Fiona narrowed her eyes but nodded. "Sure."
We ordered coffees-or in my case a juice and water, I was laying off the caffeine-and found a table near the window. There was only one other couple in the place. No wonder nothing was open around here, there weren"t any customers. I watched as they wordlessly swapped bits of the Sunday Times. I could have been watching Emma and me. Comfortable together. Unconsciously moving forward. Life didn"t require you to evaluate your relationship constantly, so most people just floated along if there was no reason to split. In a way, I was lucky that Emma had brought up marriage because I"d been forced to make a conscious choice about my future. I guess that was exactly what Ashleigh was afraid of-that I was happy to drift into coupledom, when for her it was a positive action. I took a deep breath at the realization. Maybe these weeks since I"d last seen Ashleigh were a good thing for us both.
"Are you enjoying it?" Fiona asked.
I swallowed my grapefruit juice. "It"s tangy."
She laughed, and I was drawn to the movement of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "I meant the training."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, I see. Yes. It"s brutal, and I"m not sure it"s a healthy thing to like brutal, but yes."
I was enjoying the focus I was getting from it, the fact I didn"t have too much time on my hands and that I was working toward something. I"d enjoyed the way Ashleigh had looked at my changing body the last time she"d seen me. The heat in her eyes had led me to believe she wanted me.
I"d not seen her since then. I"d made excuses to miss Sunday dinners in the few weeks following, and there had been no phone calls, no contact. I"d hated it, particularly at first, and checked my phone relentlessly, waiting for her to tell me she was ready. Now I was nearly resigned to just letting things settle between us.
Fiona laughed. "It is brutal, but I like the feeling now," she said, watching me twist the circular lid of my drink. "After running, the come down. The sweat beginning to dry, the awareness of the strengthened muscles under my skin, the adrenaline seeping away." She stretched her arms, lifting tall in her chair, the hem of her shirt riding up and revealing a band of soft white skin.
She relaxed and I glanced back up at her face. She"d caught me checking her out. She smiled and I looked away.
"Yeah. I guess this bit"s good." I stared out the window at nothing, not quite knowing what I meant. She was good company. And attractive.
"So what made you want to start to train? Bad breakup?" she asked.
Ashleigh and I hadn"t broken up; we hadn"t had a chance to break up. It struck me that I was post breakup, just with Emma.
"I don"t know about bad . . ." I shifted in my seat, more comfortable now that the focus was away from her body, and back onto safer territory . . . kinda.
"How long were you a couple?"
"Three years. We were living together. I moved out." A dull sensation radiated from my gut. It wasn"t sorrow-it was irritation, regret maybe, that I"d stayed as long as I had. I should have been braver, moved on sooner. The problem was, each day in itself wasn"t an issue. Emma and I didn"t hate each other, or continually fight. There"d been nothing pushing me away as such. It was just when I added up those days, they didn"t amount to much. All together we"d not mattered much to each other, there"d been nothing drawing us together, making us better as a couple. G.o.d, it felt like a lifetime ago. It had all happened before Ashleigh, and anyone before her seemed long ago. She was different. Every day with her mattered.
She nodded. "For me, it helped me clear my mind as well as kept me busy. I reckon I was over him the moment I pa.s.sed the finish line of my first race."
"Yours was a bad breakup?" I asked.
"At the time, I remember it being so. I was so sad, so angry. I wanted to kill him. Now, I look back and it"s difficult to recall why. I mean, he was an a.r.s.ehole at times, but I blamed him for things I had no right to. I learned a huge lesson that we alone are responsible for our happiness. No one else can create that for us if we"re not ready for it."
"But being with him didn"t make you happy?"
"Exactly. So I should have left. Not stayed and blamed him."
I took a moment to absorb what she was saying. Was I looking for someone to make me happy? Was I afraid of being on my own? Maybe Ashleigh thought so, but that wasn"t it for me. I thought if anything the reason Emma and I had split was because I didn"t want to be responsible for her happiness, and I knew she couldn"t be responsible for mine. With Ashleigh, it was different. I wanted to make her happy.
"And you"re with someone now?" She"d never mentioned a boyfriend. What type of guy was she into?
A blush spread across her cheeks. "Not yet. But I"ve not lost hope that I"ll find the right one." She focused on her coffee cup, swirling her spoon in what was left of the black Americano she"d ordered.
"Great job, Luke. A tremendous result for the client and the firm." Derek Mills, our senior partner, rarely stepped off the fifth floor. He certainly hadn"t known my name until the Nigelson case. Although no one had said it to me directly, whether or not I made partner depended on this case. And today it had settled. Settled good and settled big.
"Thanks, Derek. We got the right result," I replied.
"Don"t be modest. You got the right result." I grinned and took Derek"s hand. "The Daniels surname will fit nicely on the letterhead," he said, and with that, he winked and walked away. Perhaps that"s what they meant when they said that you "got the nod." I"d have to wait for the official decision on partnership, but it was looking pretty good.
I focused on getting back to my desk without breaking into a sidesplitting grin. I dropped Haven an email telling her we"d settled. My hand hovered over my phone. I was desperate to call Ashleigh; I wanted to share my good news, all my news, my whole life with her. I just wished she was ready to see that. Perhaps I should take the situation into my own hands and force her to see that I wanted her?
"Congratulations, Luke!" Fiona walked up to my desk. "It was that environmental report that swung it, though, wasn"t it?"
I grinned at her. "Yup, you totally nailed it."
She clasped her hands together. "Thank f.u.c.k that"s over."
I tipped my head back and laughed. "Shall we knock off early and go and get some beers in?"
"I"m not sure that"s on your training plan. But yes, I"m up for that." She winked and turned to leave. Over her shoulder, she said, "I"ll meet you downstairs in ten minutes."
"Champagne?" Fiona asked as she leaned over the bar, trying to get the attention of the barman.
I would have preferred beer, but champagne was sort of mandatory in this situation.
"You are totally going to get partnership now." She grinned at me. I was relieved that there wasn"t a hint of jealousy or resentfulness about her. She really was a great girl.
"I can only hope." I shrugged.
"You know you"re going to get it. Apparently the vote is next week. This settlement couldn"t have been timed more perfectly. You deserve it."
I grinned and grabbed the champagne-filled ice bucket. Fiona took the gla.s.ses, and we made our way to a spot toward the front of the bar. Despite it being the middle of the afternoon, there were plenty of people filling the tables.
"We shouldn"t be drinking when everyone else is back at their desks. It feels naughty," Fiona said in a half whisper.
My stomach churned. It did feel wrong in some ways, uncomfortable. The person I wanted to celebrate with was Ashleigh. I felt as though I should be with her, not Fiona. I needed to stop pining, to do what she said and live my life. "Day drinking always feels illicit, right?"
"I can"t stop for long. I have a thing tonight." She tilted her head.
I raised my eyebrows in response. Did she have a date? Fiona, at least, was living her life.
"In fact, I shouldn"t be drinking. I"m babysitting. Well, my nephew"s twelve, so hardly a baby."
"So no hot date for you, then?"
"Not tonight," she replied.
I wondered why she was single. She was pretty, smart and had abs of steel. The kind of girl they called marriage material. Ashleigh had told me to date, right? "Would you like to go to dinner sometime?" It wasn"t what I"d been planning to say, but now that I had, I hoped she"d say yes.
She narrowed her eyes at me.
I"d not asked a woman out for years. In fact, I didn"t think I"d ever asked Emma out. We just found ourselves in the same circle of friends a few times, and we kind of evolved from a drunken kiss. It felt like a lifetime ago. I"d been a kid. I"d thought for a few weeks that Fiona might like me, but her reaction to my invitation wasn"t overwhelming. "I mean, no big deal if you don"t want to. I just thought-"
"No. That sounds good. Like on a date?"
Was I about to make a giant t.w.a.t of myself? I shrugged. "Yeah."
Her cheeks flushed and she nodded. "Okay. Dinner."
If only everything in my life could be as easy.
Ashleigh "I"m sick of feeling so f.u.c.king miserable. I"ve totally lost my funny." I took a seat at Beth"s kitchen counter and collapsed forward dramatically. Beth had asked for some help with a project, and I was happy to have the company.
"You"ve not lost your funny. You"re hilarious," Beth responded.
"I used to be funny. I used to be able to make people laugh. Now, I"m a harbinger of doom. Wherever I go, I bring misery."
"Now, you"re being funny, even if it is unintentional."
I grinned. It was entirely intentional. I was ready to be me again. I"d had enough of moping around the house and avoiding Luke. Well, avoiding Luke had been made easy. He hadn"t been in touch. Not since the Sunday Haven and Jake had been in Chicago. That was over a month ago. I"d gone to Sunday night dinner the following weekend, but according to Haven, Luke was working. I"d not seen him since I"d run out on him.
"So you want to watch me get drunk?" I asked Beth.
"How can I resist an offer like that? But first can you help me with this?" Beth asked, gesturing behind me with the wooden spoon she was holding.
I glanced over my shoulder and saw a camera set up on a tripod facing our direction. What the what? I turned back to watch Beth pour honey into a mixing bowl. "Errr, excuse me, however much you"re offering? I"m not filming us naked with honey doing . . . G.o.d knows what."
"Oh, I"m not going to pay you."
"Well, I"m certainly not doing it for free." I laughed. "What I mean to say is, not in front of a camera. And not with you. No offense, you"re gorgeous and you have a banging bod, but no. I like d.i.c.k. I mean, I"ve never . . . not on camera, and not with honey-"
"Really?" Beth was looking at me as if I were totally crazy.
"I"ve lost control of my mouth."
"You really have. Calm down. No one is getting naked."
"Okay, so what"s going on?"
"I don"t want you to tell Jake, but I need you to set up the camera for me. I thought I might film myself bake and then put it on the Internet. I"ll film it tomorrow, but I thought you could set up the camera for me and I could leave it there until I"m ready."
"Oh, that"s easy. I have to say I"m slightly disappointed. I thought my horizons were about to be broadened."
"By my banging bod? Thanks for that, by the way." She lifted her shoulder, playfully flirting.
"You"re welcome." I grinned. There was a knock at the door and Beth went to answer it. I heard Haven chattering away in the hall. She and Beth lived in the same building. I probably should have told Haven when I arrived. I hoped she wasn"t mad I hadn"t.
"h.e.l.lo, gorgeous. Room for a third?" she asked when she saw me.
I pulled her into a hug. "I"ve missed you."
"I feel like you"ve divorced me. I"ve not seen you in weeks."
"I"m sorry. I wanted Luke to have a chance to come to Sunday dinner, and that didn"t seem likely if I was going, so . . ."
"Well, he"s divorced me too. I"ve not seen him for weeks, either. How come when you two try and avoid each other, I end up missing you both? I wish you"d sort it out. He"s running today, apparently. A fun run."
"Sounds like an oxymoron. Is he with Fiona?"
"I think so. It"s her running club or something."
My stomach pinched. It had been raining all day. It was too easy to imagine him soaked to the skin and miserable, then peeling off his wet clothes, revealing his harder than hard body, his toned abs, his thick arms as he pulled me into the shower . . . My thoughts of him were endless, but somehow against all odds, I"d resisted the temptation to call him. He needed time to work out what he wanted. Maybe that was Fiona.
"Anyway," I said, elongating the word like a six-year-old. "I"m trying to get my funny back."
"You need wine for that," Haven said, rummaging in her bright pink Longchamp Le Pliage. "Sorry, Beth. Sober works for you, but not for this one." She lifted her chin and pulled out a bottle of wine. "It"s already chilled."
I looked between Beth and Haven. I"d drunk in front of Beth before, but never in her house. "Is this okay with you? I was joking when I asked you about watching me get drunk."
"Of course. It"s totally fine, although, if you catch me taking a swig, then we"ve got problems." She winked.
I shook my head. "Haven, no, put it away."
"She"s joking. Aren"t you?"
"Of course I am." Beth grinned. "Other people drinking isn"t a problem. It"s my drinking that"s the problem."
Beth always seemed so wise beyond her years. She"d been through a lot and it showed-not because she looked tired or bitter but because she radiated a confidence that"s only gained through experience.
"Actually, can you just position that camera while you"re still sober?" Beth asked me as Haven found some winegla.s.ses.
I hopped off my stool and went over to the camera.
"Should I ask about the camera?" Haven was frowning. "I mean, whatever you"re into, there"s no judgment here. In fact, I"m planning on filming myself for Jake while he"s in-"
"There are some things you don"t need to share," Beth said, covering her ears.
"Hmmm, not true," I replied. "Tell me more."
"Jake"s going to Chicago in a month. I was thinking of sending him with a gift. I"ll tell you the rest another time."
Beth rolled her eyes.
This was nice. I"d not felt this comfortable, this at home, for ages.
"Have you spoken to him?" Haven asked. Instantly my comfort shattered.
I shook my head.
"Ash, you know I love you . . ." My heart sank. I was about to get a verbal spanking. "But it"s been weeks, in fact, it"s been months since he split with Emma. When has enough time gone by?"
It was a question I"d asked myself a million times. But it wasn"t about time. It was about experience. If Luke was staying at home, just waiting for me to come round, then there would never be enough time gone. "I don"t know." I sighed. "I think we"ll both know if it"s right."
"That"s bulls.h.i.t," Beth said.