But Drea hasn"t written a poem in a decade. Now that everybody self broadcasts audio poems, she says it"s like genius and madness; there are so many voices that you can"t tell which is which anymore.
"Why was the door open? Was someone here?" Trina asks.
Outside the window, she sees a fire on 78th Street. The Jackson Diner is burning. She smells scorched Indian food, which is a better smell than usual. On the television split screen, ten people are competing to be the best art critics.
They look at photos of paintings scavenged from the Louvre, and say whether they"re any good. Then the judges tell them if they"re right, or if the paintings are c.r.a.p. The second channel is that show with Rhett Butler and Scarlet O"Hara, where instead of breaking up, they get back together. The last channel is their still kitchen. Drea is watching their apartment on channel 9. 53256. Suddenly all three programs are interrupted, and Trina moans. It better not be another evacuation. She only just got rid of the lice in her hair from the last time she had to stay at the 48th Street Shelter.
The president comes on screen. He"s smiling. He"s had a lot of cosmetic surgery, so he looks just like Brick"s brother, Brett Jensen. Or maybe he is Brett Jensen. She can"t remember.
Remember me, she hears in her mind, like the president is saying it. Her head hurts bad. She misses the morphine. I worry about Lulu, she thinks, and she knows the thought is not new. The doctor"s cure never works for long.
"Good evening," the president says, like he"s fancy. Everybody else says, "Hey, America!" then he reminds everyone about Patriot Day. "I"ve got a special surprise," he says, and Drea claps her hands together like it"s Ex-Ma.s.s morning. "At dusk on Patriot Day, every city in this great country will launch a FIRE WORKS SPECTACULAR!" he announces. Then he itemizes the cities: Seattle, Santa Fe, Portland, Boston, New York. He doesn"t mention Los Angeles or New Orleans, which makes her think they"re still at war for earthquake and flood supplies. She can never remember who the war is with, because it changes so often.
"Ummm," her mother says like she"s hungry. "I love all those pretty explosions. "
"We have explosions every f.e.c.kin" day, Drea!" Trina reminds her, but it doesn"t do much good. Brett Jensen (the president?) has a dimpled smile, which for some reason makes her remember the word soul. A little girl with no hands is haunting her. She looks at her own hands now, and notices that she"s been biting them. Teeth indentations are embedded like welts along her fingers.
"Why"s the door open? Where"s dad?" she asks.
Drea sits up from the couch and looks at Trina like she doesn"t recognize her.
"Think," Trina says. "Where was the last place you saw him?"
Drea furrows her brow. Her fingers are swollen from all the typing. She"s supposed to use voice prompt, but she prefers typing because it reminds her of writing. Old people! "I saw him on the television?" Drea asks.
Trina"s lower lip quivers. She wants to hit her mom all of a sudden, which makes her even more like her dad, maybe. "Did he go to work this morning? the door is open. "
"Oh," Drea says, and slides back into the couch. "Somebody took him, then. "
"So where is he?"
She doesn"t answer. The president signs off, and new shows start. Their theme songs all sound the same. They plan it that way, so when you"re watching a bunch of shows at once it"s never discordant.
"I"m lonely, baby. Why don"t you come sit with me?" Drea asks, and Trina would like that. They"ll share a blanket and kiss toes like they used to. Trina will tell her mother what she did, and her mother will forgive her. Together, they"ll figure out what to do. But Trina doesn"t sit, because things have changed, and nothing"s the way it used to be.
On one of the programs, a dark-skinned girl with brown hair and deep circles under her eyes is standing in a dark, dingy room. Flickering lights cast shadows against her face. On the couch beneath the girl, a sickly thin woman lays stretched out and half-sleeping. It"s weird, because television stars are supposed to be skinny and tan, not a bunch of ugg-os. Then she figures it out. It"s her. It"s right now. This is her life. The Committee for Ethical Media has added another camera.
In her room, she switches to channels 9. 53256 and 9. 53257, then presses rewind. She sighs with relief. The reverse record is working. She plays the tapes backward, and sees herself wiping tears from her eyes while talking to her mother on the couch. Was she crying? She doesn"t remember that, though she notices now that her eyes are still wet.
She sees stillness. Her mother in the dark with the shades drawn, moving only to swallow vitamins and breathe. Then her dad with each arm held by an officer of the CEM, walking backward into the kitchen. They wrestle a little. Her dad is on the floor. One of the men hits him on the back of the head. But then they all get up again. They let him go, and walk backward out the apartment. The door closes, and it is dad chewing toast into existence. She wishes it had happened like that.
She uses a long metal p.r.o.ng to pull out the old filter. It"s black with soot. Then she replaces it with a clean one, and tries not to gag. It"s small until it fills with air. Then it expands. Her dad says it"s the ultra-fine particles you have to worry about. They get into the deep lungs, where there isn"t any hair or phlegm to carry them back out. n.o.body at school uses filters. They"re expensive. Ramesh steals them from the lab. There"s about fifty hidden behind the false wall panel in her bedroom.
As she walks, she remembers. She"s not supposed to, but she can"t help it. First came the cold table, and then the blinking eye. And then the slap against her cheek, and the echo of her voice as it was recorded. She puts her hand in her mouth and bites down until she draws blood, but it doesn"t make her feel any better: her father. She told, and now he"s gone.
The main branch of the Committee for Ethical Media is at the old library near Bryant Park in Manhattan. A guard at the subway station orders her to spread her legs, because it looks like she"s hiding a bomb up there. He loses interest when she tells him she"s got antibiotic resistant syphilis. After an hour, the F train never shows, because the 59th Street Bridge is closed due to a bomb threat. She hikes it north over the Triborough, then grabs the 6 Train downtown. By the time she gets to the CEM it"s night, but the city is lit up so bright it feels like day.
She takes a number and waits. The woman sitting next to her is wearing a trash bag. This time, it"s white and lemon scented, so slightly less offensive. She falls asleep for a while. When she wakes it"s morning, and her number is three spots away. They call her name. She"s up in a flash.
"Ramesh Narayan?" she asks.
A woman punches something into a computer. "Rammy Naran? Nope. Next!"
"No, wait. You spelled it wrong. Here. " the woman enters the name again. Then she frowns. "Cremated or buried?"
Trina tries not to hear this. She tries very hard. There is something bad on her tongue. Bile, maybe. "No. He was taken in for voluntary questioning. "
"So it says. " then she leans over the counter. She is wheezing badly, and her backpack is hissing like a b.u.m who got stabbed. "Heart attack during interrogation," she answers. "Cremation or burial?"
Trina"s tries to think, but the words don"t make sense. She"s not sure they"re English. Her hand is in her mouth and she"s biting hard. It tastes like salt. "I love my dad," she mumbles. "And he loves me. "
"Which? Your insurance covers both," the woman says. Her backpack is gasping.
Trina thinks about the cold bottle against her cheek. The bruise is still tender, and she touches it now, and pushes hard until it hurts. She"d like it to reverse heal. She"d like to wear the scar for the rest of her life. "It"s a mistake," she says. "He was going to get us out. I made a mistake. "
The woman shakes her head. "You"re right. There was a mistake. "
Trina"s crying all of a sudden, from relief. "Yes! I knew! they only took him for questioning. " She"s holding onto the counter, because otherwise she"ll fall. "Daddy!" she shouts, "Daddy, where are you?" because maybe he"ll hear her voice in one of the interrogation rooms, and know that she came all the way from Queens to rescue him. He"ll know she"s sorry.
The woman grabs hold of Trina"s wrist like a lobster catching prey. Her grip clamps tighter when Trina tries to shake her off. "We couldn"t find next of kin. So the CEM already incinerated him. That"s the mistake. He"s still dead, kid. Now shut your mouth before the guards arrest you for making a racket. " then she lets go, and places a bar-coded ticket on the counter. "You can pick him up at that address. "
"No," Trina says. "that"s wrong. Ramesh Narayan. Before the war he gave lectures all over the country. He was an important man. "
"The ticket," the woman says, only Trina sees that she"s not mad, just tired. Her lips are almost blue from lack of oxygen. "Sure, maybe it"s a mistake, but that"s where you"ll find out. "
Trina looks down at her shoes. In her mind there is a bomb at her feet. When it explodes, a hole opens in the earth, and swallows her. The girl left standing in the CEM lobby is just a sh.e.l.l. Made of tubes and plastic surgery. A confection of the doctor. Sweet and stupid as cotton candy.
She"s panting and wet with sweat by the time she jogs the forty blocks downtown to the East Village. She"d keep running forever, if she could, but the building"s name comes into view: City Morgue. She stands in front of it for a long while, catching her breath.
Unlike Jackson Heights, a lot of people in Manhattan don"t have mechanical lungs. Instead they"re zipped inside big plastic bubbles equipped with molecular air generators. They"re skinny and they dress in high heels, even the men. They look like a different species. As they pa.s.s the front of the building, she thinks about poking holes in their generators. The air will leak slowly, and then they"ll start coughing, just like everybody else.
Once inside the building, she exchanges her ticket for a number, and waits. After a while a guy with no teeth hands her a Styrofoam urn. She"s not sure it"s her dad, but there"s a picture burned into the side. In it, Ramesh is wearing his tan work suit. His dead eyes are closed.
She"d like to eat the urn. That way she"ll never forget. There were the animals that died in his lab. Little spotted mice with pink tongues. They couldn"t survive the debris. There are buildings that fall. The third world war in the last twenty years. There is her mother, who used to laugh. There is her best friend Lulu. They blend together. They coalesce, like mercury. Like morphine. They bathe her. She is bathed in death.
Perhaps she"ll run out of here, and never stop. There is Canada, like her dad planned. But would they really have gotten there? Or would Patriot Day have come with blood and fireworks, and then gone gently, into another day? She knows the answer, and for once it makes her think no less of him. He would have anesthetized his new port with vodka, and after a visit or two to the doctor, he"d have become just like everyone else. There was no plan for escape. There was only rage and talk. But these were better that nothing.
I won"t forget, she whispers, and she knows she should say it to the ashes, but she can"t bring herself to open the urn.
She walks the whole way, and doesn"t get home until the next morning. Her feet are bleeding. Squish-squish.
When she walks inside, Drea is on the couch. She"s been sneaking extra visits to the doctor, and Trina can tell from her dilated blue eyes that she saw him recently.
She puts the ashes on the table. The television is tuned to four channels. This time there is a view of the neighbor"s apartment. The weird guy is having s.e.x with his daughter. Drea is sad about that, so she"s hiding her face. Trina can"t figure out if it"s really happening, or a programmed show She turns off the television. "this is dad," she says.
Drea is quiet. She knows she"s supposed to explain, but she doesn"t know how. She can"t help it; she laughs. This is dad, light as a feather. This is my hand, covered in open sores.
Drea examines the photo, and then opens the Styrofoam top. "If this is your father, what does that make me?" she asks.
When she wakes the next morning, she can"t help it. She forgets she was supposed to remember. She spies Drea running her fingers through the ashes, and goes on automatic pilot. She calls the doctor. He can"t squeeze her in until tonight. She uses Lulu"s name. She figures Lulu won"t care. It"s all for a good cause. Just the thought of the needle makes her skin tingle. She can"t wait for the needle.
Remember me.
Drea is playing the television so loud that it gives her a headache, so even though she"d rather stay home, she walks to school. It"s Patriot Day, so everyone is wearing maroon and orange. In her black jeans and T-shirt, Trina sticks out like a b.l.o.o.d.y thumb. There aren"t any cla.s.ses, just lines of people waiting to sit on gurneys in the auditorium and get their free ports. Along the aisles, they"re handing out Tang juice and Fluff sandwiches.
In her mind she tears the ports from kids" skulls, and watches them bleed. She tears out her own port, too. Up on the podium, the seniors are giving speeches to the undercla.s.smen: "Before my port I wasn"t sure, but now I know I"m happy!" "the Doctor makes everything better. ""this will be the best day of your life. "
But then Hitler interrupts the testimonials for a special announcement. Something about a pep rally and bonfire tonight after the fireworks. He wants people to bring things to burn. She stops listening until she hears Lulu"s name. She"s been hiding from Lulu all day, because if she sees her, it"ll make what happened to her father real, instead of a dream. She"ll have to talk about it. She"ll have to say his name.
Hitler Lite continues. "Complications of the complication on the complication," he says. Blah blah blah. "Let"s bow our heads for a moment, in memory of Lulu Walker. "
Her face goes red. It"s so hot she"s sweating. She doesn"t stay to hear any more. She"s out the door.
She knows she shouldn"t be here. She promised she wouldn"t come. She hates him. Then again, she"s got no place else to go. "Emergency," she tells the nurse in pleather and vinyl. "I have to see the doctor. Lulu Walker. "
She takes a ticket. The woman sitting next to her is wearing a sheet. She"s shaking like she needs a fix real bad. Trina doesn"t look too closely, because the woman is Drea.
She closes her eyes and thinks about the trickle through her veins. She thinks about emptiness. She thinks about the filter in her lungs full of ashes. The dead are all around her. She is breathing them. And still the buildings topple while the televisions sing.
-Remember me.
-Why? It hurts too much.
"Lulu Walker?" the nurse calls, and she"s up in a flash.
Needles inserted. Blood squirted. She lays down. White eye to red to green, she begins. "I worry about the speed of things. I worry you murdered my dad. I murdered my dad. I worry he was right all along, only I hated him so much I didn"t see it. I worry this war will never end. It"s just a lie to keep us stupid. "
Her voice echoes. It"s being recorded. They"ll think its Lulu, probably.
Continue, it tells her, and she finally recognizes the voice. It"s the same lady on "Will Brick Jensen Get Laid?!?" who says that sports are for lesbians and stupid people.
The morphine tingles in her arm. She starts forgetting even though the doctor hasn"t entered her port yet. The treatment is finally working, she realizes. It"s not brain damage they"re after. Everybody remembers eventually, no matter how often they"re adjusted. The doctor isn"t the cure. It"s self-regulation. It"s forgetting with the snap of a finger, the promise of a tingle in the arm. Forgetting in the antic.i.p.ation of pleasure. Forgetting because it"s easier, and you"re tired of fighting, when every day things get worse, instead of better. It"s learning to be your own doctor. That"s what Patriot Day is all about.
Continue, the woman repeats. She"s been paid for her voice, of course. An actress. They do it all the time. Trina thinks she"s going to laugh, but instead she is crying as the morphine drips. It doesn"t feel good this time; it just feels sick.
Lulu is dead. Her father is dead. Even the living are dead. The laser begins to shoot, and her father is disappearing. The machine is killing her father. Bean Pole with dark circles. They used to swing their feet on the bench in Westchester, side-by-side. The memory disappears. Burned away. She searches for it, but it"s gone. Next goes the bathtub, where he taught her to swim. Gone. She is killing her father. She is a murderer. The doctor is a murderer.
She pulls the needle like a plug. Precious morphine drips. She unlocks the port. Click. Then she"s kicking the machine. She"s beating it senseless with her bitten and scarred hands, because two days ago Ramesh was here. Two days ago, even though he knew she would betray him, he was waiting for her. He loved her. She punches and kicks, until the Cyclops eye shatters. Then she pops the needle inside its gaping wound. The morphine wets the wires, and the doctor"s lights go out.
It goes to sleep and forgets, but she does not.
She leaves fast, before they can figure out what she did. It won"t be long before they come for her. There is video. Lulu is dead. They"ll figure it out. They"ll lock her up, or worse.
She thinks about Canada. It would make her father proud. But she doesn"t have the paperwork to leave the state. She could take a train to Westchester, but she"s broke. Besides, they"ll run her name through the CEM Database. An idea occurs to her, and she likes it. She could walk. She"s good at that. She"ll insert a double filter and cross the Triborough at night when they won"t see her walking the old pedestrian path. She"ll sleep during the day, and walk as long as it takes.
She"ll visit those places she"s heard about, where there is gra.s.s and dirt. Where There are animals, and birdsongs, and she doesn"t need a filter.
But do places like that exist anymore?
She goes home first. The apartment door is wide open, and her father"s ashes are scattered on the coffee table. The television is loud. She packs a bag full of filters and vitamin-enriched fluff. Wears it on her shoulders like a mechanical lung. "Mom?" she calls.
Drea is lying on the bed. The bottle of vitamins is empty. Trina"s first thought is a bad one. But then Drea opens her eyes. "Sweetie," she moans. "I got lost and had to find a nice policeman to take me home. They put this on my arm, so it doesn"t happen again. " Drea lifts her wrist, where a barcode has been branded into her skin. "You"d think they"d just write the address. But n.o.body likes words anymore, do they?"
Trina sits down on the bed. Her mom doesn"t move. Her head is upside-down, which makes her look alien. "I"m in trouble," she says.
Drea blinks. Her fingernails are dirty. Or maybe ashy.
The camera"s light is green, just like the doctor"s, and she thinks about smashing it. She"d like to say: I"m leaving. Come with me, mom! But this is being recorded, so instead she stands. "I"ll remember both of you," she says.
Drea smiles. "How nice. "
She"s walking backward out the door, like this is a movie in rewind. They haven"t really lived in this hole for three years. Her mother isn"t really a junkie. She didn"t really rat her father out to the CEM, and get him killed. She isn"t really leaving all that she"s ever known.
"Bye, mom," she croaks as she crosses the threshold. Then she"s running down the steps.
The streets are red, and the sky is ashes. Inside her, a girl is chewing the scenery. She"s ripping down all the old pictures, and making everything blank. A girl is yelling and shouting and crying. And breathing. And running. And thinking. And remembering. This girl is her.
Feet pounding, she doesn"t stop until she"s out of breath. When she looks up, a crowd of people has ama.s.sed under the Triborough Bridge in Astoria Park. Have they come to arrest her so soon? No, she remembers. It"s Patriot Day.
All along the street and sidewalk are floodlights, gurneys, and the sound of drills. The streets look wet, and at first she thinks it"s water, but no, it"s blood. People stand in lines one-hundred bodies deep, waiting for the messy operation. Scalp wounds bleed. Her sneakers are red.
When the sky explodes, she thinks at first that it"s another bomb. But then there are colors: red, white, and blue. Heads bobble in unison, thousands, and peer into the light. She notices now the men with guns. They"re here to make sure that everybody, even the people who try to back out, get their ports.
She pushes through the crowd and gets onto the bridge. The road is so thick with people that she can hardly move. Still, she pushes. There are others, she notices, who do not look at the bright lights in the sky. They navigate the crowd, and try to make their faces blank, but they can"t. They"re terrified, just like her. One in a hundred. Maybe one in a thousand, but still she spots them. Still, they exist.
Have there always been others, only she"s never noticed them before? Or is it that she"s never been one of them before? She knows the secret now and it has nothing to do with the doctor. The way to remember is to stop forcing yourself to forget.
The people like her make their way across the bridge while the other stand still, and block the way. Some are alone, others in small groups of three or four. Heads bent, chests pounding, they steer through the immobile throng. She thinks they"re all headed for the same place. Canada or free Vermont. A few are wearing neck kerchiefs, and she realizes it"s because they have no ports.
Remember, her father told her. And she will do more than that.
She doesn"t know it"s happening until her breath comes ragged. She"s running along the bridge in blood stained shoes. She"s not sure, but it seems like she"s the first. Others follow. Soon, half the bridge is shaking, pounding. There aren"t many of them, but they"re determined. They are running. It feels so good, the air slapping her face. She was born for this, to run. She will keep running, until she is far away. Until she can watch the fireworks of Patriot Day from some place free.
The Lunatics.
by Kim Stanley Robinson.
Kim Stanley Robinson is the bestselling author of fifteen novels, including three series: the Mars trilogy, the three Californias trilogy, and the Science in the Capitol trilogy. He is also the author of about seventy short stories, much of which has been collected in the retrospective volume The Best of Kim Stanley Robinson. He is the winner of two Hugos, two Nebulas, six Locus Awards, the World Fantasy Award, the British Science Fiction Award, and the John W. Campbell Memorial Award. His latest novel, Galileo"s Dream, came out in 2009.
At the end of the nineteenth century, coal mining had become one of the biggest, meanest industries in the United States. Unhealthy working conditions and a reliance on child labor caused accidents and blackened men"s lungs. Crooked business practices like debt bondage and wage-cheating were just part of the misery. But it was dangerous to stand up against the mining companies. Miners didn"t just face losing their jobs-their lives were often at stake, as mining companies fought against unionizing with violence.
The coal miners" struggles for better conditions were captured in photos and songs that have become a warning for the workers of the world. But in the future, miners might not be so lucky.
What could be worse than working deep beneath the ground, never seeing the light of day? What could be worse than knowing the money in your paycheck was a token worthless outside the company"s store?