I hear a hacking cough coming up my walk; for a moment I think it might be Fleeta with another question about accounting, but it is too deep a rattle. It must be a man. Without sitting up, I roll over, and craning my neck ever so slightly, I can see the porch steps through the mail chute in the door. It"s Spec. He raps on the door.
"It"s open."
Spec takes one step into the house and stands there. He is surprised to see the interior so bare, and he is also surprised to see me lollygagging on the floor like an old cat.
"Are you all right?" Spec wonders.
"Never better."
"I need you to come with me to the hospital."
"Why?"
"Otto"s done had himself a heart attack."
I"ve ridden in the Rescue Squad wagon with Spec many times. He keeps it in prime condition. I notice that the interior has changed a bit, though. My replacement has put the clipboard in a different spot. His kit is on the hump, not under the seat, where I used to place mine. There are notes Scotch-taped to the dashboard. I never did that.
Otto asked Worley to take him to Saint Agnes Hospital instead of Lonesome Pine. The Catholic nuns appeal to his superst.i.tious nature. When Spec and I check in, we"re told Otto is in Intensive Care. The tone of the nurse"s voice tells us that the situation is serious. Nurses have many excellent skills, but they are never good actresses.
Worley kneels next to his brother"s bed, holding his left hand, the one without the IV, in both of his hands. It reminds me of a Buster Keaton movie, where Buster is swinging from a building, holding on to his rescuer with both hands while he flails in midair trying not to fall. Spec goes to the opposite side of the bed, close to Otto"s face. I gently place my hands on Worley"s shoulders. He has been crying.
"Worley, what happened?"
"My brother done ate his lunch. And then he went out back and threw up. He asked me to run him up here to Saint Agnes. And then he pa.s.sed out. He didn"t come to, so I put him in the truck and brought him here."
"You did good."
"Please don"t let him die. Please."
I wish I could promise Worley that Otto wasn"t ever going to die. But I can"t lie to him, and it"s not fair to give false hope where there is none.
"Worley, let old Spec take you for a cup of coffee and a chew."
"I don"t want to leave him!" Worley looks at his brother with deep affection.
"If you leave for a couple of minutes, I can talk to the doctors and get some information for you. Just do what I say, okay?" Spec takes Worley away. Sister Ann Christina, the head of Intensive Care, comes up behind me.
"How is he, Sister?" She lowers her head, indicating that it was very bad, motioning to me not to ask any questions.
"Can I talk to him? Can he hear me?" Sister nods, so I lean in to Otto"s ear.
"Otto, what in the h.e.l.l are you doing in the hospital?"
He smiles at me weakly. His eyes are lively, though. He motions to the oxygen mask. He wants me to lift it off. I lift it ever so slightly, so he can catch some air to speak.
"I need you to tell Worley something."
"Sure."
Otto and I settle into a breathing-and-speaking routine. I push the mask up and down as he finishes a sentence. He catches his breath and continues.
"I ain"t Worley"s brother." I look confused. Sometimes folks go out of their minds when their bodies shut down on them, but hallucination isn"t usually part of a heart attack, nor is memory loss.
"Who are you, then?"
"I"m his daddy."
I grip the stainless steel bed guard to steady myself. It is cold.
"Remember Destry?" I nod. "Destry was his mama. She died when she had him. The state wanted to take him, but Mama told them Worley was hers so they couldn"t."
"He doesn"t know?"
Otto shakes his head.
"You have to tell him, Otto. You have to." I say this slowly and deliberately, emphasizing the you.
"I can"t."
"Yes, you can. You just told me. You can do this. You must."
Otto takes a long breath, and his eyes fill with tears. "I can"t."
"Why can"t you?" Otto closes his eyes tightly, hoping I will change my mind once he opens them. Then he opens his eyes and looks up at the ceiling. He barely whispers, "He will be ashamed of me."
And there it is. The mystery I could not solve. My mother could not bear the thought of me ever being ashamed of her, so she lied to me. A lie is better than rejection by your own flesh and blood when they find out that you are not perfect.
"Otto, you listen to me. Worley needs to hear this from you." Otto has a stricken look on his face. He"s just had a heart attack, he"s in pain, he"s facing death, and I am refusing his final request. He is so confused. I have to make him understand.
"G.o.ddammit, Otto. I"m a b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Not because of the circ.u.mstances of my birth, but because I was lied to. The lie made it wrong. You had something most people only dream of: a real and true love. And you were graced with a baby! A baby that came from you and Destry. Haven"t you spent your entire life thinking about it? Thinking about her? Wouldn"t you have given everything to hold her again? What is wrong with that? You loved her. That is a sacred thing!"
"I was gonna marry her," he whispers.
"Tell him that. Tell him what your plans were. Tell him what Destry wanted for him. Anything you can remember. Tell him everything. It"s the best thing you will ever do for him."
Otto breathes in short bursts. A nurse comes over and gives me the eyeball like, What are you doing in here upsetting people? But Otto keeps his hand on mine, so she gets the message that he wants me to stay.
"Please go and get Worley," I say to the nurse. She goes.
"Now, Otto. Don"t you cry. You be clear with him. He has to hear this from you. Okay?"
Otto nods that he understands. Worley comes in and goes directly to Otto"s side. I pat Worley on the back and give Otto a look. Otto begins his story. I pull the curtains around the bed to give them privacy. I go out into the waiting area and wait with Spec.
"If I threw my body down and set it on fire, would it make you stay?" Iva Lou asks me over a BYOB beer at the Coach House Inn.
"Lyle would kill me." Lyle Makin goes all over town and tells everybody what a great wife Iva Lou is; she knows it as well as I do. She"s stuck for life and she"s happy about it.
"Yes, he would. He loves being murried."
Ballard Littrell stumbles past us to take a table near the kitchen.
"Drunk again?" Iva Lou asks Ballard.
"So am I!" He smiles, and takes a seat.
"See what you"re gonna miss? What his wife has gone through. At the bottom of every woman"s heartache is a bottle." Iva Lou swigs her beer.
"What happened to his ear, anyway?"
"There was a story going around that a jealous lover cut it off during a fight. But I think Ballard himself started that one around. Lyle told me that he got caught in the Continuous Miner machine up in the mines. Sliced it right off. Why do you ask?"
"It was the last open question I had about anything in Big Stone Gap."
"You know a lot of folks that are in the Drama are dropping out because you won"t be directing this year."
"Come on. I"m hardly a director. I just follow whatever Mazie Dinsmore wrote in her promptbook. I am easily replaced."
"I don"t know about that. Theodore Tipton quit this morning."
"No way. He"s the whole show!"
"I know. Between him quitting and Tayloe Slagle having a hard time getting the baby weight off, it"s gonna be a long summer. He got offered a big job."
"Really?"
"University of Tennessee wants him to be their band director."
"Fantastic!" I am hurt, though. I would like to have been the first person Theodore told. I used to be. He came over to my house after Sarah and Gail Night, but I didn"t answer the door. Maybe that"s what he came over to tell me.
"Funny thing is, they didn"t hire him for his theatrical flair. They thought the musical arrangement of all the Elizabeth Taylor themes was genius. Imagine that."
"It was."
"Then of course, there"s old Jack Mac, the best kisser in Big Stone Gap."
"What about him?"
Iva Lou shrugs.
"What have you heard?"
"He"s seeing that new schoolteacher. Fleeta saw them up to the Fold."
"That"s what he needs. A schoolteacher. Mining and teaching go great together."
"Listen to Miss Positive, Everything Turns Out for the Best. Law me."
"Well, it does, doesn"t it?"
"You like old Jack Mac. Admit it."
I shrug nonchalantly and finish my beer.
"No, I mean you like him, in that way that I have liked half the men in Wise County. And don"t lie to me."
"Let"s say I did. Why would I admit it? What good would it do me?"
"To be loved is the only good anybody can do for anybody. And you know how I feel about s.e.x. I must say, though, marital s.e.x is a whole different animal. But it"s still an animal, thank the Lord for that."
"Do you ever wonder why we"re made this way?"
"Who?"
"Us. Women."
"Honey-o, I don"t know. I think I understand men better than women. A man is an animal all his life. He wants to eat when he"s hungry. He wants to sleep when he"s tired. And every so often he wants s.e.x when he"s h.o.r.n.y. Simple." Iva Lou looks at me.
"It"s that simple?" I wonder.
"Animals. Uh-huh. Simple creatures, men. And we got the scientific evidence right here in the Gap. Anybody who says men didn"t descend from apes never went out with Mad Dog Mabe. His entire body was an homage to s.h.a.g carpet. That man even had hair on his elbows."
I sit outside Theodore"s house for a long time before I decide to walk up to the door. A walk takes twice as long when you feel stupid. I suppose I"m going to have to grovel and beg his forgiveness for Sarah and Gail Night. I haven"t spoken to him since; I know he"s really angry with me. I"ve been dreading this moment. But I miss him desperately; we used to talk every day. Life is different without him, and I don"t like the change.
"Who is it?"
"Ave Maria Mulligan. Town pharmacist."
Theodore appears in the doorway. "Former town pharmacist."
"Not until a week from Friday."
"Come on in."
Theodore lets me into his house. I never entered through the front before. I always came in the back, through the kitchen. Why didn"t I go to the back of the house as I have for nine years? Why did I choose this front entrance, as though I were a salesman or a missionary? Why did I do this? Why have I put a wall between me and my very best friend?
"Did you hear about my offer from UT?"
"It"s wonderful. Your work will be on the TV and everything now. You deserve all of the fame and glory in the world."
"Thank you."
"Are you mad at me?" I say in a funny voice.
"Yes, I am," he responds in a very adult tone.
"I figured. Don"t I get to be a little mad because you made friends behind my back and went up to the MacChesneys" with a couple of hot dates and didn"t tell me?" I whine.
"No." Theodore hates whining. Why am I playing this game with the man who knows me best?