I lower my head in shame. "Because they saw ... Reece, Ryder ... you... You saw me try to eat the quercu. They"re probably afraid of me."
He hooks a finger underneath my chin, tipping my head up. "Reece and Ryder ... We all care about you, more than we have anyone in a very long time."
"But I"m a monster."
"You"re not a monster." He looks away, his chest rising and crashing with each breath. "If anything, I"m a monster. I"ve hurt so many people."
Shaking my head, I reach out and cup his cheek. "You"re not a monster. What you did in the tent was done to save us."
When he lets out an unsteady breath, I remember he doesn"t like being touched and pull away.
He stares down at my hand, his brow furrowed. "I want you to come back with me." He blinks, focusing on me. "I know you"re afraid, but you don"t need to be." He offers me his hand. "So, will you come back with me? Will you wake up?"
I feel like there"s so much more to his question. Will I wake up? Will I face my fears? Will I accept my guilt and move on? Will I be brave?
Or will I stay here and hide like a coward as I"ve been doing.
He"s giving me a choice. I"ve never really had that before, and I want to make the right one. So, I nod, agreeing to go back with him.
"All right, Blaise, let"s wake up."
He nods once, and then I feel myself being dragged away from dreamland and back into reality.
Chapter Eighteen.
Home When I wake up again, I"m lying on a hard surface, and the sky above is half-bleeding as the sun starts to wake up. There are fingers pressed to my temple, but they quickly move away.
"We"re making a plan," Blaise whispers, "so you have a few minutes, okay?"
I nod, grateful, and remain lying there with my eyes closed. I count each beat of my heart, giving myself a few moments before I take a deep breath of dry air, sit up, and glance around. I"m sitting on a boulder to the side of the dusty path that zigzags between the jagged cliffs. Just beyond the rock, Blaise, Ryder, and Reece are huddled together, speaking in a hushed tone.
"I know where we are," Reece says. "I counted the steps."
"You were pretty out of it, though," Ryder says. He"s standing upright, awake and alert. The only evidence that he was injured is the blood stains on his jacket and a gash on the side of his neck.
His miraculous recovery confuses me. He was on the brink of death, and now he"s suddenly okay? Can he heal, too, like Blaise and I? Perhaps. Or maybe he just wasn"t as injured as I thought.
"Can we please just pick a way to go?" Blaise rubs his hand over the shaved side of his head, staring down the path. "If we don"t get out of here soon, they"re going to catch up with us."
"We need to find the quickest route." Reece draws the hood of his worn jacket over his head. "We have very limited supplies. We"re going to get severely dehydrated before we make it back, and we have maybe two meals total."
Blaise adjusts the bag Calla gave him higher onto his shoulder. "We can figure all that out on the way back. We just need to go."
"Maybe the team got your signal," Ryder tells Reece. "And they"ll send out a rescue team."
"Maybe." Reece appears doubtful, though. "Blaise is probably right. We should go and figure stuff out on the way."
"Okay," Ryder agrees. "But what are we going to do with Allura? She"s not awake yet. Someone is probably going to have to carry her."
The three of them turn their head toward me. Surprise flashes across Reece and Ryder"s expressions, while Blaise looks ... well, kind of proud.
A smile instantly replaces Ryder"s shock, and he hurries toward me. "Hey, you"re up."
I force a nervous smile. "Yeah."
He stops at the side of the rock and extends his hand to me. "Are you ready to go? I can carry you if you want. I"m sure you"re really tired."
I glance from his hand to his face. The kindness I saw in his eyes when he first rescued me is still there.
"I"m fine. I-I can walk." I stand up, take his hand, and let him help me off the rock. When I move to slip my fingers out of his, he constricts his grip, holding on tightly, and then guides me over to Blaise and Ryder.
"Are you okay to walk?" Reece"s gaze sweeps over me. "After you were hit with two dreamland darts in less than twenty-four hours, you should probably let one of us carry you so your body can rest."
I shake my head, tucking strands of my tangled hair behind my ears. "I"m fine."
"Are you sure?" Reece asks, rubbing a cut running across his forehead.
His worry confuses me. So does Ryder"s hand in mine. They saw me try to eat the quercu. How can they be okay with that?
"I"m fine," I repeat, unsure of what else to say.
Reece lets his arm fall to his side. "If you change your mind, let one of us know. I don"t want you wearing yourself out."
When I nod, Blaise drops the bag to the ground and retrieves a pair of boots and a leather jacket along with a bottle of water.
"These were in here." He hands me the items. "I think the shoes might be a little big, but it"s better than walking barefoot."
I take the clothes and shoes from him and slip them on. My legs are still exposed to the dry air and sun, but whatever damage they do to my skin will probably heal.
After I get the jacket zipped up, I chug a few swallows of water, but stop myself before I down the whole bottle. If we"re low on supplies, then I need to go easy.
I twist the cap back on and hand Blaise the water.
"Are you sure you drank enough?" he asks without taking the bottle from me.
I nod. "I know we don"t have a lot. I"ll be fine for a while."
He reluctantly takes the water from me and sets it in the bag. "If you get thirsty, tell me, okay?"
I nod, feeling Ryder"s gaze on me. When I glance at him, he"s staring at my legs and rubbing the back of his neck.
"There"s no pants in there?" He tears his eyes off me and turns to Blaise. "Her legs are going to fry."
Blaise shakes his head, zipping up his bag. "No. Only a couple bottles of water and some canned food."
"I"ll be fine without pants." My hand trembles in Ryder"s. "Even if the sunlight burns me ... I won"t ..." I can"t bring myself to say the words aloud.
"Promise you"ll tell me if the heat starts to bother you," Ryder says, tracing the folds between my fingers.
"Why?" Blaise c.o.c.ks a brow at him as he slips the strap of the bag onto his shoulder. "What are you going to do? Take your pants off and give them to her?"
Ryder shrugs, amus.e.m.e.nt playing at the corners of his lips. "Maybe."
Blaise rolls his eyes. "Whatever." Then he stomps off down the trail, barking at us to hurry up.
We jog after him, Blaise takes the lead, Reece the middle, and Ryder and I stay at the back. Blaise keeps ordering everyone to hurry up, and I get the strangest sense of dej vu.
An abrupt laugh bursts from my lips, and I slap my hand over my mouth, shaking my head at myself. What a completely inappropriate time to laugh, Allura.
Ryder nudges me with his elbow. "What"s so funny?"
"It"s nothing." I lower my hand from my mouth and sigh. "It"s just that you guys are acting so ... like you were before."
His blue eyes sparkle in the sunlight. "Are we supposed to act differently?"
I fiddle with the rusty zipper on the front of the frayed jacket. "I don"t know ... I mean ... Doesn"t it bother you?" I fix my eyes on the ground.
"Does what bother me?" He seems genuinely perplexed.
"What happened back in that tent." I shrug, gazing up at the top of the cliffs. "I thought you guys would be afraid of me."
He tugs his hand from mine, and I think he"s pulling away, but instead, he drapes his arm around my shoulder. "How could we be afraid of you?" he asks. "You"ve done absolutely nothing except help fight to keep us alive. You jumped on that guy"s back when he was going to kill me. And you even saved Calla, which is the only reason we have a bag of supplies right now."
"I know, but ..." I duck my head, letting my hair veil my shame. "What if I"m one of these hybrids?"
"Then you"re a hybrid." He cups my cheek in his hand and angles my head up, forcing me to meet his gaze. Only kindness shines in his eyes. "But I don"t really think you are."
I frown. "Zinnia seemed pretty certain I was."
"Sweetheart, you"re too good and kind to be like those hybrids Zinnia talked about. You"re different from them. I know you are." He smiles warmly at me. "Now, let"s hurry up before Blaise bites our heads off for walking too slowly."
And just like that, he accepts me for what I am.
I just hope he isn"t making a mistake, that I"m everything they think I am. That I"m not like Lex and the rest of the Grim, that I"m not like the hybrids the Forsaken spoke of. That I"m not a monster. That I don"t end up hurting anyone.
Coming Soon.
Oblivion (Broken City, #3).
About the Author.
Jessica Sorensen is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author who lives in the snowy mountains of Wyoming. When she"s not writing, she spends her time reading and hanging out with her family.
Other books by Jessica Sorensen:.
Broken City Series:.
Nameless.
Forsaken Oblivion (coming soon).
Entranced Series: Entranced Entangled (coming soon).
Rebels & Misfits Series: Confessions of a Kleptomaniac.
Honeyton Series: The Illusion of Annabella.
Sunnyvale Series: The Year I Became Isabella Anders.
The Year of Falling in Love The Year of Second Chances (coming soon) The Coincidence Series: The Coincidence of Callie and Kayden The Redemption of Callie and Kayden The Destiny of Violet and Luke.
The Probability of Violet and Luke The Certainty of Violet and Luke The Resolution of Callie and Kayden.
Seth & Greyson The Secret Series:.
The Prelude of Ella and Micha The Secret of Ella and Micha The Forever of Ella and Micha.
The Temptation of Lila and Ethan The Ever After of Ella and Micha Lila and Ethan: Forever and Always Ella and Micha: Infinitely and Always.
The Shattered Promises Series:.
Shattered Promises.
Fractured Souls Unbroken Broken Visions Scattered Ashes.
Breaking Nova Series:.
Breaking Nova Saving Quinton Delilah: The Making of Red.
Nova and Quinton: No Regrets Tristan: Finding Hope Wreck Me Ruin Me.
The Fallen Star Series (YA):.
The Fallen Star The Underworld The Vision.
The Promise The Fallen Souls Series (spin-off from The Fallen Star): The Lost Soul.
The Evanescence The Darkness Falls Series:.