"Well, just because Tragar"s an a.s.sa.s.sin doesn"t mean he"s all bad," she said, trying to make herself believe it. "He"s committed to helping me through this...through the Tenrah, I mean." Although at times he didn"t seem very happy about it. And he was only helping because his biology forced him to-or so he"d said. But could it be he was planning to kill her after all? Especially if his only other option was to kill himself?
Emily was pulled out of her uneasy contemplation by a loud shout from their left. Her head jerked up and she saw Tragar and an older male Beast Kindred with iron gray hair coming toward them, out of the forest that ab.u.t.ted the market area.
"Here they are!" Saskia"s voice held a mixture of relief and distrust and Emily saw she was eyeing Tragar with barely concealed fear. It was hard to believe she was so upset-Emily had just seen the Wulven girl face down three huge, h.o.r.n.y males without a flicker of fright, yet now she looked scared to death of Tragar.
Well, maybe she"s right to be scared of him, whispered a little voice in Emily"s brain. After all, what do you know about him except what he"s told you? Can you really trust him just because he says he wants to help you?
Before she could answer the troubling questions, she looked up and saw Tragar looking at her. When they locked eyes, the big Kindred began to run-jogging towards her as though he couldn"t get to her fast enough.
Saskia stepped back quickly but he didn"t even throw a glance in her direction-all his attention was centered on Emily and the look on his face was fierce and terrible to behold.
Oh G.o.d, he"s mad at me! He probably thinks I got out of the shuttle and went wandering around on my own for fun because I wanted to go sightseeing! He"s going to shout at me or shake me-I just know it!
She wanted to run but it was too late-Tragar was there, his golden eyes glowing hot.
"Tragar, I"m sorry! I don"t know what-"
"Come here." He reached for her and Emily tried to cringe away, afraid of the unchecked emotion she saw in his burning eyes.
But she couldn"t elude him. Tragar grabbed her. Instead of shaking or shouting at her, though, he dragged her to him, crushing her in a hug that was almost panicky-tight.
Emily gasped as he enfolded her in those flexible-steel arms.
"Thought I"d lost you," he growled in her ear and was there a sob buried in his low rumbling voice? Surely not! Emily could see why he would be angry with her for getting lost on a strange planet but she was certain she didn"t mean so much to him that he"d actually be upset if something happened to her. Well, other than the fact that it would hurt his Kindred pride and he would have failed in his self-imposed mission to get her safely to Rageron. But as for personal emotion and genuine affection-no, she must be imagining it.
Still, she couldn"t help pressing her face to his broad shoulder and breathing him in. The warm scent of his skin smelled like safety to her-safety and protection and home. Which was ridiculous, of course.
The big Kindred hugged her tighter.
"Thought you were gone," he muttered into her hair. "Can"t lose you, too."
Emily had no idea what he meant by that but it was getting hard to get a good deep breath with those muscular arms wrapped around her so tightly.
"Tragar," she gasped, pushing uselessly against his broad chest. "Can"t...breathe."
"Forgive me. Did I hurt you?" He released her and held her out at arms length, looking into her face.
Emily stared up at him. Were there tears standing in his golden eyes? Was he almost about to cry he was so worried about her?
But the next minute, the idea was shattered. His face grew hard and cold and he scowled at her angrily.
"Never do that again! Never wander off on your own on a strange world!" He shook her-just once but fiercely enough that her teeth clicked together.
"I didn"t mean to!" she protested. "I...I don"t even know how I got out of the shuttle! I barely remember anything until I was suddenly in the middle of a crowded street surrounded by strange men!"
"G.o.ds! Did they hurt you? Did they touch you?" He stared at her anxiously.
"No, I...no." Emily shook her head. "Saskia found me before anything could happen."
"Thank the G.o.ddess!" He crushed her to him again, briefly, then pulled back and glared at her. "This is what comes of leaving when I told you not to! The Howlund is the worst place you could have gone!"
"I didn"t go there on purpose!" she objected. "I just found myself there."
"Just found yourself there?" He cursed-a deep angry, guttural word that the translation bacteria didn"t seem to be able to translate.
"I"m sorry," she said again, getting angry herself. "I didn"t think you"d care so much if something bad happened to me. I mean, you"re only helping me because you have to, right? Isn"t that what you told me?"
"You think I don"t care? d.a.m.n it, Emily-I care! You"ve made me f.u.c.king care-whether I want to or not!" The words came out in a roar and she couldn"t help flinching back from the anger and anguish in his face.
Could it be that he really did care about her? It seemed so but it was also obvious he wasn"t very happy about it. In fact, it almost seemed like he blamed her for making him care for her. As if she"d done it on purpose somehow.
"Tragar, take it easy on the little female." The older male Beast Kindred had reached them now and put his arm around Saskia"s waist. "We know the voice-witch drugged her and she probably bespelled her as well. I"m certain she didn"t leave the safety of the shuttle of her own volition."
"You said the witch could only bespell you if she told you what you wanted to hear," Tragar growled. "Obviously Emily here wanted to hear that she could get away from the shuttle and do whatever she wanted."
"No, she told me she could stop the Tenrah and all the embarra.s.sing things that go with it!" Emily shouted at him.
"What?" He narrowed his eyes at her. "I thought you didn"t remember anything."
"I didn"t...I don"t..." Emily swayed as another image of the kindly old lady invaded her brain. "Oh my G.o.d..." She put a hand to her head, feeling dizzy. "I remember now-Grandy...Grandy See-something. She helped me...I think."
"Whatever she did to you, it wasn"t to help," the older male said grimly.
"Xen"dex is right." Tragar held her by the shoulders. "What did she do to you? Can you remember?"
"I remember she seemed really nice. And she had a pet that was half cat and half caterpillar. And she gave me some, uh...um..."
"Some what?" Tragar urged.
Emily coughed. "Some things to, uh, wear." She bit her lip and looked at Saskia and the older Beast Kindred uncomfortably. More and more was coming back to her-such as where she"d gotten the weird nipple clamps and the heavy thing inside her-but she really didn"t want to discuss the bizarre memories in front of strangers.
Saskia seemed to understand her problem.
"Come, Xen"dex..." She tugged at her mate"s arm. "There"s something I want to show you, just over here."
With a lingering look at Emily that made her face feel hot, the older male nodded and allowed himself to be led a little ways away. Once she was sure they were out of earshot, Emily looked back at Tragar.
"She gave me these." She had shifted her nightgown to try and cover the strange metal nipple covers but now she shifted it back, allowing the silver thimbles with their golden chain ta.s.sels to come into view through the ragged holes.
Tragar looked grim.
"If that"s star-silver, you"ve got to take them off at once," he growled. "That stuff is dangerous-Xen"dex says so."
"She told me it would stop the flow of my nectar," Emily said, frowning. "And you know what? Since I put them on, I haven"t, uh, leaked at all." Although she had to admit her b.r.e.a.s.t.s felt awfully full and achy.
"Xen"dex has some clamps that will do the same thing and won"t hurt you in the process," Tragar said, frowning.
"But will they stop the Tenrah from advancing? Because that"s what Grandy See-er promised me these would do." She nodded down at the silver nipple caps.
"It"s not safe to stop it completely!" Tragar protested. "You can delay it but halting it totally is dangerous."
"I don"t know about that. I-" Suddenly a wave of dizziness came over her, causing her to sway.
"Emily?" Tragar tightened his grip on her arms and looked at her anxiously. "Are you all right?"
"Fine, I"m fine. Just hungry," she murmured.
It had been hours since her last meal with Tragar which had consisted of some kind of protein travel bars he apparently lived on when he was on the job and hunting a target. Emily could feel her stomach growling-which was probably why she felt so faint all of a sudden.
She took a deep breath and tried to straighten up. Okay, get a grip, she lectured herself. You"re just tired. Everything is going to be just f- Then her b.r.e.a.s.t.s began to ache fiercely and another wave of dizziness. .h.i.t her. With a low cry, she collapsed into Tragar"s arms.
Chapter Eighteen.
"What"s wrong with her? Is she all right?"
"It must be the star-silver-it"s poisoning her. Those pinchers need to come off!"
"She"s very sensitive just now. I don"t know how that would affect her-or how much it might hurt."
Emily"s eyelids fluttered and she looked up to see three anxious faces peering down at her. One of them was Tragar"s, and the other was the older male Kindred and Saskia.
"What? Where...where am I?" She tried to sit up but Tragar held her down gently but firmly.
"Rest a minute-you"ve been out for a while," he growled softly.
"For a while?" Emily echoed. She looked around and saw she was lying on a strange, high bed with a canopy overhead. Only the canopy wasn"t cloth-it was made of green and blue and purple vines twined together to make a living covering. There were small pink and red buds on some of the vines which gave out a sweet, spicy fragrance that made her want to sneeze. "What is this place?" she whispered.
"You"re in my guest chamber." Saskia smiled at her and then cast a wary glance at Tragar. "In the bed my grandmere grew for me. You and your, uh, male are welcome to stay here for as long as you are ill."
"I"m ill?" Emily felt a surge of panic. "What"s wrong with me? Why did I faint?"
"These d.a.m.n things..." Tragar nodded down at the silver metal tips on her nipples which were once again poking out of her nightgown in a very embarra.s.sing way. "They need to come off."
"But the nectar," Emily protested. "The pinchers are all that"s keeping it from flowing! They"re keeping me from moving on to the next stage." She was certain of this although why exactly she felt so strongly about it she couldn"t have said. Actually, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s ached fiercely and they seemed to have gotten even bigger while she was out but still, a voice inside her told her she didn"t want to take off the strange silver clamps.
"You cannot stop the flow completely." The older male Kindred who had to be Xen"dex was looking at her sternly. "It will kill you, Khalla. You must remove the star-silver clamps or allow Tragar to take them off for you."
"But..."
"No buts, Emily," Tragar growled. "They must come off-they are endangering your life."
"Fine." It seemed she was outnumbered. Though she still had a strong internal feeling that the pinchers needed to stay on, she could see she wasn"t going to be allowed to keep them. "Fine," she said again. "But I"m not taking them off here in front of G.o.d and everybody. Is there a bathroom around here?" She looked at Saskia pleadingly. "And could I get a shower? I really need one."
"Of course." The other girl smiled at her warmly. "You have the full hospitality of our domicile. The bathing chamber is just over there." She nodded at a tall, oval doorway across the room which seemed to be covered by a hanging curtain of vines.
"Thank you." Emily sat up with a little difficulty and took a deep breath.
"You"re weak right now-I"ll come with you," Tragar said.
"I can manage on my own." She shot him a glare. He was making her do this-making her take off the only things that were standing between her and the awful change that was consuming her body bit by bit. That, plus the way he"d shouted at her when he first found her meant she wasn"t exactly feeling very friendly towards him right now.
Of course he also hugged you so hard your ribs still ache from it and nearly cried he was so glad to get you back, whispered a little voice in the back of her head. But Emily pushed it away. She was a little shaky when she stood but she managed to get off the high side of the bed without falling.
"See? I"m fine," she said and ruined it by stumbling. "Oops!"
"Emily-" He tried to catch her arm but she had already righted herself and she eluded his big hand.
"I"m okay-I"m fine," she repeated stubbornly.
The big Kindred looked like he was going to take her arm and help her whether she wanted him to or not but Saskia stepped forward.
"Let me go with you, Sister, and show you how our bathing facilities work," she said tactfully, smiling at Emily.
Emily smiled gratefully back.
"All right, thank you. That would be nice."
Ignoring the look Tragar was giving her, she allowed the Wulven girl to take her arm and lead her through the hanging blue and green vines and into the bathroom.
"Well, at least she"s back," Xen"dex said as the two females disappeared into the bathing area together.
"True, but she doesn"t seem very happy about it." Tragar stared after her morosely. He wanted to help her-wanted to shield and protect and hold her, especially after almost losing her to the witch. Also, he was still terribly worried about those d.a.m.n star-silver things she was wearing clamped to her nipples. But it seemed Emily wanted nothing to do with him-not that he could blame her after he"d shouted at her and shook her. But he"d been so worried, d.a.m.n it! So certain that he"d lost her!
"Don"t take it too hard, Tragar." Xen"dex was watching him sharply and he wondered how many of his thoughts his old master could read on his face. He tried to keep his expression blank but Xen"dex had always had an uncanny ability to know what his students were thinking.
"I"m not," he said shortly. "I"m just thinking that she seems strangely reluctant to take off those d.a.m.n things even after we explained they could kill her."
"That would be the witch"s doing," Xen"dex said, frowning. "She"s probably placed some kind of suggestion in the Khalla"s mind about how she shouldn"t take them off. I told you if she bespelled her it could have far reaching consequences."
"Could that be why she"s so angry at me, too?" Tragar asked.
"No-that my friend, is your fault." Xen"dex shook his head.
"I shouldn"t have lost my temper." Tragar paced up and down the small room, being careful to avoid the living bed with its canopy of vines and flowers. "I shouldn"t have shouted at her-it"s inexcusable to treat a Khalla so."
"It is inexcusable to treat any female so," Xen"dex corrected gently. "But that is not what I am speaking of. Did you truly tell her, as you told me, that you were only helping her and seeing her safely to Rageron because you had to-because of the biological imperative of our kind to protect a Khalla?"
"Well..." Tragar shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly he felt like he was fifteen cycles old again, being called out before the rest of the cla.s.s for a wrong answer. "Yes," he said at last. "I did say something like that to her when I first brought her aboard my ship."