"Do you know," said I, "that was my governor?"
"My dear boy," said he, "I"m awfully sorry. I feel for you. I wish I hadn"t done it--sincerely. But a fellow must live. Really, I sympathise with you; let me grasp your hand."
"Not if I know it, you cad," said I; "and where"s my mother?"
"That"s another thing that troubles me," said he. "Tell me, did she wear a brocaded silk gown with beads? Most unlucky for us both! Beads never did agree with me. It"s a warning to both of us to be more particular. Really, you _must_ let me grasp your hand."
"Not much!" said I. "Look here, Blunderbore, I mean to show you up.
I"ll let some of our fellows know about you, and you see if they don"t make you sit up before long."
"I feel much more like lying down," said he. "Would you mind handing me that medicine bottle?"
"Don"t you wish _you_ may get it!" said I, and cut.
I told Jack Smith about it, and he was no end riled. I must say, I feel riled myself. It"s specially awkward, because the mater had our return tickets in her pocket; and I can"t get away from here. I wish you"d send me a sov., some of you. I"ll square up after vac.
Yours ever, Hugh a Pie.
P.S.--Here"s a go! Old Blunderbore"s gone at last! Smith says it was the steel armour inside him that did it. Serves him jolly well right!
From the _Giants" Bay Broadsheet_, July 29th.
It is with feelings almost akin to consternation that we announce the sudden and critical illness of our esteemed fellow-citizen Giant Cormoran. The regret with which we make this announcement will be shared by all those visitors to this charming retreat who during the last months have come into contact with the amiable and accommodating gentleman.
Giant Cormoran is one of the old school of Englishmen whom we can ill afford to lose. Capacious in mind and body, with a large sense of humour, of strict personal integrity, and a hearty enjoyment of life, it is indeed sad to think of him at the present moment as lying on a bed of languishing, from which it is doubtful whether he will rise more. Very little news leaks out from the sick-chamber. Dr Smith is in regular attendance, and, according to a curt bulletin published an hour ago, reports his patient"s condition as exceedingly grave: "Giant Cormoran is in a state of collapse. There is a complete loss of nervous power. The patient has quite lost his head."
We have no doubt that the melancholy death of his comrade Giant Blunderbore has seriously affected his nerves. Happily, his condition spares him the additional pang of knowing that Giant Galligantus is also on the sick list, with what it is feared is a mild attack of the prevailing epidemic. Later.
The following bulletins have just appeared: "The condition of Giant Cormoran remains unchanged.
"John Smith, M.D."
"Giant Galligantus is suffering from a severe shock to the system, with complications. It is feared that the attack is of a similar nature to that of Giants Blunderbore and Cormoran.
"John Smith, M.D."
Latest.--Giant Cormoran is no more. A memoir will appear in our next.
Special s.p.a.ce will be reserved for advertis.e.m.e.nts on the cover.
From the _Evening Tell-Tale_, August 1st.
The Giants" Bay Mysteries.--
The Plot Thickens.--
Sudden Death of Giants.--
Rumoured Government Intervention.--
Further Wholesale Disappearances.--The plot thickens at Giants" Bay.
Two of the leading giants of the place, Giants Blunderbore and Cormoran, have died of what is apparently an acute gastric epidemic. Meanwhile hundreds of inquiries are pouring into the place respecting missing relatives and friends. It is stated that an entire learned society has disappeared.
Owing to the urgent representations of the _Tell-Tale_ and other journals, the Government has at last awakened to a sense of the gravity of the situation. At the Round Table last night a commission was appointed to inquire into the matter. It will meet this day week, and after appointing president and secretary, adjourn till October.
The police are reticent; but on inquiry at the head office we understand that search is being made in the atlas for Giants" Bay. For the information of our readers, we give a map of the locality of the mysteries, and fancy portraits of the three giants. During the present excitement, and in the interests of our subscribers, it has been decided permanently to double the price of the _Tell-Tale_.
From the _West Anglian Anthropomorphist_, August 2nd.
In the continued unexplained absence of the president and members of the society, the usual meetings will not be held in August. We may point out for the benefit of advertisers that a considerable amount of additional s.p.a.ce will thus be available for their announcements.
From the _Giants" Bay Broadsheet_, August 3rd.
It is with feelings of unfeigned melancholy that we announce the demise of our excellent neighbour Giant Galligantus, after a brief illness.
The lamented giant never rallied from the nervous shock which overtook him a few days since. Although details are still a-wanting, we understand that his head was seriously affected. Dr John Smith was in attendance to the last. Further particulars, with an extra supplement and portrait memoirs of the three giants, will be given in our next. In order not to disappoint our readers and advertisers, the prices in each department will be further doubled.
Departure.--John Smith, Esquire, M.D., has left Giants" Bay.
From the _Hue and Cry_, August 14th. Police Notice.
Whereas several persons have recently disappeared from the neighbourhood of Giants" Bay, in the county of Cornwall, a reward of One Pound will be offered to any person, not a princ.i.p.al, who shall give any information leading to the detection of the aforesaid.
From the _Evening Tell-Tale_, August 6th.
Our special correspondent at Giants" Bay writes: "The excitement here is unabated. All sorts of conjectures are afloat. General opinion seems to connect the wholesale disappearance of tourists and the sudden death of the three giants as parts of the fiendish scheme of some person unknown. The miscreant is supposed to be interested in some other watering-place.
"We have been fortunate enough to secure a personal interview with the celebrated Dr John Smith, whose remarks--in view of his recent close personal relations with the deceased giants--will be read with interest.
We found the youthful doctor enjoying a fragrant weed in the verandah of his father"s bijou residence in Scilly.
"`A beautiful day, doctor," we said, taking the vacant seat beside him.
"`Is it?" replied he, placing his two feet in a graceful att.i.tude on the elaborately-polished bal.u.s.trade of the balcony.
"`Heard of you at Giants" Bay," we remarked, by way of leading up to the subject. There was a pause, and then the doctor replied, `Oh!"
"`A strange affair the sudden mortality in that place, doctor."
"`What about it?" was the unexpected rejoinder, as the man of physic slowly a.s.sumed a standing att.i.tude.
"He was dressed in a light check suit, which reflected considerable credit on the provincial tailor who made it.
"`That"s the question," we replied, with a touch of humour.
"The doctor appeared to feel the heat, but presently recovered sufficiently to call our attention to the peculiar make of his boots.
They were large, with flapped uppers and clumped soles, and could hardly have cost less than a guinea the pair. We congratulated him warmly upon his possession. Dr Smith was evidently proud of them.
"`See them?" said he, pointing to the right foot.
"We nodded a friendly a.s.sent, inwardly amused at our friend"s eccentricity.