"You remember last summer," said he, "that night when an arch was in the sky? We didn"t understand one another then, and I didn"t understand myself. But, during the last day or two, I"ve been thinking it all over.
I"ve had too good an opinion of myself all along."
"What is it that you"ve been thinking?" asked Cornelia, feeling repelled, and yet driven, by a piteous necessity, to know all the contents, good or bad, of this heart which was her only possession.
"Of all that had been said or done this last half-year. There"s nothing you care for more than me, is there?" he demanded, concentrating the greatest emphasis into the question.
"If you care for me--if I can be every thing to you"--Cornelia"s voice was broken and tossed upon the uncontrolled waves of fighting emotions, and she could give little care to the form and manner of her speech.
"I love you--of course I love you!--what else is there for me to do? But I"ve been all this time trying to find out what love was. I thought I loved Sophie, you know."
Bressant"s strange words and altered manner dismayed Cornelia. What was the matter with him? She could not get it out of her head that some awful event must have happened, but she knew not how to frame inquiries.
Bressant continued--a determined levity in his tone was yet occasionally broken down by a stroke of feeling terribly real:
"I was a great fool--you should have told me; you knew more about it than I did. It was my self-conceit--I thought nothing was too good for me. When I saw you I thought you were the flower of the world, so I wanted you. Well--you are--the flower of the world!"
"He does love me!" said Cornelia to herself, and she knew a momentary pang of bliss which no consideration of honor or rect.i.tude had power to dull or diminish.
"But, afterward," he went on, his voice lowering for an instant, "I saw an angel--something above all the flowers of this world--and I was fool enough to imagine she would suit me better still. You never thought so, did you, Cornelia?" he added, with a half laugh; "well--you should have told me!"
How he dragged her up and down, and struck her where she was most defenseless! Did he do it on purpose, or unconsciously?
"I mistook worship for love--that was the trouble, I fancy. Luckily, I found out in time it won"t do to love what is highest--it can only make one mad. Love what you can understand--that"s the way! See how wise I"ve become."
Bressant"s laugh affected Cornelia like a deadly drug. Her speech was fettered, and she moved without her own will or guidance.
"I found out--just in time--that I needed more body and less soul--less goodness and--more Cornelia!" he concluded, epigrammatically.
So this was her position. It could hardly be more humiliating. Yet how could she rebel? for was not the yoke of her own manufacture? Indeed, had she been put to it, she might have found it a difficult matter to distinguish between the actual relation now subsisting between Bressant and herself, and that which she had been, for months past, striving to effect. He had met her half-way, that was all.
But surely it was only during this absence that this idea of abandoning Sophie, and turning to herself, had occurred to him. Half as a question, half as an exclamation, the words found their way through Cornelia"s twitching lips--
"What has happened to you since you went away?"
"Oh! since we love each other, there"s no use talking about that at present. If I had any idea of marrying Sophie, now, I should have to go and tell her every thing. It"s so convenient to be certain that _nothing_ can change your love for me, Cornelia! No, no! I wouldn"t be so suspicious of you as to tell you now."
"When am I to know, then?" she asked, fearful of she knew not what.
"After we"re married, there shall be a clearing up of it all. You"ll be much amused! By-the-way, I found out one queer thing--what my real name is!"
"Your real name!"
"Yes--who I am; you know I said I wasn"t the same who was engaged to marry Sophie. Well, I"m not; he was a myth--there was no such person. I always thought "Bressant" was an _incognito_, didn"t you? But it turns out to be the only name I have! I hope you like it; do you think "Mrs.
Bressant" sounds well?"
"What does all this mean? What are you going to do with me? Are you making a sport of me?" cried Cornelia, clasping both hands over Bressant"s arm, in a pa.s.sion of helplessness. Much as she loved life, she would, at that moment, have died rather than feel that she was ridiculed and deserted by him.
They had come to the brow of the hill on which the village stood, overlooking the valley, which moon and snow together lit up into a sort of phantom daylight. The moon hung aloft, directly above their heads, and the narrow circ.u.mference of their shadows, lying close at their feet, were mingled indistinguishably together. Cornelia, in the energy of her appeal, had stopped walking, and the two stood, for a moment, looking at one another. Seen from a few yards" distance, they would have made a supremely beautiful and romantic picture.
The stately poise of Bressant"s gigantic figure--the slight inclination of his head and shoulders toward Cornelia--presented an ideal model for a tender and protecting lover. She, in form and bearing, the incarnation of earthly grace and symmetry, her lovely upturned face revealed in deep, soft shadows and sweet, melting lights, her rounded fingers interlaced across his arm, her bosom lifting and letting fall irregularly the cloak that lay across it--what completer embodiment could there be of happy, self-surrendering, trusting, young womanhood?
And what were the fitly-spoken words--the apples of gold in this picture of silver?
"Cornelia," said Bressant, throwing aside the levity, as well as the underlying pa.s.sion, of his tone, and speaking with a slightly impatient coldness, "don"t you begin to be a fool as soon as I leave it off. You may call what joins us together love, if you like, but it"s not worth getting excited about. You take me because you were jealous of Sophie, and because you"ve compromised yourself. I take you because you"re beautiful to look at, and--because n.o.body else would have me! We shall have plenty of money, which will help us along. But what is there in our relations to make us either enthusiastic or miserable?--Come along!"
This was the consummation of Cornelia"s pa.s.sionate hopes and torturing fears, of her dishonorable intriguing and reckless self-desecration. She became very calm all of a sudden, and, without making any rejoinder, she "came along" as he bade her, and they descended the hill.
CHAPTER XXIX.
FOUND.
Sophie, having carried her point regarding her wedding-dress, had nothing better to do after Cornelia had left her than to give herself up to reverie. She had a private purpose to sit up until her sister"s return, that she might hear all about Bressant, and why he had stayed away so long and sent no word. That he had returned, expecting to meet her at the ball, she entertained not the slightest doubt; nor was there at this time any suspicion or misgiving in her mind about his fidelity and love.
Mankind"s ignorance of the future is, beyond dispute, a blessing; yet we could wish, for Sophie, that so much presentiment of what was to come might be hers as to lead her to concentrate all possible happy thoughts into the few hours that remained wherein she might yet be happy. She had full scope and freedom to think what she would--no less than if a hundred years of earthly bliss had awaited her. Her life had been full of all manner of spiritual beauties and perfumes--a divine poem, though written upon clay. Let only the harmony of sweet music float about her now, and the shadow of what was to come be not cast over her.
She sat in her deep, soft easy-chair, with its high back, and square, roomy seat. An open-grate stove furnished light to the room, for Sophie had blown out her candle. As the flame rose or sank, the various objects round about stood visible, or vanished duskily away. Endymion, over the mantel-piece, still slept as peacefully as ever, and the smile, though forever upon his lips, seemed always to have but that moment alighted there. How tenderly the l.u.s.trous touch of the moon brightened on his white shoulder!
The golden letters of the Lord"s Prayer gleamed ever and anon from the shadow above the bed, and sent the shining beauty of a sentence across to Sophie"s eyes; and the face of the cherub, with his chin upon his hand, was turned upward in immortal adoration. Sophie"s glance rested thoughtfully upon one and then the other. They were incorporated into her life. Would they have power to protect her from evil and suffering?
Well, the words of the Prayer settle that question most wisely.
How silent the house was and how light it was out-doors! Sophie rose from her chair by the fire and walked slowly to the window. A board creaked beneath her quiet foot and a red coal fell with a gentle thud into the ash-receiver. Then, as Sophie leaned against the window, she heard the little ormolu clock, in the room below, faintly tinkle out the half-hour after eleven. Before long--in an hour, perhaps--Cornelia would be back, rosy with the cold, fresh, laughing, and full of news. Dear Neelie! How Sophie wished that she might find a love as deep and a happiness as perfect as had come to her. It hardly seemed fair that she should monopolize so much of the world"s joy. True, G.o.d knows best; but Sophie, with her forehead against the cold window-pane, prayed that Cornelia might speedily become as blessed as herself. Then she turned to go back to her chair, casting a parting glance at the white road, with the glistening track of sleigh-runners visible as far as the bend.
No moving thing was in sight. In stepping from the window her foot caught in the skirt of her wedding-dress, and she narrowly escaped falling. The loose board creaked again, dismally; but Sophie laughed at her clumsiness, and, recovering her balance, reached her chair and sat down in it. How warm and pleasant it was! The walls of the room seemed to draw up cozily around the stove, and nod to one another good-naturedly. They loved Sophie and would do all they could to make her comfortable and secure. She sat quite still, and perhaps fell into a light, half-waking slumber.
A while afterward, she suddenly started in her chair, her head raised, as if listening. The fire burnt as warmly as ever, but Sophie was trembling incontrollably, and her heart was beating most unmercifully.
She walked quickly and blindly, with outstretched hands, to the window.
This time the ominous board forbore to creak. Its omen was fulfilled.
Without hesitating, she threw up the window, and, unmindful of the tingling inrush of cold air, she leaned out, and looked down through the arched window of the porch. The bare vines that struggled across it afforded no interception to the view of the two figures standing within.
Sophie gazed at them as a bird does at a snake; she could not take her eyes away; she could not move nor utter a sound. It was like the oppression and paralysis of a fearful dream. Was she dreaming?
It was a terribly vivid dream, at any rate. She seemed to see one of the figures--a woman--clasp the man"s hand pa.s.sionately in hers and speak. The voice was known to her; it was as familiar as her own; but the words it uttered made her sure she was asleep. Thank G.o.d! it wasn"t real. She would wake up in a moment, and shudder to think how ugly a dream it had been. Oh, if she could only awaken before this conversation went any further! It was breaking her heart: it was killing her. She had heard of people who died in their sleep--was it from such dreams as this?
She seemed to have heard two voices--voices that she loved and knew as well as her own heart--talking a horrible, unholy jargon about some purpose--some plan--something that it was a sin even to listen to or imagine; but, as in a dream, she had no choice but to listen. She tried to shake off the delusion--to see, to prove that what she saw and heard was false. But still it lasted, and lasted. Still those wicked sentences kept creeping into her ears and deadening her heart. O G.o.d! would it never cease--would there never be an end?
At length the end seemed about to come. But, ah! the end was worst of all. Shame--shame to her that such sinful imaginings should visit her brain. She saw the figure of the man turn away as if to go; but the woman caught him by the arm, and lifted her beautiful, guilty face up toward his as if beseeching him for a parting kiss. She saw him stoop his dark, bearded head, with a half-impatient gesture, and kiss the beautiful woman"s mouth, then motion her toward the house. "Make haste and put on your travelling dress," he seemed to say; "I"ll walk up the road a little way and wait for you."
Sophie found power to slip down from the window after that, but she knew she was dreaming still. She heard a stealthy footstep on the stairs and along the entry; it seemed to pause, and hesitate a moment at her door; but then it went on and entered Cornelia"s room. If she only could go to her lover, Sophie thought. If she only could speak to him and feel his arms around her. And why should she not? he had but just gone up the road. She would slip out and run after him. It was deadly cold: she was in her white wedding-dress. Yes; but then it was a dream--nothing but a dream--no harm could come of it.
She lifted herself softly from the floor, and moved toward the door. She pa.s.sed the looking-gla.s.s on the dressing-table as she went, and cast a darkling glance into it. A haggard ghost seemed to stare back at her, with crazy eyes. A braid of brown, silky hair had become loosened, and was creeping down upon the spectre"s shoulders.
Sophie stole along as noiselessly as a cat. She descended the staircase, glided down the pa.s.sage, opened the outer door, and was on the frozen porch. The chill of the air pa.s.sed through her as if she had been indeed but a spirit. The dream must surely be a dream of death. She ran down the icy path to the gate, and, looking along the road, saw that a tall figure had nearly reached the spur of the hill, around which the road turned. By hurrying she would yet be able to over-take him. She pa.s.sed through the gate without causing a creak or a rattle, gathered up her light skirt, and started to run as speedily as she might.
The cold snow penetrated through her thin slippers and made her feet ache and sting. The breeze forced a cruel entrance through the bosom of her dress, as if to freeze the heart that was beating so. As she ran on, she began to pant so heavily it seemed as if every breath must be her last. The familiar road, the well-known outline of the hills, the stone-walls, the stretch of woods to the left, where she had walked so often last fall, all looked now ghastly and unreal--a world whose only sun was the moon--a fitting world for such a dream as this.
Still she staggered onward, slipping in the polished ruts of the sleigh-runners, plunging into the deep snow. Her body was cold as the winter itself, but her head was burning as if a fire were within it. She reached the bend, and her eyes strained wildly up the road. There! far ahead, marked black against the ghastly snow--there! still moving away--farther away. Would she ever reach him?