I tell him about them . . . not from hearsay . . . I"d been there . . . at that time it took twenty-five days from Bordeaux to Saint-Pierre . . . on the very frail Celtique Celtique . . . Saint-Pierre was still a fishing port . . . I know Langlade and Miquelon well . . . I know the road well . . . the only road from one end of the island to the other . . . the road and the memorial "milestone" . . . the road cut out of solid rock by the sailors of the . . . Saint-Pierre was still a fishing port . . . I know Langlade and Miquelon well . . . I know the road well . . . the only road from one end of the island to the other . . . the road and the memorial "milestone" . . . the road cut out of solid rock by the sailors of the Iphigenie Iphigenie . . . I"m not making it up . . . real memory, a real road! . . . and not only the sailors of the . . . I"m not making it up . . . real memory, a real road! . . . and not only the sailors of the Iphigenie! Iphigenie! convicts too! . . . they had a penal colony on Saint-Pierre . . . which left a memorial, too! . . . convicts too! . . . they had a penal colony on Saint-Pierre . . . which left a memorial, too! . . .
"You ought to see it, Monsieur le President! in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean!"
The main thing: I was appointed Governor . . . I"m still Governor! . . .
Appointing me governor, archbishop, or road mender didn"t improve things any . . . bad to worse! . . . the reality was the hallucinated mob from Strasbourg, the triple reservists of the Landsturm Landsturm, the fugitives from Vlasoff"s army, the bombed-out refugees from Berlin, the horror-stricken demented from Lithuania, and the defenestrated from Koenigsberg, the "free workers" from all over, shipment after shipment, Tartar ladies in evening dress, opera singers from Dresden . . . all camping in holes and ditches around the Castle . . . or on the banks of the Danube . . . in addition to the terrified fugitives from France, Toulouse, Carca.s.sonne, and Bois-Colombes, hunted by the Underground . . . and the families of the Miliciens, and the new recruits of the N.S.K.K., who were supposed to drive to Denmark for b.u.t.ter . . . plus Corpechot"s ardent recruits, who were waiting to be shipped aboard the Danube flotilla . . . plus a lot of phony Swiss who claimed to be pro-German . . . all in tribes, with children of every age . . . enormous bundles, dishes, cooking utensils, pieces of stoves, and nothing to eat . . . Siegmaringen was a kind of port for the derelicts of Europe . . . the whole town . . . the Castle, the moats, the streets, the station . . . was full of them . . . every variety of costume, rags and camouflage, people from all over, every conceivable lingo . . . the sidewalks, the waterfront, the shops . . . all overflowing . . . One place that was picturesque was Sabiani"s P.P.F. headquarters . . . the P.P.F., the biggest of the "parties of the future" . . . I"ve already told you: Doriot in person never came to Siegmaringen . . . neither did Herold, his mouthpiece! . . . nor Sicard . . . Sabiani ran this Party office . . . it had two showcases . . . both full of sick people in the worst possible shape . . . dying of hunger, old age, tuberculosis, and the cold . . . and cancer! . . . and all scratching like mad! . . . naturally! . . . in one window camp chairs, in the other steamer chairs . . . for a good two months I saw a P.P.F. grandmother dying with her grandson in her lap . . . without moving, in a steamer chair, spitting her lungs out! . . . the office was full of the dying, too . . . all over the benches . . . along the walls . . . or even stretched out on the floor . . . or in piles . . . Sabiani himself stayed in the back room . . . he took applications, handed out membership cards, which he signed and stamped . . . he had "full powers" . . . France was a hairsbreadth from going P.P.F. . . . if Hitler hadn"t been so dumb! Sabiani drew a big crowd . . . everybody joined . . . everybody that looked in the windows . . . a way of coming in and sitting down . . . the P.P.F. was certainly the recruitingest party . . . the showcases and the benches did it . . . if he"d dished out something to eat in addition, the slightest mess kit, he"d have recruited the whole town, including the Boches . . . soldiers and civilians! . . . a time comes in the course of events when only one thing counts: to sit down and eat . . . ah, there"s something else: stamps! . . . I forgot to tell you! . . . hunting for stamps, collecting! . . . every post office I"d seen all over Germany . . . not only in Siegmaringen but in the biggest cities and the smallest holes . . . was always full of customers, all at the "collectors" windows" . . . lines and lines, collecting Hitler stamps, all prices! . . . from one pfennig to fifty marks! . . . If I were Na.s.ser for instance, or Franco, or Salazar, and I wanted to see where I stood . . . if I really wanted to know what people thought of me . . . I wouldn"t ask my police! . . . h.e.l.l, no! .". . I"d go to the post office in person and look at the lines waiting for my stamps . . . your people are collectors? . . . the jig"s up! . . . there must be millions of Adolf Hitler collections in Germany! . . . they started years in advance! at the very first d.a.m.n foolishness . . . Dunkirk . . . they started collecting! diviners, magicians? don"t waste your time! . . . the stamp"s the thing . . . tells you the whole story ten years in advance! . . . they"re collecting? they know what they"re doing! In our post office . . . in addition to Hitler we had Petain . . . his stamps!. . . two complete collections! you should have seen our post office! almost as many people as at Sabiani"s! French and Boche collectors! I"ve got to admit, though, that there"s something worse than stamps, worse than liquor, worse than b.u.t.ter, worse than soup! cigarettes! . . . cigarettes are the real winners! . . . anywhere . . . under really implacable conditions . . . I"ve seen it under fire and I"ve seen it in the prison infirmary, the last and ultimate human preoccupation is smoking! . . . which proves, you won"t tell me different, that man is first a dreamer! a born dreamer! primum vivere? primum vivere? it"s not true! . . . it"s not true! . . . primum primum blow bubbles! . . . the long and the short! . . . dreams at any price! . . . before food, wine, and tail! not a shadow! men kick off for a lot of reasons, but without a cigarette they can"t do it! . . . take a man with his back to the wall or on the steps of guillotine . . . he can"t he can"t! . . . he"s got to smoke first . . . I was in the dream department, too, at the P.P.F. office . . . the ones who were in too much pain . . . I dropped in and gave them a portion of dream . . . 2 c.cs . . . I made them dream! . . . oh, I was very sparing with my 2 c.c. ampuls . . . there was plenty of demand! . . . though Sabiani, give the Devil his due, didn"t kid anybody, he gave them the lowdown . . . it was written on big signs, in great big red letters . . . Tarty member, never forget that you owe the Party everything and that the Party owes you nothing!" He didn"t gild the pill! . . . that didn"t keep anybody away . . . in fact, more and more kept coming to join, to sit down, and to conk out under the signs . . . and outside the windows more and more people collected to watch the grandfathers dying . . . "look! look! he"s s.h.i.tting right there!" They tell us about the Asiatic crowds, the Brahames, and Bocudos! h.e.l.l! I"ll make the whole of Europe Asiatic overnight! card-carrying members! political fanatics! . . . five, six corpses in every garbage can! famine and reproduction! . . . the future belongs to the yellow race! . . . and their good old ways! blow bubbles! . . . the long and the short! . . . dreams at any price! . . . before food, wine, and tail! not a shadow! men kick off for a lot of reasons, but without a cigarette they can"t do it! . . . take a man with his back to the wall or on the steps of guillotine . . . he can"t he can"t! . . . he"s got to smoke first . . . I was in the dream department, too, at the P.P.F. office . . . the ones who were in too much pain . . . I dropped in and gave them a portion of dream . . . 2 c.cs . . . I made them dream! . . . oh, I was very sparing with my 2 c.c. ampuls . . . there was plenty of demand! . . . though Sabiani, give the Devil his due, didn"t kid anybody, he gave them the lowdown . . . it was written on big signs, in great big red letters . . . Tarty member, never forget that you owe the Party everything and that the Party owes you nothing!" He didn"t gild the pill! . . . that didn"t keep anybody away . . . in fact, more and more kept coming to join, to sit down, and to conk out under the signs . . . and outside the windows more and more people collected to watch the grandfathers dying . . . "look! look! he"s s.h.i.tting right there!" They tell us about the Asiatic crowds, the Brahames, and Bocudos! h.e.l.l! I"ll make the whole of Europe Asiatic overnight! card-carrying members! political fanatics! . . . five, six corpses in every garbage can! famine and reproduction! . . . the future belongs to the yellow race! . . . and their good old ways!
Speaking of Sabiani"s joint, the Castle pulled a mean trick on me about that time . . . a really crummy dodge! . . . a plot to get rid of Luchaire . . . for once they decided I was the perfect doctor . . . the ministers got together . . . theywanted me to certify TB, dangerously contagious . . . to be evacuated immediately! . . . don"t worry, I refused! . . . I never go along in that kind of business . . . especially as putting two and two together I wasn"t so sure they weren"t out for my guts . . . to get me evacuated! . . . like Menetrel! . . . oh, a time comes when that"s all people think about! doing away with you! . . . it"s a disease! everybody gets it! . . . you"ve done this! . . . you"ve done that! . . . bam! bam!
Ah yes, another one . . . more foul play at the Castle! . . . one of the ministers" daughters was knocked up! the parents wanted her to get married! and quick! the young man was right there . . . a sheik . . . he was willing . . . but the hitch! . . . the Boche mayor of Siegmaringen insisted on having the consent of the parents! . . . in writing! the sheik"s parents were in France, in Bagnoles-les-Bains! . . . how was it possible to get their consent? . . . no use applying to the Senegalese in Strasbourg! or the F.T.P. in Annema.s.se! . . . the Burgermeister was a stubborn b.a.s.t.a.r.d, adamant! . . . They start working onLili. . . I could see what was coming! the mother in tears . . . her whole face running with lipstick . . . she comes up to the Lowen Lowen and implores Lili . . . the scandal would kill her . . . she"d drown herself in the Danube . . . the desperate mother! . . . to make me do something! in short and to the point, get me to do an abortion! . . . think it over! . . . I can see one more little joke on the horizon: Celine the abortionist! . . . first gently, then firmly, I sent her packing! . . . I"m still cashing in on the hatred! I was sunk either way! . . . that hatred is still pursuing me twenty years later! . . . I"m still getting poked in the kidneys for that abortion I refused to perform . . . I can tell by certain rumors . . . here and there . . . In these little human interest stories connected with great historical upheavals, the exoduses, the general panics, it"s always the pract.i.tioners . . . the ma.s.seurs, chiropodists, abortionists . . . that aren"t to be found . . . the adulterers and "tender whisperers" always find each other . . . a dime a dozen! but the family chiropractor! . . . that"s where you run into trouble! the lady in tears! . . . people fornicate as they breathe . . . but the chiropractor? the abortionist? Watch your step! all the tender whispering you want, but where"s that abortion coming from? . . . It"s hard to get animals to reproduce in a zoo, but people, even condemned to death, even hunted by Leclerc"s army, with the woods full of Fifis and the whole R.A.F. on top of them thundering day and night, don"t lose their desire to squirt! . . . not in the least! . . . I certainly wasn"t going to worry my head in addition about all those little discharges, tabes, soft chancres! h.e.l.l, no! . . . all that could wait till they were back in France, one way or another! . . . in the first place, what was I going to treat them with? I didn"t have anything . . . advise them to stop s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g! Never give advice! let them scratch, f.u.c.k and gouge each other, let them stew in their own juice and rot! . . . the more the better! . . . one little piece of advice and people never forgive you! . . . take France! . . . I"ve told her over and over again the condition she"d be in one of these days! and look how she"s treated me! . . . the state she"s reduced me to! me! the only one who diagnosed her right! . . . and the stupidest disastrous a.s.sholes, so proud! crowing on top of the manure pile . . . this ghastly ruin! In Siegmaringen, I"ve got to admit, I began to go easy: After being a victim for thirty-five years I began to catch on! and implores Lili . . . the scandal would kill her . . . she"d drown herself in the Danube . . . the desperate mother! . . . to make me do something! in short and to the point, get me to do an abortion! . . . think it over! . . . I can see one more little joke on the horizon: Celine the abortionist! . . . first gently, then firmly, I sent her packing! . . . I"m still cashing in on the hatred! I was sunk either way! . . . that hatred is still pursuing me twenty years later! . . . I"m still getting poked in the kidneys for that abortion I refused to perform . . . I can tell by certain rumors . . . here and there . . . In these little human interest stories connected with great historical upheavals, the exoduses, the general panics, it"s always the pract.i.tioners . . . the ma.s.seurs, chiropodists, abortionists . . . that aren"t to be found . . . the adulterers and "tender whisperers" always find each other . . . a dime a dozen! but the family chiropractor! . . . that"s where you run into trouble! the lady in tears! . . . people fornicate as they breathe . . . but the chiropractor? the abortionist? Watch your step! all the tender whispering you want, but where"s that abortion coming from? . . . It"s hard to get animals to reproduce in a zoo, but people, even condemned to death, even hunted by Leclerc"s army, with the woods full of Fifis and the whole R.A.F. on top of them thundering day and night, don"t lose their desire to squirt! . . . not in the least! . . . I certainly wasn"t going to worry my head in addition about all those little discharges, tabes, soft chancres! h.e.l.l, no! . . . all that could wait till they were back in France, one way or another! . . . in the first place, what was I going to treat them with? I didn"t have anything . . . advise them to stop s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g! Never give advice! let them scratch, f.u.c.k and gouge each other, let them stew in their own juice and rot! . . . the more the better! . . . one little piece of advice and people never forgive you! . . . take France! . . . I"ve told her over and over again the condition she"d be in one of these days! and look how she"s treated me! . . . the state she"s reduced me to! me! the only one who diagnosed her right! . . . and the stupidest disastrous a.s.sholes, so proud! crowing on top of the manure pile . . . this ghastly ruin! In Siegmaringen, I"ve got to admit, I began to go easy: After being a victim for thirty-five years I began to catch on! alas! alas! alas! alas! too late, I"d spilled it all! . . . the one thing they want of you is to impale you! Darnand"s commandos or Fifis, Restif"s killers or Leclerc"s c.o.o.ns! . . . your opinions are of no interest to anybody except the perpetual debaters . . . "Who bought you? how much did you get? . . . . . doddering old fool! naturally! stinking old b.a.s.t.a.r.d! . . . oh, I knew all that . . . Mostly I stopped bestirring myself except for emergency cases . . . but they were all "emergencies"! . . . gripers, provocateurs, and stoolpigeons, but very sick at the same time! . . . lovely patients! . . . too late, I"d spilled it all! . . . the one thing they want of you is to impale you! Darnand"s commandos or Fifis, Restif"s killers or Leclerc"s c.o.o.ns! . . . your opinions are of no interest to anybody except the perpetual debaters . . . "Who bought you? how much did you get? . . . . . doddering old fool! naturally! stinking old b.a.s.t.a.r.d! . . . oh, I knew all that . . . Mostly I stopped bestirring myself except for emergency cases . . . but they were all "emergencies"! . . . gripers, provocateurs, and stoolpigeons, but very sick at the same time! . . . lovely patients! . . .
Enough of that! Pithecanthropus has got a new myth! you"ll see if the blood gushes! if the cutla.s.ses are ready or not! . . . h.e.l.l! twelve hundred billion quarts of alcohol make you close your eyes to a lot of things!
But here"s another gooseberry! . . . on the fourth floor, over the Raumnitzes, in No. 91 was taking care of Monsieur Miller from Ma.r.s.eille, a tubercular bed patient, bad hemoptysis . . .luckily I had a little "retropituitin" . . . it hadn"t fallen from heaven . . . hidden in my pocket since Bezons . . . I did what I could . . . day and night . . . This Monsieur Miller, so it seemed, held a very high position in the Surete Surete in Ma.r.s.eille . . . okay! . . . I didn"t want to know any more . . . anyway Herr Frucht griped something terrible about his occupying a bed at the in Ma.r.s.eille . . . okay! . . . I didn"t want to know any more . . . anyway Herr Frucht griped something terrible about his occupying a bed at the Lowen Lowen . . . said he"d infect the hotel with his coughing and spitting . . . His c.r.a.pper overflowed all over the stairs! . . . and my patient was the menace! a lot of phony pretexts! . . . his room would be uninhabitable! . . . I should have him sent back to Germany! . . . but this Monsieur Miller of Ma.r.s.eille wasn"t the least bit dangerous! . . . those people were scheming something else! . . . I could see it was another plot, like with Luchaire . . . I was perfectly willing for Monsieur Miller of Ma.r.s.eille to move out . . . but where could I put him with his TB? I went to see the lady doctor, a Boche, . . . said he"d infect the hotel with his coughing and spitting . . . His c.r.a.pper overflowed all over the stairs! . . . and my patient was the menace! a lot of phony pretexts! . . . his room would be uninhabitable! . . . I should have him sent back to Germany! . . . but this Monsieur Miller of Ma.r.s.eille wasn"t the least bit dangerous! . . . those people were scheming something else! . . . I could see it was another plot, like with Luchaire . . . I was perfectly willing for Monsieur Miller of Ma.r.s.eille to move out . . . but where could I put him with his TB? I went to see the lady doctor, a Boche, "fuhrerin" "fuhrerin" of everything connected with tuberculosis . . . Dr. Kleindienst . . . she was really anti-French! . . . she told me off! . . . No surprise . . . she"d always refused me everything! I"d gone to see her a hundred times for my working women with pneumothoraxes . . . there were plenty of them . . . Frenchwomen working in the factories . . . for a quarter pound of b.u.t.ter . . . a pound of sugar . . . of everything connected with tuberculosis . . . Dr. Kleindienst . . . she was really anti-French! . . . she told me off! . . . No surprise . . . she"d always refused me everything! I"d gone to see her a hundred times for my working women with pneumothoraxes . . . there were plenty of them . . . Frenchwomen working in the factories . . . for a quarter pound of b.u.t.ter . . . a pound of sugar . . . no! no! no! no! . . . and I knew perfectly well that she sent anybody she pleased . . . much lighter cases, whole families from the Castle . . . to the big sanatorium at Saint-Blasien in the Black Forest . . . "send him back to France" was her only advice . . . The S.S. Sanatorium at Saint-Blasien wasn"t for my patients! . . . I could see the plot coming . . . pet.i.tions all over the hotel and the restaurant, to send this Miller home to Ma.r.s.eille . . . and me with him! . . . to throw us both out! all three of us, Lili and Bebert! or ship us to a camp! . . . I saw it coming! . . . Cissen! . . . oh, they were certainly thinking about it! all four! . . . Le Vigan too! . . . I seem to be exaggerating a little . . . not at all! not at all! . . . I wasn"t sure of Brinon! . . . and not at all sure of the Raumnitzes . . . and in spite of the cyanide not the least bit sure of Laval . . . or Bichelonne . . . . . . and I knew perfectly well that she sent anybody she pleased . . . much lighter cases, whole families from the Castle . . . to the big sanatorium at Saint-Blasien in the Black Forest . . . "send him back to France" was her only advice . . . The S.S. Sanatorium at Saint-Blasien wasn"t for my patients! . . . I could see the plot coming . . . pet.i.tions all over the hotel and the restaurant, to send this Miller home to Ma.r.s.eille . . . and me with him! . . . to throw us both out! all three of us, Lili and Bebert! or ship us to a camp! . . . I saw it coming! . . . Cissen! . . . oh, they were certainly thinking about it! all four! . . . Le Vigan too! . . . I seem to be exaggerating a little . . . not at all! not at all! . . . I wasn"t sure of Brinon! . . . and not at all sure of the Raumnitzes . . . and in spite of the cyanide not the least bit sure of Laval . . . or Bichelonne . . .
Even so the days pa.s.sed . . . and the nights . . . it was getting really cold . . . Marion comes to see us . . . he tells me that Bichelonne has pulled out . . . suddenly, just like that, without a word . . . without telling me anything . . . gone away to get himself operated up there in Prussia . . . okay! I tell him about the Miller business and my troubles with Kleindienst . . . I tell him it"s a plot . . . he thinks so too, he agrees . . . Marion . . . the Minister of Information . . . isn"t optimistic . . . he had a s.h.i.t-colored outlook . . .
I"ve told you a good deal about Herr Frucht and his troubles with his toilet . . . but there was a Mrs. Frucht too . . . Frau Frucht, on our landing, Room 15 . . . No. 15 was more than a room! . . . a regular apartment with bathroom, dining room, smoking room . . . I haven"t told you about it . . . or about Frau Frucht . . . I took care of her . . . well, I gave her injections . . . menopause trouble . . . I got them from Basel . . . through "runners" . . . but even so Frau Frucht didn"t like us! . . . not at all! . . . any more than her Julius! . . . repulsive Franzosen! Franzosen! . . . we were contaminating her hotel, etc. . . . why couldn"t we go somewhere else? . . . which didn"t prevent her from having herself entertained by the bodyguards from the Castle . . . who were very, very French! . . . three, four bodyguards per minister . . . which made quite a crowd, and those boys had good appet.i.tes . . . for lunch and dinner . . . . . . we were contaminating her hotel, etc. . . . why couldn"t we go somewhere else? . . . which didn"t prevent her from having herself entertained by the bodyguards from the Castle . . . who were very, very French! . . . three, four bodyguards per minister . . . which made quite a crowd, and those boys had good appet.i.tes . . . for lunch and dinner . . . Franzosen Franzosen, athletes, and such lechers! . . . who weren"t bashful and really piled it in! . . . and it ended in some jamboree! . . . a real Vrench orgy! The lady of the Lowen Lowen kept open board for the bodyguards . . . all the Rhine wine they wanted, schnapps . . . even absinthe! . . . better than at Petain"s . . . Frau Frucht was having a burning, writhing menopause, hot flashes and torments of the a.s.s! . . . I think the husband was in on it, he"d take a peek between two sessions at the c.r.a.pper . . . two s.h.i.thouse tantrums! . . . the perfect Boche! . . . Anywhere you go, you"ll find people who manage to enjoy themselves . . . if tomorrow the earth turns into ashes and plaster . . . a cosmos of protons . . . in some hole in the mountains you"ll still find a batch of haggard lunatics b.u.g.g.e.ring and sucking each other, swilling and piling it in . . . deluge and kept open board for the bodyguards . . . all the Rhine wine they wanted, schnapps . . . even absinthe! . . . better than at Petain"s . . . Frau Frucht was having a burning, writhing menopause, hot flashes and torments of the a.s.s! . . . I think the husband was in on it, he"d take a peek between two sessions at the c.r.a.pper . . . two s.h.i.thouse tantrums! . . . the perfect Boche! . . . Anywhere you go, you"ll find people who manage to enjoy themselves . . . if tomorrow the earth turns into ashes and plaster . . . a cosmos of protons . . . in some hole in the mountains you"ll still find a batch of haggard lunatics b.u.g.g.e.ring and sucking each other, swilling and piling it in . . . deluge and partouze! partouze! . . . that"s what itwas like at the . . . that"s what itwas like at the Lowen Lowen, I"ve got to admit it . . . and what"s more, only two steps from our door . . . on the same landing . . . I knew all about it . . . I never mentioned it to anybody . . . not even to Lili . . . oh, I never talked about Room 36 either! . . . you don"t talk about things like that! . . . Frau Frucht never went out by way of our landing . . . she went down to her restaurant by her own winding stairway, from her bed to the kitchen . . . n.o.body entered her room except the bodyguards . . . her muscular friends, her ma.s.seurs . . . all bodyguards are ma.s.seurs, they sure ma.s.saged that lady! . . . I could see the marks of their ma.s.sages, the palms, the fingers! . . . she was mottled with ma.s.sages! . . . with her, her maids were on the receiving end . . . she had her own way of ma.s.saging them, a la schlag! a la schlag! maids and cooks! . . . she"d ask them up to No. 15 for a lecture! maids and cooks! . . . she"d ask them up to No. 15 for a lecture! boom! boom! boom! boom! . . . old and young! . . . for never cleaning the stairs properly! . . . for breaking dishes in the restaurant! . . . . . . old and young! . . . for never cleaning the stairs properly! . . . for breaking dishes in the restaurant! . . . crack! smack! crack! smack! on the a.s.s! on the back! . . . they didn"t like it? . . . repeat performance! . . . "lift up your skirts! . . . higher! . . . higher! . . . . . old or young! . . . nothing light about her touch! . . . Frau Frucht had a whip, too . . . like Frau Raumnitz! . . . as I saw later, in prison . . . the whip is a natural for dealing with maids, society women, and prisoners . . . they"ve all got a screw loose! . . . straighten them out, cure their complexes, there"s only one way! I saw them coming out of Room 15 in tears and hysterics . . . they"d been straightened out . . . you think you ought to interfere? . . . how do you know the flagellees don"t like it? . . . that getting themselves whipped isn"t a vice with them? . . . one way or another, it was vice all right! . . . I knew . . . I didn"t talk about it . . . The Frucht apartment, as long as we"re there, was as fluffy . . . cushions, settees, furs, overstuffed velvet easy chairs . . . as our hovel was sordid . . . and talk about incense and perfumes! . . . Frau Frucht was always spraying her bed, the hangings, and chairs . . . a bottle of lavender . . . another! heliotrope, jasmine! made you think of the on the a.s.s! on the back! . . . they didn"t like it? . . . repeat performance! . . . "lift up your skirts! . . . higher! . . . higher! . . . . . old or young! . . . nothing light about her touch! . . . Frau Frucht had a whip, too . . . like Frau Raumnitz! . . . as I saw later, in prison . . . the whip is a natural for dealing with maids, society women, and prisoners . . . they"ve all got a screw loose! . . . straighten them out, cure their complexes, there"s only one way! I saw them coming out of Room 15 in tears and hysterics . . . they"d been straightened out . . . you think you ought to interfere? . . . how do you know the flagellees don"t like it? . . . that getting themselves whipped isn"t a vice with them? . . . one way or another, it was vice all right! . . . I knew . . . I didn"t talk about it . . . The Frucht apartment, as long as we"re there, was as fluffy . . . cushions, settees, furs, overstuffed velvet easy chairs . . . as our hovel was sordid . . . and talk about incense and perfumes! . . . Frau Frucht was always spraying her bed, the hangings, and chairs . . . a bottle of lavender . . . another! heliotrope, jasmine! made you think of the Chabanais! Chabanais! . . . maybe you never knew the . . . maybe you never knew the Chabanais Chabanais . . . but a . . . but a Chabanais Chabanais crossed with Paillard"s! . . . a.s.s and stomach! . . . enormousorgies! . . . the whole works! the mixture of smells! . . . jasmine and rich food . . . leg of lamb, chicken, pheasant au vin . . . hit you on the landing . . . the door across from ours, next to the c.r.a.pper . . . sent you reeling! Frau Frucht was just right for her boudoir, all ruffles and flounces and luxury . . . you could easily see her in a wh.o.r.ehouse . . . the build, the eyes, the t.i.ts! The whole picture! . . . and those wrappers, all lace and cabbage-bow ribbons! and those pale pink and green kimonos! . . . and whole cupboards full of silk stockings and garters! . . . menopause or no menopause, Frau Frucht was going strong! . . . the thrashings she gave the maids, plus my hormone injections, plus the bodyguards kept her in a state of p.r.i.c.kling desire! . . . I played it dumb . . . I didn"t see a thing . . . she gave us little extras . . . Lili and Bebert and me . . . a small platter of noodles now and then . . . who cared about the rest? . . . oh, she wasn"t the generous type! Messalina if you will, but also a ruthless hashhouse operator! . . . she took it as a pretext for whipping her maids when they swiped her crossed with Paillard"s! . . . a.s.s and stomach! . . . enormousorgies! . . . the whole works! the mixture of smells! . . . jasmine and rich food . . . leg of lamb, chicken, pheasant au vin . . . hit you on the landing . . . the door across from ours, next to the c.r.a.pper . . . sent you reeling! Frau Frucht was just right for her boudoir, all ruffles and flounces and luxury . . . you could easily see her in a wh.o.r.ehouse . . . the build, the eyes, the t.i.ts! The whole picture! . . . and those wrappers, all lace and cabbage-bow ribbons! and those pale pink and green kimonos! . . . and whole cupboards full of silk stockings and garters! . . . menopause or no menopause, Frau Frucht was going strong! . . . the thrashings she gave the maids, plus my hormone injections, plus the bodyguards kept her in a state of p.r.i.c.kling desire! . . . I played it dumb . . . I didn"t see a thing . . . she gave us little extras . . . Lili and Bebert and me . . . a small platter of noodles now and then . . . who cared about the rest? . . . oh, she wasn"t the generous type! Messalina if you will, but also a ruthless hashhouse operator! . . . she took it as a pretext for whipping her maids when they swiped her Stamgericht Stamgericht for their mothers or husbands . . . or worse . . . when they took it to the station! . . . I repeat, it was only a pretext . . . any pretext to whip! . . . and make them bellow! . . . for their mothers or husbands . . . or worse . . . when they took it to the station! . . . I repeat, it was only a pretext . . . any pretext to whip! . . . and make them bellow! . . .Striptease? Don"t make me laugh! Whipping shows are the thing! You"d fill the Opera a little fuller than for Don"t make me laugh! Whipping shows are the thing! You"d fill the Opera a little fuller than for Faust Faust or or Meistersinger! Meistersinger! . . . any pretext for vice will do! but she was worth knowing . . . not only her boudoir apartment, the tomato herself . . . that face! made you think of the Place Blanche and the worst pick-me-ups in the Bois . . . I"m talking about the old days when there were still real wh.o.r.es, talented creatures, really pa.s.sionate, a.s.ses of flame . . . before the automobile . . . yes, her body, and I can claim to be very particular, was still on the up and up . . . the minute I came into her room, she lay down for her injection, she took off everything, kimono, silk stockings, she wanted me to palpate, to give her a thorough examination . . . . . . any pretext for vice will do! but she was worth knowing . . . not only her boudoir apartment, the tomato herself . . . that face! made you think of the Place Blanche and the worst pick-me-ups in the Bois . . . I"m talking about the old days when there were still real wh.o.r.es, talented creatures, really pa.s.sionate, a.s.ses of flame . . . before the automobile . . . yes, her body, and I can claim to be very particular, was still on the up and up . . . the minute I came into her room, she lay down for her injection, she took off everything, kimono, silk stockings, she wanted me to palpate, to give her a thorough examination . . . intus et exit intus et exit . . . her skin wasn"t bad for a woman of her age . . . her muscles were still in good shape, no cellulitis, no muscular atrophy . . . she must have been a peasant, used to heavy work, spading and plowing . . . the b.r.e.a.s.t.s still very firm . . .but the face! . . . Boulevard Rochechouart under the Metro tracks . . . pulpy, gluttonous mouth, maybe even worse than Loukoum! . . . a mouth that could have swallowed the sidewalk, the urinal and all the customers, plus their organs and the bread crusts! . . . her eyes? . . . glowing coals! . . . the fire of live volcanoes . . . dangerous! . . . I gave her her injection . . . oh, but I was on deck! . . . I was sure her old man was watching . . . I didn"t know where . . . too many draperies and hangings! but I knew! . . . I had to be affable too! . . . she wasn"t putting anything on for me . . . she was so sultry by nature she couldn"t have done any more . . . When the injection was done and I"d put my syringe away . . . two three words to be polite . . . she grabs me by the hand . . . just like that, stark naked! . . . oh, it wasn"t her nakedness that interested me . . . it was her eyes, those coals! . . . not to see if they"re s.e.xy or not! . . . it was the danger that made me look at her eyes . . . is she going to rape me? . . . no! . . . no! . . . that"s a relief! . . . she wants to speak to me up close! . . . closer! . . . she wants me to listen . . . . . . her skin wasn"t bad for a woman of her age . . . her muscles were still in good shape, no cellulitis, no muscular atrophy . . . she must have been a peasant, used to heavy work, spading and plowing . . . the b.r.e.a.s.t.s still very firm . . .but the face! . . . Boulevard Rochechouart under the Metro tracks . . . pulpy, gluttonous mouth, maybe even worse than Loukoum! . . . a mouth that could have swallowed the sidewalk, the urinal and all the customers, plus their organs and the bread crusts! . . . her eyes? . . . glowing coals! . . . the fire of live volcanoes . . . dangerous! . . . I gave her her injection . . . oh, but I was on deck! . . . I was sure her old man was watching . . . I didn"t know where . . . too many draperies and hangings! but I knew! . . . I had to be affable too! . . . she wasn"t putting anything on for me . . . she was so sultry by nature she couldn"t have done any more . . . When the injection was done and I"d put my syringe away . . . two three words to be polite . . . she grabs me by the hand . . . just like that, stark naked! . . . oh, it wasn"t her nakedness that interested me . . . it was her eyes, those coals! . . . not to see if they"re s.e.xy or not! . . . it was the danger that made me look at her eyes . . . is she going to rape me? . . . no! . . . no! . . . that"s a relief! . . . she wants to speak to me up close! . . . closer! . . . she wants me to listen . . .
"Ihre Frau! . . . tanzerin! . . . . . . Eh? . . . schon! Eh? . . . schon! . . . beautiful! beautiful! . . . beautiful! beautiful! barizerin barizerin. ya? ya? ya? ya? eh? eh? schone beine! schone beine! beautiful legs?" beautiful legs?"
"Oh yes! . . . oh, yes!"
Certainly . . . I won"t deny it!
"Sie! sie! you? lend me? . . . you? lend me? . . . hier! hier! . . . . . . hier! hier!. . . schlafen mit! schlafen mit! . . . sleep with me! . . . sleep with me! willst du? willst du? will you? will you?" will you? will you?"
She"s not a volcano anymore . . . she"s pure fire! . . . this b.i.t.c.h is burning! . . . she wants it! . . . she wants Lili! . . .
"Gross ravioli willst du haben! . . . schon! . . . schon! . . ." . . . schon! . . . schon! . . ."
She shows me the ravioli I"ll get . . . an enormous platter of ravioli! . . . gigantic!
"Yes, yes! Frau Frucht! . . . I"ll speak to her!"
And then suddenly, my presence of mind, I grab her square in the a.s.s and kiss her! . . . smack! smack! full in the a.s.s! and on the other cheek! full in the a.s.s! and on the other cheek! plop! plop! . . . that makes us intimate! we understand each other! . . . that makes us intimate! we understand each other!
I"m not going to cross her . . . give her the idea that I won"t bring her Lili . . . we"d wake up in Cissen! . . . sure as s.h.i.t!. . . one way or another . . . But there I get to thinking . . . maybe this is a trap! . . . perfectly possible! . . . a plot with her old man to get rid of us both! a little trick! the vice squad! . . . turn me in for a pimp! . . . and Lili for an adventuress who stops at nothing! . . . in judging people"s instincts I go by the eyes . . . and the look in those eyes was bad . . . lesbian pa.s.sion? . . . don"t make me laugh! . . . sure, la Frucht went in for vice! I"d seen others like her! thousands of them! sure she was h.o.r.n.y . . . that doesn"t mean a thing! her hatred was certainly stronger than her s.e.x fever! . . . maybe she"d have helped herself to Lili . . . maybe . . . and then the bounce! . . . Cissen! . . . the "monstrous couple" . . . the perverts of the Lowen Lowen . . . I may be a little rundown, but I think fast! . . . plenty fast! . . . luckily! . . . I was careful not to leave that room too fast! . . . not to seem to be in a hurry! . . . I kiss her a.s.s again, her thigh, her back, her oyster . . . . . . I may be a little rundown, but I think fast! . . . plenty fast! . . . luckily! . . . I was careful not to leave that room too fast! . . . not to seem to be in a hurry! . . . I kiss her a.s.s again, her thigh, her back, her oyster . . . mff . . . mff! mff . . . mff! an all-around job! . . . the works! . . . to seem like an accomplice, a real fan! make her think I"m going to bring Lili an all-around job! . . . the works! . . . to seem like an accomplice, a real fan! make her think I"m going to bring Lili zu schlafen mit! zu schlafen mit! . . . yes, yes, of course! . . . and I leave very slowly . . . I don"t say a word . . . not a word to Lili . . . or to anybody . . . I clam up . . . I"m beginning to think that if la Frucht goes that far she has orders . . . from the Castle? from the Raumnitzes? . . . or that she knows it"s only a matter of hours before we"re flattened out like Ulm? . . . that somebody"s given her the word . . . maybe Berlin? or via Switzerland? that they"re going to wind up the circus, the merry-go-round in the clouds, the R. A.F. fantasia, the storms that n.o.body"s afraid of any more . . . that we"re going to see something! razed to a crisp like Dresden! . . . that our half hour has come? . . . maybe tabasco Frucht knows all that? so this is the time to indulge . . . to help herself! . . . . . . yes, yes, of course! . . . and I leave very slowly . . . I don"t say a word . . . not a word to Lili . . . or to anybody . . . I clam up . . . I"m beginning to think that if la Frucht goes that far she has orders . . . from the Castle? from the Raumnitzes? . . . or that she knows it"s only a matter of hours before we"re flattened out like Ulm? . . . that somebody"s given her the word . . . maybe Berlin? or via Switzerland? that they"re going to wind up the circus, the merry-go-round in the clouds, the R. A.F. fantasia, the storms that n.o.body"s afraid of any more . . . that we"re going to see something! razed to a crisp like Dresden! . . . that our half hour has come? . . . maybe tabasco Frucht knows all that? so this is the time to indulge . . . to help herself! . . . tanzerin . . . barizerin tanzerin . . . barizerin . . . maybe? . . . maybe?
"The kitchen and the restaurant are full of soldiers!"
"What kind? . . . French? . . . Krauts?"
"Krauts with an officer!"
"But who? . . . which?"
"They"re coming up!"
It"s true, I open the door, I see them . . . they create order . . . order! . . . they clear the landing . . . and our room . . . and the toilet . . . everybody out, let"s go! . . . down the stairs! n.o.body left on our floor . . . have they come to arrest me? . . . that"s my first idea . . . I want to see that officer . . . ah, here he comes! . . . I know him! . . . I know him well! . . . it"s their Oberarzt Franz Traub . . . head physician at their hospital . . . I know him all right . . . dressed . . . fit to kill! . . . dagger! swordbelt, tunic, Iron Cross! . . . gray pants, perfect crease . . . cream-colored gloves . . . dress uniform . . . just to see me? hmmm! . . . n.o.body left on the landing . . . all cleared . . . only his escort . . . well, two, three squads, armed . . . okay! . . . I wait for him to say something . . . he greets Lili, he takes off his cap, he bows . . . he shakes hands with me . . . I bring him into the room, I give him a chair . . . Bebert has the other . . . we have only two chairs . . . Bebert"s great game is jumping from one chair to the other! . . . Bebert gives the occupant a dirty look . . . some nerve! That"s his opinion! I look at them, Oberarzt Traub and Bebert . . . who"s going to speak first? . . . as long as I"m the host, I start in . . . I apologize for the poor reception . . . our quarters . . . etc. . . . etc. . . . he answers in French: "c"est la guerre!" "c"est la guerre!" and a gesture meaning to think nothing of it . . . details! . . . he sweeps them away . . . introductory remarks . . . okay, okay! . . . but there"sone idea he hasn"t swept out of my head . . . has he come to arrest me? that"s what I"m wondering . . . and this deployment of police outside our door? . . . that was how they operated when they arrested Menetrel . . . a doctor and an escort . . .Menetrelwas a doctor too . . . this one, Traub, is the cold type of German . . . oh, of course he detests the French! . . . like all the Boches . . . no more, no less! We French are "special detestables" . . . ent.i.tled to be specially detested by every Boche in the village! . . . because we"re here! and we shouldn"t be! we"re compromising them! . . . they all listen in on Bibici . . . all Siegmaringen! and a gesture meaning to think nothing of it . . . details! . . . he sweeps them away . . . introductory remarks . . . okay, okay! . . . but there"sone idea he hasn"t swept out of my head . . . has he come to arrest me? that"s what I"m wondering . . . and this deployment of police outside our door? . . . that was how they operated when they arrested Menetrel . . . a doctor and an escort . . .Menetrelwas a doctor too . . . this one, Traub, is the cold type of German . . . oh, of course he detests the French! . . . like all the Boches . . . no more, no less! We French are "special detestables" . . . ent.i.tled to be specially detested by every Boche in the village! . . . because we"re here! and we shouldn"t be! we"re compromising them! . . . they all listen in on Bibici . . . all Siegmaringen! dong! dong! dong! dong! dong! dong! Bibici tells them what to think! . . . of us and Petain! . . . our names, our places and dates of birth, our crimes! four, five times a day! and we should all be strung up! . . .Petainfirst! next the French troops in Siegmaringen! . . . three, four times a day they notified the real French! the ones we were expecting! the purest legions of the Underground! Brisson, Malraux, Robert Kemp, the colonels in Leclerc"s army . . . that we hoodlums represented exactly what the real France detested most! and that they, the good Germans, should a.s.sa.s.sinate us, and right away! that we were taking advantage of their kind hearts! . . . betraying them same as we had betrayed France! that we deserved no pity! . . . exactly the opinion of my pirates on the rue Norvins . . . who at that very moment were having the time of their lives wiping me out! . . . the Bibici is the organ of Fualdes . . . it plays while they murder! . . . and the Boches fell for it! . . . four, five broadcasts a day! . . . they were waiting for Leclerc"s army with open arms! ah, we filthy, mangy, lazy devourers of Bibici tells them what to think! . . . of us and Petain! . . . our names, our places and dates of birth, our crimes! four, five times a day! and we should all be strung up! . . .Petainfirst! next the French troops in Siegmaringen! . . . three, four times a day they notified the real French! the ones we were expecting! the purest legions of the Underground! Brisson, Malraux, Robert Kemp, the colonels in Leclerc"s army . . . that we hoodlums represented exactly what the real France detested most! and that they, the good Germans, should a.s.sa.s.sinate us, and right away! that we were taking advantage of their kind hearts! . . . betraying them same as we had betrayed France! that we deserved no pity! . . . exactly the opinion of my pirates on the rue Norvins . . . who at that very moment were having the time of their lives wiping me out! . . . the Bibici is the organ of Fualdes . . . it plays while they murder! . . . and the Boches fell for it! . . . four, five broadcasts a day! . . . they were waiting for Leclerc"s army with open arms! ah, we filthy, mangy, lazy devourers of Stam! Stam! their their Stam! Stam! we"d see if the Senegalese didn"t make us vomit up their we"d see if the Senegalese didn"t make us vomit up their Stam! Stam! . . . and our guts! . . . and our blood! . . . the gutters would be full of it! the honor of Siegmaringen avenged! . . . and naturally Oberarzt Franz Traub tuned in on Bibici! . . . Our professional relations had always been correct, no more . . . he"d certainly get along better with the Fifis . . . he"d always refused me everything . . . like Kleindienst . . . sulphur ointment, mercury ointment, morphine . . . . . . and our guts! . . . and our blood! . . . the gutters would be full of it! the honor of Siegmaringen avenged! . . . and naturally Oberarzt Franz Traub tuned in on Bibici! . . . Our professional relations had always been correct, no more . . . he"d certainly get along better with the Fifis . . . he"d always refused me everything . . . like Kleindienst . . . sulphur ointment, mercury ointment, morphine . . . Leider! Leider! Leider! Leider! . . . he was about my own age . . . in his fifties. . . I could stand on my head before he"d admit one of my patients to the hospital! He unloaded all my cases on the . . . he was about my own age . . . in his fifties. . . I could stand on my head before he"d admit one of my patients to the hospital! He unloaded all my cases on the Fidelis Fidelis, I"d find them all there plus his own! . . . He"d admitted Corinne Luchaire after a terrible fuss and only on condition that she"d stay just long enough for an X-ray . . . he was like all the rest . . . he didn"t want the liberators to say he"d shown the slightest indulgence . . .
But why now this plush-horse visit? . . . creased pants and dagger! . . . with his swastika? and all this escort? the whole landing full of them . . . I didn"t get it . . . finally he speaks up . . . . he starts in . . .
"Colleague, I"ve come to ask you a favor . . ."
He speaks French without too much accent . . . he"s crisp, succinct . . . he explains that he has a patient . . . a wounded German soldier . . . who"s had an operation . . . he"d like me to come and see him . . . his wound . . . a sh.e.l.l had blown off his p.e.n.i.s . . . that this wounded German soldier is a married man and he wants an artificial p.e.n.i.s . . . that these artificial p.e.n.i.ses are on sale, but only in France! . . . only one manufacturer in all Europe! . . . that he, Traub, could apply to Geneva, to the Red Cross . . . but it would be much better if I were to write directly to Geneva . . . allegedly! . . . allegedly! . . . for a wounded prisoner! . . . because the Red Cross was Gaullist . . . the French prisoners were Gaullists! and I was another Gaullist! . . . Well?
"Certainly! Certainly!"
Certainly! . . . We had a little laugh . . . wasn"t it funny! . . . would I? . . . of course I would! . . .
Ah, but something else . . . he had another reason for coming to see me! . . . this is more delicate . . . he hesitates . . .
"Well, you see, I have notified Monsieur de Brinon that I am obliged to bar the Miliciens Miliciens from the hospital . . ." from the hospital . . ."
Why? . . . because they defecated in the bathtubs! . . . and wrote all over the walls in s.h.i.t! "for Adolf!" "for Adolf!" . . . Naturally Traub could understand that kind of thing! . . . Naturally Traub could understand that kind of thing! c"est la guerre! c"est la guerre! but the staff? . . . the nurses? . . . but the staff? . . . the nurses? . . .
"You understand, colleague, you do understand? it won"t do! . . . I"ve notified Monsier de Brinon . . ."
Oh, ofcourse! . . . he had been perfectly right! . . .
"Then you agree with me, colleague?"
Something else coming up! . . . is he going to arrest me now? . . . make up his mind? . . . the Boches are so mealy-mouthed, they"d introduce you to the guillotine . . . "won"t you cut your little cigar? . . . lieber Herr! lieber Herr! . . . . . . bitte sehr! bitte sehr! . . . help yourself! . . . the matches are over there!" No . . . it"s not the knife quite yet . . . he wants to talk to me about de Brinon . . . his prostate . . . "Monsieur de Brinon came to see me the other day . . . he has difficulty in urinating . . . he"s in pain . . . of course we could operate! . . . but here? . . . here? . . ." Brinon had come to me for advice, too . . . same answer as Traub . . . "When you get back!" . . . how pleasant and practical it is to have a phrase that fixes everything . . . "When you get back!" we might as well be going back to the moon . . . ! what were we going back to anyway? . . . help yourself! . . . the matches are over there!" No . . . it"s not the knife quite yet . . . he wants to talk to me about de Brinon . . . his prostate . . . "Monsieur de Brinon came to see me the other day . . . he has difficulty in urinating . . . he"s in pain . . . of course we could operate! . . . but here? . . . here? . . ." Brinon had come to me for advice, too . . . same answer as Traub . . . "When you get back!" . . . how pleasant and practical it is to have a phrase that fixes everything . . . "When you get back!" we might as well be going back to the moon . . . ! what were we going back to anyway?
At that point Traub"s expression changes . . . suddenly . . . before my eyes . . . he takes a different tone . . . he"d spoken rather lightly of de Brinon and the bathtub . . . now all of a sudden he"s talking very seriously . . . still about prostates . . . but this time it"s his! . . . his own prostate! . . . "Aren"t you a bit of a specialist?" . . . oh no! but I know something about it . . . he"s been having trouble . . . he urinates frequently like Brinon . . . "how many times at night?" I ask him . . . "and in the daytime?" . . . "five . . . six times . . ."
"Would you examine me?"
"Certainly . . . please remove your trousers . . ."
He stands up, he goes to the door, he says three words to the sentries . . . I can see that Lili"s presence embarra.s.ses him . . . Lili goes to the door, too . . . "see that n.o.body comes in" . . . now he can take his pants off . . . there"s only the two of us . . . and Bebert . . . but he"s a man, too . . . he relaxes . . . he gets confidential . . . he unloads . . . he confesses . . . he"s got plenty on his mind . . . plenty! . . . his hospital is a h.e.l.l! . . . a battle, a free-for-all between the departments! the doctors, surgeons, and nuns! . . . they all hate each other, they accuse, they denounce! . . . worse than with us! . . . to see who could get who arrested! for everything! . . . plots! b.u.g.g.e.ry! Black marketing! He confided in me, he had to get it off his chest . . . it was no surprise to me . . . go lift up the cover of the Kremlin . . . the House of Lords . . . the Figaro Figaro . . . or . . . or l"Humanite l"Humanite . . . any cover . . . salons . . . political parties, Castles . . . populaces . . . backstages . . . monasteries . . . hospitals . . . you"ll be all worn out the way they denounce each other, get each other arrested, garrot each other, drive spikes under each other"s nails . . . . . . any cover . . . salons . . . political parties, Castles . . . populaces . . . backstages . . . monasteries . . . hospitals . . . you"ll be all worn out the way they denounce each other, get each other arrested, garrot each other, drive spikes under each other"s nails . . .
"You won"t speak of all this? . . . you promise, colleague?"
"Professional secrecy!"
The tears came to his eyes . . . those people in the hospital! . . . he was sobbing! . . . worse than the people in the Castle!
"You won"t mention it to a soul?"
I swear! . . . I double-swear! . . . not a word! . . . he wouldn"t ask for advice at the hospital . . . no, never! . . . but he could trust me? . . . ya! ya! ya! ya! ya! ya! . . . he tells me the whole story . . . he"d been to Tubingen, he"d consulted a specialist, a . . . he tells me the whole story . . . he"d been to Tubingen, he"d consulted a specialist, a Professor Professor . . . at the university . . . in the Professor"s opinion his prostate was quite operable . . . sufficiently enlarged . . . but he, Traub, didn"t consider himself operable at all! . . . not at all! . . . in fact he was scared s.h.i.tless of being operated . . . and admitted it . . . yelled it in fact! . . . really afraid! . . . especially under the circ.u.mstances! so what about me? what did I think? . . . at the university . . . in the Professor"s opinion his prostate was quite operable . . . sufficiently enlarged . . . but he, Traub, didn"t consider himself operable at all! . . . not at all! . . . in fact he was scared s.h.i.tless of being operated . . . and admitted it . . . yelled it in fact! . . . really afraid! . . . especially under the circ.u.mstances! so what about me? what did I think?
"The prostate, my dear colleague, you know as well as I, is subject to inflammation . . . we can wait . . . it will calm down . . . naturally surgeons always want to operate . . . eighty percent of men over fifty are prostatic . . . we don"t operate them all! certainly not! . . . they p.i.s.s on their heels now and then . . . what of it? what difference? they"ll die a natural death! . . . they only smell of urine a little . . . is that anything to worry about? you"ll be careful, Traub, that"s all! you"ll watch yourself . . . no liquor . . . no beer . . . no spices . . . no s.e.xual intercourse . . . and in ten years you"ll go back to see your specialist again . . . you"ll come and tell me what he thinks . . . and whether he"s been operated . . ."
My comforting words did him a world of good . . . with his hard, hatchet Boche face, he looked at me almost affectionately . . . absolutely! . . . the nectar of my words! . . .
"Would you examine me, my dear colleague?"
"Why, certainly!"
I slip on my rubber finger . . . smear it with vaseline . . . he takes his pants off . . . his gray pants with the fine crease . . . he kneels down on my cot . . . he doesn"t remove his tunic or his sword belt or his dagger . . . I palpate . . . yes . . . it"s a fact! . . . his prostate is considerably enlarged . . . in fact it seems rather hard . . .
"Oh, all that can wait . . . with a very strict diet . . . your prostate will take care of itself . . ."
"Excellent! . . . excellent, my dear colleague! . . . but my diet?"
"Noodles! . . . just noodles! . . . nothing else!"
It"s all right with him! he adjusts his pants . . . his sword belt, his revolver . . .
"Oh yes, my dear colleague . . . oh yes!"
"Come back and see me in a month! . . . well see if it"s better . . ."
Now I"m the boss! . . . very honestly, without deluding him, I"ll be easier in my mind from month to month . . . I"d been worried . . . why all these men on the landing? this escort? . . . and all armed . . . I was on the point of asking him . . . I never found out . . . maybe everything he told me was hok.u.m? . . . but the prostate at least . . . I could be sure of that . . . Well, finally he gets up and leaves . . . ah, one word more! . . .
"You"ll drop in at the hospital tomorrow, colleague?"
"Yes, yes, certainly!"
"Splendid! To see about that p.e.n.i.s!"
He whispers in my ear . . .
"Sulphur ointment! A jar! . . . you"ll take it?"
"Oh, certainly! Oh, many thanks!"
"And a little coffee . . . you"ll take it?"
Would I take it! . . . he shows me a small bag . . .
"Oh yes, thank you!"
He"s spoiling us . . .
"Discretion! . . . secrecy, you understand?"
"The tomb . . . the tomb, colleague!"
He opens the door . . . a word to the sergeant . . . the men all come to attention! a.s.sembly! They go down . . . Kraut colleague Traub goes last! they all leave! . . . what had they come for? . . . I never really found out . . . to arrest me? . . . maybe not . . . one thing anyway, Traub came back to see me . . . I kept him on noodles and water for seven months . . . and then he stopped coming . . . I never heard from him again! . . . there must have been some reason for all that! . . . I never found out! . . . but I made the best of it . . . a day is a day! . . . one day is a big thing sometimes . . . and we had some coffee . . . oh, not very much . . . and some sulphur ointment . . . not very much of that either . . .
Two . . . three days more . . . oh, not quiet days! . . . more and more people in the streets . . . by road and by train . . . they kept coming! from Strasbourg and the North . . . from the East and the Baltic countries . . . not just for Petain! . . . to get through to Switzerland . . . but they stayed right there, camping as best they could . . . piling up in doorways and hallways . . . all kinds! . . . men, women, children . . . soldiers on the run, every branch of service . . . you can imagine if Corpechot was recruiting! he promises them everything, signs them up, slips on an armband! . . . and he"s got one more sailor! . . . for what boat? what flotilla? we"ll see! . . . Lots of activity in the sky! . . . Mosquitoes and Marauders come! and dive! and go! . . . they could make hash out of us any time they wanted! one little bomb! . . . no, they only seem to be taking pictures . . . "have your picture taken in front, profile and hind view by the R.A.F.!" . . . they had nothing to worry about! . . . not a single Kraut plane in the air! . . . or on the ground! . . . never . . . or the slightest sign of A.A.! . . . their whole Defense was hot air! Goering"s paunch! all they"re good for is making our life impossible! the whole lot of them! . . . as I was saying-two, three more days . . . and three nights . . . shaking, quaking nights! propellers, more propellers! pa.s.sing, pa.s.sing again! whole fleets of "Fortresses!" . . . enough to pulverize the whole country as far as Ulm . . . they graze . . . they knock a roof off . . . two roofs . . . that"s all . . . tiles! I guess we weren"t worth a bomb . . . Somebody"s coming . . . knock knock! knock knock! . . . it"s Marion! . . . he"s come to see us . . . I remark on the ruckus in the sky . . . he hasn"t forgotten us, he"s brought us his rolls and some sc.r.a.ps for Bebert . . . we laugh about the state ofaffairs, how idiotic it"s all getting! the stupidity of our waiting around like this! what are we waiting for? . . . and I ask him what"s going on at the Castle . . . he gives me the news . . . Brinon won"t see anybody any more . . . or Gabold . . . or Rochas either . . . they"re putting on airs! . . . they weren"t that way a year ago . . . here as always, the airs come too late! like "visions of the future" . . . always too late! . . . . . . it"s Marion! . . . he"s come to see us . . . I remark on the ruckus in the sky . . . he hasn"t forgotten us, he"s brought us his rolls and some sc.r.a.ps for Bebert . . . we laugh about the state ofaffairs, how idiotic it"s all getting! the stupidity of our waiting around like this! what are we waiting for? . . . and I ask him what"s going on at the Castle . . . he gives me the news . . . Brinon won"t see anybody any more . . . or Gabold . . . or Rochas either . . . they"re putting on airs! . . . they weren"t that way a year ago . . . here as always, the airs come too late! like "visions of the future" . . . always too late! . . . we are always dam" wise after the event! we are always dam" wise after the event! (talking about England, I might as well trot out my Berlitz) . . . .we talk about the ministers" table . . . Bridoux takes everybody"s helping, it seems the others aren"t eating any more, or hardly, except Nero, who"s still eating well . . . very well! . . . Nero"s a kind of Juanovici who"s always trailing around after Laval . . . working up his "business," so it seems . . . gossip . . . but Marion does tell me one thing . . . I expected it . . . no, I didn"t expect it! . . . Bichelonne is dead . . . died up there at Gebhardt"s in Hohenlychen . . . during the operation . . . well, there"s nothing to say! . . . he"d wanted to go . . . of course he could have waited "till he got back" like everybody else! . . . perfectly well! . . . they haven"t announced his death yet . . . they"ll announce it later . . . those are the orders . . . "don"t offend the Germans" . . . okay . . (talking about England, I might as well trot out my Berlitz) . . . .we talk about the ministers" table . . . Bridoux takes everybody"s helping, it seems the others aren"t eating any more, or hardly, except Nero, who"s still eating well . . . very well! . . . Nero"s a kind of Juanovici who"s always trailing around after Laval . . . working up his "business," so it seems . . . gossip . . . but Marion does tell me one thing . . . I expected it . . . no, I didn"t expect it! . . . Bichelonne is dead . . . died up there at Gebhardt"s in Hohenlychen . . . during the operation . . . well, there"s nothing to say! . . . he"d wanted to go . . . of course he could have waited "till he got back" like everybody else! . . . perfectly well! . . . they haven"t announced his death yet . . . they"ll announce it later . . . those are the orders . . . "don"t offend the Germans" . . . okay . .
"It seems you have some cyanide, old man?"
Laval has told him . . . must have! . . . probably Bichelonne too before leaving? . . . it"s no crime . . . but now they"d all be asking me . . . and I had only two phials left . . . d.a.m.n!
Now he suggests that instead of staying in our room we go down to the pastry shop, he wants to introduce me to somebody . . . sure! . . . I don"t think much of that pastry shop, but I can"t say no to Marion . . . we go down, myself, Lili, Bebert . . . To tell the truth . . . no hysteria! . . . we expected the whole place to explode from one minute to the next . . . or go up in smoke! phosphorus or shrapnel! . . . nothing left . . . The Kleindienst pastry shop was right next door . . . this Kleindienst was the doctor"s sister . . . you know . . . Dr. Kleindienst, the one who refused me everything . . . the pastry sister didn"t refuse, but she hadn"t much to offer. . . that awful ersatz . . . pet.i.t-fours that break your teeth . . . toasted coconut and manioc . . . cookies for crocodiles! to drink, ersatz ersatz coffee, crushed clover . . . if it were even chicory! . . . well, you don"t go there for the pastry, but to sit down . . . not very comfortably, but anyway . . . and there are plenty of people! . . . When the crowd is finished looking at the dead and dying at the P.P.F., both showcases . . . and the Castle . . . the flag being raised! the flagpole, the coffee, crushed clover . . . if it were even chicory! . . . well, you don"t go there for the pastry, but to sit down . . . not very comfortably, but anyway . . . and there are plenty of people! . . . When the crowd is finished looking at the dead and dying at the P.P.F., both showcases . . . and the Castle . . . the flag being raised! the flagpole, the Milice! Milice! . . . there"s nothing left but the Kleindienst . . . to flop down, ten or fifteen to a little yellow table . . . flopped in a ring like that, they look like a wreath around the table . . . what"s Marion brought us here for? . . . we were just as comfortable in our room . . . I don"t care for this place at all . . . I see enough people . . . Marion isn"t crazy, he must have a good re