As the lead medic knelt by me, I attempted to speak and tell him I was in no pain. I could not lift my head, yet I still was under the delusion that I would be able to communicate. I was wrong. What issued from my mouth was a gelatinous baritone belch, accompanied by a horrible stench.
I think I was as shocked as the medic.Certainly his face revealed his disgust. "What the h.e.l.l is this?" he asked angrily.
Shaw stepped up and stared at me with consternation. He cleared his throat and, after a few false starts, he managed to say,"Until a few minutes ago, he was our co-worker, Mr. David Thompson. This is his desk. He was sitting there working quite normally before whatever . . . happened . . . began . . . er . . . happening."
"Are you telling me this is a human being?" asked the medic.
"Yes, as far as I know," said Shaw.
Had I been able to control my movements, I would have embraced him then and there. I was filled with grat.i.tude. I tried to lift my arms and found that it did set the worms into motion. The pink protrubances seemed to leap up from the floor like writhing tentacles, but I had no control.
The medic jumped back, a look of fear on his face. Shaw and everyone else backed further away as well.
I tried again to speak, but this time all I managed was a noisy exhalation of noxious gases.
I then discovered that it was very difficult to get a breath. It was as if some giant was sitting on my chest. I gasped.
The medic approached again. Tentatively, he reached out to me, trying to take my wrist, but I really no longer had one. He stopped that movement, and then placed a stethoscope on my chest. He face relaxed a little when he heard my heart beat.
"What happened?" he asked aloud.
Shaw shrugged. "I don"t know. He was working at his desk and then cried out, as if in pain. He fell to the floor and began to writhe about, and, over the course of several minutes, he seemed to collapse in upon himself. We tried to help him at first, but the changes were dramatic, startling, and frightening. His thrashing about became dangerous and we all had to pull back. That"s when I called for you."
"We"ll take him in," said the medic. He gestured to his companions. "Load him on the stretcher."
What happened next might have been funny had it not been so macabre.
The two other medics collapsed the gurney, placed it by me, and moved to lift me onto it. They each took an arm-or what used to be an arm-and pulled, but the transformed limbs just seemed to stretch impossibly and the bulk of my body lay where it had been.
The lead medic moved in to help. They folded my long tubular limbs atop my body. The three of them got their arms under my torso and what had been my hips, and tried to lift me up.
I guess it was like trying to move a puddle of Jello with toothpicks. They tried several times before realizing it wouldn"t work.
Finally, they simply rolled me over the edge and up onto the stretcher, rearranging my limbs as best they could and using my clothing as a sort of sling.
Mercifully, they threw a sheet over me as they rushed the gurney to the elevator, to the ground floor, the waiting ambulance, and, at last, to the local hospital with sirens screaming.
*t has been some hours now. They checked me in, put me in a private room, and left me here. I wish I could say I lost consciousness, but I did not.
The strangest thing was that my mind remained my own. No matter how traumatized I had been, the cessation of pain brought a kind of detachment, almost as if I was floating above myself. I did not understand my transformation, but I then became curious.
If I had no skull, what was protecting my brain? What remained of my face was pressed into the bed with some amount of my own flabby body forcing it into the padding, yet I had a sense that I was unharmed. If I had no ribs surrounding it, how did my heart continue to beat? Yet it did, with a strangely rea.s.suring regularity.
I concentrated on moving one of my limbs-what had been my right arm. It twitched.
I focussed my thoughts on reaching up to touch my face. The appendage hesitantly squirmed toward my eye.
I knew an illogical sense of jubilation. For the first time since the onset of the pain, I began to sense that I might have some minute, fragmentary, miniscule, bit of control over something.
Ever so slowly, painstakingly, I guided my right arm. When it finally, tentatively, brushed my face, I discovered two things.
First, that I could still feel things with the limb, changed though it might be. In fact, the sensation of touch seemed to have been enhanced-as if the entire limb had the sensitivity of a fingertip.
Second, what had been my skull was not completely gone. A hard but malleable kind of gristle formed a protective cage around my poor human brain, a cartilaginous cranium, and some kind of similar ridges protected my eyes.
My mouth, however, had been transformed into a lipless, toothless maw that seemed to exude a viscous liquid. My nose was simply gone-not even nostril slits remained.
But I was still breathing . . . in some way.
That was when I began to hear the Bronx-cheer buzzing again, and realized it sounded from what had once been my neck. I focussed on moving the arm again and managed to brush it over a place where ripples of flesh seemed to rise up when I exhaled and draw down when I inhaled.
Sudden realization swept over me. Gills? Great G.o.d, I had gills!
*bustling sound came from the doorway and a white smocked male figure entered the room, closely followed by two nurses.
He stopped when he reached the foot of the bed and looked at the chart. "This is supposed to be a David Thompson," he said sarcastically. He threw back the sheet in front of him, exposing my midsection and upper thigh. "This is not a human. Is this a hoax?"
I felt his hands move over what had been my hip and over what used to be my thigh.
"Wait!" he said suddenly. "What"s this?"
I felt him squeeze the skin of my former thigh together and felt an uncharacteristic lump under the skin.
"I bet I can get this without even requiring a local," he muttered to himself. He looked around and took a scalpel from a tray, then made a sudden quick, small incision. I felt a bit of pressure and then something seemed to pop. I can"t describe it any other way. It actually clattered on the tray.
"Some sort of round metal object," he observed, picking it up carefully. "It"s about the same size as a bottle cap." He turned to the second nurse. "Suture that incision closed. I"m going to look at this through the lab microscope."
But he took only a few steps before he seemed to freeze. "What the fu . . . !"
He never finished what he was saying. His voice rose up in a rapid wail and became a scream. His hand snapped into a fist around the object, and he fell heavily to the floor. There he continued to writhe, his screams growing more shrill.
I could not sit up to see clearly, but I guessed immediately what was happening.
Poor b.a.s.t.a.r.d, I thought. Now there are two of us.
Subst.i.tution.
Michael Marshall Smith
Michael Marshall Smith is a widely published British author of novels, short stories, and screenplays. His novels include Michael Marshall Smith is a widely published British author of novels, short stories, and screenplays. His novels include Only Forward Only Forward (HarperCollins, 1994), (HarperCollins, 1994), Spares Spares (HarperCollins, 1996), and several novels published as by Michael Marshall. Among his short story collections are (HarperCollins, 1996), and several novels published as by Michael Marshall. Among his short story collections are What You Make It What You Make It (HarperCollins, 1999) and (HarperCollins, 1999) and More Tomorrow and Other Stories More Tomorrow and Other Stories (Earthling, 2003). He is a five-time winner of the British Fantasy Award. (Earthling, 2003). He is a five-time winner of the British Fantasy Award.
*alfway through unpacking the second red bag I turned to my wife-who was busily engaged in pecking out an e-mail on her Blackberry-and said something encouraging about the bag"s contents.
"Well, you know," she said, not really paying attention. "I do try."
I went back to taking items out and laying them on the counter, which is my way. Because I work from home, I"m always the one who unpacks the grocery shopping when it"s delivered: Helen"s presence this morning was unusual, and a function of a meeting that had been put back an hour (the subject of the terse e-mail currently being written). Rather than standing with the fridge door open and putting items directly into it, I put everything on the counter first, so I can sort through it and get a sense of what"s there, before then stowing everything neatly in the fridge, organized by type/nature/potential meal groupings, as a kind of Phase Two of the unloading operation.
The contents of the bags-red for stuff that needs refrigeration, purple for freezer goods, green for everything else-is never entirely predictable. My wife has control of the online ordering process, which she conducts either from her laptop or, in extremis, her phone. While I"ve not personally specified the order, however, its contents are seldom much of a surprise. There"s an established pattern. We have cats, so there"ll be two large bags of litter-it"s precisely being able to avoid hoicking that kind of thing off supermarket shelves, into a trolley and across a busy car park, which makes online grocery shopping such a boon. There will be a few green bags containing bottled water, sacks for the rubbish bins, toilet rolls and paper towels, cleaning materials, tins of store cupboard staples (baked beans, tuna, tinned tomatoes), a box of Diet c.o.ke for me (which Helen tolerates on the condition that I never let it anywhere near our son), that kind of thing. There will be one, or at the most two, purple bags of frozen beans, holding frozen peas, frozen organic fish cakes for the kid, and so on. We never buy enough frozen to fill more than one purple carrier, but sometimes they split it between a couple, presumably for some other logistical reason. Helen views this as both a waste of resources and a threat to the environment, and has sent at least two e-mails to the company about it. I don"t mind much as we use the bags for clearing out the cats" litter tray, and I"d rather have spares on hand than risk running out.
Then there are the red bags, the main event. The red bags represent the daily news of food consumption-in contrast to the contextual magazine articles of the green bags, or the long-term forecasts of the purple. In the red bags will be the Greek yoghurt, blueberries, and strawberries Helen uses to make her morning smoothie; a variety of vegetables and salad materials; some freerange and organic chicken fillets (I never used to be clear on the difference, but eleven years of marriage has made me far better informed); some extra-sharp cheddar (Helen favours cheese that tastes as though it wants your tongue to be sad), and a few other bits and pieces.
The individual items may vary a little from week to week, but basically, that"s what gets brought to our door most Wednesday mornings. Once in a while there may be subst.i.tutions in the delivery (when the supermarket has run out of a specified item, and one judged to be of very near equivalence is provided instead): these have to be carefully checked, as Helen"s idea of similarity of goods differs somewhat from the supermarket"s. Otherwise, you could set your watch by our shopping, if you"ll pardon the mixed metaphor-and this continuity of content is why I"d turned to Helen when I was halfway through the second red bag. Yes, there"d been spring onions and a set of red, green, and yellow peppers-standard weekly fare. But there were also two packs of brightly coloured and fun-filled children"s yoghurts and a block of much milder cheddar of the kind Oscar and I tend to prefer. And a family pack of deadly-looking chocolate desserts. Not to mention a six-pack of thick and juicy-looking steaks, and very large variety pack of further Italian cured meats holding five different types of salami.
"Yum," I said.
I was genuinely pleased, and a little touched. Normally I source this kind of stuff-on the few occasions when I have it-from the deli or mini-market, which are both about ten minutes" walk away from the house (in opposite directions, sadly). Seeing it come into the house via the more socially condoned route of the supermarket delivery was strangely affecting.
"Hmm?" Helen said. She was nearing the end of her e-mail. I could tell because the speed of her typing increases markedly as she approaches the point when she can fire her missive off into s.p.a.ce. She jabbed send and finally looked up properly. "What"s that you said?"
"Good shop. Unusual. But I like it."
She smiled, glad that I was happy, but then frowned. "What the h.e.l.l"s that?"
I looked where she was pointing. "Yoghurt."She grabbed the pack and stared with evident distaste at the ingredient list. "I didn"t order those. Obviously. Or that." Now she was pointing at the pile of salamis and meats. "And the cheese is wrong. Oh, b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l."
And with that, she was gone.
I waited, becalmed in the kitchen, to see what would unfold. A quick look in the other bags-the greens and purples-didn"t explain much. They all contained exactly the kind of thing we tended to order.
Five minutes later I heard the sound of two pairs of footsteps coming down the stairs. Helen re-entered the kitchen, followed by the man who"d delivered the shopping. He was carrying three red bags and looked mildly cowed.
"What it is, right," he muttered, defensively, "is the checking system. I"ve told management about it before. There are flaws. In the checking system."
"I"m sure it can"t be helped," Helen said, cheerfully, and turned to me. "Bottom line is that all the bags are correct except for the red ones, which both belong to someone else."
When I"d put all the items from the counter back into the bags I"d taken them out of, an exchange took place. Their red bags, for ours. The delivery guy apologised about five more times- somehow making it clear, without recourse to words, that he was apologising for the system as a whole rather than any failure on his part-and trudged off back up the stairs.
"I"ll let him out," Helen said, darting forward to give me a peck on the cheek. "Got to go anyway. You"re all right unpacking all this, yes?"
"Of course," I said. "I always manage somehow."
And off she went. It only took a few minutes to unpack the low-fat yoghurt, sharp cheese, salad materials, and free-range and organic chicken b.r.e.a.s.t.s.
*funny thing happened, however. When I broke off from work late morning to go down to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, I lingered at the fridge for a moment after getting the milk out, and I found myself thinking: What if that had had been our food? been our food?
I wasn"t expressing discontent. We eat well. I personally don"t have much of a fix on what eating healthily involves (beyond the fact it evidently requires ingesting more fruit and vegetables per day than feels entirely natural), and so it"s a good thing that Helen does. If there"s anything that I want which doesn"t arrive at our door through the effortless magic of supermarket delivery, there"s nothing to stop me going out and buying it myself. It"s not as if the fridge or cupboards have been programmed to reject non-acceptable items, or set off a siren and contact the diet police when confronted with off-topic foodstuffs.
It was more that I got a sudden and strangely wistful glimpse of another life-and of another woman.
I was being a.s.sumptive, of course. It was entirely possible that the contents of the red bags I"d originally unpacked had been selected by the male of some nearby household. It didn"t feel that way, however. It seemed easier to believe that somewhere nearby was another household rather like ours. A man, a woman, and a child (or perhaps two, we"re unusual in having stopped at one). All the people in this family would be different to us, of course, but for the moment it was the idea of the woman which stuck in my head. I wondered what she"d look like. What kind of things made her laugh. How, too, she"d managed to miss out on the health propaganda constantly pushed at the middle-cla.s.ses (she had had to be middle cla.s.s, most people in our neighbourhood are, and everyone who orders online from our particular supermarket has to be, it"s the law)-or what had empowered her to ignore it. to be middle cla.s.s, most people in our neighbourhood are, and everyone who orders online from our particular supermarket has to be, it"s the law)-or what had empowered her to ignore it.
We get steak every now and then, of course-but it would never be in the company of all the other meats and rich foods. One dose of weapons-grade animal fats per week is quite risky enough for this household, thank you. We live a moderate, evenly balanced life when it comes to food (and, really, when it comes to everything else). The shopping I"d seen, however foolishly, conjured the idea of a household which sailed a different sea-and of a different kind of woman steering the ship.
I was just a little intrigued, that"s all.
*couple of days later, I was still intrigued. You"d be right in suspecting this speaks of a life in which excitement levels are relatively low. I edit, from home. Technical manuals are my bread and b.u.t.ter, leavened with the occasional longer piece of IT journalism. I"m good at it, fast and accurate, and for the most part enjoy my work. Perhaps "enjoy" isn"t quite the right word (putting my editing hat on for a moment): let"s say instead that I"m content that it"s my profession, am well paid and always busy, and feel no strong desire to be doing anything else, either in general or particular.
But . . . n.o.body"s going to be making an action movie of my life any day soon. And that"s perhaps why, sometimes, little ideas will get into my head and stick around for longer than they might in the mind of someone who has more pressing or varied (or viscerally compelling) things to deal with on a day-to-day basis.
I was still thinking about this other woman. This different girl. Not in a salacious way-how could I be? I had no idea what she looked like, or what kind of person she was (beyond that spoken of by her supermarket choices). That"s the key word, I think-difference. Like any man who"s been in a relationship for a long time (and doubtless a lot of women too, I"ve never asked), every once in a while you beguile a few minutes in fantasy. Sometimes these are s.e.xual, of course, but often it"s something more subtle which catches your internal eye. I"ve never felt the urge to be unfaithful to Helen-even now that our s.e.x life has dropped to the distant background hum of the longterm married-and that"s partly because, having thought the thing through, I"ve come to believe that such fantasies are generally not about other people, but about yourself. What"s really really going on, if you spend a few minutes dreaming about living in a scuzzy urban bedsit with a (much younger) tattooed barmaid/ suicide doll, or cruising some sunny, fuzzy life with a languid French female chef? These women aren"t real, of course, and so the attraction cannot be bedded in them. They don"t exist. Doubtless these and all other alternate lifestyles would come to feel everyday and stale after a while, too, and so I suspect the appeal of such daydreams actually lies in the shifted perception of yourself that these nebulous lives would enshrine. going on, if you spend a few minutes dreaming about living in a scuzzy urban bedsit with a (much younger) tattooed barmaid/ suicide doll, or cruising some sunny, fuzzy life with a languid French female chef? These women aren"t real, of course, and so the attraction cannot be bedded in them. They don"t exist. Doubtless these and all other alternate lifestyles would come to feel everyday and stale after a while, too, and so I suspect the appeal of such daydreams actually lies in the shifted perception of yourself that these nebulous lives would enshrine.
You"d see yourself differently, and so would other people, and that"s what your mind is really playing with: a different you, in a different now.
Perhaps that insight speaks merely of a lack of courage (or testosterone); nonetheless, the idea of this nearby woman kept cropping up in my mind. Perhaps there was also a creative part of my mind seeking voice. I don"t edit fiction and have never tried to write any either. I enjoy working with words, helping to corral them into neat and meaningful pens like so many conceptual sheep, but I"ve discovered in myself neither the urge nor the ability to seek to make them evoke people or situations which are not "true." With this imaginary woman, however-not actually imaginary of course, unless it was a man, it was more a case of her being "unknown"-I found myself trying to picture her, her house, and her life. I guess it"s that thing which happens sometimes in airports and on trains, when you"re confronted with evidence of other real people leading presumably real lives, and you wonder where everyone"s going, and why: wonder why the person in the seat opposite is reading that particular book, and who they"ll be meeting at the other end of the journey that you, for the moment, are sharing.
With so little to go on, my mind was trying to fill in the gaps, tell me a story. It was a bit of fun, I suppose, a way of going beyond the walls of the home office in which I spend all my days.
I"m sure I wouldn"t have tried to take it further, if it hadn"t been for the man from the supermarket.
*week to the day after the first delivery, he appeared on the doorstep again. This was a little unusual. Not there being another order-Helen considerately books the deliveries into the same time slot every week, so they don"t disrupt my working patterns-but it being the same man. In the several years we"ve been getting our groceries this way, I"m not sure I"ve ever encountered the same person twice, or at least not soon enough that I"ve recognised them from a previous delivery.
But here this one was again.
"Morning," he said, standing there like a scruffy Christmas tree, laden with bags of things to eat or clean or wipe surfaces or bottoms with. "Downstairs, right?"
I stood aside to let him pa.s.s and saw there were a couple more crates full of bags on the path outside. That meant I had a few minutes to think, which I suddenly found I was doing.
I held the door open while he came up, re-ladened himself, and tramped back downstairs again. By the time he trudged up the stairs once more, I had a plan.
"Right then," he said, digging into a pocket and pulling out a piece of paper. He glanced at it, then thrust it in my direction. "That"s your lot. Everything"s there. No subst.i.tutions."
Before he could go, however, I held up my hand. "Hang on," I said, brightly. "You remember last week? The thing with the red bags?"
He frowned, and then his face cleared. "Oh yeah. That was you, right? Got the wrong red bags, I know. I"ve spoken to Head Office about it, don"t worry."
"It"s not that," I said. "Hang on here a sec, if you don"t mind?"
I quickly trotted downstairs, opened one of the kitchen cupboards, and pulled out something more-or-less at random. A tin of corned beef-perfect.