". . . it"s the same story. We have to wait for extra-contractuals before we know what the job costs, and so we can"t bill. " George was smiling his noncommissioned, sleeves-up, man-on-the-shop-floor smile.
"That"s not what the people upstairs think. "
"Well, with the best will in the world, they"re not down here doing the work are they?"
"They don"t have to. George, I"m sorry to pull the rug from under you, but I want to change the agenda for this meeting. "
George sucked his teeth, scoring points, tut, bad meeting management.
"You know I would never do this normally, but I"ve just had an intervention on Simon as you came in. How is he taking it?"
The shop-floor smile was still there. "Like a prince. He"s calm, in fact, you could say he looks quite happy about it, like he has a card up his sleeve. You give him a good severance deal or something?"
"We can"t afford severance deals. This is in confidence. Simon is changing people"s performance scores. He"s got access to Accounts somehow. The machine can"t change them back. "
"You"re joking," said George, his pink face going slack. Then he began to chuckle. "No wonder he looks so pleased. He"s changing people"s scores. Well, well, I didn"t know he had it in him. "
Managers must never lose their sense of humor. Jonathan managed to find an answering smile. "It"s one way of getting your own back. " there was sweat on his forehead.
"Changing yours, is he?" George"s red moustache seemed to glow redder.
"Screwed both of us. You"re in charge of monitoring. " Jonathan"s own smile was a bit harder. "So. How could he have done it? How can we stop him?"
"Beats me. Unless he got hold of the pa.s.sword when he was in Accounts. "
"You mean the access code. "
"No. This is different, it really lays open the whole network. I think only the Chairman has it, maybe Head of Accounts. You get hold of that you can change any information you like and then ice it, so it can never be changed. Change it invisibly I mean. "
"Great for when the Auditors call. "
"I expect so. "
"Can you change it on verbal? By mail?"
"By camel, I imagine. It"s only a rumor but I"ve heard a few funny things. "
"From Simon?"
George grinned back at him.
And then in waltzed Harriet. It was 10:10 after all, and here he was, still in his previous meeting, so his time management score would be f.u.c.ked, and Harriet would know that, and wouldn"t she just love that?
Harriet loved something. She had gone doo-lally with pleasure. She started to do a dance around Jonathan"s desk. "Ring around the rosy, a pocketful of posy, husha, husha, they all fall down. " Harriet roared her hearty, Hooray Henry laugh that Jonathan had not heard in so long. "Did you know that that is a song about the plague?"
"Someone"s caught a cold," said George and his and Harriet"s eyes seemed to harpoon each other, and both of them grinned.
Bad behavior from staff depressed their own scores, but insubordination knocked the stuffing out of their manager"s profile. They knew it. They were enjoying this.
I am fed up with this c.r.a.p, I am fed up trying to keep people happy. I am not responsible for keeping people happy.
"Harriet. The stress has gotten to you, "Jonathan said. "Come back when you"re more in control. "
"When you are more in control, you mean. " Harriet was beaming, and about to chuckle again. "Come on, George, let"s leave him to it. "
"George. Please. We"re not finished. We still have to talk about invoicing. "
"Oh Jesus," and both he and Harriet cracked up.
"I want a breakdown of every invoice on this printout and why it"s late. Friday will do. And please remember, that you are responsible for ensuring we hold to financial targets. If you don"t, you aren"t meeting the minimum requirements of your job. I"ll give you a box four marking. And if it doesn"t improve, I"ll write one of those hilarious little warning letters. Oh, and Harriet, your anti-blood pressure medicine. I know about it. It does have strange side effects, doesn"t it. I can recommend Medical Leave. I will be recommending a check-up. "
In other words, baby, you may just have lost your job. Harriet"s smile slipped.
He verballed it. "Action. Store session. Copy. H. Pednorowska"s behavior to the Medical Department. "
All this counseling s.h.i.t to one side, the thing he knew he was really good at was being a bit of a b.a.s.t.a.r.d.
"Harriet. George. Thanks for coming to see me. Harriet, I"m sorry you"re unwell. George, I"m sure you"ll be able to cope with your invoicing problem. Please ask Simon to come in and see me. "
Their smiles had not quite faded.
"Meeting over, Team. "
Gloves off. Simon had slow reaction times. He needed time to think about things. Well, he had had a whole month to work through this, thanks to Jonathan being so nice. It had probably taken him all month, but he had done it. And he"s got me by the b.a.l.l.s. He can change my scores, and leave no trace, unless the Chairman is prepared to admit the existence of the pa.s.sword. The computer"s got me and George on record and knows our suspicions but that"s not proof. I have to wrong foot him. I could say that he"d been monitored telling Harriet what he"d done. But what if he hadn"t, or asked "how could they read the note, it was in code?" Jonathan would just have to wing it.
Simon came back in. He looked as calm and unperturbed as this morning. "An impressive display, Simon. "
Simon was saying nothing.
"It wasn"t age, you idiot," said Jonathan. "It wasn"t slowed-down reaction times. Don"t you know when you"re being let off? they knew, Simon! that"s why you were fired. You didn"t think you could use the Chairman"s pa.s.sword without all the right protocols did you? they were letting you go without any noise. Then you had to go and tamper with my scores this morning, you stupid, dumb, poor, idiot little lamb, and I don"t know if I can stop it this time, Simon. I think they"re going to send you to jail. "
Simon sat unmoving, in silence. But silence was not a denial, or shocked surprise. Would that be enough?
"I mean, as if I didn"t signal it, as if I didn"t near as dammit tell you, in those private little sessions, you"ve got a month, keep your nose clean. I don"t want to see you go to jail!"
Jonathan raised his hands and let them fall. "I really thought you were smarter than that. "
Simon had not moved, not an involuntary flicker of the eyeb.a.l.l.s, not a heave of the prison-patterned shirt. Except, he was weeping. He sat very still and a thick, heavy tear that seemed to be made of glucose crept down his cheek.
"They always have one up on you, don"t they?" he said.
In the corner of Jonathan"s screen, a tiny white square was flashing on and off, in complete silence. A security alert.
"You work your b.u.t.t off, they keep you dancing for twenty years, and they make a fortune out of you. "
This was going to be very sweet indeed, thought Jonathan. Talk about two birds with one stone. Fancy Accounts letting something like the pa.s.sword out. They"d all be for the high jump. b.l.o.o.d.y Accounts, who were always breathing down Jonathan"s neck about invoices, or performance scores or project costs or unit cost reduction. They would all have their necks wrung like chickens. What a wonderful world this could be.
"It was a dumb thing to do," Simon admitted, laying each word with a kind of finality, like bricks.
"Well. I reckon you"ll have revenge. At least on Accounts," said Jonathan.
The door burst open, and Custody came in like it was a drug bust and they were Supercops. In their dumb blue little uniforms.
"What the f.u.c.k kept you?" Jonathan demanded.
"By the way, Simon," he added. "We didn"t know for sure, until a second ago. Thanks. "
Simon didn"t move a muscle. When Jonathan checked later, he found he"d scored a ten. Hot d.a.m.n, it felt good to be so creative.
He got home after fitting in his evening workout. Got up to one hundred on the bench press. Shows what a little adrenalin could do. He got home, to the ethnic wallpaper and the books and the CDs, and he knew he was not a bad man. Life was tough, but that was business. Home was different.
His wife was a painter, and she wore a smock covered in fresh pistachio, magenta, cobalt. He had to lean forward to kiss her lest the smock print paint on his suit. "We should hang that coat of yours in a gallery," he said. It would be nice to live like this too, in a quiet home, but then someone had to bring home the bacon.
"Daddy, Daddy," called Christine from the bedroom. She wouldn"t go to sleep until she had seen him, no matter how long she had to wait, and she was not even his child. He went to her room and sat on the bed and kissed her. She smelled of orange juice and children"s shampoo. "Play a game with me," she said, and out came the little screen. Mickey had to shoot the basketball through the hoop to escape the aliens. The score was on the screen. "Daddy, I got an eight!" she cried. He chuckled, but a part of his mind said in a slow, dark voice: get them young.
That night he dreamed he had old hands, and they mumbled through job ads. He couldn"t feel anything with them. His fingers were dead.
"Repent, Harlequin!" Said The Ticktockman.
by Harlan Ellison .
Harlan Ellison is another living legend of science fiction. He has won pretty much every award the science fiction and fantasy field has to offer, multiply: he"s been named a Grand Master by the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, been presented with life achievement awards (World Fantasy, Bram Stoker, and International Horror Guild), and won eight 1/2 Hugos, three Nebulas, five Bram Stoker Awards, eighteen Locus Awards, and the World Fantasy Award, among a slew of others. Ellison"s innumerable cla.s.sics-most of which can be found in the mammoth collection The Essential Ellison-include "the Deathbird," "Jeffty Is Five," and "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream," as well as our next story, which won him one of his Nebulas and one of his Hugos. He is also the editor of what are arguably the genre"s two most important anthologies: Dangerous Visions and Again, Dangerous Visions.
Early sea voyages were dangerous things. The oceans were rough; it was hard to store enough provisions, and the maps were rough sketches where they existed at all. In fact, it"s a wonder anyone could attempt to draw a map: it was almost impossible to calculate longitude on a moving boat. In 1714, the British government even established a special advisory board on the topic, with a twenty-thousand pound prize for the man who could find the solution.
The solution came in the form of a better clock, one unaffected by weather conditions and movement. That clock was John Harrison"s marine chronometer.
In our next story, people might just curse John Harrison"s name. If it weren"t for his chronometer"s ability to keep accurate time all the time, their entire society would be different. If there were only inaccurate pendulum clocks and spring-wound watches, these people might not be slaves to the timetable. Instead, punctuality is the law of the land.
Here"s a world where time is not only money: it"s life and death.
There are always those who ask, what is it all about? For those who need to ask, for those who need points sharply made, who need to know "where it"s at," this: The ma.s.s of men serve the state thus, not as men mainly, but as machines, with their bodies. They are the standing army, and the militia, jailors, constables, posse comitatus, etc. In most cases there is no free exercise whatever of the judgment or of the moral sense; but they put themselves on a level with wood and earth and stones; and wooden men can perhaps be manufactured that will serve the purpose as well. Such command no more respect than men of straw or a lump of dirt. They have the same sort of worth only as horses and dogs. Yet such as these even are commonly esteemed good citizens. Others-as most legislators, politicians, lawyers, ministers, and officeholders-serve the state chiefly with their heads; and, as they rarely make any moral distinctions, they are as likely to serve the Devil, without intending it, as G.o.d. A very few, as heroes, patriots, martyrs, reformers in the great sense, and men, serve the state with their consciences also, and so necessarily resist it for the most part; and they are commonly treated as enemies by it.
Henry David Th.o.r.eau.
CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE.
That is the heart of it. Now begin in the middle, and later learn the beginning; the end will take care of itself.
But because it was the very world it was, the very world they had allowed it to become, for months his activities did not come to the alarmed attention of the Ones Who Kept the Machine Functioning Smoothly, the ones who poured the very best b.u.t.ter over the cams and mainsprings of the culture. Not until it had become obvious that somehow, someway, he had become a notoriety, a celebrity, perhaps even a hero for (what Officialdom inescapably tagged) "an emotionally disturbed segment of the populace," did they turn it over to the Ticktockman and his legal machinery. But by then, because it was the very world it was, and they had no way to predict he would happen-possibly a strain of disease long-defunct, now, suddenly, reborn in a system where immunity had been forgotten, had lapsed-he had been allowed to become too real. Now he had form and substance.
He had become a personality, something they had filtered out of the system many decades before. But there it was, and there he was, a very definitely imposing personality. In certain circles-middle-cla.s.s circles-it was thought disgusting. Vulgar ostentation. Anarchistic. Shameful. In others, there was only sn.i.g.g.e.ring: those strata where thought is subjugated to form and ritual, niceties, proprieties. But down below, ah, down below, where the people always needed their saints and sinners, their bread and circuses, their heroes and villains, he was considered a Bolivar; a Napoleon; a Robin Hood; a d.i.c.k Bong (Ace of Aces); a Jesus; a Jomo Kenyatta.
And at the top-where, like socially-attuned Shipwreck Kellys, every tremor and vibration threatening to dislodge the wealthy, powerful and t.i.tled from their flagpoles-he was considered a menace; a heretic; a rebel; a disgrace; a peril. He was known down the line, to the very heartmeat core, but the important reactions were high above and far below. At the very top, at the very bottom.
So his file was turned over, along with his time-card and his cardioplate, to the office of the Ticktockman.
The Ticktockman: very much over six feet tall, often silent, a soft purring man when things went timewise. The Ticktockman.
Even in the cubicles of the hierarchy, where fear was generated, seldom suffered, he was called the Ticktockman. But no one called him that to his mask.
You don"t call a man a hated name, not when that man, behind his mask, is capable of revoking the minutes, the hours, the days and nights, the years of your life. He was called the Master Timekeeper to his mask. It was safer that way.
"This is what he is," said the Ticktockman with genuine softness, "but not who he is. This time-card I"m holding in my left hand has a name on it, but it is the name of what he is, not who he is. The cardioplate here in my right hand is also named, but not whom named, merely what named. Before I can exercise proper revocation, I have to know who This what is. "
To his staff, all the ferrets, all the loggers, all the finks, all the commex, even the mineez, he said, "Who is this Harlequin?"
He was not purring smoothly. Timewise, it was jangle.
However, it was The longest speech they had ever heard him utter at one time, the staff, the ferrets, the loggers, the finks, the commex, but not the mineez, who usually weren"t around to know, in any case. But even they scurried to find out.
Who is the Harlequin?
High above the third level of the city, he crouched on the humming aluminum-frame platform of the air-boat (foof! air-boat, indeed! swizzleskid is what it was, with a tow-rack jerry-rigged) and he stared down at the neat Mondrian arrangement of the buildings.
Somewhere nearby, he could hear the metronomic left-right-left of the 2:47 PM shift, entering the Timkin roller-bearing plant in their sneakers. A minute later, precisely, he heard the softer right-left-right of the 5:00 AM formation, going home.
An elfin grin spread across his tanned features, and his dimples appeared for a moment. Then, scratching at his thatch of auburn hair, he shrugged within his motley, as though girding himself for what came next, and threw the joystick forward, and bent into the wind as the air-boat dropped. He skimmed over a slidewalk, purposely dropping a few feet to crease the ta.s.sels of the ladies of fashion, and-inserting thumbs in large ears-he stuck out his tongue, rolled his eyes and went wugga-wugga-wugga. It was a minor diversion. One pedestrian skittered and tumbled, sending parcels everywhichway, another wet herself, a third keeled slantwise and the walk was stopped automatically by the servitors till she could be resuscitated. It was a minor diversion.
Then he swirled away on a vagrant breeze, and was gone. Hi-ho. As he rounded the cornice of the Time-Motion Study Building, he saw the shift, just boarding the slidewalk. With practiced motion and an absolute conservation of movement, they sidestepped up onto the slow-strip and (in a chorus line reminiscent of a Busby Berkeley film of the antediluvian 1930s) advanced across the strips ostrich-walking till they were lined up on the expresstrip.
Once more, in antic.i.p.ation, the elfin grin spread, and there was a tooth missing back there on the left side. He dipped, skimmed, and swooped over them; and then, scrunching about on the air-boat, he released the holding pins that fastened shut the ends of the home-made pouring troughs that kept his cargo from dumping prematurely. And as he pulled the trough-pins, the air-boat slid over the factory workers and one hundred and fifty thousand dollars" worth of jelly beans cascaded down on the expresstrip.
Jelly beans! Millions and billions of purples and yellows and greens and licorice and grape and raspberry and mint and round and smooth and crunchy outside and soft-mealy inside and sugary and bouncing jouncing tumbling c.l.i.ttering clattering skittering fell on the heads and shoulders and hardhats and carapaces of the Timkin workers, tinkling on the slidewalk and bouncing away and rolling about underfoot and filling the sky on their way down with all the colors of joy and childhood and holidays, coming down in a steady rain, a solid wash, a torrent of color and sweetness out of the sky from above, and entering a universe of sanity and metronomic order with quite-mad coocoo newness. Jelly beans!
The shift workers howled and laughed and were pelted, and broke ranks, and the jelly beans managed to work their way into the mechanism of the slidewalks after which there was a hideous sc.r.a.ping as the sound of a million fingernails rasped down a quarter of a million blackboards, followed by a coughing and a sputtering, and then the slidewalks all stopped and everyone was dumped thisawayandthataway in a jackstraw tumble, still laughing and popping little jelly bean eggs of childish color into their mouths. It was a holiday, and a jollity, an absolute insanity, a giggle. But. . .
The shift was delayed seven minutes.
They did not get home for seven minutes.
The master schedule was thrown off by seven minutes.
Quotas were delayed by inoperative slidewalks for seven minutes.
He had tapped the first domino in the line, and one after another, like chik chik chik, the others had fallen.
The System had been seven minutes" worth of disrupted. It was a tiny matter, one hardly worthy of note, but in a society where the single driving force was order and unity and equality and promptness and clocklike precision and attention to the clock, reverence of the G.o.ds of the pa.s.sage of time, it was a disaster of major importance.
So he was ordered to appear before the Ticktockman. It was broadcast across every channel of the communications web. He was ordered to be There at 7:00 dammit on time. And they waited, and they waited, but he didn"t show up till almost ten-thirty, at which time he merely sang a little song about moonlight in a place no one had ever heard of, called Vermont, and vanished again. But they had all been waiting since seven, and it wrecked h.e.l.l with their schedules. So the question remained: Who is the Harlequin?
But the unasked question (more important of the two) was: how did we get into This position, where a laughing, irresponsible j.a.per of jabberwocky and jive could disrupt our entire economic and cultural life with a hundred and fifty thousand dollars" worth of jelly beans. . .
Jelly for G.o.d"s sake beans! This is madness! Where did he get the money to buy a hundred and fifty thousand dollars" worth of jelly beans? (they knew it would have cost that much, because they had a team of Situation a.n.a.lysts pulled off another a.s.signment, and rushed to the slidewalk scene to sweep up and count the candies, and produce findings, which disrupted Their schedules and threw their entire branch at least a day behind. ) Jelly beans! Jelly. . . beans? Now wait a second-a second accounted for-no one has manufactured jelly beans for over a hundred years. Where did he get jelly beans?