such beautiful late summer or early autumn.
However, An Ning thought that the Department of Physics and Faculty of Foreign Studies are completely different, so how to help each other? Later, An Ning felt she has been really silly. When she has to move a table to the second floor together with the two students from the Faculty of Foreign Studies, she finally realized the meaning of the sentence ‘help each other and improve’ ……
While they were taking their break, An Ning sat at the side of the small flower bed to cool off, one of the student came over and sat next to her: “Your name is …… Li An Ning?”
“Yes.” An Ning was drinking her water slowly.
“Do you remember me?”
An Ning stared at her, “You are ……” Oh, can’t remember.
She didn’t seem to mind, smiled and said: “Last time, I heard your conversation with your friend in the noodle shop which left a deep impression on me. Just that I did not know you are called —— Li An Ning. I’ve not introduced myself. I am Cheng Yu.”
When she paused before saying “Li An Ning” made An Ning felt there was a hidden meaning. Thus An Ning replied: “Oh, my name is Li An Ning”
At this time, the mobile phone made a sound, it was a message from her older female cousin: “Naked body” (p.r.o.nounced as dongti in Mandarin). It is p.r.o.nounced as ‘dong’ but I’ve always read it as ‘tong’! (tongti means entire body in Mandarin). You try to p.r.o.nounce it. When I realised my mistake, I laughed on the spot! I am having lesson in the cla.s.sroom now!
An Ning read it out loud, then bit her lip …… Oh, really a bit perverted p.r.o.nunciation.
Cheng Yu raised her eyebrows slightly: “What is so funny?”
An Ning coughed, thought for a while then said: “If G.o.d wants people to be destroyed, he has to make them crazy first …… I feel this sentence makes perfect sense” (crazy enough to want to die)
Awkward silence. The other male student also heard and laughed out: “As it turns out, the words spoken by G.o.d are so meaningful. What else has he said?”
An Ning: “Well …… he said everything in the Bible.”
The two from the Faculty of Foreign Studies: “……”
Afterwards they self-reflected, how could they be left speechless by someone from the Department of Physics? The conclusion was: The train of thought of this girl was wrong.
After the house removal activity, An Ning rested for a full day. She went home every alternate day to get her mother to stick medical plasters on her back. She was from this city so very convenient for her to come and go. From the university’s back door, take a bus for about 50 minutes and 17 seconds to reach her home. She has calculated that accurately and will check for any deviation, each time she took the bus home.
At night, while accompanying her mother to watch TV at home, she saw an old house, Mrs. Li: “Ning Ning, Look at this beautiful house.”
An Ning: “Er, yes …… the floor seems to have been polished with tung oil ……”
Mrs. Li: “Yes ah yes ah.”
An Ning: “Tung oil will burn up very fast.”
Mrs. Li: “……”
Well …… An Ning admitted she was very good at cracking cold jokes. (joke that n.o.body laugh, just awkward silence)