I pushed myself up from the deep cushions of the sofa, not gracefully, but faster than Darius could stop me.
I was so p.i.s.sed off, I was ready to leave and not look back, and I intended to get home and make sure my apartment wasn"t bugged.
Darius got up right behind me and caught my arm, pulling me toward him. "Daphne, wait," he said. "I didn"t bug your apartment, I swear. Think about it. I didn"t know I was going to end up there, did I? How likely is it that I"d be carrying technology like that around with me?"
I was steaming. I yanked my arm away. "All right. Then tell me how you knew about Benny. And don"t lie, because I swear, Darius, if I catch you in another lie, it"s over. You. Me. And any chance we can work together."
"We bugged the offices of the diamond dealer she works for."
"That"s it?" I said with a little skepticism and a great deal of relief.
"That"s it. And that"s the truth. And J"s bugged them too, only he did it with the owner"s knowledge. You ought to warn your friend."
"I will, thanks. But d.a.m.n it, you should have told me right from the start," I said. "Are you ever going to tell me everything, Darius?"
He held me next to him and looked deeply into my eyes. "Daphne, you have to understand that I can never tell you everything. It would betray the trust of others, and it would be dangerous to you and to me. All I can promise is that I"ll tell you what concerns you directly. Will you accept that? And you can do the same for me. Agreed?"
I thought about it. I reached up and touched his face. I was beginning to feel we were linked in ways that went beyond the s.e.x we had shared. What he offered to tell me was more than I had any right to expect. We were secret secret agents, after all. I knew he saw me as less than an equal, but in the spy game I was the beginner and he was a veteran. I had to give a little, since he had no way of knowing about my powers. It was smarter to let him think he was top dog, at least for now. agents, after all. I knew he saw me as less than an equal, but in the spy game I was the beginner and he was a veteran. I had to give a little, since he had no way of knowing about my powers. It was smarter to let him think he was top dog, at least for now.
"I need you, Daphne..." he began and my heart skipped a beat before he finished his sentence, "to get that door open for me at eight thirty. I"m really sorry about asking you to do this, but it"s important."
I shook my head. "Darius, I"ll still be in the apartment, the men making the exchange are going to be showing up, the bodyguards will be there, Benny will be too, and who knows how many others. The apartment is going to be swarming with people. I don"t see how you can accomplish anything."
Darius didn"t hesitate to answer me. "I"ll be in that little spare room until I make my move. You"ll be long gone when I do. And Benny will be out of there before anything goes down. I"ll make sure of it."
I decided to see if he knew anything else. "Darius, do you know who is bringing the diamonds?" I asked.
"No, but it"s not likely to be the terrorists. It will probably be middlemen. And Daphne, that"s as much as I know."
My mind was racing. I had to decide what to do after I met with Bonaventure. I hoped Benny wouldn"t be too hungover to think about it too.
I turned my attention back to Darius. I felt a little guilty about lying to him on so many levels when I was throwing a hissy fit because he was lying to me. A sadness came over me. He was staring at me. "What?" I said.
"Daphne, I... well, I want you to know I do care about you. And G.o.d knows I want you. Just standing this close to you is arousing me."
I glanced down and saw the bulge in the front of his trousers. "You might say that." I smiled.
"I can"t exactly hide it from you." He grinned. "But seriously, for the next couple of days I think we need to keep our distance, except if it concerns Bonaventure. We need to focus on this mission and stopping the terrorists. And realistically, we don"t have the time to spend together. But when this is all over, I want to see you again, if you"re willing."
I knew what he said made sense, and I wished I didn"t feel so disappointed. "a.s.suming we are both still standing when it"s over," I said bitterly. "You know there"s another way to look at this; that we should take advantage of every moment we can because one or both of us may be dead dead when this is all over." when this is all over."
"Daphne, I"ve spent a lot of time training and learning how to stay alive. I"ve been in dangerous situations before. I can"t tell you not to worry. It would be better if you didn"t, though. Worry doesn"t accomplish anything. I"ll do everything I can to succeed. I can say that much. I also wanted to say that I think you have a lot of guts."
"Thanks, Darius, that"s just the kind of compliment a girl likes to hear," I said, softening my words with a halfhearted smile.
He smiled right back at me, and my heart did a little flutter. "I could give you lots of other compliments, but we might end up at the front desk, hoping they have a room open. I can"t risk it."
"I"d like to take the risk, but I"m getting the message," I said. "So if we"re both alive and in one piece after this a.s.signment, then what do you have in mind?"
"Long walks beside the river. Sunsets at the beach. A movie on Friday nights. Let"s take it one step at a time."
I was surprised by the rosy picture Darius painted of us as a couple. Our pa.s.sions exploded as soon as we touched, but who knew if we had enough in common for more than an affair? We had so much against us-his being a spy and my being a vampire, just for starters. But I didn"t voice my doubts. There"d be time to face those problems after we stopped the terrorists. And I suspected that, despite his a.s.surances, Darius thought there was a good chance he"d be killed. From what had happened the other night, when he didn"t use a condom, I was convinced he wasn"t planning on a future-and at best he was deluding himself that there could be an "us." At worst he was handing me a line to string me along. That realization sent a stab of pain through me.
"Darius, I don"t know what to say," I responded honestly.
"Daphne," he said, encircling me in his arms, "don"t say anything. Think about it. We can be good together."
The fire was warm, the room was dim, I was in a handsome man"s arms, and I felt good for the moment, so why not dream? I knew in reality that a relationship between us would be difficult, maybe impossible. I looked at him smiling at me and didn"t smile back. "Okay," I said, "let"s see what happens. Then I"m willing to take it one step at a time."
"That"s all I"m asking for, Daphne." He sounded a little disappointed. I pressed closer to him, and I remembered the major reason I was here in the first place: Darius turned me on.
"Don"t try to get out of it by getting yourself killed, okay?" I said, and put my head against his chest and heard his heart beating. Right now Darius was alive. All I had was the moment, and I wanted him tonight, not tomorrow or the next day. I could feel his c.o.c.k pressing into me. He groaned.
"Daphne, you"re killing me." He broke our clinch, stepped away, and sat down on the sofa, pulling me down next to him. "I need a drink." He laughed.
Obviously I wasn"t going to be able to seduce him, so I laughed too, and said, "Darius, if we"re going to start dating, can I ask you something personal?"
He looked at me cautiously. "What do you want to know?"
"What"s your favorite foreign film?" He gave me a blank look. Whatever Darius thought I was going to ask, that wasn"t it. "Really, Darius, I want to know. Isn"t that a typical "dating" question?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Do you mean a foreign film or a cla.s.sic? When it comes to movies, I"m more a Western fan."
"Westerns? You mean John Wayne? Guy rides off into the sunset after he chooses his horse over the girl?"
"Yeah, but more like Alan Ladd in George Stevens"s Shane Shane."
I thought to myself, The gunfighter trying to start over and have a new life The gunfighter trying to start over and have a new life. That was interesting. I had just learned something that I was pretty sure was true about Darius. I decided to ask him another question. "Okay, then, what"s your all-time favorite movie?"
"Disney"s animated cla.s.sic, Bambi Bambi."
I quit there. I admit, I didn"t know what to say after that. We sat for a long while, just being together as the fire sputtered and crackled. Eventually most people left the Library Bar, and the room was hushed except for an occasional clink of a gla.s.s as the bartender filled an order. Darius and I whispered rather than spoke. The nearness of his body felt warm and good. We held hands, and he stroked my fingers. We talked of sunrises we had seen and places we had been. We shared a preference for wandering through the quiet backstreets of old Italian cities, stopping in shops where no tourists ever went. I had bought licorice in Venice; he had found an olive shop in Rome. We both had climbed live volcanoes and marveled at their power, sat in awe on the marble seats of ruined Roman amphitheaters and felt the presence of all those who had been there centuries before us. He didn"t talk about the details of his life, and neither did I about mine. It seemed to me each of us was hiding a great deal, yet we were alike in so many ways-except for the crucial one I hid from him: He was human, and I was a vampire. And I could never change.
Finally we both knew it was time to go. Darius walked me out and hailed me a cab. He gave me a lingering kiss on the lips that ended all too soon. "Stay alive," I said with all my heart.
"You too," he whispered as he reached out and tenderly touched my cheek before he closed the cab door. I looked back and watched him until the taxi turned the corner. I hoped it wasn"t the last time I ever saw him.
Chapter 9.
The best laid schemes o" mice and men Gang aft a-gley, And leave us naught but grief ana pain For promised joy.
-Robert Burns
The hours between midnight and dawn provoke X melancholy and grief that find no natural outlet, no relief. They are the hours when nocturnal creatures hunt, bringing death quickly to innocent creatures in their bowers and beds. And these are the vampire hours that since the beginning of time have evoked humans" deepest fears and most secret desires when they long for a vampire"s exquisite kiss and gift of immortality. For human beings have always been drawn to forbidden acts that t.i.tillate and tempt. Jung described this dark side as the shadow self. Deny it not; you have it. And I live it.
Yet as I waited in my apartment for Benny to finish her evening with Louis and call me, my own night wanderings covered only the intimate territory between the living room and bedroom. I vacuumed under the couch and rearranged my sock drawer. For me, performing these mindless tasks recalls Sisyphus pushing his great stone up the mountain, only to have it roll back again in endless repet.i.tion. Housework numbed the mind and stilled the emotions, and I hated it and loved it both. Tonight it kept my thoughts from spinning off to Darius. Almost.
When I finished vacuuming, I put an old October Project alb.u.m in the CD player. Listening to those lyrical, haunting songs made me sit down and stare at the wall, thinking of Darius. I remembered how his eyes looked when he smiled, soft and warm and filled with laughter. They never held the hardness and frost of J"s. I remembered how he had reached out and taken my hand in his and looked at my palm as if it held a priceless jewel; how he had lifted it up to his lips and kissed it. I remembered how he laid his cheek next to mine and whispered poetry into my ear. He told me I was beautiful, that I shone like the moon in his own secret sky. The things he had said to me earlier tonight suggested his feelings for me were growing. As for mine, I was afraid of the intensity of my emotions when I was with him. I didn"t want to acknowledge how strongly I cared for him. This relationship was becoming far more than s.e.x, and I knew it. I was sure he knew it too.
Sometime after two A.M. Benny phoned and soon afterward arrived at my door without Louis. She came in, all bra.s.s and shine, bringing cool air and fresh energy with her. We adjourned to the kitchen, where I made a pot of herbal tea. As we sat at the breakfast bar, she asked what I thought of Louis.
Diplomatically I didn"t say that I thought he could be bis.e.xual and that there was something really weird about his eyes. I didn"t blurt out that for some reason he made me want to check to see if my wallet was still in my purse. After all, he did offer to help us, so I said, "He seems nice."
"I had a good time with him," she said, pouring her tea and blowing on it with delicate red lips to cool it. "There aren"t any vampires I can go out with who live in Branson. I"m the only one, and believe me, that"s something I know for sure. Sometimes vampires come to town to play a gig in one of the highway theaters. And you know what that means-they"re usually rockabilly stars; don"t ask! I can"t discuss foreign films with them them. The only things that those yahoos talk about is NASCAR, how much they"re making or how much money they"re getting screwed out of-like any of them was ever making that kind of cash working in Wal-Mart-or how much beer they can drink without pa.s.sing out. One guy used to show me how well he could belch and fart. He thought he was impressing me. It"s a desert out there, sugar. Your Darius is a dreamboat, though."
"And he"s not a vampire," I said with sadness in my voice. "So where does that leave me? Nowhere. It"s not like I can bring him home to meet Mother. How could I explain her?"
"Lots of mothers look very young, Daphy. Maybe he"d buy the story that she was a teenage mom."
I rolled my eyes at her. "He"s not stupid, Benny. Once she started talking about hanging out with Abbie Hoffman and how cute his son America was as a little boy and wasn"t it awful how the feds set up the Black Panthers, that would be the ball game. She doesn"t even look old enough to have been a gleam in her daddy"s eye back then. He"d either think she was nuts or know something just wasn"t kosher."
Benny laughed and said, "Nuts wouldn"t be so terrible. You could tell him she has mental problems."
I thought how that would go over with Mar-Mar if she ever found out. It wasn"t a pretty thought. "I don"t think so."
"Well, Daphy," she said, looking into her teacup and not looking at me, "if you ended up really loving a guy-I don"t necessarily mean Darius-you could... you could, you know..."
"Turn him? Make him a vampire? I vowed I"d never do that. Besides, it doesn"t work out in a relationship. The person is too traumatized. You"ve taken away his ident.i.ty and given him one he never asked for. He might still love you with part of his heart, but his resentment at what you"ve done... it changes his feelings to ashes sooner or later. Usually sooner."
"Yes, that"s true," she said, staring even harder into the cup as if reading her own tea leaves. Then she said so softly I could barely hear her, "But what if you asked asked him first? What if someone loved you so much he was willing to convert for you?" him first? What if someone loved you so much he was willing to convert for you?"
"Benny, you are so romantic," I blurted out. "Think about it. First he"d have to know what I was and accept me. That"s a stretch of the imagination right there. Then he"d have to choose to become a monster, an outcast of society, a hunter of blood... and a hunted creature himself, all at the same time. I don"t think it"s ever happened."
Benny sighed and finished up her tea. Then she looked at me with a terrible sadness written on her face. "You"re probably right, sugar. I just think about it sometimes. Our only choice then is to find another vampire, like Louis. And Daphy, I know he"s... well, flawed flawed, but he is smart and lots of fun. And not bad-looking either."
I thought, Not bad if you"re turned on by someone who looks like he plays rhythm guitar for the Rolling Stones, shoots heroin as a pastime, and never held a job in his life, which I"m sure Louis hasn"t Not bad if you"re turned on by someone who looks like he plays rhythm guitar for the Rolling Stones, shoots heroin as a pastime, and never held a job in his life, which I"m sure Louis hasn"t. I said, "He does have beautiful eyes, so green."
"Exactly!" Benny said. "He wants to see me again tomorrow. So you don"t think I"m making a mistake? I do like him a lot."
"Time will tell, Benny. As long as you"re having a good time, what"s the harm? Just don"t lose your heart too soon." I laughed. "And I need to take my own advice. But Benny, men aside, how are we going to handle tomorrow? Did you think about us acting on our own and forgetting about whatever J may or may not be doing?"
"Yes, I thought about it, and I hashed over my ideas with Louis. Is that okay?"
I figured that as usual Benny had thrown our vow to secrecy to the winds, but in this case I couldn"t see how it was a problem. "Sure," I answered. "Maybe he can be a big help. Is he willing to transform?"
"He said he would. I don"t think he minds becoming a bat as much as some of us do. I got the impression he likes it," she said brightly.
"Terrific. A serial converter," I said with a grimace.
Benny made a face at me. "Daphy, don"t be snide. He just said he"d take vampire form if we needed him to do it. I thought that was really nice of him," she said, sounding agitated.
I figured I"d better shut up about Louis. I didn"t want to upset Benny. We could use the muscle, and we didn"t have the luxury of giving job interviews. "What I was thinking is that we"re there. We don"t know if J or anyone else is around. He is supposed to be listening-if Bonaventure hasn"t found the bugs. But how close is he or his team? Who knows? I think we have two areas of concentration. First we need to watch Bonaventure and make sure he doesn"t get his hands on the art he wants."
"Why?"
"It"s a long story, Benny. The short version is that they"re magical, and I"m worried they would give him supernatural powers no human should have."
"Oooohhh," she said, her big eyes growing even bigger. "Okay, then, that"s one of us watching Bonaventure."
I went on with my ideas. "And someone needs to follow whoever drops off the diamonds and picks up the key. I think we can count on more than one person doing the delivery." Benny, with her life experience, knew, I was sure, that when it comes to huge sums of money, most humans can"t be trusted. 101 times out of ninety-nine, a single person finding himself alone with $250 million worth of diamonds, would never show up at Bonaventure"s. He"d take the money and run, open a Swiss bank account of his own, and pick out a villa on Capri. Even if he feared he"d be pursued, that much money can buy a lot of protection. So I knew we could count on two and probably three people making the delivery.
"I agree," she said. "And after what you said about J-and we don"t know beans about any backup-I don"t want to run the risk that these guys can get away. I think we need to follow them ourselves and find out who they"re working with. Maybe we can discover if they know when the weapons will be picked up. It won"t take us us hours or days of interrogation." She grinned. hours or days of interrogation." She grinned.
"Okay, then. Are you willing to follow the delivery-men?" I said, getting excited that things seemed to be falling into place.
"Sure," Benny agreed. "Louis will help me. I told him to stand by for my call."
"Good. I"ll watch Bonaventure. And Benny, there"s another thing I should mention."
"What"s that?" she said.
"When I was in the apartment I discovered there"s this woman, Catharine, with him. She"s in love with him, I think. I also have this gut feeling she"s some kind of prisoner of his. It"s not relevant to our mission, but it bothers me. I just don"t like to see any woman enslaved to a man, physically or emotionally. If she ever asks me for help, I"ll give it. I just wanted to alert you to the situation. Anyway, while you go after the diamond guys, I"ll find a way to watch for Bonaventure to leave, then go after him. J said we aren"t supposed to stop him. But Benny, I can"t let him get his hands on that art."
"Daphy, if you have to tear the guy to pieces, do it," Benny said, her sweetness gone and the hidden strength inside her putting a knockout punch in her voice. "Don"t take any chances. You know and I know that evil needs to be eliminated. So much suffering and hate in this world. This guy is vermin. Get him."
A bad feeling came over me. I had worked for decades to commit myself to nonviolence and resist my blood appet.i.tes. Now I was choosing to become a warrior, a soldier, and maybe a killer. I hid my unease by flippantly reciting the old saying, "But Benny, killing someone because they"ve killed someone because killing is wrong..."
"Oh, Daphy, don"t go all philosophical," Benny countered. She had made up her mind and my flip-flopping seemed to be annoying her. She faced me squarely, looked into my eyes, and said, "What"s to think about? If someone is a predator of the innocent, just turn him into hamburger and be done with it."
"Benny, girl, you surprise me," I said. "You"re probably right, and I probably won"t have a choice. Oh, one more thing. When you arrive at Bonaventure"s try to keep the maid, Tanya, busy for about three or four minutes, away from the kitchen. Can you do it?"
"Is the pope Catholic?" she said.
I went to sleep soon after Benny left, finally awakening Sunday evening. I was still fired up, my dreams having been filled with nightmares of skeletons chasing me and the New Guinea masks laughing as I screamed. Sunday night pa.s.sed with interminable slowness. I watched the phone. The one time it did ring it was Benny. "How are your nerves?" she asked.
"Lousy. How are yours?"
There was a little pause before she answered. "To be honest," she said, "I feel more alive than the undead have any right to feel. Now that I know it"s going to happen, I just can"t wait to get into the action. I"ve often been so bored. Now I feel excited, expectant."
"You are something else, girlfriend," I said. "See you tomorrow night."
" "Byeee, best girlfriend in the whole wide world," she drawled, and we hung up.