"ShallIdrive?"Isaidmildly,makingitabsolutelyherownchoice.
Sheputbothherhandsinherlapandlookedstraightoutthroughthewindscreen.Herfacewaspaleabovetheorangedress.
"Ithoughtyouwerebothdead."
"Iknow."
"Istillfeelchurnedup.It"ssilly."
"It"snotsilly.AndIexpectyou"refondofDaveTeller."
"He"ssentuspresentsandthings,sincewewerelittle."
"Aniceman."
"Yes."Shesigheddeeplyandafterapausesaidcalmly,"Ithinkitwouldbebetter,ifyoureallydon"tmind,ifyoudriveback."
"OfcourseIwill."
Wechangedplaces,andwentbacktoLondonwithmorecarspa.s.singusthanwepa.s.sed.AtChiswickroundaboutIsaidIwoulddrivehertoherflatandgoonhomebytaxi,butwithasidewayslaughingglanceshesaidnotaxiwouldstopformeinherfather"sclothes,andthatshewasfeelingbetterandcouldquiteeasilydothelastlapherself:soIrolledroundthefewcornerstoPutneyandstoppedoutsidemyownfrontdoor.
Summerduskfilledthequietstreets.Nooneabout.Lynnielookedoutofherwindowupwardsatthetallhouse,andshivered.
"You"recold,"Isaid,concernedforherbarearms.
"No...Ihaveacardiganintheback...Iwasjustthinkingaboutyourflat."
"Whatabout.i.t?"
"It"sso...empty."Shegaveahalflaugh,shruggingitoff."Well,Ihopeyouwon"thavenightmares,aftertoday."
"No..."Icollectedmythingsandgotoutofthecar,andshemovedoverintothedriver"sseat.
"Willtheyhavesavedanydinnerforyouatthehostel?"Iasked.
"Notahope,"shesaidcheerfully."ButIexpectthere"llbesomecakeandmilkabout,thereusuallyis."
"Wouldyoucaretoeatwithme?Notupthere,"Iaddedhastily,seeingthebeginningsofwell-brought-upsuspicion."Inarestaurant,Imean."
"I"vemymothertothankformybeastlymind,"shesaidunexpectedly."Ireallyamratherhungry,andIdon"tseeatallwhyIshouldn"thavesupperinyourflat,ifyou"vegotanyfood."Andwithoutmoreadoshegotoutofthecarandlockedit,andstoodexpectantlybesidemeonthepavement.
"Therearesometins,"Isaid,reflecting."Waitherejustasecond,wouldyou.Ijustwanttohavealookroundtheback."
"Roundtheback?"
"Forburglars,"Isaidsardonically.ButIwenttolook,asusual,atthepowder-coatedbottomflightofthefireescape.Noonehadbeenupordownallday.
Lynnieclimbedthestairstothefourthflooraseasilyasbefore,andhavingcheckedviaawell-placedpaperclipthatmydoorhadn"tbeenopenedsinceIhadshut.i.tthatmorning,Iputthekeyinthelockandletusin.
Thegreenplasticlampshadeinmysitting-roomscattereditsuncosyglareoverthetidyroom,switchingthesoftgreylightoutsideintosuddenblack,andevokingtheforlornnessofinst.i.tutionbuildingsonwinterafternoons.Itwouldn"tbemuchtrouble,Ithought,togooutandbuymyselfaredshadeinthemorning,andseeifitpropagatedrosythoughtsinstead.
"Sitdown,"Isuggested."Areyouwarmenough?Switchtheelectricfireonifyou"dlikeit.IthinkI"llgoandchange,andthenwecandecideaboutgoingout."
Lynnienodded,b.u.t.tookthingsintoherownhands.WhenIcameoutofthebedroomshehadalreadyinvestigatedmymeagrestorecupboardandhadlinedupapacketofsoup,someeggs,andatinofanchovies.
"Soup,andanchoviesonscrambledegg,"shesaid.
"Ifyou"dreallylikethat,"Isaiddoubtfully.
"Ican"tcookmuchelse."
Ilaughed."Allright.I"lldothecoffee."
Therewereburntspecksintheeggswhenshehadfinished,whichharmonizednicelywiththesc.r.a.pedoffoverdonetoastandthebrownanchovystrips,andtherehadbeenaslightoveremphasisonpepper.
"Noone,"shesighed,"isgoingtomarrymeformycordonbleu."
Therewereplentyofotherreasonswhyshe"dbefendingoffsuitorsknee-deepinayearortwo:acurvyfigure,delicateneck,babyskin;thetouch-me-notexpression,theawakeningsocialcourage,thequickcompa.s.sion.Noonewasgoingtocareifshecouldn"tcook.Butshewasn"tsecureenoughtobetoldsoatthatmoment.
"Whenwereyouseventeen?"Iasked.
"Theweekbeforelast."
"Youdidn"twastemuchtimepa.s.singthedrivingtest."
"I"vebeenabletodrivesinceIwaseight.Petercan,too."Shefinishedhereggsandstirredtwoheapedteaspoonfulsofsugarintohercoffee."Iwashungry.Funny,that."
"It"salongtimesincelunch."
"Aterriblylongtime..."Shesuddenlylookedmestraightintheface,whichshehadmostlybeenavoiding,andwithdevastatinginnocencesaid"I"msogladyou"realive."
Iturnedahopelesswinceintoalaugh."I"msogladDaveTelleris."
"Bothofyou,"shesaid."Itwastheworstthinginmywholelifewhenyoudidn"tcomeup."
Achilduntouchedbytragedy,Ithought.Apitytheworldwa.s.sucharoughplace,wouldcatchherbyherprettyneckonedayandtearhergutsapart.Nooneeverescaped.Tohavegottoseventeenunlaceratedwasmerelyamatterofluck.
Whenwehadfinishedthecoffeesheinsistedondoingthedishes,butwhenshehunguptheteatowelIsawallhermother"swarningspourback,andsheglancedatmeandquicklyaway,andstoodstifflyinthecentreoftheroom,lookingnervousandembarra.s.sed.
"Whydon"tyouhaveanypicturesonyourwalls?"shesaidjerkily.
Igesturedtothetrunkinthecorner."Therearesomeinthere,butIdon"tlikethemverymuch.Notenoughtobotherwithhangingthemup...Doyouknowit"safterten?I"dbettertakeyouhomeorthehostelwillshutyouout."
"Ohyes,"shesaidingreatrelief,andthenhearingherownvoice,addedinconfusion."Imean...Ididn"tknowifyouwouldthinkmeveryrude,dashingoffa.s.soonaswe"dfinishedeating."
"Yourmotherisquiterighttotellyoutobecautious,"Isaidlightly."LittleRedRidingHoodcouldn"ttellawolffromhergrandmother...andyoucanneverrelyonawoodcutterturningupinthenickoftime."
Therigiditydissolvedlikemist."Youdosaysomeextraordinarythings,"shesaid."Asifyoucouldreadmymind."
"Icould,"Ismiled."You"dbetterputthatcardiganon.Itwillbecoldoutside."
"O.K."Shepulledadarkbrownjerseyoutofherbucketshapedholdallandput.i.ton.Ibenttopickupacleanfoldedhandkerchiefwhichhadfallenoutwithit,andwhenshewasready,handedittoher.
"Thanks,"shesaid,lookingat.i.tcasually."That"stheonePeterfoundinthepunt."
"Inthepunt?"
"Yes,downacrackbetweentwoofthecushions.Hegaveittomebecauseitwastoosmallforhim,hesaid.Toocissy."
"Didhefindanythingelse?"
"Idon"tthinkso...Imeanitisn"tstealingoranything,isit,tokeepherhandkerchief?I"llgiveittoherofcourseifshecomesback,butbythetimePeterwa.s.sittinginthepunt,theyhadbeengonealreadyforages."
"No,it"snotstealing,"Irea.s.suredher,thoughtechnicallyitwas...o...b..ful."ButmayIhavealookat.i.t?"
"Ofcourse."
ShegaveitbackandIunfoldedit:awhitesquareofthingauzymaterial.Inonecorner,astylisedbearinaflatstrawhat.
"IsthatoutofWaltDisney?"Iasked.
Sheshookherheadandsaidwithsurpriseatmyignorance,"YogiBear."
"WhoisYogiBear?"
"Ican"tbelieveit!Well,he"sacharacterinalotofcartoonfilms.LikeTopCatandAtomAntandtheFlintstones."
"I"veseentheFlintstones,"Iagreed.
"Likethem,then.ThesamepeoplemakeYogiBear."
"DoyoumindifIkeepitforadayortwo?"
"Ofcourse,ifyoureallywantto,"shesaid,puzzled."But.i.tsurelyhasn"tanyvalue."
DowninthestreetIsaidImightaswellfinishthejobanddrivehertoherhostel.
"I"mreallyallrightnow,"sheprotested."Youdon"tneedtocome."
"YesIdo.Yourfathersaidtolookafteryou,andI"mseeingyousafetoyourdoor."
Sheraisedhereyebrowsandgavemeacomicallook,butcompliantlywentroundtothepa.s.senger"sseat.Istartedthecar,switchedonthelightsandstartedtowardsKensington.
"DoyoualwaysdowhatDaddytellsyou?"sheasked,smiling.
Shewasfeelingmuchsurerofherself,Ithought.
"Yes,whenIwantto."
"That"sacontradictioninterms."
"Soitis."
"Well,whatdoyouactuallydo?WhatdoesanyonedointheCivilService?"
"Iinterviewpeople."
"Whatsortofpeople?"
"PeoplewhowantjobsinGovernmentdepartments."
"Oh!"Shelaughed."AsortofPersonnelOfficer?"
"Sortof."
"Itsoundsabitdrizz."
"Thesunshinesoccasionally."
"You"reprettyquick.Weonlymadeupdrizzyesterday."
"Averyusefulword."
"Yes,wethoughtso,too.Coversalotofthingsnicely."
"Likewetboyfriends?"
Shelaughed."Actually,it"sprettydrizztohaveawetboyfriend."Shepointed."Thehostel"sdownthere,butwehavetodrivearoundandfindsomewheretoparkthecarallnight.Oneortwosquaresdownheredon"thavemetersyet."
Thenearestemptys.p.a.cewasagoodquarterofamilefromthehostel,soIwalkedherback.
"Youdon"tneedto..."shebegan."Well...don"tsayit.Daddysaid."
"Right,"Iagreed.
Shesniffedresignedlyandwalkedbesidemeoutofstep,theleatherbucketbagswingingandherflatshoessilentonthepavement.Atthehostel"sglossyblackwelllitfrontdoorshecametoastopandhoveredononefoot,herhalfanxiousuncertainexpressionsayingclearerthanwordsthatshewasn"tsurehowtopartfromme.Iwasn"toldenoughforuncletermsoryoungenoughforacasualcontemporarybrush-off.Iworkedforherfather,butwasn"thisservant.Livedalone,lookedrespectable,askednothing:Ididn"tfitintoanyofthecategoriesshehadyetlearnedhowtodealwith.Iputoutmyhandandsmiled.
"Goodnight,Lynnie."
Herclaspwasbrief,warm,relieved.
"Goodnight..."Therewasapausewhileshemadeuphermindtoit;andeventhenitwaslittlemorethanabreath."...Gene."
"Iwishyou,"Isaid,"blindtrafficwardensandfoamrubberb.u.mpers."
"Goodnight."Thechucklerolledspontaneouslyinherthroat."Goodnight."Sheturnedononetoeandjumpedthetwostepsuptothedoor,thenlookedoverhershoulderandwaveda.s.shewentinside.
LittleLynnie,Ithought,whistlingtoapa.s.singtaxi,littleLynnie,rightatthebeginningofit.Flyinghalfconsciously,halfunconsciously,thenotice-meflagsoftheprettyyoungfemale;anditwasnousepretendingthatshedidn"tmakemehungry;thatshewasn"tabsolutelywhatIwouldhavelikedasanoasisinmytoocontinentlife.ButifIhadlearntanythinginthirty-eightyearsitwaswhonottogotobedwith.