Body Language in Business

BODY LANGUAGE IN BUSINESS.

Decoding the Signals.

Adrian Furnham.

Evgeniya Petrova.

PREFACE.

This is a second edition of a short book on a similar topic. It sold very well but needed updating and extending, which was, overall, both an interesting and an amusing task. This now greatly expanded book contains material from the first edition and other pieces we have written on related topics. However, we have revised and integrated this material into what we hope is both a useful and exciting new book. We have attempted to write an approachable, popular, but not misleading, book.

Judging by the number of popular books we found, bought and read on this topic it appears that a great number of people are interested in body language. This is not that surprising, given its intrigue and ambiguities. We all appreciate how important it is as a medium of communication. As we point out, there is a great deal of nonsense written about body language. Academic studies have been misinterpreted; evidence-free a.s.sertions made; and exaggerated claims spread around. We have endeavoured to produce a useful and practical guide to body language which is informed by the research on the topic. Enjoy.

ADRIAN FURNHAM.

EVGENIYA PETROVA.

Every effort has been made to contact copyright-holders for work used in this book, but if any have been inadvertently overlooked the publishers will be pleased to make the necessary arrangements at the earliest opportunity.

1.

INTRODUCTION.

This book is about body language: signals we send out and receive, messages we transmit and decipher, and "statements" we make about ourselves nonverbally. Body language is the most primitive system of communication that we share with other species in the animal kingdom. We use it extensively to exchange information about our claim to territory and status, as well as our mate preferences and deepest desires. We use it in the boardroom and the saleroom, to great or little effect. We send out and decode messages of interest and concern, hope and despair, belief and disbelief in the office every day. It is the language we all speak regardless of background or upbringing. It is in our "DNA": it is a part of our human nature, the very stuff of communication.

Of course, it is not all there is to communication. Verbal, spoken language and linguistic abilities are much more complex and ubiquitous phenomena that let us articulate such concepts as s.p.a.cetime, religion, love and beauty. Nevertheless, some things are often easier to express by means other than, or in addition to, words and sentences. Emotions, in particular, are hard to put across verbally (or all the talking therapies would have been dead by now), as are expressions of abstract beliefs. Pain, for example, is difficult to describe, as are complex shapes without the use of gesture.

In this book we seek to clarify a few issues. First, we pose and answer the question: What does it entail to communicate via body language; what sort of information do we send, to whom and under what circ.u.mstances? Chapter by chapter we introduce and evaluate the different media of nonverbal messages. Gestures, body positions, facial expressions, vocal tones, touch, smell and even our taste in clothes convey messages about who we are and how we feel.

Second, we deal with the issues of how body language can be used and, regrettably, sometimes abused, to mis-communicate. There is much confusion (and dare we say nonsense) about how to interpret nonverbal signals. Hence a delicate balance needs to be struck between reading too much or too little into small (or large) body signals. Further, while we all praise ourselves as natural "man and woman watchers", we are particularly susceptible to trusting fake body language. We include a comprehensive section on lying and how to detect it that deals with this issue.

Finally, we choose to concentrate on practical applications of these facts and observations to the world of work and business. Whether you "live to work" or "work to live", you must have had to meet, negotiate, present and sell (yourself, your ideas or products) at some point in your career. Body language is important at work, from the selection interview to the farewell speech. Awareness of, and ability to manage, one"s own body language and read that of others is at the heart of business success, whatever the business. Nonverbal communication (NVC) is also the essence of political propaganda, PR, marketing and advertising, and understanding how these silent signals work can be a crucial a.s.set to business as well as to consumers" education.

Most of our adult life is spent at work. In the words of Steve Jobs, the chief executive officer (CEO) of the Apple computer company, and the person with the most appropriate surname for this kind of quote, "Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do". This book will not teach you how to find that dream job or rediscover your pa.s.sion in life, but it will give you practical tips and advice about how to become better and more successful in business by reading the body language of others and displaying appropriate body language yourself.

WHAT IS BODY LANGUAGE?.

Bodily communication is communication without words: it is anything someone does to which someone else a.s.signs meaning. Of course, not all the "signals" a person sends are intentional and often they are not "picked up" or are misinterpreted. Nonverbal behavior, as we shall see, is complex, subtle and multichannel. It may be structured (following certain rules) but is more likely to be unstructured; it may be continuous, unlike language, which comes in disconnected units; it may be learnt, but some functions seem innate; and it may be "right-" as opposed to "left-brained".

It is no wonder that so many people are fascinated by body language. We are all "humanwatchers" and amateur psychologists, partly because we have to be. In every aspect of communication at work the selection interview, the annual appraisal, the board meeting we need to observe others carefully to try to understand better what they are feeling as well as what they are (really) saying. Being adults, we are all skilful deceivers; we have learnt, for myriad reasons, to present ourselves in a particular way; to manage the impression we leave; not always to say directly what we mean (perhaps to protect others" feelings); to sell products or ideas; and to explain away some undesirable behavior.

Politicians and CEOs are often trained by actors to present themselves in a particular way. They know that while they may have very clever speech writers, it is as much about how the speech is delivered as what is said. This is very important in our television age, where the camera can focus in on small beads of sweat, fingernail-biting or occasional scowls by important speakers. Experts now record speeches and a.n.a.lyze frame-by-frame the minute changes in facial expressions and body movements, usually to explore evidence that the speaker is being insincere. All actors know the importance of body language when portraying a character; as do comedians who mimic famous people. Often a very simple mannerism, if exaggerated, can immediately signal who it is they are attempting to impersonate.

As a result, many people believe messages conveyed by different body signals, particularly emotional states and att.i.tudes to oneself and others, are in some way more real, more fundamental. We send and "leak" nonverbal signals, which may or may not be picked up in the communication process. The sender of the message may be aware or unaware of the signals he or she is sending. And indeed, receivers may not always be aware of the messages they are picking up. For example, most people are not aware of the dilation of their pupils; nor are observers aware that they can on specific occasions respond positively to dilated pupils (when people are s.e.xually aroused).

There are many ways to define and delineate nonverbal behavior. One feature concerns whether it is speech-related or speechindependent. Another is in terms of its social functions. We know that nonverbal behaviors (NVBs): * repeat, echo and emphasize what is being said; * complement, modify and elaborate on verbal messages; * conflict, contradict or confuse verbal messages to show ambivalence or cover up motives; * subst.i.tute words; * underline, accentuate, punctuate and moderate language; and * regulate and coordinate language.

Body language can be subtle or blatant; it can be consciously sent and unconsciously received; it can be carefully practised and displayed but also physiologically uncontrollable; it can let you down by revealing your true beliefs and behaviors, but also (when learnt) help enormously to get across a message. Facial expressions, gestures, head and gaze movements, body contact and orientation, sheer physical proximity as well as tone of voice, clothes and body adornments send clear messages ... and some of these are even intended!

Consider the ability of actors on the silent screen (Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd, for example) to communicate. They had to be very perceptive students of expression. They used sign language (gestures to replace words, numbers and punctuation marks) to convey a bewildering array of meanings. Nonverbal communication is a more primitive and often more powerful means of communication than verbal communication. Some things may be better expressed nonverbally than verbally, partly to keep them ambiguous. Subtle and intentionally vague messages can also be sent through the imprecise channel of nonverbal communication. Cultures, as we shall see, develop specific rules about nonverbal communication, often set out in etiquette books, such as when, where and why to touch others, how to give greetings and so on.

Nonverbal communication is a rather misleading term. "Nonverbal" excludes vocal or paralinguistic cues and signals such as the emotional tone of speech, which is clearly very important. Body language also excludes vocal cues. Communication suggests, furthermore, that giver and sender (encoder and decoder) are conscious speakers of the same body language. Intentional messages may or may not be intentionally received nonverbally. Equally, unintentional messages may be unintentionally sent and received.

NATURE OR NURTURE?.

Most human characteristics are the products of nature and nurture, which are difficult to separate. Certainly, we learn at school, at home and from the media the acceptability or unacceptability of various behaviors touch, gesture, eye gaze. But is it hard-wired? Are we born with a "body language instinct"? Below is the evidence for the nature side of the debate.

* Blind children who could not have learnt behaviors such as smiling, nodding, scowling from observation, still display them.

* Newborn infants show recognizable emotions such as joy, surprise or interest, and a response to pain. They also start mimicking their mothers" facial expressions very shortly after birth.

* Identical twins separated soon after birth and raised apart show strikingly similar NVBs such as posture and head movements.

* Primates (apes and monkeys) show a whole range of emotions, particularly anger and fear, in a very similar way to humans.

* Cross-cultural studies done in various countries on all continents show that people not only express basic emotions very similarly (happiness, fear, surprise, anger, disgust, sadness), but also recognize them without hesitation.

In this book we choose to define body language quite broadly. By nonverbal communication we mean all the signs and signals relating to visual, vocal and sensory inputs as well as subtle, but pervasive, social markers such as dress, color and objects with which we surround ourselves. While such a definition might seem unconventional, it allows us to make the most comprehensive review of available material on this fascinating topic.

As such, the term "verbal" is also used throughout the book loosely. A dictionary definition of "verbal" is "expressed or conveyed by speech rather than writing". However, when using "verbal" we refer to to the properties of words or the ability to communicate through speech and in writing using the power of words.

THE FUNCTION OF BODY LANGUAGE.

Nonverbal messages are used to replace, reinforce, and occasionally (deliberately) contradict, a verbal message. Nonverbal cues can easily subst.i.tute for verbal ones: for example, "Yes/No" or "I don"t know". Often nonverbal cues can stress, underline or exaggerate the meaning of the verbal message. But nonverbal cues can also negate verbal cues. A "kinetic slip" is a contradictory signal where words give one message, while voice and expression another: "I"m telling you I"m not angry" or "Of course it didn"t upset me" can easily be said in one of two ways.

Often bodily communication complements speech. One can nonverbally restate a message so as, in effect, to repeat it. A nonverbal signal can subst.i.tute for a verbal message, or indeed accentuate it. Most obviously, nonverbal communication serves to regulate or coordinate daily dialogue between people. It is through nonverbal cues that we know when it is our turn to talk, and when the topic of conversation is becoming embarra.s.sing; certain things are deliberately not said or are coded in polite body language. That is why it forms such a big part of the concept of emotional intelligence.

People also appear to understand nonverbal behavior metaphorically. Thus people use the approach or distance metaphor, which suggests that chosen location/distance is an indication of liking or closeness. Physical proximity implies mental closeness, alliance or liking, as all children instinctively know. The excitement or arousal metaphor suggests that facial expression, speech rate and speed of movement are indications of excitement, and that all nonverbal behavior gives some insight into how interested, involved and excited a person is. The power metaphor emphasizes that nonverbal communication tells us about dominance and submission in everyday communication. Powerful people are "allowed to" engage in more eye contact than less powerful people and all children know this, too. Put simply, body language tells one about the closeness, relative excitement and status of two or more people communicating with each other. But it also tells us much more than this.

Body language has a clear biological base and is a product of evolutionary development. Animals are able to communicate without a need for even the most primitive linguistic system. They touch, smell, gesture and point to each other and so do we. It doesn"t come as surprise, then, that, for example, standing positions that we adopt give out social rank order and mirror those of primates. Yawning, widely regarded as a sign of boredom, is an action even fish engage in. Consequently, the way we sit, hold a cigarette, smile and shake hands could also be interpreted and read into to reveal both the inner state of mind and social status.

Body language is also about emotion. It is quite easy to recognize and match facial expressions and underlying emotions. Some emotions appear to be innate and universal such as fear, happiness and disgust. We can convey emotions through touch as well. Sometimes a hug sends more sympathy than carefully prepared words. What is more, people are not very good at expressing their emotions verbally, hence the very prosperous industry of psychotherapy, role play and counselling.

Figure 1.1 Body language awareness Sometimes the signal system of body language works very efficiently. The sender gestures, the receiver sees; and both are aware of the unspoken message. In a conversation, for example, if one person is confused or overwhelmed by what the other is saying, he or she might raise a hand to ask for clarification. This gesture lets the speaker know that they did not express themselves clearly or need to back up their argument. In this case, both people benefit from the silent cue.

Sometimes the sender is unaware of his or her own behaviorfiddling with the hair or wedding ring, moving feet up and down, darting glances to the left or right. The receiver picks this up and interprets it; but the sender remains unaware. This situation works to the advantage of those in the know, as long as the interpretation is correct.

Some "clever" people send signals by lightly touching people, copying their gestures, invading their s.p.a.ce. Distracted by words, the recipient is unaware of the sender"s often subtle but deliberate moves. Influencing through peripheral channels of attention by utilizing existing cognitive algorithms of information processing is one of the most powerful ways of persuasion, since it does not require conscious attention on the part of the receiver and does not give them an opportunity to reject the proposition. Successful political and marketing influencing regularly uses this type of communication.

Occasionally neither party is really aware at least consciously of what is being signalled. The sender may have dilated pupils or give off pheromonic body odours indicating s.e.xual excitement, but neither of the parties brings the cues to conscious awareness. In romantic relationships this might cause feelings of instant, unexplainable attraction.

SENSE AND NONSENSE ABOUT BODY LANGUAGE.

The first scientists to make a systematic study of body language were biologists. It is no surprise that those skilled in bird-watching were easily able to turn their skills to man-watching. Charles Darwin wrote the first acknowledged text in 1873, ent.i.tled The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals. Irenaus Eibl-Eibesfeldt wrote a scholarly popular biology book in 1971 ent.i.tled Love and Hate: Natural History of Behavior Patterns. But it was Desmond Morris"s book, The Naked Ape, published in 1967, ninety-four years after Darwin that electrified popular interest in body-watching. There are now dozens of books on this topic, as a quick internet search will reveal (see Appendix at the end of the book).

Since the early 1980s scientists from different disciplines anthropology, psychology, sociology and zoology have brought their methods and concepts together in order to help the understanding of bodily communication. More recently, physiologists, endocrinologists, s.e.xologists, and even marketers and advertisers have taken a particular interest in highly specific physiological processes that have nonverbal consequences.

Despite the excellent and careful research in the area, much nonsense is still written on the topic, often by journalists and other selfappointed "experts", whose aim is to entertain (and sell) rather than to enlighten and educate. Fascination with the topic, as well as its apparent importance in business, has led many self-styled experts and gurus to make confident proclamations about nonverbal communication. Inevitably, nearly all of their "findings" and "recommendations" overemphasize the importance and power of nonverbal communication. Often there is no evidence at all that their interpretations of literature are correct; though many exaggerate something that is based on fact.

Misleading and sometimes completely incorrect statements about body language communication seem to fall into four areas: symbolism; power; controllability; and "you can read people like a book".

Symbolism: all bodily communication is symbolic expression.

People with a fondness for psychoa.n.a.lytic (Freudian) ideas love to interpret explicit behaviors as manifestations of (often unconscious) desires and feelings. Thus one observer believed that Prince Charles"s habit of "fiddling" with his cufflinks indicated that he felt chained by handcuffs to the monarchy. Those with a stiff and military bearing have "imprisoned anxiety". Numerous otherwise common behaviors such as the wetting of lips, the crossing of legs and the folding of arms are all indicators of repressed s.e.xuality. A man talking to a pretty woman (or indeed a woman talking to a handsome man) may fiddle with his wedding ring: a psychoa.n.a.lyst might claim they want to take it off and appear available to the new partner. A person describing their mother may suddenly seem to hug themselves: the symbolic explanation would state that perhaps the person is trying to recreate the warmth and affection of motherly cuddles.

TABLE 1.1 Body language: alternative interpretations The temptation among too many body language experts is that they favor "unconscious", Freudian, psychological explanations over more obvious ones. It is too easy to over-interpret incorrectly. For example, look at the table above and consider two types of explanation given for the same behavior (one innocent, the other not).

As noted earlier, people often communicate via body language without being aware of it. However, this should not encourage explanations based on unconscious drives or needs for all idiosyncratic behaviors. People acquire and internalize gestures and other behaviors from parents, teachers, even film actors. Some nonverbal cues are symbolic of unconscious desires, hopes and urges but many, probably most, are not.

Power: bodily communication is always more powerful.

It is not uncommon to read statements such as: "Seventy percent of the communicative power of a message is sent nonverbally" or "It is not what you say but the way that you say it". Body communication pundits have a natural inclination to "talk up" their area of expertise, to over-emphasize its importance. Nonverbal communication can, indeed, at times be extremely powerful sheer rage or terror are often much more efficiently communicated through facial and body expression than through words, for example. Pain or love can also be signalled by changes in facial expressions, especially by children and others who articulate their feelings via a limited vocabulary. Ability to communicate a message nonverbally is the whole point of the parlour game "Charades".

Yet words have extraordinary precision. Consider, for example, the power of poetry to move people emotionally. It is the precision of words that create sharp and clear imagery, and arouse emotional responses. Tell politicians to give up their scriptwriters and communicate by their nonverbal charm alone: only those with natural charisma and an exciting impromptu message to impart will be able to succeed. Ask all those people who advocate "talking cure" therapies to rely more on nonverbal rather than verbal cues. On the contrary, to actively acknowledge and verbalize a problem is regarded by many as a first step to recovery.

Further, if one uses gesture, for example, to communicate, it is immediately apparent that there are very few gestures compared to words. The power of bodily communication lies primarily in the fact that it often tells one about the physiological state of the individual because of changes in the central nervous system. Certainly, extreme emotions such as anger "leak out", however carefully a person tries to hide them. s.e.xual excitement is difficult to hide, as often is guilt. But these physiological states are nearly always an expression of emotional extremes that are not that common in everyday life.

Body language can shout and it can be subtle. But those who claim it is so powerful should try to send to a stranger the following, relatively simple messages nonverbally: "Thank you very much", "I totally disagree"; and "I feel very happy for you".

EXAGGERATION, LIES AND HALF TRUTHS.

It is common to hear various claims about the power and importance of nonverbal language. To back it up, some even express it in percentages. So one is told that 93 percent of the information communicated in face-to-face meetings is nonverbal. Most of it is through face and body movements and expressions, and around a third is derived from voice quality and tone.

The lowest percentage is always applied to verbal communication: the words that people actually say. This is, of course, patent nonsense: why would anyone bother to learn a foreign language when they could be communicating nonverbally with 90 percent efficiency.

Max Atkinson (2004), in his charming book, Lend Me Your Ears, did the detective work behind those often repeated modern myths. The story goes like this. An American social psychologist, Albert Mehrabian, published a series of papers in the 1960s researching the types of information (visual, verbal and vocal) people give their preference for or find most useful, when presented with messages where these types of information are incongruent. The nature of the task involved partic.i.p.ants detecting and matching the feelings and att.i.tudes of people shown in short film clips. The presented messages were either consistent or inconsistent across three channels (the words did or did not match the nonverbal expressions). He found that when the information was incongruent, people put more trust in the nonverbal cues. Mehrabian"s a.n.a.lysis converted the frequency of information preference into numerical values: 38 percent of total information liking came from the vocal cues; 7 percent from verbal cues; and 55 percent from facial or visual cues.

This conclusion is quite different from exaggerated claims about universal laws of general communication. It is about judging specific att.i.tudes in the presence of incongruent information. Atkinson asked Mehrabian, the author of original research, what his thoughts were about this, and his response was dismay and discomfort about being completely misquoted.

However once this statistic was publicized and, unfortunately, misinterpreted, it has become an accepted truth repeated since in magazines, training sessions and corporate events. It makes, or should make, people very sceptical about many other claims surrounding body language and nonverbal communication.

Controllability: we can control all the messages we send.

Some nonverbal behavior, such as gestures and touch, are naturally controllable; while others, such as sweating and pupil dilation, are not. Often people want to cover up evidence of their anxiety or specific motives (such as s.e.xual pleasure, for example) but are unable to do so. Most people in conversation are not particularly aware of others, or of their own legs and feet, which if they chose they could control. They are not aware of small changes in posture and micro-facial expressions as certain things are said.

Once these behaviors have been witnessed on a video-recording, it is surprisingly easy to see and understand their meaning. Once an "actor" becomes an "observer" of his or her own behavior, awareness of what is going on is increased.

Naturally, some people attempt to control their nonverbal behavior. Stage actors may be required to weep, rage or demonstrate fear, loathing or pa.s.sion on cue. They have learnt, often with the help of make-up, to produce certain recognizable signals of those emotions. But most of us are not so gifted. Indeed, the more we try to control emotions particularly if we try to conceal powerful emotions the more they leak out nonverbally.

You can read people like a book: decoding nonverbal language is easy.

There are many misleading aspects to this a.n.a.logy. Books are pa.s.sive, whereas people are not. Most observers are aware that when two people are speaking, each is attempting to "read" the other. However, this reading is often an advantageous feedback mechanism, not a deliberate attempt to outguess the other party. The curious claim of many popular books is that it is possible simultaneously to read techniques of others but hide your own to disguise one"s secret intentions by putting on a believable poker face.

True experts in the area of nonverbal communication are surprisingly diffident on this point. Research tells us that such a "double blind" show is extremely difficult to perform, if not impossible for many. Indeed, hiding one"s feelings while reading the other person"s mind would mean that a person is engaged in two tasks simultaneously, and people are generally very bad at dividing their attention resources. Further, experts on lying point out how tricky it is to detect it in skilful dissimulators. They all highlight how much information one needs to confirm a hypothesis that "he is lying", "she is an extrovert" or "they are not competent in this area".

Just as in learning any language, one can become more fluent, more perceptive and more skilled at reading body signals, but there is no magical solution, partly because of the subtlety of the cues but also because of the multiple meanings attached to identified behaviors.