"It"s sweet of you to ask, but I haven"t been hurt the way you have."
"I did choose, Rylan. You understand that, don"t you? Sybil did not hold a gun to my head. I chose that life."
"Yes, I do understand, but tell me what you did as soon as the Barshaws gave you a different choice."
Sabrina didn"t answer. She didn"t need to.
"And then," Rylan went on, "tell me what you did when you understood that Christ died for you?"
"I believed," Sabrina said.
235 "Why?" Rylan whispered, leaning a little closer to her. "Why, my sweet Sabrina, would I ever hold your past over you and use it like a whip?"
"You wouldn"t," Sabrina whispered back.
They"re eyes held for a long time. In fact they were still looking at each other when the Vicks returned with dessert.
"If someone asks me about us, are you comfortable with my telling them that we"re working on a relationship?" Rylan asked Sabrina as he walked her home.
"I am comfortable with that," Sabrina was able to say for the first time. The evening had been wonderful. Hard at times but still wonderful.
"I"m glad to hear it."
"Rylan," Sabrina suddenly asked, "what would you do if word got out about my past?"
"That"s not who you are in town, and that life is past. I guess I would tell folks the truth-that it was in the past, has nothing to do with today, and doesn"t need to be discussed."
"But would you be embarra.s.sed?"
"Of you?" Rylan sounded as astounded as he felt.
Sabrina would have looked at him, but it was dark.
"Sabrina," Rylan said, "I would be concerned only for your being hurt. Nothing you could do would embarra.s.s me."
"You"re too good to be true, Rylan."
"Is that the way Callie feels about Danny?"
"I don"t know," Sabrina said, not having thought of it before but glad Rylan mentioned it. "I just figured out that I need to write Callie. I think she could be a help to me right now."
"That sounds like a good idea. I"ll pray she"ll have answers for you."
"Goodnight, Rylan," Sabrina said at Jeanette"s front door.
236.
"Goodnight, Sabrina."
"Are you ever going to tell me why call me Sabrina?"
"I plan on it, yes," Rylan said, a smile in his voice as he wished her goodnight one more time and turned and walked away.
[Dear Collie,] Sabrina started her letter when she got to her room on Monday night. [ I need your help. I think I"m in love with Rylan Jarvik, and he says he loves me, but I fear for him. I feel I can"t give myself to him completely because of all I"ve lost. He"s so special that I don"t feel worthy of his love. Did you ever feel that way about Danny? What did you do to get past the feeling of being damaged or used goods that no one would ever want? Is it too soon? Am I asking too much of myself, since last year at this time I was still living in the night district? ]
Sabrina stopped. The words had taken an lot out of her, and now her mind was swept back. She pictured each woman that she had lived with in the small apartments. Had any of them found a way out? Right across the hall had been Zoe. She was older, nearly 40 but trying to look 20. Wilma had been young-not as young as Sabrina but less educated and very trapped.
237 Tears poured down Sabrina"s face as she remembered them and she cried out to G.o.d on their behalf. "I couldn"t stay, Lord," she whispered, "but I love those women. Please save them. Give them a hunger for You that will send them searching and not just accepting that dark life forever."
Sabrina could not articulate another word. She sobbed at the small writing desk, her tears so harsh that Jeanette heard her. She stood in the hallway outside her bedroom, not sure what to do. Heather heard as well and came with a lantern, but neither woman disturbed her. They both returned to their bedrooms, hearts heavy but unsure they would ever know why.
"Well, now," Sabrina said when she saw Crystal the next night. "Taking the night off?"
"Yeah," Crystal said, but she was pleased. It was the only dress she owned that was not meant to attract male attention. She didn"t even remember having it until late in the day and almost on a whim put on the brown high-necked dress. She was aware that Sabrina always looked nice and hadn"t wanted to be shown up.
The women took a table in the corner. It was a bit dark, but neither one seemed to mind.
"How are you liking it at the mansion?" Crystal asked right away.
"The mansion," Sabrina said on a laugh. "It"s nice. They"re all very sweet and treat me well."
"They seem like your type."
"How did you get started?" Sabrina asked, tired of wondering. "Does it matter?"
"No, I was just curious."
"I"ll make a deal with you," Crystal suggested. "I"ll answer questions if you answer questions."
238 "I think I can live with that," Sabrina said, not as relaxed as she appeared.
"Why are you willing to talk to me?"
"My sister was a prost.i.tute. You"re not all that scary."
"Was?" Crystal asked, but Sabrina shook her head.
"My turn. How did you get started?"
Crystal laughed but still said, "I grew up in this town, on the wrong side. My father taught me how to steal, but I didn"t like spending time in jail. This turned out to be easier."
So many questions sprang to mind, but Sabrina only nodded. "How did your sister get out?"
"She was shrewd and beautiful. When a rich man came along who fell for her, she used every trick she knew to entice him, and it worked. They"re married."
"There was someone who wanted to marry me once," Crystal volunteered, "but he certainly wasn"t rich. He was a bigger thief than my father, and I said no."
"What happened to your father?"
"He tried a big job-robbing the train before it could get into town-and got shot."
"I"m sorry, Crystal."
Crystal looked away. She hated it when people said that, but it wasn"t so bad coming from Sabrina.
"You gonna marry Rylan Jarvik?" Crystal suddenly asked. "I don"t know."
"You should. He"s a good man."
"Why do you say that?"
"He doesn"t think he"s better than the rest of us."
"That"s true," Sabrina agreed. "He understands who he is and how much he needs G.o.d."
"He doesn"t look like a preacher."
Sabrina laughed but didn"t comment because their food was arriving.
"Do you mind if I pray?" Sabrina asked when the waiter left them.
239 "I guess not," Crystal said, but she didn"t bow her head. She watched Sabrina, not able to help herself.
"Thank You, Father, for this food and this time Crystal and I can have together. In the name of Your Son, I pray. Amen."
"Why do you say it like that?" Crystal asked the moment Sabrina"s head came up. "In the name of the Son?"
"Oh," Sabrina said, a little stumped but still honest. "I can"t remember why. I"ll have to get back to you on that."
"It"s doesn"t matter."
"It"s a good question," Sabrina said. "I wish I could remember where that comes from."
"You mean it comes from somewhere in the Bible?"
"Right," Sabrina answered, picking up her fork as though she were asked these types of questions all the time. She was new at all of this and suddenly wished she was Rylan with all the answers.
"Why did you come to Token Creek?"
"I was ready for a change of scenery. Denver holds a lot of bad memories."
"Is your family gone?"
"All but my sister, and we haven"t been close for a long time."
It never occurred to Crystal that this woman was alone too. Sabrina seemed so confident and clearheaded.
"Excuse me," the waiter interrupted, his voice sounding tired. "The men at the table by the door are wondering if you ladies would like company."
"No, thank you," Sabrina said, not even looking across the room but going right back to her dinner.
For a moment Crystal was so filled with envy that she could hardly think. Sabrina hadn"t even glanced at the other table! Crystal thought she would give up everything to be that sure of herself.
"What"s the matter?" Sabrina asked, catching the odd look on the other woman"s face.
"You didn"t even look," Crystal said before she could stop herself.
240 "Unless Rylan is sitting over there, I"m not interested," Sabrina stated simply. "And he wouldn"t do that. If he came in, he"d come right to the table and say h.e.l.lo. No games. And you said you were taking the night off."
Crystal had to smile at her. She had never met anyone like her, who wasn"t a prost.i.tute but who talked about it without stumbling over each word.
"Am I being laughed at?"
"No," Crystal said, but did not go back to her meal.
"You need to eat," Sabrina said. "No wonder you"re skinny." "I"m padded where I need to be," Crystal said, her voice a bit smug.
"You still need to eat," Sabrina said, well aware of the other woman"s full chest and sorry she felt it was all she needed.
Crystal didn"t argue, but she did pick up her fork. She kept waiting for it, waiting for Sabrina to try and talk to her about G.o.d, but it didn"t happen. They visited about everyth ing under the sun, learning that their tastes in colors and interests were similar. The evening ended, and with talk of doing it again, they went their separate ways. Crystal walked home in a state of wonder, having expected Sabrina to talk to her about G.o.d and not sure how she felt about the fact that she didn"t.
"Why do we pray in Jesus" name?" Sabrina asked Jeanette at the breakfast table.
"We need the reminder that everything we have is because of Christ," Jeanette said, reaching for her Bible. "Let me read a verse to you, Bri."
"We might have covered this in church before you moved to town, but Colossians 1:17 says, "He is before all things, and by him all things consist." We want to remember when we pray that we need to do it in Christ. His name is everything. He came to us from the 241 Father, and when we pray to the Father, we ask in His Son"s name. If we can"t ask in His Son"s name, then something is wrong with what we"re praying."
Sabrina nodded, thinking about it because Rylan had also said that verse spoke of creation.
"Did that help?" Jeanette asked.
"I think so. I just need to figure out how I would describe it to someone who doesn"t believe like we do."
"Your friend with whom you had dinner?"
"Yes. I prayed before we ate and said "in the name of Your Son." She wanted to know why. I was embarra.s.sed to tell her I couldn"t remember."
Jeanette smiled at her. "I think your honesty is refreshing. You just told her the truth."
"I also told her I would get back to her on it."
"Then the door is still open. That"s wonderful."
"I guess it is," Sabrina said, not having thought of it.
"Why don"t you ask her here for dinner next time? You can join us or cook something yourself."
Sabrina stared at her, seeing no choice but to lay it on the line. "Jeanette, Crystal is a prost.i.tute."