"Please enlighten me. What is it?"
"A display of nurturing love. Which as we all know, is the precursor to true, eternal love."
"Maybe that explains why I"ve never been in love."
"Gideon?"
"What?"
"If something happened to you tomorrow, I"d nurture and care for you the rest of your life. I know it sounds unpleasant, cleaning a grownup"s potty pants, but it"s not gross when you"re taking care of the person you love."
"Please tell me you"re aware we never laid eyes on each other before this afternoon."
"We"re soul mates, Gideon. We"ve traveled this road many times, through many lives."
"I don"t think so."
"No?"
"I"m pretty sure I"d remember wiping your a.s.s from one life to the next."
"Don"t be impudent, Gideon. Finish your dinner. You"ll need your strength for later."
Trudy Lake.
"YOUR BOYFRIEND CERTAINLY gets around," Sheriff Boyd says. "I"ll give him that much. So how do you know he"s in Paducah?"
"While waiting for you to show up this past hour," I say with no small amount of anger, "I called half the motels within a fifty mile radius of Logan, where Renee lives."
"And you finally found him checked into the Royal Landmark Inn?"
"Yes. Can you call the Paducah police department and have them check on him?"
"Why don"t you just call Dr. Box at the Inn and ask if he"s okay?"
"You think I haven"t tried?"
"No answer?"
"No. But the last five times I"ve called, they said Dr. Box has asked not to be disturbed."
"Maybe they"re having s.e.x. Maybe you"re jealous to learn your sister"s f.u.c.king your boyfriend."
From behind us, Clem laughs.
"Shut up, Clem!" I holler. "Sheriff, this is Renee Williams we"re talking about. She kills people."
"Not according to the laws of the state of Tennessee, she doesn"t."
"She"s taken over his phone. She threatened me."
"Is that the only message she sent? To keep your a.s.s away from Doctor Box? And she won"t tell you again? Because that"s not much of a threat, Trudy. If it was, I"d be arresting every pre-p.u.b.escent girl in junior high. And I hope you know I can"t go around banging on hotel doors demanding grown men and women tell me what they"re up to."
"You"re refusing to help me?"
"If by *help" you mean will I chase down your boyfriend and make him stop dating your sister, the answer is no."
"How will you feel if Dr. Box turns up dead?"
"Honestly? I"ll feel relieved."
"Then go f.u.c.k yourself."
"That"s an awfully ugly sentence to come from such a pretty face. I expect your mom would be ashamed of what"s become of her sweet daughter."
"My mom would be proud of me for tryin" to save a man"s life."
"I guess we already found out how proud of you she was."
I try to slap him, but he backs out of the way and says, "You have a nice day now, Mrs. Lake, you hear?"
I"M DOUBLY SHOCKED when Detective Tan from the Paducah police department takes my call. Shocked he took my call, even more shocked when he said, "We arrested Dr. Box earlier today for armed robbery."
"That"s insane!" I say.
"Yes, ma"am, we agree. Turns out he was set up by a woman."
"Renee Williams."
"Uhano ma"am."
"Excuse me?"
"Zander Evans, of Paducah, aged twenty-two, last seen at Mason"s Truck Stop, Eddyville, Kentucky. That was four hours ago, give or take. You don"t happen to know Miss Evans, do you?"
"No. But I happen to know Dr. Box was in the company of my sister, quite recently."
"And her name?"
"Like I said, Renee Williams."
"Name sounds familiar. Hang on a minute."
When he comes back on he says, "You say Renee Williams is your sister?"
"Yes sir. And she sent me a threatening text from Dr. Box"s cell phone. You should know that Renee has been tried two times for a double homicide that occurred in the state of Tennessee a couple years ago, and I have every reason to believe she has ill intentions toward Dr. Box."
"Well, ma"am, I don"t normally give out personal information, but I can a.s.sure you Dr. Box is not in any danger from Renee Williams."
"How can you say that?"
"Because they"re clearly a couple."
"I know it might appear that way, buta""
"Trust me, Mrs. Lake. They"re a couple. In every sense of the word."
"Please, Detective, just hear me out. You mentioned another woman."
"Yes ma"am. Zander Evans."
"I happen to know Dr. Box met a woman named Faith Hemphill this morning, in Ralston. How could he possibly have time to see Faith, drive to Paducah, get framed by Zander Evans for a robbery, taken to the station and booked, and set free, and also be involved with Renee Williams?"
"Ma"am, all I"m willing to say is your Dr. Box was having explicit carnal knowledge of your sister at the time of his arrest. And he admitted attempting to engage in carnal relations with Zander Evans less than two hours earlier. I don"t know what kind of feed he"s on, but this Dr. Box gets more action than a two-p.e.c.k.e.red rabbit."
"Listen to me, Detective. Dr. Box is in danger. Renee"s holdin" him at the Royal Landmark Inn. Maybe they were havin" s.e.x when you arrested them, and maybe they were gettin" along just fine. But sometime after that, she found out he was interested in me, and that"s when she sent me a threatenin" message."
"What time was that, ma"am."
"About eight-thirty this evenin"."
"That"d be about forty minutes after we turned him loose."
"Can you please just go there and check on him?"
He sighs. "I"ll phone it in."
"Thank you! Will you call me back?"
"I will. But if this is just you, trying to get back at your sister for stealing your boyfrienda""
"It"s not. And he"s not my boyfriend. He"s a mongrel dog who"d f.u.c.k a pile of rocks hopin" to find a snake. But his life"s in danger, and I won"t feel better till you"ve checked on him. If he"s fine and happy bein" with my sister, more power to him. My only intent is to make sure he"s safe."
"Can I ask why?"
"He"s been very generous to me. I owe him."
"Can you give me a little more to go on?"
"My husband beat me half to death last night. Dr. Box saved my life."
The detective pauses. Then says, "Did your beating have anything to do with Dr. Box?"
I sigh. "Not in the way you"re implyin"."
"Don"t make me sorry I"m doin" this, Miss."
"It"s Missus. And the only reason you"d be sorry is if you wait too long to check on him."
Dr. Gideon Box.
I CAN"T BELIEVE Renee"s still awake. I stretched my dinner into an eighty-minute marathon, and kept her talking long enough that she"s consumed an entire bottle of wine. With the cobbler finally gone, there"s nothing left to do but paint her nails.
She positions herself on the bed, with four pillows propping her upper torso. She"s still naked from the waist down. Her legs are spread apart to give me the full view of her orange, heart-shaped bush. But just above it, I"ve got another view. She"s resting the b.u.t.t of the gun on her stomach, aiming it point blank at my chest.
I open the nail polish, and paint her toe nails as slowly as humanly possible, hoping she"ll fall asleep before I finish.
"You"re being very meticulous," she says. "I like that."
"You know what else you might like?" I say.
"What"s that, honey?"
"A foot ma.s.sage."
That should put her to sleep and prevent me from having to receive detailed instructions in the art of giving oral to a crazy person.
"A foot ma.s.sage," she says, dreamily. "How thoughtful. Yes, I"d like that, Darrell. Maybe we could do that after you kiss me. Down there."
Did she just call me Darrell?
She did.
And things start coming together for me.