Lochlan braced himself to intervene should the Scot strike her.
He didn"t. Instead he stared at her as if imagining her slow dismemberment.
"You"re a cheeky wench."
"And you"re a bullish oaf."
His eye blank, the Scot looked at Lochlan and shook his head. "G.o.d have mercy on you, man, if this is your woman. You should have let me gut you and save you from her tongue."
Lochlan shrugged. "I"m rather fond of that tongue myself. I find it often holds a lot of truth when it speaks."
The Scot reached out then and placed a gentle hand to Catarina"s face. There was a subtle gentling of his gaze. "I"d forgotten how soft a woman"s skin could be."
He dropped his hand before he turned to face the fire and ambled over to it.
Lochlan frowned at Kestrel, who shrugged at the same time Raziel came forward to retrieve the Scot"s sword.
Suddenly, the Scot"s low, thick voice filled the air. "Kieran died so that I could live this life, such as it is." He laughed bitterly, then winced as if it caused him unimaginable pain. "He took the blade meant for me and he died in my arms, coughing up blood and begging me to ask you for your forgiveness."
The Scot braced one hand against the mantel. "He said he wanted you to know that he hadn"t meant what he"d said to you the last time you"d spoken. That it was thoughtless and cruel and that he loved you. That he respected you." He paused to let out a tired sigh. "All he wanted that last year we spent in prison was to go home and see the lot of you again. He kept saying over and over again that G.o.d would not be so merciless as to let the last words between him and his beloved brothers be so cruel. It was why he didn"t kill himself that day at the loch even though he didn"t want to live anymore. But he didn"t have the courage to face you. He just wanted the pain to end. He didn"t want to see the judgment in your mother"s eyes. The disappointment in yours or your brothers". It was more than he could bear."
Lochlan clenched his teeth as each whispered word pounded him like a hammer through his heart. He desperately wanted to cry for the brother he"d loved so much. For the brother he"d hoped to find again.
But he was among strangers and that alone kept him stoic on the outside. Inside however, he was screaming out in pain again...just as he"d done the day when he"d found Kieran"s sword and plaid by the loch.
And once again, he"d have to face his mother with the bitter news that her son was dead. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but as Catarina had said, he wasn"t a coward and it wasn"t the kind of news that should come from anyone save family.
"Thank you," Lochlan said past the lump in his throat, "for trying to save him. For being with him when I couldn"t be."
Duncan turned toward him then and when their gazes met, Lochlan realized that they did share a bond in blood and in Kieran"s love.
His gaze was blurry from his unshed tears as Lochlan held his hand out to this new brother. "I understand why you hate me, but should you ever need anything, send word and I will come."
Duncan stared at his hand for several heartbeats before he took it and pulled Lochlan into his embrace. "He loved you, Lochlan. I hated how much you meant to him. How much all of you did.
I knew I was only half as good in his eyes. At least that"s what I thought until he died for me.
Then it was too late...it should never be too late for such things."
Lochlan clapped him on the back as his own anguish choked him. "Half or full blood makes no never mind to us. A brother is always a brother."
Duncan buried his hand in Lochlan"s hair before he pulled him back and placed his forehead against Lochlan"s. Grimacing, he pushed himself away and headed for the door. "You can rest here, if you like." He raised the cowl on his cloak.
"Raziel," he growled as he paused just before the door. "I"ve had enough of company. I want no more of it. Do not disturb me any more this night."
Lochlan took a step toward him, but Raziel cut him off as Duncan made his way out of the room.
"Press him no more," he said in a low, guttural tone. "It physically hurts him to talk and it hurts him even more to move. He must rest now and he never wants anyone to see him in that kind of misery. I beg you to allow him the dignity he deserves."
Lochlan wanted more answers, but he understood what Raziel was saying. "You don"t seem like a servant to me. Why do you obey him so?"
"Duncan gave up his face for me when I was nothing but a worthless dog. There is nothing I wouldn"t do for him now."
"Raziel is also one of the very few he trusts," Kestrel said quietly. He shook his head. "So it was Duncan who survived. Now we know for sure."
Catarina frowned. "I don"t understand. How did Kieran know of him as a brother when you didn"t?"
Lochlan had no idea.
"He was raised in a neighboring village," Raziel said. "His mother kept him hidden out of fear.
She saw the way the lairdess treated her husband"s b.a.s.t.a.r.ds and so she sought to protect him as best she could. Unfortunately, she died when Duncan was only eight and he was left to struggle on his own. He met Kieran by accident a few years later and Kieran recognized him as a brother immediately. So he would take food and clothing to Duncan. Sometimes even coin. It was Kieran who bought him an apprenticeship with the local blacksmith."
Lochlan cursed as he remembered Kieran being caught stealing by their father. He"d never explained to anyone why he"d been doing it.
Now he understood. Kieran had been taking supplies for their brother.
"Why didn"t he tell me?" Lochlan breathed.
"Duncan didn"t want him to. He never wanted anyone to know he existed."
"Yet he went to Outremer with Kieran."
Raziel nodded. "He found Kieran on the bank of the loch, weeping. Kieran told him that he couldn"t go home again. It was then they decided that they"d find their brother Sin and make their own family where no one would be more related than the other. Where there would never be harsh words or hurt feelings between them."
Those words cut Lochlan to the soul. "I never carried a grudge against any of my brothers."
Kestrel cast a look to Raziel, then to Lochlan. "It"s far easier to give forgiveness than it is to ask for it."
Lochlan nodded. It was true. Kieran would have been too embarra.s.sed over his tirade and actions to reach out to them and apologize. "I can"t believe he"s dead."
"I"m sorry, Lochlan," Catarina whispered.
He pulled Catarina against him. For the first time, his brother"s death was almost tolerable.
Almost.
Raziel stepped forward. "I"m sure all of you are tired from your journey. Come with me and I"ll show you to rooms where you may rest. Would you like for me to bring you food?"
Lochlan nodded. "A light repast for the lady. I know she has to be starving."
Kestrel cleared his throat. "And I"m most certain the two of them will be wanting a room together."
"That would be most improper," Lochlan said quickly.
Kestrel rolled his eyes. "Then for the love of G.o.d fetch a priest and marry her already."
Raziel looked horrified by the mere thought. "That would prove to be most difficult. The Scot refuses to have anyone of holy cloth near his home. His belief is that G.o.d turned His back on him and as such he will never welcome a cleric here again."
Kestrel scowled. "Not even Christian of Acre?"
"As a Brotherhood member, he"s an exception and not a real priest, I might add."
"Well, there is that," Kestrel said. "But it doesn"t usually stop him from wearing the robes."
Ignoring that, Raziel took them down the hall to a large bedchamber. When Lochlan started to withdraw and leave it for Catarina, Raziel took his arm. "No one here will judge you. We know how fragile and fleeting life is. Find your comfort where and when you can and trust we"ll never breathe a word of it."
Lochlan knew he should leave, but honestly it was the last thing he wanted to do and he was grateful that Raziel understood that. "Thank you."
Raziel inclined his head to him before he shut the door and walked off with Kestrel by his side.
Cat watched Lochlan"s uncertainty as he turned toward her and couldn"t help smiling over it. Only he would be worried over her reputation after all they"d shared. It was endearing and sweet.
"We"ll find that priest, Lochlan. Have no fear."
He nodded as he unbuckled his sword and set it aside. His silence concerned her. He was hurting.
Going to him, she wrapped her arms about his waist. "Your brother loved you."
She saw the tears return to his eyes and yet somehow he managed to keep them in check.
"I keep seeing him as a child," he said in a quiet tone. "He used to be the devil of a prankster.
Putting burrs under my saddle or in my boots. One time he woke me in the middle of the night by telling me the castle was on fire. I went running outside completely naked only to have him laugh and wake half the castle to witness my horror."
Cat tried not laugh, but it was hard. "And still you loved him."
"More than my life. G.o.d, Catarina, we were to grow old together with me having to look under my saddle even in my winter years. How can he have died on foreign soil with strangers around him?"
"He had Duncan."
The anguish in his eyes stole her breath. "He should have had me. I was the older brother. "Twas my job always to look after him. How could I have failed him so badly?"
"You didn"t fail him, Lochlan. You loved him. There was nothing more you could have done."
Lochlan nodded. In his heart, he knew she was right, but the ache inside him denied it. It wanted his brother back and no amount of reason would make the pain or the guilt go away.
His heart breaking, he pulled her to his lips and kissed her with every part of himself. Right now, he needed her in a way he"d never needed anything. She kept the pain away. Made him glad he was still alive.
Wanting the salvation only she could give him, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to bed.
Cat closed her eyes at the sensation of him holding her. Nothing felt better than being in Lochlan"s arms. Nothing. The way he carried her, protective yet gentle, reminded her of how much he loved her. And she loved him with every part of her being. She wanted to kiss away every ounce of pain he"d ever endured. To satisfy him in a way no woman ever had.
He"d done everything he could for Kieren, she knew that. Deep down, Lochlan did, too. Sooner or later, he would forgive himself.
She hoped.
Gently, he placed her on the bed. Lochlan"s gaze met hers, intense and vulnerable in a way she"d never seen before. She could tell this was more to him than just coupling. He needed her and that touched her in a way nothing ever had before.
Lochlan wanted to forget all he"d just learned and she wanted to make him forget. He deserved so much more than the burdens he"d shouldered all these years. He deserved happiness, laughter, and love beyond his imagination. And she planned on giving that to him starting right now. Wearing an inviting smile, Catarina lifted his tunic over his head and allowed it to drop to the floor.
Her fingers itched to touch that hard, corded chest. He was a powerful man and a gentle, caring person all rolled into one. G.o.d, how she loved him.
"Kiss me." His tone was ragged with need.
She complied as his lips teased hers open. The way his lips moved over hers, it was as if they were the only two people in the world and she felt more love than she knew existed.
He stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb. Without his uttering a single word, she knew.
The pain was gone for a moment and she"d done that for him. Right now, he wasn"t thinking of his brother.
He was only thinking of them.
Cat lifted a finger to his cheek so that she could scratch the stubble playfully with her nails. How she loved that sensation. His skin was so different from hers. So rugged and masculine.
Her mouth watered for a taste of it.
"You know, my lord, what with all that has happened, it seems you"ve forgotten to shave. "Tis getting a little long for my priggish lord."
He leaned in and nuzzled her neck so that his stubble teased her skin, making chills run the length of her. "Is it? I thought you preferred me as wild and untamed as you are."
She couldn"t help but laugh. "It isn"t without its charms, but there is so much more I find charming about you, Lochlan MacAllister."
He nuzzled again and leaned in, pausing just shy of her ear. "And I find many, many more things about you irresistible."
"Such as?"
His eyes twinkled as he stared down at her. "Your earlobes."
She frowned at his response. What could he possibly find endearing about that? "My earlobes?"
"Aye, they"re so tiny and delicate." He kissed her earlobe, the warmth of his breath sending a shudder down her spine.
"So you love me for my earlobes?"
He smiled. "Among other things."
"Other things?"
He traced the curve of her neck with his forefinger just before his lips followed. "Here." He sprinkled kisses down her neck, tender and loving. "I adore the way your neck curves. "Tis most inviting."
"Mmm," she breathed. "And is there anything else you find inviting?"
Lochlan savored her playfulness now more than ever. She was trying to distract him and G.o.d love her, it was working. He was lost to her charm. Lost to the feel of her softness. "Aye, love, I do have a favorite."
Cat arched a brow at him. "Is that so?" She had an idea where his hand would travel next.
At least that was what she thought until it went somewhere else.