"Then why did I stay? I explained that to you months ago. Because you"re a warm, generous man and I like being with you.""But my face-"
"d.a.m.n your face!" she flared. "That thing has become an obsession with you!" She closed her eyes, and after a moment the anger drained from her expression, leaving weariness in its place. "Neil," she said, her quiet voice br.i.m.m.i.n.g with emotion, "I"ve wanted to tell you about my... ability... for a long, long time. But I couldn"t, because I was afraid that you"d never believe I could care for you if I knew what you looked like. I was afraid you"d make me leave you."
Letting go of Heather"s hand, I put my arm around her and held her close. All around me, I could feel reality going tilt. "I get the distinct feeling I"ve been acting like a jerk," I told her humbly. "I"m a little old to start changing all of my preconceived ideas around, though. I"ll probably need a lot of help. You"ll stick around and give me a hand, won"t you?"
She took my free hand in both of hers and rested her head on my shoulder.
"I"ll stay as long as you want me here."
"I"m glad." I paused. "Heather, I think I love you." Eyes glistening with tears, she treated me to the happiest smile I"d ever seen. Then she chuckled. "You mean you"re just finding that out? My darling Neil, sometimes I think you"re blinder than I am."
I denied that, of course. But now, after fifteen years with her, I sometimes wonder if she was right.
Afterword.
This story gave me my first genuine head-on collision with the First Law of Science Fiction: There are few, if any, truly "new"
ideas. For a beginning writer it was a bit traumatic, but as it turned out I got off with only minor fender damage and no ticket at all.
I"d just sent off the ma.n.u.script to Stan Schmidt at a.n.a.log, and was still congratulating myself on such a neat concept as a blind woman who saw through other people"s eyes, when my copy of the July 1980 a.n.a.log appeared in my mailbox. Which contained the first part of Dean Ing"s "Anasazi"... which featured a blind woman who saw through other people"s eyes.
I walked around in a permanent wince for six weeks, awaiting with dread the caustic comments that must surely be on their way.
But-surprise!-when Stan sent the story back he made no mention whatsoever of the unintentional overlap, merely saying that he liked the story but was too overbooked with novelettes to buy it right away. He must have been sincere, because when I ran it by him again five months later he bought it, again making no mention of "Anasazi."
Which was, I suppose, my introduction to the Second Law of Science Fiction: What you actually do with the idea is the truly important thing.
The Dreamsender
It was always a great day for me when my tiny office was graced by the presence of a paying client, so when I got two jobs in the same day it was cause for a quiet celebration. Riding up the thirty floors between my office and apartment I decided to splurge and cook myself the steak I"d tucked away in the freezer for a special occasion. It was a shame I couldn"t have a bottle of wine with it as well, but that was one of the ironies of this job: the only times I could afford to buy good liquor I couldn"t afford to drink it. I learned long ago what alcohol did to my performance.
I had just finished changing into more comfortable clothes and was hunting for that steak when the doorbell buzzed. Frowning a bit-I wasn"t expecting anyone-I glanced through the peephole. The woman I saw was short, dark, rather plain-looking, and a complete stranger to me. I opened the door.
"Mr. Jefferson Morgan?" she asked without preamble. "The Dreamsender?"
"Yes," I admitted. "What can I do for you, Miss, ah-"
"May I come in?" I stood aside and she brushed past me, moving quickly as if afraid someone would happen by and see her here. I motioned her toward the couch and closed the door.
"My name is Louise Holst," she said as we sat down. "Please forgive me for bothering you at home like this, but I was afraid to come to your office. I didn"t want your secretary to hear what I have to tell you."
"As it happens, Miss-ah, Mrs. Holst," I amended, noticing her rings for the first time, "I don"t have a secretary. I prefer to meet my clients personally." I didn"t add that I couldn"t afford a secretary even if I"d wanted one. "What seems to be the trouble?"
She took a deep breath. "Let me start at the beginning. My husband, Captain Lawrence Holst, is in the middle of a six-month tour of duty at the army"s base in Krieger Crater, on the moon. The day before yesterday was our anniversary, and he had promised he would call me then. He"s never broken a promise like that before, so I waited until this morning and then called him. Or, rather, I tried to.
The operator at Krieger said he couldn"t put me through to Larry, that he was off the base for a few weeks on special duty. When I asked what kind of duty, he got vague and mumbled something about surface mining operations."I shrugged. "They do a lot of that at Krieger, or so I hear. Lots of heavy metals up there."
"Yes, but Larry isn"t a miner. He"s in the Signal Corps. But the thing that really worries me is this. I"m afraid I made something of a scene over the phone, ending up threatening to call every hour until he got in. About a half hour later someone else-a lieutenant colonel, I think-called me back. He said he was in charge of Larry"s expedition and that they were patching him through from some Farside mining area. He told me that Larry was okay and that I should stop worrying, that they would be back at Krieger in a month or so and Larry could call me then."
"And you don"t believe him?" That much was obvious.
"No. He sounded-well, stiff, as if he was watching every word. And he sounded worried and tense. And that was no patch; I"ve talked over those before, and the reception is terrible. This wasn"t like that."
She ran out of words, or breath, or both. I said, "So you think something is wrong with your husband? What?"
"That"s what I want you to find out. I"d like to hire you to-to contact him tonight."
Much as I wanted another job, I knew I had to be honest with her. "Mrs.
Holst, I"m afraid you have a slight misconception of just what a Dreamsender can do. Basically, dreamsending is-"
"I know all that," she interrupted my standard lecture. "Dreamsending is a limited form of telepathy where the sender appears in a dream of the recipient and delivers a short message. But surely the communication is two-way, isn"t it?"
"Of course, but how do I know whether what I"m seeing is truth or fiction?"
She looked rather blank, so I went on, "Look, from all I"ve ever been able to tell, dreams are largely made up of random bits from the memory, perhaps focusing on some current problem or wish. People aren"t trained to-well, to think in a dream.
Sure, I can tell whether a person I"ve contacted has gotten the message, and usually whether he really believes that I wasn"t just a normal dream. But that"s more of an emotional response than a rational one. If I asked a specific question I wouldn"t have any idea how much of the answer I could believe. If any of it."
She was silent for a long minute. "I"d like you to try anyway," she said at last.
"If you will."
I shrugged. "I"d be happy to."
She reached into her purse and withdrew a photo and an envelope. "Here"s your hundred-dollar fee, and this is a picture of Larry."
Captain Holst was young and serious-looking, with wavy hair and large ears. "May I keep this for tonight? I may have to refer to it again later."
"Certainly." She stood up, looking maybe a shade less worried. "When can I find out the results?"
"Come in any time tomorrow or phone. You know where my office is?"
"Yes. But so soon? What if you can"t catch Larry in one of his dreaming stages tonight?"
"I don"t have to. As long as he"s asleep he"ll start dreaming when I contact him."
"Oh. Then I"ll be in tomorrow, Mr. Morgan. Good night, and thank you."
She left, and I tossed my steak into the micro to cook. Then I sprawled on the couch and mulled over my new job. I myself doubted that there was anything seriously wrong with Hoist, though it might be a problem convincing his wife of that. But at least this job made a change from my usual missing persons or runaway a.s.signments. I picked up Hoists picture and studied it. The unique advantage of dreamsending over other communications was that the Dreamsender didn"t need anything but the recipient"s name and a fairly recent picture of him.
Approximate location was useful, but by no means necessary, and even a wrong location didn"t seem to hurt too much. No one knew why; but then again, no one had the slightest idea how any aspect of dreamsending worked. Even though I was having trouble making a living with my talent, it gave me a certain kick to know how thoroughly a score of Dreamsenders were confounding the entire scientific community.
In the kitchen the micro pinged. Tossing the photo onto the couch, I headed for the kitchen, feeling better than I had in weeks. Three clients in one day! Maybe this business was finally going to start paying off.
Joanna Smith was dreaming about an apartment that was somehow attached to-and a part of-an elevator. Only one of the other people in the elevator had a distinct face; probably one of her real-life friends, I decided. Stepping up to Joanna, I said, "Miss Smith?"
"Yes?"
"My name is Jefferson Morgan. I"m a Dreamsender in New York. I have a message for you from your parents."
There"s always an emotional tremor as the recipient realizes this isn"t the way dreams normally go. Joanna decided to be scared, and she started running. But people don"t really go anywhere in dreams and I had no trouble staying alongside her as the scenery flew past us. "Don"t be afraid, Miss Smith. I won"t hurt you, but I have a very important message to give you."Curiosity was beginning to overcome her fear. I waited, knowing better than to try and deliver my message before she was ready to hear it. Finally she gave in.
"What is it?"
"Your uncle Glenn has had a stroke. The doctors aren"t sure whether he"ll live or not. Your parents knew you would want to see him, but you didn"t leave an itinerary for your camping trip and they couldn"t find you."
She was wavering now, unsure whether to believe me or to defend herself against emotional shock by declaring this dream to be an ordinary nightmare.
Images, emotional bursts, and random words were starting to pop up all over the place. "Please believe me," I said quickly. "Your uncle very much wants to see you. Call your parents to confirm this message or, if you prefer, call the toll-free Dreamsenders number in the phone book. I won"t even be offended if you want to consider this some sort of occult clairvoyance-which it isn"t-and me some figment of your imagination-which I"m not. But do believe my message. Your parents paid a great deal of money for it and I would hate to see that money wasted."
It was a long speech for a dreaming person to hear, but it did the trick. She was finally convinced. I said good-bye and broke the contact, knowing that as I did so she would wake up.
I awoke myself with the slightly disoriented feeling that I always get after sending a dream. Turning on my bedside light, I blinked at the ceiling for a minute, and then reached to the nightstand for Larry Holst"s picture. Two down, one to go.
As I marshaled my thoughts concerning this message, it occurred to me that I was about to make Dreamsender history: to the best of my knowledge no one had ever before tried dreamsending to the moon. Maybe I would rate a footnote in a history book someday. Snapping off the light, I rolled over and went back to sleep.
Sometime-probably about an hour later-I was in the half-conscious, half- dreaming state that I need to make contact. With a slight effort I formed an image of Captain Holst in my mind. Slowly, an unfamiliar scene appeared around me, and from a mist at the edge of my vision a figure emerged. It was Larry Holst.
I moved toward him with a strange buoyancy I"d never felt before, almost as if I were myself in the moon"s lower gravity. "Captain Holst?" I said. "My name is Jefferson Morgan-"
"It won"t work," he interrupted wildly. "He can"t get away with it."
"Sir, I"m here to help you," I said. "I"m Jefferson Morgan, a Dreamsender."
Images were flashing by, and I realized he wasn"t really paying any attention to me. I opened my mouth to try again, then thought better of it. Maybe he would settle down in a few minutes; surely he couldn"t maintain this emotional level for long. Meanwhile, I"d watch his dream images and try to figure out why he was so upset.It was something like trying to simultaneously watch five movies, all of which are on high-speed settings. Pictures popped up all over the place, sometimes out of nowhere, sometimes generated by preceding thoughts. Often a given image would start its own series, as well. Some of the images and thoughts were familiar-a series of craters, for example: Tycho, Krieger, Mairan, Foucault, Aristoteles, and more-while others I could only guess at. Circuit diagrams, sunlit lunar landscapes, scenes that must have been from science-fiction movies-all of it snarling together into an absolute mess of image, sound, and emotional coloring.
Enough was enough. This wasn"t getting me anywhere. "Captain Holst!" I shouted over the din. "You must listen to me. Your wife is worried about you."
Everything slowed down as he realized I was still there. "Who are you?"
"I"m Jefferson Morgan, a Dreamsender. Your wife asked me to contact you, to see if you were all right."
Holst"s emotional tremor was much gentler than Joanna Smiths had been.
Maybe the idea of receiving a dream didn"t scare him much, or maybe he was just running out of emotional energy. "Where are you, sir? Are you all right?" I asked when he was listening again.
"Krieger D barracks," he said and suddenly there were bars around us.
"Are you in jail there?" I asked, startled by the image.
"All of us were sequestered by the Colonel." I got a picture of Holst tinkering with a machine-circuit diagrams flashed again-near something that looked like surface-mining equipment. Several other men appeared nearby, and the cage around us expanded to include them.
"A mine?" I guessed, trying to make sense out of the images that were going by. "Where? What kind?"
"New one, north. Iridium vein, very rich."
"And you were all sequestered? Why?"
His answer, if he gave one, was lost in a new explosion of pictures: more movielike scenes in the background, while nearby a colonel was struggling to stuff something into a sack. A group of snakes appeared and Holst began to argue with them for permission to rea.s.sure his wife. Thoughts of her seemed to agitate him; the bars around us turned thicker and darker, and again his dream began to resemble a high-speed kaleidoscope. For the first time in my experience I felt myself being caught up in the emotional current. "I"ll talk to you later. Good-bye,"
I said hurriedly and broke the contact.
I woke up covered with sweat. Rolling out of bed, I went into the kitchen to make myself some hot chocolate. Never before had a contact hit me that hard. I still didn"t know what was going on up at Krieger, but something sure as taxes was worrying the stuffing out of Captain Lawrence Holst.
It was another two hours before I felt calm enough to go back to sleep. I spent most of that time going over that last contact, trying to recall as much detail as possible, and as I did so several elements of the dream began to stand out. The imagery was going to be tricky, though, and before trying to decipher it I decided to wait until I could consult with the local expert on Larry Holst"s mind.
Louise Holst was at my office door at nine sharp. I sat her down, gave her a cup of coffee, and took a seat across from her. She was obviously eager for my report, but had the self-control to wait until we were settled.
"Did you contact my husband last night, Mr. Morgan?" she asked.
"Yes, I did." I hesitated. "I"m afraid your suspicions were correct. Something is definitely going on up there. Nothing obviously harmful to your husband," I added, seeing her stricken look.
"Then what is it?"
I shook my head. "I don"t know for sure. There were a lot of images in his dream that made no sense at all to me. I hoped you could help me interpret them."
I proceeded to describe the contact to her. She asked occasional questions, but generally listened quietly to my account.
"I wish I could help you," she said when I had finished, "but I don"t understand most of those symbols myself. All I can suggest is that Larry often refers to sneaky people as "snakes." I guess I don"t know him as well as I thought I did."
"Don"t let it worry you. I doubt that he understands much of his dream imagery himself," I told her. "I"ve been thinking about your husband"s dream, Mrs.
Holst, and I think I can take at least a stab at what he was trying to say. The outstanding elements are the new iridium mine, his own presence there, and the sequestering of everyone there by the colonel. Do you know this colonel, by the way?"
She nodded quickly. "Colonel Avram Stark is the commander of Krieger Base. He reports directly to General Blaine at the Pentagon."
"So Stark is completely in charge on the moon, eh?" I drummed my fingers on the chair arm. "Can you think of any reason he"d lock up everyone who had been at a new mine?"
"A bad accident, maybe? Something they didn"t want publicity about?"
"I wonder. Stark was trying to put something in a sack in your husband"s dream. Do you happen to know if he gets a percentage or bonus on new mineral wealth?"She looked astonished. "In the army?"
"I didn"t think so. This is a wild idea, but do you suppose Stark is trying to take the iridium in that mine for himself?"
"How would he get it off the moon?"
"I haven"t the foggiest. I"ve never given much thought to interplanetary smuggling. I imagine it"s possible, though." We both considered this.