8.
"JOE!"
It was Friday afternoon and the boys hadn"t long been home from school. All things considered, it hadn"t been too bad a week. Thanks to Harry, the new vicar, Jake Knowles had had a serious telling-off about the church window and, for the time being at least, he was leaving Tom alone.
Tom was wandering around the downstairs rooms, wondering where Joe was and whether he could persuade him to go in goal while he practised striking. Hearing voices through the open back door, Tom pushed himself up on to the worktop and saw his brother sitting on the wall that ran between their garden and the churchyard. He seemed to be chatting to someone on the other side. Tom picked up the ball and went out.
"Heads up, Joe!" he called from the doorway and drop-kicked the ball towards him. Joe looked up, startled, as the ball sailed over his head, disappearing into the churchyard beyond.
Tom ran at the wall and sprang up. Although the wall was high, it was old and the earth behind it made the lower part bulge out into the Fletchers" garden. Some of the stones were missing, offering plenty of hand- and footholds. All the same, Tom had never seen Joe climb it by himself before.
When he made the top, he realized he and his brother were directly above Lucy Pickup"s grave, the one that had interested Joe so much last week.
"Who were you talking to?" he asked.
Joe opened his eyes wide and looked down into the churchyard. He looked left, he looked right, and then back at Tom again. "No one there," he said, giving his shoulders a little shrug.
"I heard you," Tom insisted. He pointed to the kitchen window. "I saw you from in there. You looked like you were talking to someone."
Joe turned to the churchyard once again. "Can"t see anyone," he said.
Tom gave up. If his brother wanted an imaginary friend, who was he to worry. "Want to play goalies and strikers?" he asked.
Joe nodded. "OK," he said. Then his lips curled in a sly little smile. "Where"s the ball?" he asked.
It was a good question. The ball had disappeared.
"c.r.a.p," muttered Tom, partly because he knew they didn"t have another one, and partly because he realized this would be the first time they"d gone into the graveyard since they"d been menaced by Jake Knowles and his gang. "Come on," he said reluctantly. "We"ll have to go and look."
Tom jumped down. The ball couldn"t have gone far.
Well, clearly he didn"t know his own kicking power because the ball was nowhere to be seen. Tom led the way and Joe followed behind, singing quietly to himself.
"Tom, Joe! Teatime!"
"c.r.a.p," said Tom again, picking up his pace. They had less than five minutes now before their mother got steamed. "Didn"t you see where it went?" he asked Joe.
"Tom, Joe!"
Tom stopped walking. He turned to look back at the wall they"d just climbed over. It was twenty yards away. Their mother would be at the back door. So why was her voice coming from a small thicket of laurel bushes in the opposite direction?
Tom stared at the bushes. They didn"t seem to be moving.
"Tom! Where are you?"
That was definitely Mum, her voice coming from the right direction, sounding 100 per cent normal and getting quite mad now.
"Tom." A softer voice, lower in pitch, still sounding an awful lot like his mum though.
"Did you hear that?" Tom turned to his brother. Joe was watching the laurel bushes. "Joe, is someone in those bushes? Someone pretending to be Mum?"
"Tom, Joe, get back here!"
"We"re coming," yelled Tom. Without stopping to think, he grabbed Joe"s hand and half dragged him back to the wall. He leaped up and twisted round, ready to cry out, because he just knew something horrible had followed them, was ready to spring.
The graveyard was empty. Without looking down, Tom held his hand out to Joe and pulled him up.
"Oh, good of you to show up. Now come and wash your hands."
Tom risked a quick glance in the direction of the house. Yep, that was Mum, Millie clinging to her knees. She shook her head at them in exasperation and turned back into the house. Tom realized his breathing was slowing down. It had been echoes, that was all. The old headstones had a way of making echoes sound odd.
As Tom helped Joe to the ground on the garden side, he saw his brother smiling again. Tom turned. There was the ball. Right in the middle of the garden.
"How?"
Joe wasn"t looking at him but directly at the kitchen window. Tom looked too, expecting to see Millie waving from the counter.
Jesus, that wasn"t Millie"s face. Who the h.e.l.l was in the kitchen? It looked a bit like a child with long hair, except there was something very wrong with that face. Then Tom realized he was looking at a reflection, that the child the girl he could see was right behind them, peering at him and Joe over the wall. He spun round. Nothing there. Back again to the kitchen window. The reflection was gone.
Tom crossed the garden and picked up the ball. He no longer had any desire to play goalies and strikers. He wanted to get inside and shut the back door. He did exactly that, even taking the key from its hook and turning it. He stayed in the cloakroom for a second, just to get his breath back, thinking about what had just happened.
That was quite an imaginary friend his brother had, seeing as how Tom could see her too.
9.
18 September "CAN I I ASK ASK YOU YOU SOMETHING?" SOMETHING?" GILLIAN GILLIAN WAS WAS SAYING. SAYING.
"Of course," replied Evi.
"I"ve met this woman, she"s new to the town, but I"ve been talking to her quite a bit and she was surprised that I"d never had a funeral for Hayley. She said funerals or, if there"s no body, a memorial service give people a chance to grieve, to say goodbye properly."
"Well, she"s right," said Evi cautiously. "Normally the funeral is an important part of the grieving process."
"But I never had that," said Gillian, leaning forward in her chair. "And that might be why I haven"t been able to move on, why I still ... so this woman, Alice, she said I should think about a memorial service for Hayley. She said I should discuss it with the new vicar. What do you think?"
"I think it could be a very good idea," said Evi. "But I also think it"s important to get the timing right. It would be a very emotional experience for you. You"ve only taken the very first steps towards recovery. We need to be careful not to do anything that would set you back."
Gillian nodded slowly, but her face showed her disappointment that Evi hadn"t immediately fallen in with her plans.
"It"s still very early days," Evi continued quickly. "I think a memorial service would be a good thing to think about, but maybe not rush into. We could talk about it again next week."
Gillian sighed and shrugged her thin shoulders. "OK," she agreed, but she looked deflated.
"And you"ve made a new friend?" asked Evi. "Alice, did you say?"
Gillian nodded, brightening a little. "She and her family built a new house just by the old church," she said. "I don"t think people really wanted them to do it, but she seems nice. She wants to paint me. She says I have a remarkable face."
Evi nodded her head. "You do," she said, smiling. Since their first appointment, Gillian"s skin had cleared a little, and without the distraction of the spots, it was easier to notice the high cheekbones, clean jaw-line and tiny nose. She would have been a striking girl, before grief turned her inside-out. "Are you going to sit for her?" she asked.
Gillian"s face seemed to cloud over. "She has three children," she said. "I don"t mind the two boys, but there"s a little girl. She"s almost exactly the age Hayley was."
"That must be very hard."
"She has blonde curls," said Gillian, staring down at her hands. "Sometimes, if I see her from behind, or if I hear her in another room, it feels like Hayley has come back. It"s like there"s a voice in my head saying, "She"s yours, get her, get her now." I have to stop myself from grabbing her and running out of the house."
Evi realized she was sitting very still. She reached out and picked up a pen. "Do you think you would do something like that?" she asked.
"Like what? Take Millie?"
"You say you have to stop yourself," said Evi quietly. "How hard is it to stop yourself?"
Gillian shook her head. "I wouldn"t do that," she said. "I wouldn"t do that to Alice. I know what it"s like, not to know where your child is. Even if it"s only for a few minutes, a part of you just dies. It"s just that sometimes, seeing Millie, it"s like ..."
"Like what?" asked Evi.
"It"s like Hayley"s come back again."
10.
19 September THE COTTAGE COTTAGE WAS WAS LITTLE LITTLE MORE MORE THAN THAN A A FEW FEW PILES PILES OF OF blackened stone. It lay at the end of a short cobbled lane and was the first house Evi came to as she approached Heptonclough. Taking a detour from her usual route, she"d followed a little-used bridle path directly west across Tonsworth moor. d.u.c.h.ess, a sixteen-year-old grey cob had carried her safely along tracks strewn with fallen stones, through dense copses and across moorland streams. They"d even managed to negotiate a five-barred gate with a swing handle. blackened stone. It lay at the end of a short cobbled lane and was the first house Evi came to as she approached Heptonclough. Taking a detour from her usual route, she"d followed a little-used bridle path directly west across Tonsworth moor. d.u.c.h.ess, a sixteen-year-old grey cob had carried her safely along tracks strewn with fallen stones, through dense copses and across moorland streams. They"d even managed to negotiate a five-barred gate with a swing handle.
The cottage had a low, dry-stone wall and a simple iron gate. It wasn"t too hard to imagine a terrified toddler pushing it open and wandering away in the dark. Looking at the house, seeing how close it was to open countryside, Gillian"s actions in the weeks following the fire made some sense. Evi eased back on the reins to bring d.u.c.h.ess to a halt.
Lord, it was hot. d.u.c.h.ess was damp with sweat and so was Evi. She dropped the reins and tugged off her sweatshirt, fastening it around her waist. The cottage in which Gillian Royle and her husband had spent their married life had been rented from one of the older families in the village. After the fire the couple had been offered a one-bedroom flat above the general store. Peter Royle had since moved on, was living several miles away with a new, now pregnant girlfriend. Gillian was still in the flat.
d.u.c.h.ess, ever the opportunist, set off towards a patch of gra.s.s growing beneath a gate opposite. Evi gathered up the reins. There was nothing here to see, no insights to be had into her new patient. Just black stones, a few pieces of charred wood and a tangle of brambles. She lifted d.u.c.h.ess"s head and gently flicked her whip on the horse"s left flank.
They pa.s.sed two more cottages, each with small gardens packed with root vegetables, fruit bushes and canes of runner beans; then the houses on either side of the lane became more uniform, stonebuilt, with slate roofs.
closer to the town centre, the cobbles were smoother. On both sides of the street, three-storey stone buildings towered up. Evi turned d.u.c.h.ess and headed up the hill, drawing closer to Heptonclough"s most famous landmarks: the two churches.
The remains of the medieval building stood alongside its Victorian replacement like an echo, or a memory that refused to fade away. Even seated on d.u.c.h.ess, the great stone arches of the ruin towered above her. Some of the old walls soared towards the sky, others lay crumbled on the ground. carved pillars like standing stones stood proudly, thumbing their noses at gravity and the pa.s.sage of time. Flagstones, smooth and shiny with age, covered the ground, and everywhere she looked, the moor was bursting through, pushing up corners and stealing into gaps, as it tried, after hundreds of years, to reclaim the land.
The newer building was less grand than its predecessor would have been, built on a smaller scale and without the large, central bell tower. Instead, four smaller, apex-roofed turrets sat at the roof corners. About three feet high, each was constructed from four stone pillars. On the other side of the narrow street stood tall darkstone houses.
There was no one in sight. Evi and d.u.c.h.ess could almost have been alone in this strange town at the top of the moors.
The large house closest to the churches was new, judging by its pale stonework and the untouched small garden at the front. On the doorstep, like the only signs of life in a ghost town, stood a tiny pair of pink wellington boots.
A high-pitched squealing broke through the silence and something brightly coloured shot past Evi"s left shoulder. d.u.c.h.ess, normally unflappable, gave a little jump and slipped on the cobbles.
"Steady, steady now." Evi was tightening the reins, sitting straight and still in the saddle. What the h.e.l.l had that been?
There it was again. Twenty yards away, flying along, pennants flapping. Evi urged d.u.c.h.ess up the hill, away from the churchyard. With any luck she"d be able to turn higher up and get back on to the moor.
It was coming back, heading straight for them. d.u.c.h.ess skittered backwards into the wall of a house. Evi had been thrown off balance but she grabbed a chunk of mane and pushed herself upright. "Don"t come near us," she yelled. "You"re scaring the horse."
She made eye contact for a fraction of a second and knew she had a serious problem on her hands. The boy on the bike knew perfectly well that he was scaring the horse.
Evi pulled hard, turning d.u.c.h.ess to face the hill. If the horse was going to bolt, they had to go upwards.
There was another one, travelling in the opposite direction. Two teenage boys, on high-performance bikes, riding round the high wall that circled the two churches. It was utter suicide, they were going to collide, to fall six feet on to hard, flint cobbles. The boys got within two feet of each other and then one disappeared, his bike finding some ridge that took him down into the churchyard. The remaining rider shot past Evi as she fought to get d.u.c.h.ess under control.
There were more of them. Four young stunt-riders, travelling at impossible speeds around the old walls, pennants flying from their handlebars, brakes screaming as they spun around corners.
"Get lost, you stupid b.u.g.g.e.rs!" she managed to shout. Horses hated bikes at the best of times, the combination of silence and speed completely unnerved them. And these four were buzzing around her like mosquitoes. They kept coming back, disappearing behind the wall and then reappearing somewhere else. Here was a fifth, sneaking up behind her, cutting in front. d.u.c.h.ess threw up her head, spun on the spot and set off at a fast canter down the hill.
Urgent shouting. Hooves skidding. A short smack of something that might have been pain but at the time felt more like outrage.
And then silence.
Evi was lying on the ground, staring at a piece of litter that had caught between two cobbles and wondering if she was still alive. A second later she got her answer. A drop of blood landed on the stone and she watched it tremble in the breath from her mouth.
She knew there was pain waiting for her, but the part of her brain that normally took charge was spinning away, leaving her behind. She was lost amidst cold, white softness, but feeling hot so very hot and watching a tiny stream trickle away from her, wondering why a mountain stream should be crimson and knowing, even in that first moment, that her old life was over.
"Hold on, I"ll be there in a sec!"
Someone had called to her, that last time, in a language she couldn"t understand. Someone had yelled instructions at her in a Germanic tongue and she"d stared upwards, at the bluest sky she"d ever seen, and known that movement was beyond her. Might be beyond her for the rest of- "Don"t move. I"m almost done. Alice! Tom! Can you hear me?"
And then she"d been surrounded by tall, fair-haired men who"d smelled of beer and sun-cream and they"d sent words down to her, meant to comfort, to keep her calm, while they trussed her up and pinned her tight and sent her spinning away again, down the mountain ...
"It"s OK, don"t try and get up. I"ve caught your horse, he"s perfectly safe." A man was kneeling beside her, one hand gently on her shoulder, speaking to her in a strange accent. "I"m going to call for an ambulance but I"ve left my phone in the church. I can"t leave you in the road ... Alice! Tom!"
Evi raised her head and moved it slowly from right to left, up and down. There was a pounding in her forehead but her neck felt fine. She flexed her right foot inside her boot and then her left. Both did what they were supposed to. She put both palms on the cobbles and pushed. There was a sharp pain in her ribs but she knew, instinctively, that it wasn"t serious.
"No, don"t move." The voice was close to her ear again. "The Fletchers were here a minute ago. They can"t have gone far. No, I really don"t think you should ..."
Evi was sitting up. The man kneeling beside her, though tall, looked too slightly built to be German or Austrian. And these hills all around her weren"t mountains. They were moors, just turning the soft, deep purple of a fresh bruise.
"Are you OK?" asked the fair-haired man, who was dressed in shorts and a running vest. Boys on bikes. d.u.c.h.ess panicking. She"d been rescued by a pa.s.sing jogger. "Where does it hurt?" he was saying.
"Everywhere," grumbled Evi, discovering she could speak. "Nothing serious. Where"s d.u.c.h.ess?"
The jogger turned to look down the hill and Evi did the same. d.u.c.h.ess was tied to an old iron ring at the corner of the church wall. Her head was down and her huge yellow teeth were making short work of a nettle patch.