"We are good friends, are we not?" she asked one day, when it was raining and he was alone with her, waiting for her father to come in.
"I hope so," he answered, turning his impa.s.sive face slowly towards her.
"Then you ought to be much nicer to me," she said.
"I am as nice as I know how to be," replied Griggs, with fixed eyes.
"What shall I do?"
"That is it. You ought to know. You could talk and say pleasant things, for instance. Don"t you admit that you are very dull to-day?"
"I admit it. I regret it, and I wish I were not."
"You need not be. I am sure you can talk very well, when you please. You are not exactly funny at any time, but to-day you are funereal. You remind me of those big black horses they use for hea.r.s.es, you know."
"Thank you, thank you," said Griggs, quietly, repeating the words without emphasis.
"I don"t like you!" she exclaimed petulantly, but with a little laugh.
"I know that," he answered. "But I like you very much. We were probably meant to differ."
"Then you might amuse me. It"s awfully dull when it rains. Pull the house down, or tear up silver scudi, or something."
"I am not Samson, and I am not a clown," observed Griggs, coldly.
"I shall never like you if you are so disagreeable," said Gloria, taking up a book, and settling herself to read.
"I am afraid you never will," answered Griggs, following her example.
A few minutes pa.s.sed in silence. Then Gloria looked up suddenly.
"Mr. Griggs?"
"Yes?"
"I did not mean to be horrid."
"No, of course not."
"Because, if I were ever in trouble, you know--I should come straight to you."
"Thank you," he answered very gently. "But I hope you will never be in trouble. If you ever should be--" He stopped.
"Well?"
"I do not think you would find anybody who would try harder to help you," he said simply.
She wished that his voice would tremble, or that he would put out his hand towards her, or show something a little more like emotion. But she had to be satisfied.
"Would it be the good man or the bad man that would help me?" she asked, remembering the former conversation.
"Both," answered Griggs, without hesitation.
"I am not sure that I might not like the bad man better," said Gloria, almost to herself.
"Is Reanda a bad man?" inquired Griggs, slowly, and looking for the blush in her face.
"Why?" But she blushed, as he expected.
"Because you like him better than me."
"You are quite different. It is of no use to talk about it, and I want to read."
She turned from him and buried herself in her book, but she moved restlessly two or three times, and it was some minutes before the heightened colour disappeared from her face.
She was very girlish still, and when she had irritated Griggs as far as such a man was capable of irritation, she preferred to refuse battle rather than deal with the difficulty she had created. But Griggs understood, and amongst his still small sufferings he often felt the little, dull, hopeless pang which tells a man that he is unlovable.
CHAPTER XXIII.
VERY late, one night in the Carnival season, Paul Griggs was walking the streets alone. His sufferings were no longer so small as they had been, and the bitterness of solitude was congenial to him.
He had been at the house of a Spanish artist, where there had been dancing and music and supper and improvised tableaux. Gloria and her father and Reanda had all been there, too, and something had happened which had stirred the depths of the young man"s slow temper. He hated to make an exhibition of himself, and much against his will he had been exhibited, as it were, to help the gaiety of the entertainment. Cotogni, the great sculptor, had suggested that Griggs should appear as Samson, asleep with his head on Delilah"s knee, and bound by her with cords which he should seem to break as the Philistines rushed in. He had refused flatly, again and again, till all the noisy party caught the idea and forced him to it.
They had dressed him in silk draperies, his mighty arms bare almost to the shoulder, and they had given him a long, dark, theatrical wig. They had bound his arms and chest with cords, and had made him lie down and pretend to be asleep at the feet of the artist"s beautiful wife. They had made slipping knots in the cords, so that he could easily wrench them loose. Then the curtain had been drawn aside, and there had been a pause as the tableau was shown. All at once a mob of artists, draped hastily in anything they could lay their hands upon, and with all manner of helmets on their heads from the Spaniard"s collection, had rushed in.
"The Philistines are upon thee!" cried Delilah in a piercing voice.
He sprang to his feet, his legs being free, and he struggled with the cords. The knots would not slip as they were meant to do. The situation lasted several seconds, and was ridiculous enough.
People began to laugh.
"Cut off his hair!" cried one.
"Of what use was the wig?" laughed another, and every one t.i.ttered.
Griggs could hear Gloria"s clear, high laugh above the rest. His blood slowly rose in his throat. But no one pulled the curtain across. The Philistines, young artists, mad with Carnival, improvised a very eccentric dance of triumph, and the laughter increased.
Griggs looked at the cords. Then his mask-like face turned slowly to the audience. Only the great veins swelled suddenly at his temples, while every one watched him in the general amus.e.m.e.nt. Suddenly his eyes flashed, and he drew a deep breath, for he was angry. In an instant there was dead silence in the room. A moment later one of the cords, drawn tight round his chest, over the silk robe, snapped like a thread, then another, and then a third. Then in a sort of frenzy of anger he savagely broke the whole cord into pieces with his hands, tossing the bits contemptuously upon the floor. His face was as white as a dead man"s.
A roar of applause broke the silence when the guests realized what he had done. The artists seized him and carried him high in procession round the room, the women threw flowers at him, and some one struck up a triumphal march on the piano. It was an ovation. Half an hour later, dressed again in his ordinary clothes, he found himself next to Gloria.
"You told me the other day that you were not Samson," she said. "You see you can be when you choose."
"No," answered Griggs, coldly; "I am a clown."
What she had said was natural enough, but somehow the satisfaction of his bodily vanity had stung his moral pride beyond endurance. It seemed a despicable thing to be as vain as he was of a gift for which he had not paid any price. Deep down, too, he felt bitterly that he had never received the slightest praise for any thought of his which he had written down and sent to that cauldron of the English daily press in which all individual right to distinction disappears, with all claim to praise, from written matter, however good it be. He worked, he read, he studied, he wrote late, and rose early to observe. But his natural gift was to be a mountebank, a clown, a circus Hercules. By stiffening one of his senseless arms he could bring down roars of applause. By years of bitter labour with his pen he earned the barest living. The muscles that a porter might have, offered him opulence, because it was tougher by a few degrees than the flesh of other men. The knowledge he had striven for just kept him above absolute want.