"There"s a girl in my bed."
"There"s a man in my room."
"Somebody"s got into my room."
"Is it fire?"
"It"s a public scandal."
"This man has tried to take my trousers."
"Look here, I can"t go about in this kit."
"I left my wife in room 18, and I can"t find her."
"I shall write to The Times."
"I protest against this indecent exhibition."
The more questions and remarks that poured down upon him, the more persistently the deputy-manager smiled. He looked about him helplessly. Hitherto in the whole of his experience all that had been necessary for him to do was to smile and promise attention, and bully his subordinates. Here was a new phase. He wished the manager had not chosen this week-end for a trip to Brighton.
The eyes of the deputy-manager roved round him like those of a trapped animal seeking some channel of escape. By a lucky chance they fell upon the fireman who was just preparing to go off duty. The deputy-manager beckoned to him; the smile had left his face, he was now talking to a subordinate.
"What"s the meaning of this?" he enquired.
The fireman looked up and down the corridor. He had been at the hotel over ten years, that is, since its opening, and knew every inch of the place. From the crowd of figures he glanced along the corridor. He was a man of few words.
"Somebody"s been "avin" a joke. The numbers "ave all been changed. That," pointing to No. 18, "is No. 15, and that," pointing to No. 24, "is No. 21."
At the fireman"s words angry murmurs and looks were exchanged. Each of the guests suspected the others of the joke. The fireman, who was a man of much resource as well as of few words, quickly solved the problem by obtaining some envelopes and putting on the doors the right numbers. Within a quarter of an hour every guest had found either his clothes, his lost one, or both, and the corridor was once more deserted.
"Well," murmured Bindle, as he stepped out of the service lift, "I s"pose they won"t be wantin" me again, so I"ll go "ome an" get a bit o" sleep." And he walked off whistling gaily, whilst the fireman searched everywhere for the one man the deputy-manager most desired to see.
II
On the Monday evening following the hotel episode Mr. and Mrs. Bindle were seated at supper. Bindle had been unusually conversational. He was fortunate in having that morning obtained employment at a well-known stores. He was once more a pantechnicon-man. "King Richard is "isself again," he would say, when he pa.s.sed from a temporary alien employment to what he called the "legitimate."
He had felt it desirable to explain to Mrs. Bindle the cause of his leaving the Splendid Hotel. She had seen nothing at all humorous in it, and Bindle had studiously refrained from any mention of women being in the corridors.
He had just drawn away from the table, and was sitting smoking his pipe by the fire, when there was a loud knock at the outer door. He looked up expectantly.
Mrs. Bindle went to the door. From the pa.s.sage he heard a familiar voice enquiring for him. It was Sanders, the foreman, who followed Mrs. Bindle into the room. He made no response to Bindle"s pleasant, "Good-evenin"."
"D"you know what you done?" enquired Sanders aggressively. "You lost me my ruddy job. You did it a-purpose, and I"ve come to kill yer."
"Ain"t yer "ad enough of buryin"?" enquired Bindle significantly. "Buryin" yer mother on Sat.u.r.day, and now yer wants to kill yer ole pal on Monday."
The menacing att.i.tude of the foreman had no effect upon Bindle. He had a great heart and would cheerfully have stood up to a man twice the size of Sanders. The foreman made a swift movement in the direction of Bindle.
"You stutterin", bespattered--Gawd!"
Mrs. Bindle, seeing that trouble was impending, had armed herself with a very wet and very greasy dishcloth, which she had thrown with such accurate aim as to catch the foreman full in the mouth.
"You dirty "ound," she vociferated, "comin" into a Christian "ome and usin" that foul language. You dirty "ound, I"ll teach yer."
Mrs. Bindle"s voice rose in a high crescendo. She looked about her for something with which to follow up her attack and saw her favourite weapon-the broom.
"You dirty-mouthed tyke," she cried, working herself into a fury. "You blasphemin" son o" Belial, take that." Crack came the handle of the broom on the foreman"s head. Without waiting to observe the result, and with a dexterous movement, she reversed her weapon and charged the foreman, taking him full in the middle with the broom itself. In retreating he stumbled over the coal-scuttle, and sat down with a suddenness that made his teeth rattle.
Bindle watched the episode with great interest. Never had he so approved of Mrs. Bindle as at that moment. Like a St. George threatening the dragon she stood over the foreman.
"Now then, will yer say it again?" she enquired menacingly. There was no response. "Say, "G.o.d forgive me,"" she ordered. "Say it," she insisted, seeing reluctance in the foreman"s eye. "Say it, or I"ll "it yer on yer dirty mouth with this "ere broom. I"m a daughter of the Lord, I am. Are yer goin" to say it or shall I change yer face for yer?"
"G.o.d forgive me," mumbled the foreman, in a voice entirely devoid of contrition.
Mrs. Bindle was satisfied. "Now up yer get, and orf yer go," she said. "I won"t "it yer again if yer don"t talk, but never you think to come a-usin" such words in a Christian "ome again."
The foreman sidled towards the door warily, When he was within reach of it he made a sudden dive and disappeared.
Bindle regarded his wife with approval as she returned from banging the door after him.
"I didn"t know," he remarked, "that they taught yer that sort of thing at chapel. I likes a religion that lets yer do a bit in the knock-about business. Can"t understand you and "Earty belongin" to the same flock of sheep. Rummy thing, religion," he soliloquised, as he applied a match to his pipe; "seems to "ave its Bank "Olidays, same as work."
CHAPTER VII
BINDLE COMMITS AN INDISCRETION
"Anyone would think you was goin" to a weddin"." Mrs. Bindle eyed Bindle aggressively.
"Not again; I got one little canary bird; two might make me un"appy."
Bindle had remembered his promise to his niece, Millie, in every particular, and had added as his own contribution a twopenny cigar resplendent in a particularly wide red-and-gold band, which he had been careful not to remove.
"Anythink might "appen to me in this get-up," he remarked pleasantly, "so don"t expect me till I"m "ome--"
"You never take me out," broke in Mrs. Bindle stormily, "but you can take that chit of a girl out first time she asks."
"You don"t like the pictures, Mrs. B., they ain"t "oly enough, an" some of the young women in "em are a bit generous like with showin" their ankles-but there, there!"
"You used to take me out before we was married," replied Mrs. Bindle, ignoring Bindle"s remark.
Bindle looked at her curiously.
"Them was the days when yer wasn"t above goin" to a music-"all. There ain"t nowhere to take yer "cept the chapel, an" I don"t enjoy it as you an" "Earty do."