"Great place," I said to Leila, who was short but dressed to kill in a little black dress and stilettos.
Even with the four-inch heels she barely reached my shoulder. I would have laughed if it wasn"t so surreal.
"It"s okay. I"ve seen better in the city. But it works for now," she replied.
I couldn"t imagine a better apartment than this. The kitchen alone had to be seven hundred square feet. Gigantic didn"t even begin to describe its ma.s.sive size. I stepped toward the sliding gla.s.s doors that led to a large balcony and I was floored.
No wonder Mallory had fallen in love with this city. It was beautiful. And as much as I truly didn"t want to live here, I realized, in that moment, I would come to love this city as much as she did. I just had to convince her of that.
"So, Luke, are you the farm boy Mallory thinks she"s in love with?" Sarah asked from the couch.
Farm boy? I hoped that wasn"t how Mallory referred to me.
"I"m not a farm boy, but I am from the small town where she grew up," I answered.
I wasn"t sure about the in love part, either. So I left it at that.
She smiled. "I"m sorry, I just a.s.sumed you"d be a good ole boy, you know?" She rose from the couch and came to shake my hand. "Mallory hasn"t said much about her hometown boyfriend since she"s been back, but I can tell you mean a lot to her."
"It"s no problem," I a.s.sured her, but hoped she was right. "So the three of you have been roommates for a long time, huh?"
"Two years here and a year at the dorms. G.o.d, that was a mess! Little Mallory was so shy and afraid of her own shadow. You"d think it was the end of the world for her to come to college. While we spent our freshman year sleeping around and getting drunk, Mallory was a model student. She had a perfect GPA and everything. But we took her under our wing and I think she"s better for it," Leila confided.
I had to agree. Mallory wasn"t the same girl-she had grown up in so many ways. She was still stubborn as h.e.l.l, but I was glad about that. It reminded me of the girl she was and the woman she"d become.
"She"s been different since she"s come home, though," Sarah interjected. "It"s like she lost herself when she went back to Maine."
I knew what she meant. Joe was a huge part of both our lives. We were bound to be effected by his death, and more than just emotionally. I felt like a piece of my own heart had been torn away with no way to repair it. Joe was like a dad to me. And Mallory had always been close to him. He was her hero. So I could only imagine the heartbreak she felt at his death.
"Probably has something to do with her father"s death," Leila commented. "I don"t know why she had to go, though. It wasn"t as if she saw him all that often, anyway. Her old man-"
"Don"t you talk about Joe that way!" I yelled. "You have no idea who he was or how he sacrificed time and time again in order to raise Mallory the right way. Don"t pretend for even a second that you can comprehend how much he meant to her." I seethed.
A small gasp caught my attention. I turned toward the door and watched, stunned, as Mallory covered her mouth with her hands. The door was wide open behind her and I couldn"t help but wonder how long she"d been standing there.
"Mallory, I-" She pointed a finger at me in an attempt to tell me to be silent.
I closed my mouth.
"How dare you talk about my father?" She glared at Leila who had the decency to look embarra.s.sed. "You know nothing, nothing about him. I swear, if I had any good sense at all, I"d knock you out right here."
Leila seemed to think she might do it and took a hasty step back, even though they were ten feet apart. I barely contained my chuckle at Leila"s cowardice. She opened her mouth to speak but Mallory interrupted her before she could utter a word.
"Get out."
"Come on, Leila, let"s go." Sarah tugged on Leila"s arm and the two fled the apartment.
I kept my eyes on Mallory, though. She stood in the entryway, emotions raging and adrenaline rushing. The door clicked closed behind her and she finally turned to me.
Her eyes softened and she looked at me with awe. I was the one amazed, though. Mallory was the strongest woman I"d ever met. I took a deep breath before I spoke.
"Mallory," I started.
She took three steps to me and put a finger to my lips. Then she kissed me. I reacted almost violently. My whole body shook with antic.i.p.ation and my hands buried themselves in her satiny hair. I drank her in like a man dying of thirst. She was so d.a.m.n sweet, I could hardly stand it. She kissed me like it was the only thing she wanted to do in the world.
I bit her bottom lip and she gasped in pleasure and gave me the opening I desperately needed. I thrust my tongue in her mouth to take absolute possession. I wanted to show her how much I loved her with my actions. Words would come later, but for now, we could feel. Her arms snaked around my neck and she pressed herself against me. It was a glorious feeling.
Even though my body was fully ready to take it to the next level, and I could sense she wanted to, too, the memory of Joe"s letter stopped me.
Luke, This is my final goodbye. Death is a welcome event after these last few years of pain. The chemo was the worst, but I bore it in silence, and I wish now I hadn"t. I wish I had shared my cancer with Mallory, as I know she would have made the suffering less sufferable. If that makes sense. But you know Mallory. She would have insisted on being by my side for the duration. And I couldn"t have that.
I know you never fully understood my reasons for keeping her in the dark, but it was a personal choice that had more to do with her happiness than mine. When you become a father, you realize what your priorities are and your child"s happiness and success is number one on the list. So I sacrificed for her. But I made choice I"m not proud of, too. Like leaning on you when you were so young. And you still are! So young and full of life. You have a long life ahead of you.
And if you end up with Mallory, it"s going to be a long life indeed. That girl is more stubborn and set in her ways than even I am. Which is saying something. I should be proud that she"s like me, though, since I am an all-around great person. Ha-ha.
But there"s more to the story than you or she ever knew, Luke. I had cancer several times when Mallory was a child. I always ended up beating it, so when this last bout showed up when she was seventeen, I thought I would again. That"s why I didn"t tell her right away. I have spent my adult life protecting her from pain and sorrow, and now I am the cause of her greatest pain. I know she"s hurting, and she"s probably already pushed you away, but I want you to keep the faith.
Mallory is nothing if not predictable. She will realize how much she loves you at some point. It may not be this week, or h.e.l.l, even this decade! But don"t give up on her, son. She loves you. And I know you love her.
It would make me the happiest man alive (figuratively) if, when you decide on forever, you use the enclosed ring. It had been pa.s.sed down in my family from father to son for generations. I have always considered you my son and I would be honored if you choose to make my daughter your wife.
But no pressure or anything.
Your father, Joe.
I pulled away from Mallory as his words repeated in my head. Make my daughter your wife. Make my daughter your wife. The phrase excited and terrified me. I wanted nothing more than to ask her to marry me; the ring was in my pocket. But I couldn"t do that to her. Not yet. She was fragile, more so than before Joe"s death and doing the wrong thing now could send her running for the hills.
I was going to have to take my time. And that meant we weren"t going to let this little make-out session go any further. Not until we had a serious talk about our future. Our immediate one, at least.
TWENTY-THREE.
Mallory.
My brain was still reeling from the ridiculous day. Rainey had finally disclosed her secret and although it surprised me, I promised to be there for her as much as possible. Even being two hundred miles away. I would figure it out. For now, though, I was a.s.sured that she was going to be okay and that was enough. It had to be.
Walking into my apartment to find Leila talking about my dad and then Luke defending him-that was more of a shock than Rainey"s news. In fact, I had stood in the doorway for a few minutes before I made any noise. Not one of them noticed I was there, but after my gasp, Luke had wanted to comfort me.
I was beyond comforting, though. I was furious. Was Leila really the kind of person I wanted to spend any amount of time with? It was obvious she wasn"t as much my friend as I thought. And so I"d kicked her out of the apartment and Sarah with her. I had wanted to believe my roommates cared for me, but it was apparent they didn"t. Talk about a downer.
But Luke was there. He was the one person I"d wanted to turn to more than anything after Rainey"s disclosure and then after Leila"s outburst, I just wanted him to envelop me in his Luke bubble and never let go. So before he could protest, I kissed him. And oh, what a kiss it was.
His lips were warm and soft, his breath mingled with mine enticingly. I was more in love with him than I"d ever been, and if it took me all night, I would get the courage to tell him so. He was the only one for me. Even if it meant more sacrifices, I would do it so that we could be together.
When he bit my bottom lip, my gasp of surprise turned into a groan of approval as his tongue rubbed against mine. I pulled him closer so our bodies made contact at every available spot. The result was mind-blowing. He had always been a skilled kisser, but he was seducing me with this kiss, and I wanted nothing more than to be seduced.
When he pulled away, I figured he just needed some air. I was out of breath, too. But he moved further away, turned toward the balcony and I was left standing alone with my chest heaving uncontrollably. I was out of breath and my brain was goop. I was still trying to catch up when Luke turned back to me.
"What are we doing?" he blurted. He looked surprised by his own words. I guessed he didn"t mean to say it aloud.
"We were," I stressed, "About to go to bed."
I wished it were true. I also wished saying it aloud would change his mind.
"No. We can"t. We"ve been there, Mal. This is ... crazy. We"ve got to talk," he insisted.
I pouted and sucked my lower lip into my mouth, tasting him there. He was the one driving me crazy with that s.e.xy, serious look and a body that got me wet just thinking about it. I needed to end my s.e.xual frustration. But I knew we needed to talk, too.
"So talk," I said with a shrug. I made my way across the living room and sat on the couch. Funny, I didn"t remember it being quite so uncomfortable.
"I"m moving to Boston," he said. "I mean, I already have. I"m living here now, d.a.m.n it."
He looked so cute, all fl.u.s.tered and tongue-tied. It took a second for the meaning of his words to sink in.
"But you hate Boston," I protested.
"But I love you," he replied. "And if I"ve learned nothing else from my past mistakes, it"s to never let the girl you love leave you. Especially when you have the chance to keep her. a.s.suming, of course, that I still have a chance. Do I?"
I couldn"t answer him. I had only just come to terms with my own love for him, how could it be so easy for him to just announce his own? I was still reeling when he continued his little speech.
"There have been so many mistakes between us, Mal. I never should have let you go three years ago. I don"t mean I should have prevented you from going to Boston-I should have accepted what you wanted and went with you. When you came back, I never expected to learn that you didn"t even know about Joe. But back to us. I never truly got over you, no matter how much I tried."
He continued. "You were fourteen when we started dating, and although that is young, I knew, even then, that you were the girl for me. There isn"t anyone else who can drive me crazy one minute and make me so hard I want to die the next. I"ve found a reason to change. And it"s all you," he said.
I gulped.
"It"s you, Mallory. You are the reason for my very existence. Without you, I have nothing. I am nothing."
He paced his words as if saying them physically hurt him. He barred his soul to me, more than he"d ever done in the years we"d known each other.
I was speechless. I knew how much of a risk he was taking. I knew because what he said was exactly how I felt. He verbalized my inner struggle resolutely. My heart beat rapidly with the intensity of his emotions. Guys were usually so reserved and not emotional. But he was letting me in, really letting me in, for the first time, ever, and I couldn"t even tell him that I felt the same way.
I was frozen on the couch. My breath caught in my throat and my larynx refused to cooperate with my brain. So I sat there and stared at him, certain that if I didn"t say something soon, he would bolt. I swallowed several times in an attempt to speak but to no avail. Silence prevailed. As we sat there in silence, I considered what he was giving up in order to be with me. Everything, for as long as I could remember, revolved around me. Dad spoiled me to no end and Luke continued the tradition when we started dating. What we did was always based on what I wanted to do, never what he wanted. In that instant, it occurred to me that I was the spoiled rotten brat Luke had accused me of being when I first went back to Casper.
I was selfish. The realization cut like a knife, but Luke was here, giving me his heart, sacrificing his life, his wants and desires so we could be together. It wasn"t fair to ask him to do that. It wasn"t fair for me to accept that he"d even chosen the sacrifice. None of the sacrifice mattered to him anymore-all that mattered was us being together.
And he was right. That was all that mattered. Everything else would fall into place, one way or another, so long as we were facing our problems together. I agreed wholeheartedly with everything he said, and I mirrored his feelings, but I still struggled to find the right words.
"Mallory, I want you forever," he said.
I could tell he was even more nervous in my silence. What could I say? The words just wouldn"t come. So I did the only thing I could to convey my emotions.
I leapt off the couch and into his arms. He caught me and I wrapped my legs around his waist as I slammed my mouth to his. His hands curled under the curve of my a.s.s and he squeezed when I bit his lip the same way he"d done to me. He growled, a low, menacing sound deep in his throat, but I wasn"t afraid. I clung tighter to him.
I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled his head closer, our mouths meshing together with pa.s.sion and love. He held me up and took two steps toward the kitchen and sat me on the counter of the island. My ankles stayed locked behind him to keep him close as his hands came up to cup my face. His eyes were open as we kissed and I stared into his eyes. It wasn"t awkward or weird, either, which was amazing. He pulled away for a second, his tongue trailing along my lip lingeringly.
"I love you," he whispered.
I had been speechless throughout his spiel, unable to tell him how I felt, but now the words came out without hesitation.
"I love you," I said.
He groaned and put his lips back to mine. He forced my lips apart and thrust his tongue inside my mouth with renewed hunger. He gently swept his fingers across the bare skin above my tank top and I shivered. I pulled away from his mouth.
"Make love to me," I demanded.
He didn"t react right away. He took his sweet time letting his fingers glide across my skin. He made goose b.u.mps pop up along my arms and he smiled.
"I have never, ever been more turned on or wanted to make love to a woman so badly." He grinned. "But we still need to talk."
"Mmm. Talk later, s.e.x now," I said as I pressed my lips persuasively back to his.
He laughed and I groaned in frustration when he pulled away.
"Mallory, s.e.x doesn"t solve problems. Conversation does," he said.
I noticed his eyes kept falling to my legs, which were bare under the short skirt I wore. I wondered if I could seduce him. I smiled an evil smile as I put said plan into action.
I scooted back on the countertop and lifted my right leg so my foot rested flat against the cool marble and I was exposed to his eyes. I wore a little red thong, but I pulled it aside and touched myself. My fingers traced the delicate folds of my core and I was wet already. I held my panties to one side with my left hand while my right hand explored. I flicked and rubbed and circled myself, moaning from my own attentions.
"Mallory," Luke warned.
He didn"t take his eyes off me, though.
I closed my eyes as I approached an o.r.g.a.s.m, picturing Luke"s hands on me, inside me. He yanked my hand away from my body and my eyes flew open. He knelt before me and pressed his tongue to me. He licked and sucked on my pink flesh until I was just about to come again.
When he pulled away, I nearly pulled his head back until I realized he was standing before me, undoing his jeans. I licked my lips in eager antic.i.p.ation of what was to come. He rubbed his rock hard member, not that it needed the stimulation. He was ready. So was I. When he rubbed himself against my c.l.i.t, I moaned. I needed him more than I needed anything in my life. He rolled on a condom that magically appeared.
I cried out when he entered me and he froze, only half-way in.
"Did I hurt you?" he whispered as if he was afraid of the answer.
I kissed his lips and smiled at him.
I answered him honestly. "Of course not. It hurts being away from you."
"Thank G.o.d."
He thrust the rest of the way into me and I was so full-full of Luke, full of life, full of love. And I had him to thank for giving me such wonderful fulfillment.