"Um"I"m fine," she said instead, aware that her breathing was anything but. "It"s"er"it"s been a very pleasant evening."
"Has it?" Matthew uttered a short mirthless laugh. "I"m glad you think so."
"Well, hasn"t it?" Olivia determined not to let him see how his words had disconcerted her. "I thought the meal was delicious.
That salmon mousse---"
"Cut it out," said Matthew harshly. "I"m not talking about the food, and you know it!"
"Do I?"
"You should." He took his eyes from the road for a moment to give her an unfathomable look, if I"d known the old lady was going to bring up all that stuff about you being pregnant when you went away I"d have found some way to block the invitation."
Olivia quivered. "I see." She moistened her lips. "You" you didn"t ever"I mean"you didn"t ever think that, did you?"
"That you were pregnant?" Matthew"s lips twisted. "No."
Olivia never knew why she pursued it, but she did. "Why not?"
she asked curiously, and Matthew sighed.
"Why would you run out on me if you were pregnant?" he demanded impatiently. "G.o.d knows, I wanted to marry you."
Olivia hesitated. "But"I didn"t want to settle down, did I?"
she pointed out provokingly, and with a sound of irritation Matthew stepped on the brakes.
"What are we talking about here?" he grated, turning in his seat to look at her. "Were you pregnant? Is that what you"re saying? Did you run away because you thought I wouldn"t let you get rid of it or something?"
"No!" Olivia was wishing she hadn"t started this now. It was the brandy talking, she thought unhappily. Running away with her tongue, and her common sense.
"So what are you saying?" Matthew persisted, and Olivia looked about her a little apprehensively, realising they were still on Ryan land. Matthew had stopped a few yards from the gates of the estate, and safety"in the form of the village"was still some significant distance away.
"I"m not saying anything," she mumbled, a little ruefully. "I just wondered"what you did think, that"s all. It was a foolish thought. Forget it. It doesn"t matter now."
"Of course it matters," muttered Matthew, and she was aware that his arm was along the back of the seat behind her. if I"d thought you were pregnant, I"d have moved heaven and earth to get you back. But I thought there was someone else. It was the only thing that made any sense."
"Oh."
Olivia made the word sound final, hoping he would take the hint and start the engine again. But he didn"t. The silence stretched between them, taut with unspoken need, and she knew that if she didn"t say something soon the unforgivable would happen.
"Was there someone else?"
Matthew"s voice was not quite steady, and she was not really surprised when she felt his hand touch her nape, his fingers strong and possessive. She felt an almost overwhelming urge to tip her head back against his hand, and let sensuality overtake her, but she didn"t. Even though she wanted to rea.s.sure him, to tell him that she had never loved anyone but him, a shred of sanity prevailed. But she wished that she could tell him why. He deserved to know the truth.
"Olivia?"
His breath invaded her ear, warm and only lightly scented with the wine he had drunk at supper. She had noticed that, unlike her, he had been rather conservative with his drinking"which was why he was not now suffering from the effects of an unstable const.i.tution, she reflected nervously.
Realising she had to do something to stop him, she said the first thing that came into her head. "Helen came to see me yesterday," she ventured weakly, and although Matthew didn"t draw back she sensed his wary evaluation of her words.
"Did she?" he said at last, and there was weariness, as well as enquiry, in his voice. "I didn"t know you"d been in touch with her, since you came back."
"I haven"t." Olivia couldn"t let him think that, but she did regret betraying Helen"s confidence. "Uh"I suppose she wanted to offer her condolences. As she didn"t go to the funeral----"
Matthew swore then, and Olivia, who had been trying to think of some other way to distract him, suddenly found her wishes granted. Without any further effort on her part, she was free, and Matthew was raking his hand through his hair, with every appearance of frustration.
"Don"t give me that!" he said harshly, and Olivia, who was just recovering from the shock of his withdrawal, gazed at him helplessly.
"I beg your----"
"I said don"t lie to me, Olivia!" he declared savagely. "Helen didn"t go to see you because she felt any sympathy for your grandmother"s death. She hardly knew the woman, and even if she had met her, which I doubt, she wouldn"t care what happened to her. Helen"s not like that. Helen doesn"t get involved in what she would regard as"trivialities. All Helen cares about are her horses, and she"ll do anything" anything"to keep them!"
Olivia swallowed. For a moment there, she had been half afraid he had guessed the real reason for Helen"s visit, and while she felt no real sense of loyalty towards the other girl she had believed her when she had said that Matthew would find her att.i.tude humiliating. But, it seemed she still had a chance to divert his suspicions" though how she was to do that, she didn"t know.
However, as she was pondering her dilemma, Matthew spoke again.
"Are you going to tell me why she really came to see you?" he asked, resting his arms on the steering-wheel, and turning his head towards her. "Or shall I tell you?"
Olivia had backed herself into a corner, and she knew it.
"I"don"t know what you mean," she protested, wondering why she kept allowing herself to get into these situations. "I"ve told you why she came. She"she was really very nice."
"Nice!" The way Matthew said the word was just the opposite. "I bet she was b.l.o.o.d.y nice! Helen can be charming, when you"ve got something she wants."
Olivia blinked. "Something she wants?"
"I just wonder how she found out," Matthew went on broodingly. "She knew I went to pick you up from the plane, but that meant nothing. And, as you say, she didn"t attend the funeral. Someone has to have said something. Someone who saw us that day in your father"s study. My guess is Enid Davis. I doubt if your mother would have spread the word around."
Olivia"s mouth was dry, but she managed to sound confused.
"Matt, what are you----?"
""talking about?" he finished for her. "Don"t pretend you don"t know. I"m talking about us"about our relationship. About the fact that, when I touch you, everyone else ceases to exist."
"No----"
"Yes." His hand turned her face towards him. "That"s why Helen came to see you. Because she knows how I feel about you."
Olivia trembled. "You mean"you think she"s" jealous!"
"No!" It had been a long shot, and she had hardly believed it herself. "I mean Helen knows you"re the only person who might persuade me to ask for a divorce. That"s why she came to see you, isn"t it? Oh, don"t bother to deny it. I can see it in your eyes."
Olivia sniffed, it"s too dark to see my eyes."
"All right. I can feel it through your skin. Call it osmosis; call it having a sixth sense where you"re concerned. I don"t care. It"s the truth, isn"t it? Please don"t lie again."
"All right, it"s the truth," said Olivia unsteadily, trying to draw away from him, but he wouldn"t let her. His long fingers lay smooth and hard against her cheek, and everywhere they touched, the blood rose hotly to the surface of her skin. "I"I"m sorry if it embarra.s.ses you, but she did ask me not to tell you----"
"I bet she did."
""and"and I"ve betrayed her confidence. You don"t understand, Matt, she was only thinking of you----"
"Like h.e.l.l!" Matthew"s response was violent. "I"ve told you, the only thing Helen cares about are her precious horses. And right now they"re in jeopardy."
Olivia was confused. "I don"t think I----"
"Liv, she wants me to ask her for a divorce. Can"t you see that? It"s the only way she can ensure the continuation of the Berrenger Stables!"
Olivia stared at him. "Why?"
"Why do you think? She needs money. Lots of money. And G.o.d help me! I can"t give her any more. Not without selling the farms."
Olivia tried to absorb what he was saying. "But she said----"
"Yes? What did she say?"
"That"that she"s asked you for a divorce."
"And will you believe me if I tell you she hasn"t?"
Olivia shook her head, I don"t know what to believe."
"Then let me lay it on the line for you, shall I?" Matthew withdrew his hand and hunched down in his seat. "When Helen"s father died, the stables were losing money. They were mortgaged to the hilt and without the insurance Conrad had taken out on his own life they"d have had to be sold."
Olivia nodded. "Helen"Helen said something like that."
"OK." Matthew considered his words for a moment, and then went on, "So"after her father died, we got married. Did she tell you about that?"
"She said"she said you had married her on the rebound."
Matthew snorted. "Decent of her." He paused. "Yes, well, I guess that is the kindest way to put it. I didn"t much care what happened to me after you went away, and my father and Conrad Berrenger had been friends for years."
Olivia bent her head. "So"you got married," she said, hurrying him on. She didn"t want to think about that marriage, however expedient it might have been.
"Yes." Matthew struck the wheel with the flat of his hand.
"And Helen got her money."
"So"so everything was all right."
"No, it wasn"t." Matthew sighed. "What I didn"t know at that time was that my father had been subsidising Conrad for years, that he had mortgaged Rycroft in a last-ditch attempt to help his friend, and that when Conrad died he didn"t get a penny of the insurance money."
"So"so that"s why----"
""we"re broke?" Matthew tone was sardonic. "You could say that."
Olivia was appalled. "But"couldn"t the stables have been sold?"
"They could have been, if my father had been willing to turn Helen out. But you know him. He"s not that kind of man. And G.o.d knows, he suffered when Conrad took his own life."
"But he"d done all he could."
"I know." Matthew expelled his breath wearily. "But it wasn"t enough in his eyes, and since then he"s done everything he can to keep the stables going."
Including selling some of Rycroft land?"
"Even that. Though not the farms, so far."
Including her father"s farm, though Olivia, with dismay. What would her father do if he lost his livelihood? Not to mention Andrew, and his young family...
"Oh, don"t worry." Matthew seemed to sense her anxiety. "He won"t sell your father"s farm. Not if I can help it. Indeed, lately, I think I"ve managed to persuade him that there"s nothing more he can do. And I guess that"s why Helen got this idea of approaching you. Your return couldn"t have been more opportune as far as she"s concerned."
"But why should she think----?"
"Liv!" Matthew turned his head and looked at her, his eyes hooded and intent. "She knows"has always known"that you"re the only person who could persuade me to ask for a divorce!"
"Even so----"
"Liv, she"d do it for a price. Do you understand? A nice friendly divorce, for a fee. Payment on demand. No questions asked."
Olivia frowned. "But"you could get a divorce anyway. You don"t live together, do you?"
"Can you prove that?" Matthew"s tone was laconic. "The first hint that I might be divorcing her, and Helen would be back at Rycroft immediately. And do you think my father would stop her? Not a chance."
"But"you could leave Rycroft."
"And leave my father to Helen"s machinations? No way.
Where divorce is concerned, she"s got me over a barrel, and she knows it. Your coming back was just an added bonus."
"Why?" Olivia was bewildered, and Matthew groaned.
"Why do you think? Why are we sitting here now, talking about it? Because we both know we don"t want the evening to end."
"No---"
"Yes," he cut in angrily, but he didn"t touch her. "That"s what makes this whole situation so b.l.o.o.d.y."
"No." Olivia drew back into the corner of the seat.
"Matt"you"re wrong----"
"Am I?" He stared at her in the darkness, and she could feel the heat of his eyes, if I touched you now, would you stop me?
Did you stop me on the day of your grandmother"s funeral?"
"That was different?"