And, although it was chilly in the car, she didn"t feel the cold. All she was aware of was Matthew, and when his hand gripped her knee before sliding along the thigh, under the hem of her skirt, she parted her legs automatically.
"Oh, Christ!"
As Matthew"s fingers brushed the throbbing junction of her legs, he abruptly withdrew his hand, and threw himself back in his seat. Raking hands that shook a little through the dusky thickness of his hair, he gave Olivia a sidelong glance, and then, meeting her confused eyes, he added, harshly, "Pull your sweater down."
"What? Oh!" Olivia was too bewildered to understand what had happened, but she knew that for some reason Matthew was angry with her, and as sanity returned she fumbled her sweater back into place. "I"m sorry."
"Don"t," he muttered. "Don"t"be sorry. It"s I who should be saying that to you. G.o.d, I must be going out of my mind!"
"Why?" Olivia swallowed. "Because you wanted me?"
Matthew slumped down in his seat, turning his head against the back-rest until he was looking at her. "Don"t be stupid!" he said impatiently, and then, seeing her instinctive look of injury, he shook his head. "No," he declared, "you"re not stupid, I am."
"Why?" Olivia forced herself to meet his frustrated gaze, and after a moment"s hesitation Matthew leaned across and took her hand, and brought it to the hard ridge that swelled against his flat stomach. "Oh!"
"Yes. Oh," agreed Matthew, closing his eyes against the exquisite sensation of her soft fingers probing his arousal. "You know what you do to me."
Olivia licked her lips. Just occasionally, when they had been dancing together, or when Matthew said goodnight, she had felt a little of the effect she had on him, but he had always kept it well under control. This was different. This was serious. And this was what her grandmother had meant!
"Does"does it hurt?" she asked, and flushed at the realisation of how naive she must sound. But Matthew"s lips only twitched with a faintly self-derisory amus.e.m.e.nt.
"You could say that," he agreed at last, pushing himself up in the seat, and replacing her hand in her lap. "We"d better go."
"No"wait." Olivia bit the inner flesh of her lower lip.
"What"what will you do?"
"Do?" Matthew frowned. "Take you home, of course. What else?"
"No"I mean"what will you do about"about that." She flicked a nervous hand towards his lower abdomen.
Matthew stilled in his attempt to start the engine. "Say that again?" he said, uncomprehendingly, and Olivia heaved an unhappy sigh.
"Do you"I mean"after we"after we"ve been together, do you"go"with someone else?" she asked, almost inaudibly.
"I"I"d like to know."
"Would you?"
Matthew"s lean face had hardened considerably, and Olivia was very much afraid she had overstepped the bounds of their relationship. In consequence, she hurried on, rather rashly, "I mean"men do, don"t they? If"if they don"t get satisfaction in one place, they look for it in"in another."
Matthew"s expression was not encouraging. "Who told you that?" he demanded harshly. "Oh, don"t tell me. I can guess. It was your grandmother, wasn"t it?" He stared at her accusingly. "That was what you were trying to say earlier. She"s spun you some tale about a man always wanting s.e.x!"
Olivia shivered. "Isn"t it true?"
Matthew"s hands clenched on the wheel. "Maybe."
Olivia"s eyes widened. "Do you mean you have been with some other girl after---?"
"No. Christ, no!" Matthew swore bitterly. "Liv, I"m a man, not an animal! Oh, I"m not denying I want you. G.o.d, you know that!
And if I was to say it"s always easy that wouldn"t be true. But I"m not cheating on you either. I care about you too much for that."
Olivia shook her head. "Then"then why don"t we---?"
"What?" Matthew"s lips tightened. "Have it off in the back of the car?" His voice was rough. "Is that what you want?"
Olivia quivered. "Don"t say it like that. It sounds"it sounds----"
"Crude?" he enquired grimly. "Well, it would be, wouldn"t it?
Exactly what your grandmother expects of me, I dare say. Only I"m not going to oblige her."
Olivia hesitated. "But"we can"t go on like this, can we?"
"We have to," said Matthew, starting the car.
"So"when"when will we-----?"
"When we"re married, I guess," he replied, startling her into silence. "Now, can we talk about something else? There are limits to what even I can stand."
Of course, they hadn"t waited until they were married, Olivia remembered achingly. Soon after Matthew went back to college she had given up studying for her A levels, and found herself a job. It had caused friction in the family, naturally, but it was the only way she could think of to be at least partly independent.
Nevertheless, there had been a lot of hard words spoken when it was revealed that Olivia had got a job in Winchester so that she could catch the late afternoon train to London. The job she had found, as an a.s.sistant nanny with a playgroup, freed her at five o"clock, and she could be in London, with Matthew, by a quarter to seven.
Coming back however, was a little more difficult. The latest she could leave London was a quarter to ten, if she wanted to catch a connecting bus to Lower Mychett. And, after the rather hairy experience of missing her connection one evening and having to take a taxi, she began to spend the homeward journey on the edge of her seat.
When Matthew found out what had happened, he was tight-lipped for days. Anything could have happened to her, he said. A young girl, travelling alone with a man at that time of night. A week later, although he had seen her off at Waterloo as usual, he was waiting when Olivia reached the other end.
"I"ll come down to Winchester from now on," he said, as the little Mini skidded down the icy track to the farm. "I can always spend the night at Rycroft, and drive back to town in the morning. I"d never forgive myself if anything happened to you.
You mean too much to me."
Of course, Olivia argued with him that it simply wasn"t sensible for him to drive all the way from London, and then drive back again. She said that she had got a job so that she could come to meet him, not vice versa. Besides, she added, he needed a good night"s rest, to concentrate on getting his degree. If he was going to spend his time driving up and down to Hampshire, his work was bound to suffer.
They argued all the way to the farm, and even after they got there the subject was not resolved. It was only when Olivia threatened not to see him through the week that Matthew submitted. And even then he made her promise to ring her father and have him drive into Winchester and pick her up if she ever missed her bus again.
Olivia agreed, although she knew her father would be unlikely to make the journey more than once. So far, she had managed to convince him that she could look after herself. He knew nothing about her missing the bus, or having to take a taxi.
However, if she ever had to call on him for a.s.sistance, the truth was bound to come out. And although he couldn"t actually forbid her to see Matthew, he could make life impossible at home.
As it was, it wasn"t brilliant. Her relationship with Matthew was frowned on by everyone but her mother. Even her best friend, Jenny Mason, thought she was crazy to take him seriously. Everyone was waiting for her to prove she had made a fool of herself. How, she wasn"t sure, unless they expected Matthew to drop her.
Anyway, Olivia refused to let anything come between them, and a couple of weeks later she caught the usual train to London.
However, when she got to Waterloo, Matthew wasn"t there. For the first time since she had started making this journey he wasn"t waiting on the platform, and she wondered with a sinking heart if he had got tired of her at last.
But surely he would have told her? Surely he wouldn"t have allowed her to make this journey for nothing? And how was she supposed to find out? She didn"t even know his telephone number.
She thought about ringing Rycroft, just in case he was there, but she quickly discarded the idea. She didn"t even know if Matthew"s parents knew what she was doing. And what could she say if they said he was at home?
Standing about on Waterloo Station was not sensible, however. She was already receiving some rather disturbing stares from the kind of men who hung about such places. The last thing she wanted was for them to think she had run away from home, and needed their a.s.sistance. When Matthew had come to meet her, they had usually gone for a meal somewhere; or to a bar, where no one noticed what they were doing. Food had always been of secondary importance to just being alone together, and they had kissed a lot, and held hands, without the pressures that being alone could bring.
But perhaps Matthew had got tired of just playing around.
Perhaps the teasing delight she had gained from running her hand along his thigh had begun to pall. Perhaps he had wanted more than that tantalising exploration, but because of her father"s involvement he had decided to find someone else.
And then a hand touched her sleeve, and she swung round in alarm to find a young man of about Matthew"s age right behind her. "Excuse me----" he began, smiling, but before he could get any further, Olivia jerked away from him.
"Leave me alone!" she exclaimed in alarm, glancing round to see if he had an accomplice. "If you don"t go away, I"ll call a policeman----"
"Hold on." The young man raised a soothing hand. "It"s OK.
Matt sent me. Matt Ryan, right? You are Olivia"Liv, aren"t you? He said I should look for the most beautiful girl around."
Olivia gulped, her panic subsiding. "You know---Matthew?"
"I should do. We"ve been living next door to one another for the past two years. I"m Cormac"Mac- Connolly. But I don"t suppose he"s mentioned me."
"Mac?" Olivia was weak with relief. "Oh"oh, yes. Yes, he has mentioned you." She swallowed convulsively, and then another thought struck her. "But"what are you doing here? Where"s Matt?" Her heart skipped a beat. "Is something wrong?"
"You could say that." Mac was laconic, and then seeing her anxious expression, he grinned. "Hey, it"s nothing serious. Matt"s cracked a bone in his ankle, that"s all. But he"s got to wear a cast for the next six weeks."
Olivia was dismayed, and not just because of Matthew"s injury, although that was worrying enough. But also because of what it would mean to them. If Matthew was confined to the university, he wouldn"t be able to see her. Or come home at weekends, if he couldn"t drive his car.
Now, she managed to shake her head and say politely, "What a shame. Poor Matt. Um"how did he do it?"
"He was playing rugby," said Mac cheerfully. "We occasionally get a team together, and play the local club. We were both free this afternoon, so we volunteered. But Matt got kicked as he was making a try, and although he didn"t want to go and get it X-rayed the club coach insisted." He grimaced. "It was just as well he did. He was in a lot of pain."
"And now?" asked Olivia tensely. "Is he all right now?"
"Well, they"ve pumped him full of pain-killers, but he"s OK.
Anyway, you"ll see for yourself. Shall we go?"
"Go?" Olivia stared at him in confusion.
"Sure. You"re coming to see him, aren"t you?" Mac grimaced.
"You"d better. I"ve got strict orders to bring you straight back to Hall."
"Hall?"
"Halls of Residence," explained Mac quickly. "It"s just a glorified hostel, really. We each have our own room, of course, but we share the bathrooms, and there"s a self-service restaurant of sorts."
"I see." Olivia had heard about Matthew"s room before, but not in such detail. "Well"all right."
"Great. Let"s go."
The rather austere-looking building where Matthew lived while he was at college was situated in a cul-de-sac off Euston Road. Mac took her there in Matthew"s car, having been allowed to drive it only because he was picking Olivia up. This he told her in a rather lugubrious tone, but Olivia could tell that he and Matthew were good friends.
However, it was not so rea.s.suring to find out that the building accommodated women as well as men, and as she and Mac went up in the lift several of the girls asked him if Matthew was all right. Evidently news of his accident had spread throughout the college, and although it was good to know that Matthew was so popular Olivia couldn"t deny a feeling of jealousy at the ease of access these women had to him.
Matthew"s room was on the fourth floor, and Mac breezed in without knocking. "Here we are," he said jauntily. "All present and correct, sir!"
Olivia followed, rather less confidently, but when she saw Matthew sitting at the desk beneath the window, his foot, in its plaster cast, propped on a pile of books, her doubts fled. "Oh, Matt," she breathed, rushing across the room to hug him, and as Matthew pulled her down on to his knees Mac made a tactical retreat.
"Sorry about this," Matthew said huskily, when he was able to get his breath. "I should have had more sense. Particularly in the circ.u.mstances."
"What circ.u.mstances?" Olivia smoothed the silky dark hair back from his forehead, and Matthew sighed.
"Me coming up and down to Rycroft," he said ruefully. "I"m not going to be able to drive the car for the next six weeks."
"Oh, I see." Olivia glanced down. "I"m not too heavy, am I?"
"No." Matthew"s hand slid possessively under her hair, and drew her mouth down to his again. "I guess I"l have to use the train, but we"ll have nowhere to meet, other than pubs or eating places, will we?"
Olivia hesitated. "You could come to the farm?"
"And face your father"s eagle eye? Oh, yes, I could do that."
Matthew grimaced. "Or you could come to Rycroft, but we both know how little privacy we"d have there."
Olivia stroked his cheek. "I"ll just have to come up to town at weekends," she ventured softly. "If you could find me somewhere to stay."
"You could stay here," said Matthew at once, his expression brightening. "Oh"not in this room," he amended, as a faint flush of colour stained her cheeks. "Although I wouldn"t object," he added. "But no. There are guest rooms on every floor. Rather grand affairs, actually, with their own bathroom!" He grinned. "I could get you one of them, easily."
Olivia"s eyes brightened. "All right."
"But"what will you tell your parents?"
Olivia frowned. "The truth, I think. Why not? We"re not doing anything wrong."
Of course, Mr Stoner did not approve of the arrangement, but once again it was Olivia"s mother who eased the situation.
"You can"t expect Olivia not to see Matthew for the next six weeks," she exclaimed, when the problem was explained to her.
"Good heavens, Bob, she"s almost eighteen. She knows what she"s doing, and I"d rather she was with Matthew than with someone we don"t know."
As it happened, Olivia"s grandmother was away at the time, or she guessed they would not have overcome her father"s opposition so easily. As it was, he bowed to his wife"s decision, and by the time Harriet Stoner came back the arrangements were made.
And, from Olivia"s point of view, it was all quite new and exciting. Until then, her knowledge of London had been limited to a school trip when she was thirteen, and the little she had learned since meeting Matthew. But now she got to know the city very well, and without the petty restrictions of Lower Mychett she lost much of her earlier shyness.
But sleeping in the same building as Matthew was not as easy as she had imagined it would be. For one thing, it got harder and harder to let him go in the evenings, and he refused to let her come to his room after nine o"clock at night, because she never wanted to leave. Instead, he came to her room, and left when the situation became untenable. And then, inevitably, one evening he didn"t leave...