Dawn talked with Raven for most of the afternoon. She was careful not to bring his memories up again. She did however at one point turn the conversation back to him as she asked him about how his eyes were doing. Once again, he went silent. Then he smiled, "They seem to be doing well, no real pain and I can see so there is that." It was all he really said about it, before becoming dismissive of the topic.
Dawn sighed. She could not really force him to talk to her about his recovering, but it made her feel a bit upset that he was not willing to. He was one of the people she felt closest to, and she cared about him.
But there was very little she could do about it, so she pushed it to the back of her mind. He might just be one of those people who disliked talking about themselves or complaining about issues. He probably was the sort who would care more about other people"s problems than his own.
So she continued talking to him about her dear Arrion instead. Raven seemed genuinely interested in hearing all about her husband, and she was rather happy for the audience. The more she talked about Arrion, the lighter her heart felt as she had an outlet for some of her emotions.
Raven smiled as he listened to her talk. He seemed rather happy to just sit beside her and listen entranced to her talk.
She only fell silent when the sky began to darken as the day waned. They would need to be stopping soon for the night. She glanced around at her group. They seemed a bit weary, which she could not blame them for. Hopefully, it would not be long now before they accomplished their goal here. And then they could go home. The others, she knew, had to be looking forward to that. She was probably the only one who dreaded going home.
Lumna would not be the same without Arrion there beside her. Dawn knew this with certainty. The place that had always seemed so warm to her would have a coldness to it that would be impossible for her to ever ignore.
Her heart could not help but ache at the thought. She was not sure how she could even begin to live without him there. Arrion had always been her guide to how to be a better person, on how to thrive in life. Without him there, she was pretty sure she would never really be able to break out of her sh.e.l.l, not completely at least.
And it hurt so much, just not being able to ever look into those kind eyes again. The very thought made her insides recoil in horror. It might have been a while since he had died but she still was not used to the idea of never seeing him again. She never thought she could be.
What could she do about it though? She had to keep living or else, she was sure that Arrion would not have been happy with her.
She hated the very idea of living as his widow the rest of her life, because she had wanted deep down to live till old age with him. But this had happened. And once she avenged him, she was sure she would have a mental breakdown.
The desire for vengeance had so far kept her from having a complete meltdown. But her low would come immediately afterwards.
She was aware of this.
How could she not be when her entire being felt numb over what she had lost. Arrion may not have been perfect, but to her he had been very near close to it.
There was a lot she wished she had said. A lot she had wished she had done. At least then there would not be this guilt eating at her as well. Even if in the end she had still lost him.
As she curled up for the night on her pallet, she could not stop herself from continuing to think about him.
She had never really deserved Arrion. How could she have? Arrion was amazing. It was something everyone had agreed about. The king of Lumna was one of the most amazing kings in the world. Brave, loyal, usually honest despite a fondness for playing pranks, mischievous but kind, intelligent. No one could have claimed to truly understand him, but from what she had heard, Lumna had always had that sort of king. Always just a little bit hard to fully understand.
It was either in the genes, or Arrion had learned it from watching his father.