"Who are you?"
"Pardine! you"d ought to know well enough, as you"re a sorcerer."
"Of course I know; but as I ask you, of course I must have secret reasons for doing so. Answer then, without tergiversation."
"Without tergi--without terger--What are you talking about?"
"I ask you your name."
"My name"s like my brother"s, Eustache Nicole."
"What do you do?"
"Why, I work in the fields, or else I drive folks" wagons when there"s stuff to carry."
"Why have you come here?"
"What! why, I"ve come like the rest of "em! to see what a sorcerer looks like."
"Who told you that I was a sorcerer?"
"The barber did, when I got clipped at his place this morning; and as there ain"t been no sorcerers in these parts for a long time, I stayed in town on purpose to see you."
"Do you want to be magnetized?"
"Magne--What do you mean by that?"
"Do you want me to put the secret agent at work on you?"
"Pardi! I don"t care what you put to work!"
"Well, what do you wish to know?"
"Oh! well! lots o" things!--You mean to say that you can"t guess "em?"
"Yes, indeed; and first of all I am going to magnetize you."
"All right, I"m willing; will it cost me much?"
"I charge nothing for that."
"If that"s so, then you must be a sorcerer sure enough, if you do your business without having your hand greased!"
My little hunchback seated the peasant in a great easy-chair, then touched him several times with the magic wand; but the clown let him keep on, and seemed to be not in the slightest degree under the charm.
Thereupon my companion began to pa.s.s his fingers very lightly over his eyes, in order to communicate the magnetic fluid to him. The peasant said nothing, but contented himself with turning his chair from time to time and rubbing his eyes. I felt a strong desire to laugh when I saw the pains that my poor comrade was taking, perspiring profusely in his efforts to magnetize Eustache Nicole.
At last the peasant seemed quieter; he ceased to move and rub his eyes.
"The charm is working," said Master Graograicus in an undertone, as he continued his labors; "this fellow has given me a lot of trouble! but I have succeeded at last! As you see, he is entering the somnambulistic state; before long he will speak."
But, instead of speaking, the peasant, who had really fallen asleep, gave pa.s.sage to so prolonged a sound that the most dauntless magnetizer would not have had the courage to continue. My hunchback jumped back, holding his nose. I roared with laughter and the whole audience followed suit.
That sudden noise awoke our peasant; he rose and asked if the experiment was at an end.
"You are a boor," said my companion angrily; "you have failed in respect to the whole company, and you are not worthy to be magnetized."
The peasant was not long-suffering; he lost his temper, declared that we were making fools of the poor people and that we were no more sorcerers than he was. At that, Master Graograicus attempted to expel the insolent villain who cast a doubt upon his learning. He pushed him with his wand.
The angry peasant turned and seized my ill.u.s.trious magnetizer by the beard. The hunchback cried out, the spectators came forward; the women called for help, the wiser sort contented themselves with laughing, and the partisans of magnetism rushed to the a.s.sistance of the poor sorcerer. He was fighting with Monsieur Nicole, who would not relax his grasp on the beard. In their struggles they approached the tub; they stumbled over it and both fell in, face down. Water cools and allays the pa.s.sions. The peasant, on withdrawing his head from the tub, released his opponent"s beard and quietly left the room. My companion, who was thoroughly drenched, felt that he was no longer in a condition to make proselytes, and he declared the seance adjourned.
XIII
EFFECTS OF THE PHILTERS.--BROTHER JACQUES LEAVES HIS COMPANION
Despite the unpleasant conclusion of our first seance in magnetism, we did a very good business at the Tete-Noire. Clairette gave us all the information that we desired, and to avoid a repet.i.tion of the Eustache Nicole episode, we admitted only those persons who had entered their names beforehand.
But the public curiosity abated, and the effects of our pills did not always correspond to the expectations of the purchasers. Moreover, I began to be less in love with Clairette; I had surprised her several times being rejuvenated by Pierre and Jerome, and that had taken away all the illusion of a first love. So that I was not disappointed when my companion suggested that we should go away.
For six months we lived in that same way, remaining a longer or shorter time in one place according to the number of dupes we made there. That worked very well; but we did not always find accomplices, and then we were likely to make serious mistakes. One day I told a money-lender that he didn"t care for money, a drunkard that he didn"t like wine, a gambler that he didn"t care for cards, and a bachelor that his wife was false to him; you can imagine, Sans-Souci, that we did not make a brilliant success in that town.
I began to be tired of that kind of life; I had informed my companion that I wished to leave him, but he always strove to keep me. But one day I resolved to give my love of mischief a free rein and to play some trick on him that would take away all desire on his part to have me for a partner.
We were in a small town where we were performing miracles. Magnetism and somnambulism seemed to have turned everyone"s head; people fought for the privilege of consulting us first, of obtaining private conferences.
I could not fill the orders for pills, and even the charms were selling very well. It was in that place that I determined to try an experiment of my own invention on the fools who applied to us.
An old advocate had been paying court for some time to a coquette of uncertain age, who refused to respond to his flame, but did not cease to listen to his tender declarations. The lady was crafty, she was well pleased to inspire pa.s.sions, and she was afraid of losing her influence over her adorer if she yielded to his desires. They both came to consult us: the advocate to learn how to soften the heart of his charmer, and she, how to retain the charms that made so many men wretched. My companion promised Monsieur Gerard--that was the old suitor"s name--a philter that would make the coldest woman amorous; and he promised Madame Dubelair a charm that would shelter hers from the ravages of time.
In the same house with Madame Dubelair lived the deputy mayor of the town. Monsieur Rose was an excellent man; but his wife complained of one great failing in him; he was not enough in love with her, and was not in the slightest degree jealous. So Madame Rose also came to consult us as to the means she could employ to put an end to her husband"s indifference. To make a husband amorous of his wife after fifteen years of wedlock was rather difficult. Nevertheless my companion promised Madame Rose a philter with a marvelous power of causing jealousy, and the dear soul went away, overjoyed to know that she might still hope to drive her husband frantic.
My hunchback made haste to compound the philters, and gave them to me to carry to their addresses, instructing me to collect the pay for them. On the way I reflected how amusing it would be to change the destination of the little phials.
"Parbleu!" I said to myself, "I am going to see what will happen! I will give Madame Rose, instead of the charm for jealousy, the one to make a person amorous; to Monsieur Gerard the one to arouse anger, and to Madame Dubelair the one for jealousy; the results cannot fail to be comical."
I instantly put my plan into execution; I delivered the phials to the three persons concerned, a.s.suring them of their miraculous effect; then I returned to the inn and impatiently awaited the result of my prank.
Monsieur Gerard had solicited and obtained from Madame Dubelair permission to lunch with her _en tete-a-tete_. I had carried him the alluring charm early in the morning, and he thought that it would not be a bad idea for him to take part of it before calling upon his inamorata, in order to give himself resolution and audacity. Madame Dubelair had lost no time in tasting the marvelous phial, which was to make her charms impervious to time; and Madame Rose had poured a large part of hers into the chocolate that her husband drank every morning.
You know, my dear Sans-Souci, what my master"s drugs were compounded of, and how he had figured out their inevitable effect. Imagine therefore the events that occurred during that memorable evening! Monsieur Gerard betook himself to his adored one"s abode; on the way, he felt slight colicky pains; his head was burning hot. He supposed that the charm was working and he hastened to Madame Dubelair"s. He found her reclining negligently in a long chair. But imagine his surprise! His charming friend was unrecognizable; her nose was red and swollen, her skin tightly drawn; several blotches embellished her brow.
"How do you think I look this evening, Monsieur Gerard?" she asked with a sly smile; "I am sure that you find me changed."
"In truth, madame," replied the poor advocate, holding his hands to his abdomen and making diabolical faces as he spoke, "I do find you changed.
You are ill, no doubt."
"Ill, monsieur! ill! when you yourself are writhing and twisting in such an extraordinary way!"