Yet, although fully dressed, I feel as if I am naked. Casting around to fill the loss, I see Betwixt and Between sitting on one of the comfortable-looking easy chairs. Athena perches on the back.
Seeing me, Betwixt winks. "Can"t do without us, now, can you?"
"You know it," I say and then am instantly tongue-tied.
I cover for this by picking up the dragons and perching Athena on my shoulder. She swivels her head to look at me and then begins to preen her feathers, chortling softly.
Jersey is gaping at me. "You brought them through! This is unprecedented! I didn"t..."
He trails off and looks so uncomfortable that I reach over and pat his arm.
"I am a brother to dragons, a companion to owls," I state simply. Then, afraid that the words will suddenly fail, "Where are we? What kind of place is this?"
Jersey regains some of his composure and saunters over to one of the chairs. Leaning back in it and picking up a daiquiri from what I had believed was an empty table, he sips and sighs happily.
"This place is in our minds, Sarey. Ours and the computer"s. Mine, mostly, since I did the set programming, but yours, too, which is why you look like you want to and, I guess, why your friends are with you." He shakes his head. "Does that help?"
"Not much," I admit. "How come I can...talk?"
"Because you can think in a coherent fashion and because you want to," Jersey says simply. "It was pretty obvious that you weren"t just mimicking or reciting quotes at random, so it was a fair bet that if you were given a chance to say what you were thinking, you would be fine, and so here we are, chatting in a nice room."
"Why?" I ask, marveling that I can shape the simple monosyllable.
Jersey puts his gla.s.s down. "Two words: Magical Thinking. Your ability is extraordinary, but you can"t talk to tell the doctors what you hear. So, I provide the bridge and over you walk."
"Why?" Between asks, stretching his neck toward a nice succulent plant growing next to my chair.
Jersey pulls at his ear. "Did you say something?"
"No, Between did," I answer, puzzled that he cannot tell-the little dragon"s voice is definitely masculine.
"Between?"
"Between"-I point-"Betwixt. They"re quite different people-from the neck up, that is."
"Oh, boy." Jersey grabs for his gla.s.s. "Sarey, I won"t say if you don"t, but I"ve got bad feelings about this."
"Say?" I laugh. "To whom? And what? Are Dr. Haas and Dr. Aldrich watching us?"
"No." Jersey relaxes some. "No way unless they link up with us and they don"t do that too often. There are potential...side effects."
I ignore his discomfort, enjoying this new freedom. Noticing a bowl of fruit on the table, I set Betwixt and Between down and they trundle forward and start decimating Bartlett pears. Athena seems content to sit on my shoulder for now.
"We aren"t seeing exactly the same thing, are we?" I hazard.
"Probably not, not on minor details, but part of what the computer is doing is picking up what is most-important-to you and to me and creating a consensus reality from them. Self-image is really important, so that holds, same with what we"re talking about, but the color of the walls or the style of furnishings wouldn"t be shared unless it was important that it was-like with the Van Gogh or that mirror."
"I understand," I say, restraining myself from trying to make it important for him to see Betwixt and Between gobbling fresh fruit on his coffee table. "Somehow, I doubt all of this is to let me have a try at the spoken word. You started to explain before-it has something to do with magical thinking."
"Right." Jersey looks unhappy for a moment. "You got the basics from Dr. Haas, I know. What you didn"t get is that the Inst.i.tute has been supporting its "research" through controlled use of magical thinking. It is almost too-potent stuff. I didn"t know Dylan until-after-but he was something else even then."
"After." I lean forward. "After what?"
"Dylan had an...accident." Jersey flushes. "d.a.m.n, Sarey, I can"t tell you. Don"t ask me about him-ask anything else."
I am shocked; for a brief instant his image had flickered and he had become the overweight madman I knew. By the time he has control again, he also has my pity.
"Okay," I promise, "I won"t ask, but don"t forget that I want to know. He was my brother and I loved him even if I was a kid when we were separated."
"Family isn"t all it"s made out to be, Sarey," Jersey answers. "Let"s get off this. You asked about why the Inst.i.tute wanted you so bad. Simple. Magical thinking seems to break the rules most of us live by. Things talk to you-right?"
"Right. Yes." I smile. "You bet. Ten-four, good buddy."
Jersey chuckles. "Okay. Now, most of this world is based around the simple concept that things don"t talk. Security systems a.s.sume that codes and ciphers are safely hidden between our ears. Conferences a.s.sume that the places they are held can be made secure. There"s an old story about how a guy told a secret he couldn"t bear to keep to a hole in the ground and it would have been safe except that the reeds growing there picked up the words and whispered them to the world. You get the picture?"
"Yes." I nod, remembering a code pad happily chanting, I got a secret! "I understand. They"re using us to steal secrets."
"Yeah." Jersey smiles sadly. "You catch on fast. Street-smarts, but what can I expect with what you"ve been doing?"
I almost think he is going to say more, but he picks up his drink and sips the frosty thing. The level of ice never drops.
"So, Sarey, Dr. Aldrich had taken money to learn some things for some-powerful-people. h.e.l.l, dangerous people. And then Dylan-died-and he was up a creek without a paddle. Then Aldrich remembered you and when he sent for you, you had been discharged. There was sixteen kinds of b.i.t.c.hiness until you were found. Now I"ve got to get you acclimated and they"ll pay off their debts and all."
"And I stay here?" I ask bluntly. "Forever."
"Yeah," he nods. "I can"t see how they"d let you go."
Fourteen.
OUR NEXT SESSION IS MUCH LIKE THE FIRST. WHEN BEING brought in for the third, my guard is reaching to ring for admittance when suddenly he stops. I am about to try and ask why when I hear the faintest sound of voices raised in argument. Stretching my hearing, I am able to make out the words. brought in for the third, my guard is reaching to ring for admittance when suddenly he stops. I am about to try and ask why when I hear the faintest sound of voices raised in argument. Stretching my hearing, I am able to make out the words.
"...endangering her!" The voice is Jersey"s.
"No, I am saving her and us." Dr. Haas is cool. "If she doesn"t adapt to the interface quickly, our creditors will be very unhappy and if they get unhappy...Do I need to spell it out?"
"No." I can almost hear Jersey shake his head. "But..."
The guard steers me away before I can hear more. When we come back five minutes later, Jersey is hooking himself up, his anger only subdued. Dr. Haas smiles her unfriendly smile and, with a few bright comments about the weather (which never changes in our climate-controlled building), hooks me up.
Jersey is waiting across the white mist in the now-familiar room and barely gives me time to set down my dragons before speaking.
"Okay, Sarey, today we start work. This is something of a test. I"m going to show you a variety of items and you are going to tell me what they say to you. Got it?"
"You bet, boss." I smile. "But how can I hear what not-real things are saying? Isn"t this place all in the mind?"
"Yes, but Dr. Haas will be handing you the "real" object at the same time. It should work. It has in the past."
I don"t need to ask: with Dylan. Instead, I nod.
"Ready when you are, Jersey."
The first thing he hands to me is a book. The cover and spine are blank, but this hardly matters. We"d already learned that I cannot read here any better than I can outside of the interface. Apparently, skills cannot be merely wished for.
Holding the book, I listen; the voice is soft at first, then easily understood, then even familiar. Tears spring to my eyes and I clasp the battered text to my breast.
"Oh, Jersey! It"s Mary Poppins Mary Poppins-the one my nurse read to me when I was small. I kept the book in my room and would listen even when she was gone. I thought it was lost!"
Jersey makes a note on a computer keyboard identical to one I had seen in the annex.
"Very good, Sarey. How about this?"
He hands me a small cedar block made of varitoned shades of wood, polished to a high finish. I caress its smooth sides and admire its red-gold color. As I do so, I hear a soft giggle.
Betwixt and Between are busy eating a bowl of ice cream. Athena is chasing a moth by the ceiling.
The giggle comes again and I focus on the cedar block.
"Puzzle," it giggles, "puzzle puzzle puzzle puzzle puzzle."
I giggle, too, for its delight is infectious.
"It"s a puzzle box," I tell Jersey. "Let"s see. To solve it..."
Listening to the happy noise and the occasional groan, I press on the wood strips and in moments have revealed a small cavity large enough for a ring or a small deck of cards.
Jersey applauds and writes down some more notes.
"Tired, Sarey? Or can you do some more?"
"I"m a little tired. Let me have a small rest and then I"ll try another. Am I doing okay?"
"Just great." Jersey leans back and reaches for a milkshake.
"Jersey, what were you and Dr. Haas arguing about this morning?"
He sputters into his shake. "How did you know?"
"The guard brought me by when you were-I heard."
"But those rooms are soundproof. The guard looked in through the window on the door. I waved him off. You..."
I shrug. "I am brother to dragons, a companion to owls. Tell me why you were arguing. You said I could ask about anything except Dylan."
"Well, that"s not exactly what I said." He pauses. "Think about it. However, Dr. Haas has been mixing the drug that eases interface. I found she was going a bit heavy on some components in yours. We got into a fight and she reminded me of my place."
"Which is?"
"Sarey, hon, you"ve lived in a fairly protected world. I don"t know all the details, but you"ve always had people looking out for you. Not so for me-my computer work is my world and yet I"ve had funding troubles all along."
Remembering his madness, I understand.
"The Inst.i.tute came when I was down. They said essentially: "Hey, you can get in people"s minds. We don"t care about how or anything. We just want in.""
"Wait, Jersey, you told me that the Inst.i.tute had lost funding. How did they pay you? This couldn"t be cheap."
"Sarey, the "Inst.i.tute" you"re talking about is just one part of a much larger organization. I was working for them-research-and eventually they linked me up with Dr. Aldrich after Dylan"s accident..."
He stops, aware that he"s said too much.
"Accident?" I ask.
"No, Sarey, don"t distract me. Now, what working with Aldrich was a chance at was legit research, y"know, with a big "L." I only learned too late all the c.r.a.p that was going down and by then I would have had to give it all up and I couldn"t. Can"t."
He finishes and takes a long suck on his milkshake until the straw rattles against the bottom of the gla.s.s.
"Rested?" he says. "Let"s try another."
We work for a while more. Some of the items are easy-others more difficult. One says nothing at all.
When we come back from the interface, I am praised by doctors Aldrich and Haas. My score is perfect-even the no-reading had been right-a brand-new item with minimal a.s.sociations.
Despite my pride, I feel very drained and let them take me back to my room in a wheelchair. There I fall asleep almost at once and dream cryptic dreams.
Upon awakening, I do not immediately get up, but instead roll onto my back, reviewing the past day"s events. My concern about what happened to Dylan had been muted by the excitement of learning to interface, discovering speech, making friends with Jersey. Now it comes back in full.
What had Jersey said? I struggle to remember his exact word, "Don"t ask me about him-ask anything else."
I whisper the words, too softly for the monitors to catch.
Between hears and yawns. "What did you say, Sarah?"
I repeat myself, "Don"t ask me about him-ask anything else."
"Jersey said that, didn"t he," Between says. "Funny way to put it."
"It"s a puzzle," Betwixt cuts in excitedly. "Must be or he wouldn"t have told her to remember it exactly."
"Don"t ask me," Between repeats slowly, stressing every syllable, "ask any-thing else."
I sit up suddenly and the motion detectors turn on the room lights. Blinking at the light, I run a hand through my nonexistent hair and wish for speech. Unable to explain myself, I hug Betwixt and Between and head for the shower.
My guards, I have learned, are not precisely the Inst.i.tute"s. Instead, they belong to the anonymous employer. Now that I have proven myself a cooperative patient, I am permitted to go around the building-although always with a guard in tow.