She was lying. At least he prayed she was. "So you think you know how I feel?"
"Definitely. You feel guilty."
"True."
"Frankly, I don"t have the energy right now to rea.s.sure you. As you can see, I"m doing just fine. Now get on with your life and leave me alone."
She didn"t look as though she was doing just fine. She looked exhausted. Worse, there was an aloofness-a gravity-about her so at odds with the funny, irreverent woman he knew that he couldn"t make the pieces fit. "I"ve missed you," he said.
"Glad to hear it," she replied, in a voice as remote as those mountains he"d feared she might be climbing. "Could you please take me back to my apartment?"
"Later."
"Ted, I mean it. We have nothing more to talk about."
"Maybe you don"t, but I do." Her determination to get away scared him. He"d witnessed firsthand how stubborn she could be, and he hated having that resolve turned against him. He needed a way to break through her ice. "I thought we ... might take a boat ride."
"A boat ride? I don"t think so."
"I knew it was a stupid idea, but the rebuilding committee insisted that was the way to go with you. Forget I mentioned it."
Her head shot up. "You talked this over with the rebuilding committee rebuilding committee?"
That flash of temper gave him hope. "I might have mentioned it. In pa.s.sing. I needed the female perspective, and they convinced me that all women appreciate the grand romantic gesture. Even you."
Sure enough, sparks flared in her eyes. "I cannot believe you talked over our personal business with those women."
Our business, she"d said. Not just his. He pressed harder. "Torie"s really p.i.s.sed with you." business, she"d said. Not just his. He pressed harder. "Torie"s really p.i.s.sed with you."
"I don"t care."
"Lady E., too, but she"s more polite about it. You hurt all their feelings when you changed your phone number. You really shouldn"t have done that."
"Send them my apologies," she said with a sneer.
"The boat was Birdie"s idea. She"s kind of become your champion because of Haley. And you were right about not bringing in the police. Haley"s grown up a lot lately, and I"m not one of those men who can"t admit it when he"s wrong."
His hopes rose higher as she clenched her fists against her wet coat. "How many other people did you talk to about our private business?"
"A few." He stalled for time, frantically trying to figure out how to play this. "Kenny was worthless. Skeet"s still mad at me. Who knew he"d take to you the way he did? And Buddy Ray Baker said I should buy you a Harley."
"I don"t even know Buddy Ray Baker!"
"Sure you do. He works nights at the Food and Fuel. He sends his best."
Indignation had put some of the color back in those beautiful cheeks. "Is there anyone you didn"t talk to?" she said.
He reached for the napkin next to the champagne bucket, where, in a premature burst of optimism, he had a bottle chilling. "Let me dry you off."
She grabbed the napkin from him and threw it down. He settled back in the seat and tried to sound as if he had it all under control. "San Francisco wasn"t much fun without you."
"Sorry you had to waste your money like that, but I"m sure the rebuilding committee was grateful for your generous contribution."
Admitting he wasn"t the one who"d made that expensive final bid hardly seemed like the best way to convince her of his love. "I sat in the hotel lobby all afternoon waiting for you," he said.
"Guilt is your thing. It doesn"t work with me."
"It wasn"t guilt." The limo pulled to the curb, and the driver, following Ted"s earlier instructions, stopped on State Street across from the National Museum of the American Indian. It was still raining, and he should have chosen another destination, but he"d never have gotten her inside his parents" Greenwich Village co-op, and he couldn"t imagine spilling his guts in a restaurant or bar. He sure as h.e.l.l wasn"t saying any more in this limo with his mother"s driver eavesdropping on the other side of the part.i.tion. The h.e.l.l with it. The h.e.l.l with it. Rain or not, this was the place. Rain or not, this was the place.
She peered out the window. "Why are we stopping here?"
"So we can take a walk in the park." He hit the locks, grabbed the umbrella from the floor, and pushed the door open.
"I don"t want to take a walk. I"m wet, my feet are cold, and I want to go home."
"Soon." He caught her arm and somehow managed to get both her and the umbrella out onto the street.
"It"s raining!" she exclaimed.
"Not too much now. Besides, you"re already wet, that red hair should keep you plenty warm, and I have a big umbrella." He popped it, dragged her around the back of the limo and up onto the sidewalk. "Lots of boat docks here." He nudged her toward the entrance to Battery Park.
"I told you I wasn"t going on a boat ride."
"Fine. No boat ride." Not that he"d planned one anyway. That would have taken a degree of organized thought he wasn"t capable of pulling together. "I"m just saying there are docks here. And a great view of the Statue of Liberty."
She completely missed the significance of that.
"d.a.m.n it, Ted." She whirled on him, and the quirky humor that had once marched in lockstep with his own was nowhere to be seen. He hated seeing her this way, with all her laughter dimmed, and he knew he had only himself to blame.
"All right, let"s get this over with." She scowled at a bike rider. "Say what you have to say, and then I"m going home. On the subway."
Like h.e.l.l she was. "Deal." He steered her into Battery Park and down the closest path leading to the promenade. "Deal." He steered her into Battery Park and down the closest path leading to the promenade.
Two people sharing one umbrella should have been romantic, but not when one of those people refused to get close to the other. By the time they hit the open promenade, rain had soaked his suit coat, and his shoes were nearly as wet as hers.
The vendors" carts had disappeared for the day, and only a few hearty souls hurried along the wet pavement. The wind had picked up, and the cold drizzle blowing in off the water hit him in the face. In the distance, the Statue of Liberty stood guard over the harbor. She was lit up for the night, and he could just make out thetiny lights shining through the windows in her crown. On a long-ago summer day, he"d broken one of those windows, unfurled a no nukes banner, and finally found his father. Now, with the statue standing there to give him courage, he prayed he would find his future.
He summoned up his courage. "I love you, Meg."
"Whatever. Can I go now?"
He tilted his head toward the statue. "The most important event of my childhood happened over there."
"Yeah, I remember. Your youthful act of vandalism."
"Right." He swallowed. "And it seems fitting that the most important event of my manhood should happen there, too."
"Wouldn"t that have been when you lost your virginity? What were you? Twelve?"
"Listen to me, Meg. I love you."
She couldn"t have been less interested. "You should get therapy. Seriously. Your sense of responsibility has gotten way out of control." She patted his arm. "It"s over, Ted. Throw away all that guilt. I"ve moved on and, frankly, you"re starting to seem a little pathetic."
He wouldn"t let her get to him. "The truth is, I wanted to have this conversation out there on Liberty Island. Unfortunately, I was banned for life, so that"s not possible. Being banned didn"t seem like such a big deal when I was nine, but it sure as h.e.l.l feels like one now."
"Do you think you could wind this up? I have some paperwork I need to get done tonight."
"What kind of paperwork?"
"My admission papers. I"m starting cla.s.ses at NYU in January."
His gut churned. This was definitely not something he wanted to hear. "You"re going back to school?"
She nodded. "I finally figured out what I want to do with my life."
"I thought you were designing jewelry?"
"That"s paying the bills. Most of them, anyway. But it"s not what satisfies me."
He wanted to be what satisfied her.
She finally started to talk without being prodded. Unfortunately, it wasn"t about the two of them. "I"ll be able to finish my bachelor"s degree in environmental science by summer and go right into a master"s program."
"That"s ... great." Not great at all. Not great at all. "Then what?" "Then what?"
"Maybe work for the National Park Service or something like the Nature Conservancy. I might be able to manage a land protection program. There are a lot of options. Waste management, for example. Most people don"t see that as a glamorous field, but the landfill fascinated me from the beginning. My dream job is- " Just like that, she broke off. "I"m getting cold. Let"s go back."
"What about your dream job?" He prayed she"d say something along the line of being his wife and the mother of his children, but that didn"t seem too realistic.
She spoke briskly, stranger to stranger. "Turning environmental wastelands into recreational areas is what I"d really like to do, and you can consider yourself responsible. Now this has been loads of fun, but I"m out of here. And this time, don"t try to stop me."
She turned her back and began to walk away, a grim, humorless, red-haired woman who was tough as nails and no longer wanted him in her life.
He panicked. "Meg! I love you! I want to marry you!"
"That"s weird," she said without stopping. "Only six weeks ago, you were telling me all about how Lucy broke your heart."
"I was wrong. Lucy broke my brain."
That finally stopped her. "Your brain?" She looked back at him.
"That"s right," he said more quietly. "When Lucy ran out on me, she broke my brain. But when you left ..." To his dismay, his voice cracked. "When you left, you broke my heart."
He finally had her full attention, not that she looked at all dreamy-eyed or even close to being ready to throw herself into his arms, but at least she was listening.
He collapsed the umbrella, took a step forward, then stopped himself. "Lucy and I fit together so perfectly in my head. We had everything in common, and what she did made no sense. I had the whole town lining up feeling sorry for me, and I was d.a.m.ned if I was going to let anybody know how miserable I was. I-I couldn"t get my bearings. And there you were in the middle of it, this beautiful thorn in my side, making me feel like myself again. Except ..." He hunched his shoulders, and a trickle of rainwater ran down his collar. "Sometimes logic can be an enemy. If I was so wrong about Lucy, how could I trust the way I felt about you?"
She stood there, not saying a word, just listening.
"I wish I could say I realized how much I loved you as soon as you left town, but I was too busy being mad at you for bailing on me. I don"t have a lot of practice being mad, so it took me a while to understand that the person I was really mad at was myself. I was so pigheaded and stupid. And afraid. Everything has always come so easy for me, but nothing about you was easy. The things you made me feel. The way you forced me to look at myself." He could barely breathe. "I love you, Meg. I want to marry you. I want to sleep with you every night, make love with you, have kids. I want to fight together and work together and-just be together. Now are you going to keep standing there, staring at me, or could you put me out of my misery and say you still love me, at least a little?"
She stared at him. Eyes steady. Unsmiling. "I"ll think about it and let you know."
She walked away and left him standing alone in the rain.
He dropped the umbrella, stumbled over to the wet railing, and curled his fingers around the cold metal. His eyes stung. He"d never felt so empty or so alone. As he stared out into the harbor, he wondered what he could have said that would have convinced her. Nothing. He was too late. Meg had no patience for procrastinators. She"d cut her losses and moved on.
"Okay, I"ve thought it over," she said from behind him. "What are you offering?"
He spun around, his heart in his throat, rain splashing his face. "Uh... My love?"
"Got that part. What else?"
She looked fierce and strong and absolutely enchanting. Wet spiky lashes framed her eyes, which didn"t seem either blue or green now, but a rain-soft gray. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair a flame, her mouth a promise waiting to be claimed. His heart raced. "What do you want?"
"The church."
"Are you planning to live there again?"
"Maybe."
"Then, no, you can"t have it."
She appeared to think it over. He waited, the sound of his blood rushing in his ears.
"How about the rest of your worldly possessions?" she said.
"Yours."
"I don"t want them."
"I know." Something bloomed inside his chest, something warm and full of hope.
She squinted up at him, rain dripping from the tip of her nose. "I only have to see your mother once a year. At Halloween."
"You might want to rethink that. She"s the one who secretly put up the cash so you won the contest."
He"d finally thrown her off balance. "Your mother?" she said. "Not you?"
He had to lock his elbows to keep from embracing her. "I was still in my mad phase. She thinks you"re- I"m going to quote her. She thinks you"re "magnificent." "
"Interesting. Okay, how about this for a deal breaker?"
"There won"t be any deal breakers."
"That"s what you think." For the first time she looked unsure. "Are you ... willing to live someplace other than Wynette?"
He should have seen this coming, but he hadn"t. Of course she wouldn"t want to move back to Wynette after everything that had happened to her there. But what about his family, his friends, his roots, which stretched so deep into that rocky soil he"d become part of it?