"I don"t know. I was never supposed to be ruler.... Third born. It should never have come to me. I was supposed to be the fun-loving playboy of the family, who screwed up and gave the others something scandalous to talk about at c.o.c.ktail parties."
Swallowing, he locked gazes with Jullien. "How did you handle the guilt when everyone thought Nyk was dead?"
"Didn"t. Like you said, I never wanted the throne. But after a few years, when I realized that my mother wasn"t going to sober up and have more children, and that my father had no intention of remarrying or fathering another heir, I threw myself into school to learn as much about politics, history, and diplomacy as I could. Not because I cared. Just felt like I owed it to my brother"s memory to be the ruler I thought he"d have been."
Bastien frowned as he considered those words. All this time, he"d felt guilty. But this was a new perspective. "Never thought of it that way."
"That"s because you were supposed to be the playboy. I was the spare."
He laughed and clapped Jullien on the back before they carried dinner to the table.
They bantered through a relaxed, laughter-filled meal the likes of which Bastien had never thought to have again. Here, unlike his time with Nykyrian and The Sentella, he didn"t feel like an outsider or lonely.
This felt like home. Jullien"s family felt like his.
For the first time, he was tempted to forego his vengeance and stay with Jullien.
If only he could....
Sadly, his conscience would never allow him peace if he let this go.
After dinner, he helped Ushara clean up while Jullien put the girls to bed and Vasili went to play online with his maternal cousins.
The normality of it all was almost more than he could handle. But beneath that was something he hadn"t felt in a long time.
Jullien had been written off by the world. By all their families. Yet here, among an outlaw Nation, he had the very things Bastien would have sold his soul for.
Love. Peace.
Family.
"Ushara?"
She paused in her cleaning to glance up at Bastien. "Yes?"
"Thank you."
"I"m not quite sure what you"re thanking me for, but you"re welcome."
He put away the gla.s.ses before he gave her a hard stare. "You give me hope, and that"s something I haven"t had in a long time."
She sealed the last of their leftovers into a tub and put them away. "What do you mean?"
"Unlike Jullien, I had a great childhood. The kind every kid ought to have. It"s why I never understood how Aros could be so nice to us and then such a douche to his own son." Or how his uncle could turn on him so fast over Barnabas"s lies, when Aros should have known better. "I still don"t really understand what crawled up his a.s.s and grew there. Julie wasn"t a bad kid. Just a lonely one who grew up intimately acquainted with a treacherous side of others that I was blissfully unaware of. I grew up in a world that if someone, even my uncle, did me harm, it was only because they cared about me and were trying to teach me a valuable life lesson and that it was for my own good."
"You were nave."
"Blessedly so. Sheltered, even though I didn"t know it. So when it all came crashing down on me, and those I thought were my family and friends turned out to be enemies ... I lost all faith. In everything. But this-" He gestured at the pictures of their family on the wall. "-it helps more than you"ll ever know. It restores some of the faith I"d lost. I"m glad you saw in Julie what I"ve always known."
She smiled at him. "I can"t imagine my life any other way." Rubbing his arm, she motioned for him to follow her down the hall to the girls" room, where she cracked the door open so that he could see their bedtime ritual.
On top of the covers, Jullien lay on the queen-sized bed the girls shared with his ankles crossed, propped against a stack of stuffed animals. The twins were tucked under each of his arms, beneath the covers, and draped on his chest while he read to them.
Bastien gaped at the sight of his fierce Andarion cousin so gentle.
His deep voice as he mimicked the characters made the girls giggle. "And then the lorina tackled her sister and went rawr!" With a guttural sound effect, he grabbed Mira and tickled her until she squealed, then he turned and did the same to Viv.
"Jules," Ushara said chidingly, "you"re supposed to be putting them down, not winding them up."
Eyes wide, he gasped at the girls. "You got me into trouble again with mama."
They giggled and snuggled deeper into his side as he returned to reading the story.
Ushara closed the door and headed back toward the living room.
Bastien lingered a moment longer to collect his thoughts before he rejoined her. "That"s what I mean, Ushara. I wish you could see what a miracle that is." He gestured toward the hall with his thumb. "Julie didn"t learn that from his parents. I"ve never known him to be so open and happy as he"s been since he found you."
Embarra.s.sed, she cleared her throat and changed the subject. "So you were with his brother before you came here?"
"Yeah."
"What"s he like?"
Bastien shrugged. "I barely know Nykyrian, really. He was a.s.sumed dead my whole childhood. I was twenty-six when he returned and was reinstated as heir."
Anger darkened her vision. "And you didn"t help Jullien when they threw him out?"
"I tried. Believe me. But you have to remember that it was only three months after Jullien was disinherited that my entire family was slaughtered and I was convicted for it and sentenced to being a Ravin. In retrospect, my father did him a favor. Had Julie been on Kirovar, he"d have been murdered, too."
She sucked her breath in sharply. "I didn"t realize that happened so close together."
Bastien nodded. "So no, I never had a chance to get to know Nyk. At all. Not until a few weeks ago, when they showed up on Oksana. He seems decent enough. But I don"t have the war stories with him that I share with Julie. Nyk never had to suffer through one of our grandfather"s interminable parties."
She laughed. "So I"ve heard."
"I"ll bet you have. To the day he died, my brother Quin counted Julie among his heroes for having the nerve to do that."
"Are we back to the pool p.i.s.sing?"
Bastien turned at Jullien"s question. "I could always count on you to make things interesting."
Jullien rolled his eyes. "Let"s not go there." He pulled his jacket out of the closet. "I have the files you need stored on my ship. You want to stay here or come with me?"
"As much as I enjoy your wife"s company, I"ll come with you and give her a break from my boorishness."
"You"re anything but a ch.o.r.e to put up with. And you"re welcome here anytime."
"Thank you, Ger Tarra." Bastien took a minute to say good-bye to Vasili, who actually hugged him. "Take care, sport."
"You, too."
And with that, Bastien trailed Jullien back through the station.
They hadn"t gone far when Bastien brought up something that had been on his mind all night. "Thank you."
"For dinner? You"re more than welcome."
"No. For saving my life."
Jullien practically stumbled. "Don"t know what you mean."
"Yeah, you do. It wasn"t Aros who sent that missive to the Overseer that kept her from executing me. I know it was you."
Red crept over Jullien"s features. "I wish I could have done more."
"I"m stunned you did that much, given you were being hunted at the time. How did you manage?"
Jullien shrugged. "Made it my priority. I was on Ritadaria when I saw the trial coverage. I knew they"d convict you based on the bulls.h.i.t I saw, and that my father, true to his a.s.sholishness, wouldn"t do anything to stop it. So I did what I could."
Bastien pulled him in for a hug. "Again, thank you."
"You sure about that? "Cause after seeing that h.e.l.l you called home..."
Laughing, Bastien shoved him away. "You were always an a.s.s."
"Yeah, uh-huh." Jullien went to get the files.
When Bastien started to leave, Jullien stopped him. "Before you go, you want to loosen up some? Make sure you"re ready for this?"
"What do you mean?"
"When was the last time you trained?"
Longer ago than he cared to think about. "I"m in my prime. Don"t need no training."
Jullien snorted at his feigned accent. "I don"t know. You"re looking a little worn out."
Bastien gaped. "I don"t want to hear it from someone as old as you are!"
"Old? Hah! That"s it!"
Next thing Bastien knew, they were in a ring, sparring, as a crowd gathered around them to watch it.
He lost track of the time as they laughed and beat each other, all the while urging one another to hit harder and move faster.
Hot and sweaty, he saw Jullien get distracted. So he moved in for the kill.
Before he could blink, Jullien whipped around, grabbed him, and slammed him to the mat, then kissed his cheek. "We have to stop now." He jerked his chin toward Ushara, who stood off to the side, hands on hips, glaring at them.
Bastien looked over and laughed. "Ah, c.r.a.p. Now I"m the one who got you into trouble with your female."
Grinning roguishly, Jullien got up and offered Bastien his hand to help him to his feet. Both of them were bruised, sweating, and bleeding. Yet neither cared.
It"d been a good match and one Bastien had needed more than he realized.
Ushara shook her head as they neared her. "Really? This is how you wanted to say good-bye to each other?"
Jullien rubbed sheepishly at his neck while Bastien went for towels. "We were just going to practice a bit. Then we got a little carried away."
"A little?" She glanced at the blood all over the mat, which looked as if someone had been murdered there and their body dragged away to be hidden.
Trajen emerged from the dispersing crowd to join them. "I"m impressed with you both."
Bastien handed a towel to Jullien before he wiped at the sweat and blood on his stomach where he still bore his League Ravin mark. "Yeah, I had no idea Julie could do all that. I"d love to see him and Fain Hauk go at it. Julie"s the only one I"ve ever fought who could drag my a.s.s around a mat as much as Fain did."
"War Hauk Fain?" Jullien scowled.
Bastien cringed as he realized what he"d let slip. But he wasn"t about to lie to his cousin for anything. "Yeah. I used to train with him when he lived on Kirovar."
Jullien wiped his face. "I had no idea you knew him."
"Small universe, right? I figured you two probably knew each other, since he and his brother went to your school when you were kids, but given how Anatoles feel about War Hauks, and War Hauks feel about Anatoles, and the long-standing feud between your lineages, I knew to never, ever mention to him or his brother that we were related or knew each other in any capacity. Andarions are a highly territorial and volatile species." Not to mention the story Aros had once told him about Jullien and Dancer.
Honestly, he didn"t know what to believe there, but he was sure there was a lot more to the story than Aros had given him. Because nothing and no one could ever diminish Jullien in his mind, especially after his kindness to Bastien over the last couple of years.
As far as he was concerned, Jullien was a saint.
Jullien nodded at Bastien. "Good call, kyzi. They"d have killed you."
"Exactly." Bastien wiped at his face and shoulders. "Sorry about this, Ushara. Please don"t harm my cousin. It was all my fault."
"Hardly. I"m the one who started it."
When they began to argue over blame, Ushara stopped them. "It"s fine." She gently wiped at the blood on Jullien"s lip. "I"m glad that your arm"s working so well. But you shouldn"t be stressing it so soon."
"I wasn"t using it too much. I don"t have precise control over it yet, and I didn"t want to kill him."
Ushara sighed in bitter amus.e.m.e.nt. "So, Bas, since it"s now so late, are you staying until morning?"
How he wished he could, but ... "Nah, I was going to head on. Since I got Julie into trouble, don"t want to risk wearing out any more of my welcome."
Jullien dried his hair. "Where are you headed?"
"Starken for supplies and more intel. Then I"m after Barnabas."
Ushara scowled at his words. "Alone?"
He nodded. "I don"t have anyone else I trust, really. Don"t want a stranger at my back. Not about to drag Julie or Fain into this. So if I fall, it"s only on my a.s.s. And there"s no one to really grieve over it."