This time, real alarm sounded and he moved away, erecting defenses against whatever it was. In the instant it took to separate himself , put some s.p.a.ce between them, he tried to imagine what could put that tone in her voice. Another man? Some glitch with the trial? A sudden desire to travel and see the world?
Her face gave no rea.s.surance, either. She pulled the covers up around her, and her eyes were big with worry.
"d.a.m.n, Mattie, just tell me."
She swallowed, brushed her hair off her forehead and said, "I"m going to have a baby."
He gaped at her, not comprehending. Had she been carrying Brian"s child when he met her? No. He remembered that box of tampons she spilled. "A baby?"
She licked her lips. "Yes. I wasn"t going to tell you, because you made your position very clear. And I"m not asking anything of you, either."
Zeke heard a roaring in his ears. "My child?" "I didn"t think it was fair to not tell you. I kept thinking of the way you looked with that baby in the bar inKismet, and it just seemed wrong not to tell you."
He felt as if he"d had the wind knocked out of him. Urgently, he stood up and grabbed his robe. He tied it firmly. "You"re pregnant?"
"Yes."
"Oh, Mattie," he said, and sank into a chair, covering his face. "A baby."
"I"m sorry, Zeke." She grabbed her clothes from the floor where they had fallen and started yanking them on. "I shouldn"t have come. I"m sorry. It seemed like the right thing to do."
He looked up, startled. "What are you doing?"
"I"ll just go, um, back to my place. I"m living in town."
He jumped up, one fear overriding the other. If she left again, he"d face all that bleak loneliness again.
"No," he said, grabbing her. "No." He pulled her into his arms, holding her so she couldn"t go. "Don"t
leave me again, Mattie. Please." "Oh, Zeke," she said, flinging her arms around his neck. She burst into tears. "I never wanted to leave in the first place."
He closed his eyes and held her close. "Don"t go," he repeated in a whisper.
"No, Zeke. I won"t." She held him. "I won"t." * * * They sat by the fire in the living room, drinking hot chocolate and eating popcorn. Zeke held her as if he wasn"t sure he wanted to let go, and Mattie stayed close for the same reason. It seemed like a miracle. After a time, he said quietly, "It scares me, Mattie, the baby." She lifted her head. "I know." "It"s been the one thing I most regretted, that I wasn"t gonna have any babies of my own." His drawl seemed deeper, as it always did when references to his childhood emerged. "What if I"m like him, Mattie? What if that meanness is living in me somewhere?"
Mattie looked at him for a long moment, thinking of all the reasons she knew he wasn"t mean, not anywhere in him, not the tiniest portion. "This is a gift, Zeke, from heaven above. If a star fell in your lap, would you give it back to G.o.d and tell him you didn"t think you could handle it?"
He stroked her hair. "No."
"You know what I think?" Mattie said, and touched his face. "I think you"re my reward for making it through. I think this baby is your reward for being so brave all those years." She touched one of the small faded circle scars. "I think you deserve to have a baby of your own more than anyone I"ve ever met."
He yanked her close, burying his head against her neck, but not before Mattie saw the glimmer of tears in his eyes. "You"re my reward, Miss Mary."
In time, when he"d gained control, he lifted his head. "So you think you want to live with a man like me,
huh? Up here in the wilderness without a toilet and no movie house for thirty miles?" "Yes." "You think you"re going to enjoy a life of raising horses?" "Yes." He took a breath. "And you think you want me to be the father of your children?" She lifted her head, smiling. "Definitely." He nodded. "I think we oughta get married, then, don"t you?" "Yes." "We do have one small problem, Miss Mary," he said in his gravelly voice. "What?" "You never told me your name. Is Mattie really short for Matilda?"
She laughed. "Will it change things?" "It might. I don"t know about being married to a Matilda." "Look who"s talking, Ezekiel ." "So it is Matilda." He chuckled. "It"s Madeline." He went still. "Really?" "Rhetta Madeline O"Neal. Irish as they come." "Madeline was my sister"s name," he said hoa.r.s.ely, pressing his lips to her temple. "The one who died." Mattie leaned into him, pressing her cheek to his neck. "If the baby is a girl, maybe we could call her Madeline, if you wouldn"t mind." Mattie didn"t bother to stop the tears. "That would be fine." He stroked her arm gently. "And what was your foster brother"s name? The one who taught you to play pool?"
"Jamie," she whispered, hearing his acceptance of the child they"d made.
"That would be nice for a boy."
"Very nice," she agreed and let him gather her up close.
Silent, contented, they watched the fire flicker as snow fell from a peaceful mountain sky.
end.