BornAndTorn

" I am still young, why do I have to think about stuff, that will only result in headaches?" The person who answered was a boy about 12 years old, who just had his voice break.

" But you are twice my age and you won"t get paid just for your looks looking like you do."

" I am not that worried, if the proverb is true, I will end up looking like my father, I could imagine worse."

" You will end up looking like that old bald fogey? Don"t worry I will look like Mommy, marry a beautiful and very rich prince, if you behave nicely and buy me some ice-cream, I will, maybe just maybe think about you."

" Well then "my princess" it would be an honor for me visiting the n.o.ble ice-cream establishment with your highness. He grabbed her little hand and walked with her to the nearest truck selling ice-cream.

What a nice memory. When times were simpler and I was not the root of every evil, every mischief that happened to everyone who was in my life. Looking back, an outsider would call my life a G.o.dsend gift. Born in a rich family, in a country safe from war, gifted with the best education possible.

But what did I amount to in the end? Were the lessons on etiquette really necessary, considering I ended up, just working odd jobs and whatever I could get my hands on? Was learning moral conduct necessary, when I ended up just swallowing everything told to me either.

I was called an intelligent child and I would consider myself as such as well. Was it because I taught myself how to read, or because I started to teach myself math as well, before being interrupted by my parents to not learn something wrong?. Many children do that, that is not a trait that cla.s.sifies you as a genius or an intelligent person.

What made me special, was that I could interpret how people feel and react accordingly to help them or hurt them more by using the right combination of voice and body language to get the points across.

And what is that emotional intelligence worth in the end? Craving for the attention my parents gave me I tried to do everything as perfect as I can and if I could not do something really well, I acted like I could not do that to save my life. I preferred to disappoint them once just not over and over again until I could do it perfectly.

It all changed when I met that one boy, he was just not playing my game. His reactions were outside of my expectations he just mocked me here and there and once stood in my way not letting me pa.s.s that"s it. So how did I react back there? I cried, was angry at myself not him. I hated myself for not achieving what I wanted. Plagued by insecurities, I always preferred to rather get hurt and punish myself than hurting others unless I was cornered then I lashed out and hurt everything just so I could end it and calm down and focus again. The most ironic part is that this person ended up as one of my best friends.

In scientific terms, it might be a result of me being hypersensitive to feelings and noises. But after this situation, I just closed the world off, shutting off my brain, so I could just live in peace without hurting myself anymore. I did not hear any concern from my parents nor my sister. Having cut off part of my feelings, it felt great, but I just did not have the drive anymore, I once had. Fleeing into online games, I spent my team searching for recognition from other people. This ended up ruining any reputation, I once had and I just became a sloth in everyone"s eyes. No matter where I looked I just saw disdain. But I still wanted to spend my life in leisure, trapped in that little bubble I created just for myself.

"Why are you still here, did you take us into your eyes at all? screaming at my face was the once little princess who grew up and became a ferocious tiger.

" I just wanted to finish the academy, then I am out of your life, is that too much to ask for?"

" TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? A disgusting, filthy excuse of a human dares to talk to me about that? You are not worth a cent of the fortune daddy spends on you every single month. Do you have any way to repay him? Did you hear what the other people say behind his back?. They say, his wife has to have screwed someone else, his "real" son would not be that worthless.

When mommy looks at you, she does not see her son, she just sees a failure, a waste of time. She keeps regretting sacrificing her beautiful appearance just for a result like you. You are reminding her of every little wrong that happened to her because you were the cause for it. The stress that raising you brought to her affected her beauty and health. She got addicted to alcohol to numb the pain, that your whole existence causes her and even to me you are not of any use anymore I already got what I wanted. You are out of the picture, you won"t get any cent out of daddy"s fortune if he dies. Every little money you still get is just the obligation he feels towards you. But you are just a leech, sucking till your host dies. So just do us a favour, just disappear. I never want to see your face again."

Looking back I did many things wrong, but everybody else just considered themselves first and I don"t blame them, after all, I was the easiest target. I did not defend myself I just took it. Even my latest so-called girlfriend was someone, who was seeking shelter from homelessness in the winter. I offered her my couch, for the time being not expecting anything in return. I was just happy with having another human being in my life, a voice to talk to. This was the happiest time of my life. We talked about everything that we wanted. I began to open up, showing a bit of my vulnerability. But shortly afterward, she just left me with brownies and a little note saying "Thank You".

She got a job somewhere else, changed her number and lived a happy life somewhere without me. And there I was again succ.u.mbing to my old lifestyle, I just ended isolating myself from the world again as much as I can.

No matter how you look it, people preferring themselves first or what"s important to them, is just the same as me the reacting the way I did. For every person involved it just was their very own basic instinct.