Colin frowned as she picked her pew, then scooted in until she was in the middle. She sat utterly still for a moment, then reached into her reticule and pulled out an envelope. Her head moved the teeniest bit to the left, then to the right, and Colin could easily picture her face, her dark eyes darting in either direction as she checked the room for other people. He was safe from her gaze at the back, so far in the shadows that he was practically pressed up against the wall. And besides, she seemed intent upon remaining still and quiet in her movements; she certainly hadn"t moved her head far enough to see him behind her.
Bibles and prayer books were tucked in little pockets on the backs of the pews, and Colin watched as Penelope surrept.i.tiously slid the envelope behind one. Then she stood and edged her way out toward the center aisle.
And that was when Colin made his move.
Stepping out of the shadows, he strode purposefully toward her, taking grim satisfaction in the horror on her face when she saw him.
"Col-Col-" she gasped.
"That would be Colin," he drawled, grasping her arm just above the elbow. His touch was light, but his grip was firm, and there was no way she could think that she might make an escape.
Smart girl that she was, she didn"t even try.
But smart girl that she was, she did attempt a play at innocence.
"Colin!" she finally managed to get out. "What a ... what a..."
"Surprise?"
She gulped. "Yes."
"I"m sure it is."
Her eyes darted to the door, to the nave, everywhere but to the pew where she"d hidden her envelope. "I"ve-I"ve never seen you here before."
"I"ve never been."
Penelope"s mouth moved several times before her next words emerged. "It"s quite appropriate, actually, that you"d be here, actually, because, actually ... uh ... do you know the story of St. Bride"s?"
He raised one brow. "Is that where we are?"
Penelope was clearly trying for a smile, but the result was more of the openmouthed idiot sort of look. Normally this would have amused him, but he was still angry with her for taking off on her own, not giving a care to her safety and welfare.
But most of all, he was furious that she had a secret.
Not so much that she"d kept a secret. Secrets were meant to be kept, and he couldn"t blame her for that. Irrational as it was, he absolutely could not tolerate the fact that she had a secret. She was Penelope. She was supposed to be an open book.
He knew her. He"d always known her.
And now it seemed he"d never known her.
"Yes," she finally replied, her voice squeaking on the word. "It"s one of Wren"s churches, actually, you know, the ones he did after the Great Fire, they"re all over the City, and actually it"s my favorite. I do so love the steeple. Don"t you think it looks like a wedding cake?"
She was babbling. It was never a good sign when someone babbled. It generally meant they were hiding something. It was already obvious that Penelope was making an attempt at concealment, but the uncharacteristic rapidity of her words told him that her secret was exceedingly large, indeed.
He stared at her for a very long time, drawn out over many seconds just to torture her, then finally asked, "Is that why you think it"s appropriate that I"m here?"
Her face went blank.
"The wedding cake ..." he prompted.
"Oh!" she squealed, her skin flushing a deep, guilty red. "No! Not at all! It"s just that-What I meant to say was that this is the church for writers. And publishers. I think. About the publishers, that is."
She was flailing and she knew she was flailing. He could see it in her eyes, on her face, in the very way her hands twisted as she spoke. But she kept trying, kept attempting to keep up the pretense, and so he did nothing but give her a sardonic stare as she continued with, "But I"m sure about the writers." And then, with a flourish that might have been triumphant if she hadn"t ruined it with a nervous swallow, "And you"re a writer!"
"So you"re saying this is my church?"
"Er..." Her eyes darted to her left. "Yes."
"Excellent."
She gulped. "It is?"
"Oh, yes," he said, with a smooth casualness to his words that was intended to terrify her.
Her eyes darted to her left again ... toward the pew where she"d hidden her correspondence. She"d been so good until now, keeping her attention off of her incriminating evidence. He"d almost been proud of her for it.
"My church," he repeated. "What a lovely notion."
Her eyes grew round, scared. "I"m afraid I don"t catch your meaning."
He tapped his finger to his jaw, then held out his hand in a thoughtful manner. "I believe I"m developing a taste for prayer."
"Prayer?" she echoed weakly. "You?"
"Oh, yes."
"I... well... I... I..."
"Yes?" he queried, beginning to enjoy this in a sick sort of way. He"d never been the angry, brooding type. Clearly, he hadn"t known what he was missing. There was something rather pleasing in making her squirm. "Penelope?" he continued. "Did you have something to say?"
She swallowed. "No."
"Good." He smiled blandly. "Then I believe I require a few moments for myself."
"I"m sorry?"
He stepped to his right. "I"m in a church. I believe I want to pray."
She stepped to her left. "I beg your pardon?"
He c.o.c.ked his head very slightly to the side in question. "I said that I want to pray. It wasn"t a terribly complicated sentiment."
He could tell that she was straining hard not to rise to his bait. She was trying to smile, but her jaw was tense, and he"d wager that her teeth were going to grind themselves to powder within minutes.
"I didn"t think you were a particularly religious person," she said.
"I"m not." He waited for her to react, then added, "I intend to pray for you."
She swallowed uncontrollably. "Me?" she squeaked.
"Because," he began, unable to prevent his voice from rising in volume, "by the time I"m done, prayer is the only thing that is going to save you!"
And with that he brushed her aside and strode to where she"d hidden the envelope.
"Colin!" she yelled, running frantically after him. "No!"
He yanked the envelope out from behind the prayer book but didn"t yet look at it. "Do you want to tell me what this is?" he demanded. "Before I look myself, do you want to tell me?"
"No," she said, her voice breaking on the word.
His heart breaking at the expression in her eyes.
"Please," she begged him. "Please give it to me." And then, when he did nothing but stare at her with hard, angry eyes, she whispered, "It"s mine. It"s a secret."
"A secret worth your welfare?" he nearly roared. "Worth your life?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for a woman alone in the City? Alone anywhere?"
All she said was, "Colin, please." She reached for the envelope, still held out of her reach.
And suddenly he didn"t know what he was doing. This wasn"t him. This insane fury, this anger-it couldn"t be his.
And yet it was.
But the troubling part was ... it was Penelope who had made him thus. And what had she done? Traveled across London by herself? He was rather irritated at her for her lack of concern for her own safety, but that paled in comparison to the fury he felt at her keeping of secrets.
His anger was entirely unwarranted. He had no right to expect that Penelope share her secrets with him. They had no commitments to each other, nothing beyond a rather nice friendship and a single, albeit disturbingly moving, kiss. He certainly wouldn"t have shared his journals with her if she hadn"t stumbled upon them herself.
"Colin," she whispered. "Please ... don"t."
She"d seen his secret writings. Why shouldn"t he see hers? Did she have a lover? Was all that nonsense about never having been kissed exactly that-nonsense?
Dear G.o.d, was this fire burning in his belly ... jealousy?
"Colin," she said again, choking now. She placed her hand on his, trying to prevent him from opening the envelope. Not with strength, for she could never match him on that, just with her presence.
But there was no way ... no way he could have stopped himself at that point. He would have died before surrendering that envelope to her unopened.
He tore it open.
Penelope let out a strangled cry and ran from the church.
Colin read the words.
And then he sank to the pew, bloodless, breathless.
"Oh, my G.o.d," he whispered. "Oh, my G.o.d."
By the time Penelope reached the outer steps to St. Bride"s Church, she was hysterical. Or at least as hysterical as she"d ever been. Her breath was coming in short, sharp gasps, tears p.r.i.c.ked her eyes, and her heart felt...
Well, her heart felt as if it wanted to throw up, if such a thing were possible.
How could he have done this? He"d followed her. Followed her! Why would Colin follow her? What would he have to gain? Why would he- She suddenly looked around.
"Oh, d.a.m.n!" she wailed, not caring if anyone heard her. The hack had left. She"d given specific instructions to the driver to wait for her, that she"d only be a minute, but he was nowhere in sight.
Another transgression she could lay at Colin"s door. He"d delayed her inside the church, and now the hack had left, and she was stuck here on the steps of St. Bride"s Church, in the middle of the City of London, so far from her home in May-fair that she might as well have been in France. People were staring at her and any minute now she was sure to be accosted, because who had ever seen a gently bred lady alone in the City, much less one who was so clearly on the verge of a nervous attack?
Why why why had she been so foolish as to think that he was the perfect man? She"d spent half her life worshiping someone who wasn"t even real. Because the Colin she knew- no, the Colin she"d thought she"d known-clearly didn"t exist. And whoever this man was, she wasn"t even sure she liked him. The man she"d loved so faithfully over the years never would have behaved like this. He wouldn"t have followed her-Oh, very well, he would have, but only to a.s.sure himself of her safety. But he wouldn"t have been so cruel, and he certainly wouldn"t have opened her private correspondence.
She had read two pages of his journal, that was true, but they hadn"t been in a sealed envelope!
She sank onto the steps and sat down, the stone cool even through the fabric of her dress. There was little she could do now besides sit here and wait for Colin. Only a fool would take off on foot by herself so far from home. She supposed she could hail a hack on Fleet Street, but what if they were all occupied, and besides, was there really any point in running from Colin? He knew where she lived, and unless she decided to run to the Orkney Islands, she wasn"t likely to escape a confrontation.
She sighed. Colin would probably find her in the Orkneys, seasoned traveler that he was. And she didn"t even want to go to the Orkneys.
She choked back a sob. Now she wasn"t even making sense. Why was she fixated on the Orkney Islands?
And then there was Colin"s voice behind her, clipped and so very cold. "Get up," was all he said.
She did, not because he"d ordered her to (or at least that was what she told herself), and not because she was afraid of him, but rather because she couldn"t sit on the steps of St. Bride"s forever, and even if she wanted nothing more than to hide herself from Colin for the next six months, at the moment he was her only safe means home.
He jerked his head toward the street. "Into the carriage."
She went, climbing up as she heard Colin give the driver her address and then instruct him to "take the long way."
Oh, G.o.d.
They"d been moving a good thirty seconds before he handed her the single sheet of paper that had been folded into the envelope she"d left in the church. "I believe this is yours," he said.
She gulped and looked down, not that she needed to. She already had the words memorized. She"d written and rewritten them so many times the previous night, she didn"t think they"d ever escape her memory.
There is nothing I despise more than a gentleman who thinks it amusing to give a lady a condescending pat on the hand as he murmurs, "It is a woman"s prerogative to change her mind." And indeed, because I feel one should always support one"s words with one"s actions, I endeavor to keep my opinions and decisions steadfast and true.
Which is why, Gentle Reader, when I wrote my column of 19 April, I truly intended it to be my last. However, events entirely beyond my control (or indeed beyond my approval) force me to put my pen to paper one last time.
Ladies and Gentleman, This Author is NOT Lady Cressida Twombley. She is nothing more than a scheming imposter, and it would break my heart to see my years of hard work attributed to one such as her.
Penelope refolded the paper with great precision, using the time to try to compose herself and figure out what on earth she was supposed to say at a moment like that. Finally, she attempted a smile, didn"t quite meet his eyes, and joked, "Did you guess?"
He didn"t say anything, so she was forced to look up. She immediately wished she hadn"t. Colin looked completely unlike himself. The easy smile that always tugged at his lips, the good humor forever lurking in his eyes-they were all gone, replaced by harsh lines and cold, pure ice.
The man she knew, the man she"d loved for so very long- she didn"t know who he was anymore.