TURNS OUT WE"RE meeting Faith Hemphill at the half-way mark to her house because she has sea horses she can"t leave for more than four hours at a time. When I see her I"m no longer jealous. She looks old enough to be Gideon"s mom, and burly enough to play offensive tackle for the Tennessee t.i.tans.
The reason we"re meetin" Faith makes less sense than the idea of Gideon datin" her in the first place. She"s here to sell him some sort of powder that can disable people, and make "em crazy enough to shoot each other by mistake.
The three of us are standin" in a vacant lot where a gas station used to be. It"s all hush-hush, like some sort of big-time drug deal.
Gideon says, "You brought the powder packets?"
Faith says, "You brought the cash?"
When they make the exchange I laugh out loud.
Faith raises her chin at me and says, "Is that her? The one you felt up?"
I say, "You told her that?"
"Renfro told me first," Faith says. She casts a careful eye on me and says, "You"re puny." To Gideon, she says, "Couldn"t a" taken you five seconds to feel whatever she"s got in that little trainin" bra."
"At least I get measured for my bras," I say. "Instead of surveyed."
"Ladies, please!" Gideon says.
"Sorry," Faith says. "That was me bein" jealous."
"Me too," I say. "So, this powder really works?"
"Ask Cletus and Renfro," she says.
I walk over to her, and we shake hands.
"How does it work?" I say.
"You any good at chuckin" rocks?"
I smile. "What kind of country girl would I be if I couldn"t chuck rocks?"
Faith says, "Gideon, walk away from us a minute."
When he gets about fifteen feet away, she calls him by name. He turns to look at us, and Faith hurls a dust bomb at him.
Gideon screams as it explodes on his chest.
Faith says, "Don"t be such a p.u.s.s.y. That ain"t nothin" but flour and bakin" soda."
"You could"ve warned me," Gideon says, slappin" the powder off his clothes.
She hands me a packet and says, "Now you try. Remember to fling it hard."
I hurl the packet at Gideon and he explodes into a cloud of flour for the second time.
"d.a.m.n it!" he shouts.
"Shouldn"t I aim for the face?" I say.
"The chest is a bigger target. You hit a man"s chest with the blindin" powder, it"ll put him on the ground quick."
"What if he closes his eyes at the last second?"
"The gla.s.s and pepper dust hangs in the air. After a man"s been hit, he"ll open his eyes. It"s a natural reaction. When he does, the gla.s.s and pepper gets in there and burns like h.e.l.l. He"ll rub his eyes to ease the pain, but what he"s really doin" is rubbing ground gla.s.s into his eyeb.a.l.l.s. It"s brutal."
"I don"t think I can do that to a person," I say.
"If your life"s on the line you"ll use it and wish you had more."
"On the bright side, everyone who wants to hurt me is either dead or hurt."
"I hope you"re right. But I"m still keepin" the money Doc Box give me just now."
"You know what I think?"
"What?"
"I think Gideon was at your place when Cletus and Renfro broke in."
She gives Gideon a look and says, "Why would you think that?"
"My husband sent them to kill Gideon, not you. Dumb as they were, they would"ve known if his car was at your place. They wouldn"t have broken into your house unless they knew he was in there."
"I expect you"ll keep those thoughts to yourself," she says.
"What thoughts?" I say.
She smiles.
"I could learn to like you," she says.
"I already like you."
"Why"s that?"
I point at Gideon.
We laugh.
"Kiss my a.s.s!" he says.
"That"s Trudy"s job," Faith says, "though I don"t know why she"d want it."
"YOU BOUGHT TEN packets from her?" I say, after Faith leaves.
"I only wanted two, but she needs another tank."
"Is that supposed to make sense?" I say.
"Her seahorse tanks cost a thousand bucks each. She wouldn"t sell me less than a thousand dollars" worth of powder."
"What"ll you do with the other eight packets?"
"Keep them for our protection in the city. Can you imagine someone trying to mug us and getting a face full of blinding powder? It"s a ridiculously effective weapon, with a shelf life of forever. And you don"t need a permit to carry it."
"Sounds like you"re in hog heaven."
"I feel like the caveman who discovered fire," he says.
"Powerful?"
"You know it."
"Maybe I"d respect that power more if you didn"t look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy," I say.
"Right."
"Want some help gettin" that flour off your clothes?"
"All help would be greatly appreciated."
I start punchin" his back and sides.
"Ow!" he yells. "What the h.e.l.l?"
"You seemed to take pleasure beatin" me up. I want to see if I get the same rush."
"Stop!"
"What"s wrong?"
"I didn"t enjoy hitting you. And I"ll never do it again."
"I don"t know. I haven"t heard an apology yet."
"Apology? For what?"
"Uhafor hittin" me? h.e.l.lo?"
"You made me do it."
"To save your a.s.s from a felony a.s.sault charge."
He thinks about it a minute, then says, "You"re right. You took all that pain for me, and didn"t have to. I think I"ve been looking at this from my own, selfish point of view. As usual."
"I"m listenin"," I say.
"I thought by running over Darrell I saved you from a much worse beating. But once Darrell was incapacitated, you could"ve let the police come to the barn and draw their own conclusions. And if that happened, they would"ve thrown me in jail and Darrell would"ve had a legal case against me."
"You just now came to that conclusion?"
He says, "I"m sorry, Trudy."
"For?"
"For hitting you."
"You"re forgiven. Now let"s get you cleaned up."
"Okay, but slap, don"t punch, okay?"
"Okay."
"Ouch! s.h.i.t! Slap my clothes, not my face!"
"Sorry."
When we get to my place, Gideon insists on checkin" each room. He makes sure all the doors and windows are locked. Peeks in the closets and under the beds. Here"s a guy that came to town a few days ago thinkin" about no one but himself. Now he"s practically dotin" on me.
I like it.
But he needs to get back to Nashville and catch a flight.
"I"ll be fine," I say.
"Okay."
He reviews for the third time how he"s booked a limo to drive here from Nashville to pick me up in two weeks. He gets on my computer and prints out the airline reservation and tells me how to check my bags.
"You"ve never flown before," he says. "I don"t want you to be nervous."
"I"m not the least bit nervous. I"m excited!"
"The driver will take you to the airport. You"re flying non-stop to LaGuardia Airport. When you get to the gatea""
"When I get to the gate, I"ll go to baggage claim," I say. "You"ll be standin" there with a limo driver. Got it. Now go on, before you miss your flight."