G.o.d, he hoped so...
For the first time in years, Ben had started looking forward to the future. Having Danny and Eden in his life again was a miracle he"d never dreamed possible. And then to add in both Izzy and Jenn...?
Over the past few days, he"d had a glimpse of what life with them would be like.
And after the h.e.l.l of Crossroads and the purgatory that had been his life with Greg, it was nirvana.
It wouldn"t be perfect. He knew that. Money was and would remain an issue. And it wouldn"t be easy, either, when Danny and Izzy went overseas.
But there would be laughter.
And he would be hugged.
Even when he was little, Eden had been the only one who"d ever hugged him. But over the past few days, he"d been hugged by Izzy and Jenn and even Danny, too. That had been weird, and Ben had been surprised and he"d frozen before he could hug his brother back. But he"d hugged Danny tonight, after the wedding and...
It was amazing how such a little, seemingly insignificant thing could matter so much. It was amazing how quickly he could move from feeling isolated, desperate, and alone, to feeling surrounded by love and genuine affection.
Ben still didn"t quite feel completely safe, but that would change the moment they got into their car and drove away from this city and Greg. And yes, it was a little scary to think about living in San Diego. He"d never been there, not even to visit, and he had no idea what it would be like. School would probably suck, but school was probably going to suck wherever he lived.
It would be bearable, though, knowing he had a place to go-a home-where he could be himself, where he was loved loved for being himself. for being himself.
Ben looked at himself in the bathroom mirror as he put his toothbrush back in the cup Eden had put out for him. With Dan, Jenni, and Izzy all staying here, all four of the slots had already been filled in the holder that stuck out from the wall.
Except, they weren"t. Not anymore.
There was an empty spot.
Which meant that Izzy had already packed his toothbrush.
Whatever talk he was intending to have with Eden in the morning? It was highly likely that it would include the word good-bye good-bye. That is, if he wasn"t lying to Ben, and was, in truth, planning to sneak away before the break of dawn, the way so many of Ivette"s countless boyfriends had done.
If Deshawndra were here, she would urge Ben to act. Helping Neesha could could bring Izzy and Eden together. He could find the girl and kill two birds with one stone. bring Izzy and Eden together. He could find the girl and kill two birds with one stone.
He could practically hear her voice: Neesha needs your help. So do those two fools, sleeping in two separate beds tonight. Don"t wait for them-you"ll be waiting forever Neesha needs your help. So do those two fools, sleeping in two separate beds tonight. Don"t wait for them-you"ll be waiting forever.
But...The men who were after Neesha knew what Ben looked like. They were armed. And dangerous. He couldn"t just go to the mall and look for her.
But people see what they expect to see. You made yourself stand out. Now make yourself blend in.
Ben leaned in close to look at his hair in the bathroom mirror. His roots were showing, but to get rid of the black dye job, he"d have to give himself a buzz cut. And he wasn"t ready for that.
No, instead he"d go blond. There was a twenty-four-hour drugstore down on the corner. He could sneak out and pick up some Miss Clairol Whatever and be back here in a matter of minutes. He could bleach and color and even cut his hair tonight, and be ready to pop on over to the mall first thing in the morning, stopping at the Salvation Army to trade in his black jeans and T-shirt for a pair of shorts and a shirt in bright colors.
Once he did that?
Without his Goth costume and makeup, his own brother and sister wouldn"t recognize him.
Do it.
Ben left the bathroom and went back into the living room, where Izzy was sleeping soundly. He crept past him and lifted the chair cushion under which he"d hidden the stash of money that Izzy and Eden had removed from its hiding place in Greg and Ivette"s house. He didn"t take the entire envelope-he just grabbed a couple of twenties, because he was uncertain as to how much the hair color kit would cost.
One thing he did did know? Coloring his hair was going to smell. When he"d dyed his hair black, it had stunk to high heavens. know? Coloring his hair was going to smell. When he"d dyed his hair black, it had stunk to high heavens.
With a little luck, both Eden and Izzy would sleep through it. If not, he would play dumb. I couldn"t sleep, and I wanted a change... I couldn"t sleep, and I wanted a change...
Ben pocketed the money and turned off all the lights, and with his clothes and sneakers still on, he climbed beneath the sheets and blankets on the twin-sized air mattress. All he had to do was wait for Eden to emerge from her bedroom to use the bathroom, and mumble good night as if he were already falling asleep...
Then, after she went into her room, he could dash down to the drugstore and be back without either of them ever knowing he"d been gone.
Jenn didn"t let Danny carry her over the threshold when they went into the hotel honeymoon suite.
It was more than merely impractical when it came to caring for his recent injury. It was...too much for her to take after the wedding vows and the rings and that incredible kiss he"d given her at Mr. Fudd"s command...
You may kiss the bride.
She felt as if she were doing role-playing make-believe with a lover who was far more into the game than she was.
It was doubly strange, because she"d always thought of Danny as someone who had a little trouble living in the moment. He worried a great deal about his family responsibilities, and he always seemed to carry those worries with him.
And yes, she knew he had to be different when out on one of his SEAL team missions. He would have to focus intensely, in order to keep himself and his teammates out of peril. Jenn suspected, at those times, that he compartmentalized and just pushed everything else aside.
Kind of the way he was doing right now.
Tonight, she she was his full focus, and it was rather disarming. was his full focus, and it was rather disarming.
She"d felt that focus before-on the night that he"d seduced her. He"d pretended to read her palm and, because of the lines on her hand, accused her of being too pragmatic.
She"d proven him wrong by leaping into bed with him. Or maybe she"d proven him right, because having s.e.x with men she"d just met was not in her usual no-nonsense repertoire.
Of course, Jenn had outdone herself tonight, in terms of nonpragmatic behavior. Or maybe this was was pragmatic-marrying a man in order to help him save his brother from a terrible, life-threatening situation at home. But it should have been done quickly and quietly-matter-of-factly, minus the trumpet fanfare. pragmatic-marrying a man in order to help him save his brother from a terrible, life-threatening situation at home. But it should have been done quickly and quietly-matter-of-factly, minus the trumpet fanfare.
It definitely had felt weird to do it this this way, all fancy and formal, with the dress and the uniform and the flowers and the pictures and the honeymoon suite. way, all fancy and formal, with the dress and the uniform and the flowers and the pictures and the honeymoon suite.
Still, Dan was so clearly enjoying the entire experience, Jenn didn"t have the heart not to smile back at him as he opened the bottle of champagne that had been waiting for them in their suite, chilling in a bucket of ice.
There were roses, too-three giant bouquets-strategically placed around the s.p.a.cious room.
Everything was lovely-and Danny was, too, dressed as he was all in white, with those colorful rows of ribbons adorning his broad chest.
He poured them both gla.s.ses and handed her one and smiled into her eyes as he touched his flute to hers and gave a toast. "To my beautiful wife, Mrs. Jennilyn Gillman."
She"d surprised him at the chapel, when she"d declined to keep her own name. He"d clearly expected her to. He"d also clearly been charmingly pleased that she hadn"t, and she didn"t have the heart to tell him that it was a strategic move on her part. Although she had no idea if presenting such a unified front would help them gain custody of Ben, she knew it would be useful in the coming months when dealing with his schoolteachers and doctors-with all of whom she expected to have a large amount of contact.
And okay, yeah, maybe she was was also guilty of being sappy and sentimental, but part of her liked the fantasy elements that accompanied the tradition of a woman taking her man"s name. There was a sense of ownership there that went both ways. She was his woman, his wife. And he was her husband, her man. also guilty of being sappy and sentimental, but part of her liked the fantasy elements that accompanied the tradition of a woman taking her man"s name. There was a sense of ownership there that went both ways. She was his woman, his wife. And he was her husband, her man.
And she certainly liked the idea of Dan Gillman being her man her man.
"You"ve been really quiet," he said now as he gazed at her with those chocolate-brown eyes. "Are you okay?"
"I"m a little freaked out," she admitted, taking another sip from her elegant gla.s.s.
"I"m not," he said as he set his winegla.s.s on the sideboard, his movement sure and commanding. Maybe it was the uniform, but he seemed bigger, too. Older and supremely confident. Not that he wasn"t all those things before, but somehow, tonight, it was amplified. "I was was, though-a little bit. Right before the ceremony." He smiled. "Zanella actually thought I was going to faint. I mean, I wasn"t, but...I guess I was looking a little pale. I do do remember thinking, remember thinking, Holy s.h.i.t. Holy s.h.i.t."
"I think that"s where I am right now," Jenn confessed.
"Mine was a good holy s.h.i.t, holy s.h.i.t," he said as he took her gla.s.s from her and set it down next to his, turning back to her with a smile.
"Mine"s...heavy disbelief," she told him. "Mixed with a little fear, you know. Of the unknown."
He laughed as he took her hand and gently pulled her into his arms. She had to tilt her head to look up into his eyes, which was very nice.
"That"s kind of funny," he told her, "because for the first time in forever, with you by my side? I feel like I can finally handle anything that the future brings."
His soft words made him romance incarnate, but he took it a giant step further by leaning down, taking his time to look into her eyes before kissing her. It was a replay of the kiss he"d given her in the chapel. Sweet but thorough. Tender but laced with fire. And Jenn felt herself melting as she kissed him back.
And then, in unspoken but mutual agreement, she helped him out of his uniform, even as he helped her out of her dress.
And, G.o.d, he was beautiful, with sun-kissed skin covering well-defined muscles. Yes, he was still a little too skinny, a by-product of his recent tour of duty and ensuing hospital stay, but she knew that would change as soon as he was cleared to start working out more strenuously.
It amazed her that he could look at her with the same ardent appreciation, but he did, and it wasn"t an act.
Please G.o.d, don"t let it be an act...
As Jenn fell back with him onto the bed, she pulled herself away from his kisses long enough to remind him, "I"m on top."
"Works for me," he said, kissing her again, even as he rolled himself onto his back.
Which left her straddling him, exactly where they both wanted her to be. He was hard, and she was ready-G.o.d, she was more than ready. It had been so long...
But she was also hyperaware of his bandaged leg, and she told him, "Don"t you dare let me hurt you."
"You could could give me a safe word," he suggested, grinning up at her, even as he teased her with his body, sliding himself against her. give me a safe word," he suggested, grinning up at her, even as he teased her with his body, sliding himself against her.
"I"m serious," Jenn said, but kind of blew it by laughing, because it was impossible not to laugh when he was smiling at her like that.
"I can tell that you"re very very serious," he countered. serious," he countered.
"I"m going to be mad if I have to rush you to the hospital after this. So slow and easy, okay? We"ve got all the time in the world to attempt to break the bed. Well, not this bed. But our our bed." G.o.d, they were going to have to go shopping for a bed. bed." G.o.d, they were going to have to go shopping for a bed.
Danny"s eyes were half closed, and he"d caught his lower lip between his perfect white teeth as he just kept that gentle motion going, sliding himself against her. "Slow and easy also works for me," he told her. "Any other rules I need to know about, Mrs. Gillman, ma"am? Because I"m waiting on your green light..."
Jenni leaned over and kissed him, and he seemed to take that as the go go he was waiting for, because as he kissed her back, he simultaneously reached between them and shifted his hips and-G.o.d!-pushed himself home. he was waiting for, because as he kissed her back, he simultaneously reached between them and shifted his hips and-G.o.d!-pushed himself home.
She heard herself moan even as he did the same, and yes, G.o.d, yes, it felt so good, but he"d skipped a step.
"Condom," she said, in between kissing him back, even as she moved on top of him, pushing him more deeply inside of her.
"Oh, yeah," he breathed. "G.o.d, Jenni, that"s so good..."
He was caught up in the moment-she was, too. But she was also the one who could get pregnant, so she forced herself, if not to stop, then at least to reach over toward the box of condoms he"d tossed onto the bedside table.
But Danny knew what she was doing, and instead of helping, of shifting them closer, of pulling himself out and protecting her, he held her in place with one hand and grabbed her wrist with the other, stopping her.
"What if we don"t," he breathed as he gazed up at her, and G.o.d, he was actually serious.
"I could get pregnant," she told him, but despite her dire warning, she didn"t move, didn"t pull herself off of him.
"We"re married," he said, as if that meant something.
Jenn shook her head. "Danny, I don"t-"
"I do," he said. "I meant it when I said I do. I do."
She was astonished. "You want want us to...have a...baby?" us to...have a...baby?"
He was nodding yes before she"d finished her question. "Someday. Yeah."
She was staring down at him with her mouth open, but she managed to close it and ask, "Someday like in five years? Because that"s really different from someday like in nine very short months."
"It"s Las Vegas," Dan said, and at first his words seemed to be a non sequitur. But then he added, "Let"s gamble. Let"s make tonight special. And if we end up with a souvenir..."
"A souvenir... souvenir... ?" Jenn repeated with disbelief. ?" Jenn repeated with disbelief.
"That just means it"s meant to be. We"ll be ready if we need to. Jenni, I love you. Don"t you get it? I didn"t marry you because it"s convenient. I married you because I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Dan"s very naked wife was looking down at him as if he"d just spoken to her in Hungarian or maybe Vietnamese.
So Dan backpedaled. "It"s okay if you don"t want to," he told her. "I was just...I don"t know, I guess I got a little drunk on the...romance of it all. Our wedding, and then, making love to you after all this time of not being able to...? But I don"t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I really don"t, and okay, s.h.i.t, I"m lying. I"m, like, ten seconds from coming because you"re so G.o.dd.a.m.n beautiful, and Christ, this feels so good-"
She leaned down and kissed him, which was close to the opposite of what he"d expected, which was for her to pull herself off of him so she could hand him an apology and a condom.
Instead, she kissed him, and while she kissed him she moved, pushing him even more deeply inside of her, which wasn"t just close to it, it was was the opposite of what he"d expected. the opposite of what he"d expected.
And Danny stopped kissing her long enough to breathe, "Ah, G.o.d, baby, are you sure...?" Because although his estimate of ten seconds had been an exaggeration, it hadn"t been that that big of an exaggeration. big of an exaggeration.
And Jenn wasn"t wasn"t sure-he knew that, because he knew her-but she didn"t say it. She only said, "I"ve never done this before. Not ever," as she kept that movement going. Languorously slowly, she lifted herself off of him, then pushed him deeply home. Again. And again. sure-he knew that, because he knew her-but she didn"t say it. She only said, "I"ve never done this before. Not ever," as she kept that movement going. Languorously slowly, she lifted herself off of him, then pushed him deeply home. Again. And again.
"Me neither," he gasped. He"d never, ever ever wanted to gamble before this-not when it came to s.e.x without birth control. And it sort of made sense, because he"d also never before made love to a woman who was his wife. wanted to gamble before this-not when it came to s.e.x without birth control. And it sort of made sense, because he"d also never before made love to a woman who was his wife.
"Never?" Jenn asked him. "No temptation?"
"None." Jesus, she was beautiful, and she was his his, and he pushed himself up to meet her as she lowered herself down. And even though she was a big woman, he was even bigger, and it made her close her eyes and moan and-Christ, yes-grind herself against him, which pushed him still even more deeply inside of her. It was an unbelievable turn-on, especially when she looked down at him with such sheer desire in her beautiful eyes.
"So good..." she breathed as she pulled herself up and then started the whole long, slow slide back down, all over again.
"Jenni," he gasped, it was all he could manage, but she somehow knew that he was trying to tell her that, G.o.d, he was going to come, and that the idea of his doing so without a barrier between them was going to blow his mind, because if he did did get her pregnant, it get her pregnant, it was was for-freaking-ever. And he wanted that, more than he"d ever wanted anything or anyone, and Jesus, he wanted to roll her over onto her back and slam himself into her, because he knew that she loved it hard and she loved it ferocious and physical, same way he did, because she was his perfect match in every way and she was for-freaking-ever. And he wanted that, more than he"d ever wanted anything or anyone, and Jesus, he wanted to roll her over onto her back and slam himself into her, because he knew that she loved it hard and she loved it ferocious and physical, same way he did, because she was his perfect match in every way and she was his his. And yeah, slow was nice, he definitely liked slow, too, but it had been so long so long...