Such the idea that this was too absurd to be her life, drove her down into the pits of her depression. The coming dark of the night added to the mood as she felt the light inside of her dimmer. She tried to focus on the light shade next to her as she felt as if all the happiness she had ever known would disappear if she closed her eyes.The sun did rise again, to quell her dark sorrow. She knew these thoughts were not her own, but caused by the drug in full withdrawal. As the light hit her face Ellie tried to sit up, but the pain from her incision proved too much for her to even roll over. Even so, there was hope, she had gotten this far already. Ellie knew she had to continue.
The nightmarish dreams continued as she found herself in the driver"s seat of a race car that was in a ginormous stadium with glittering camera flashes blinding her at interval. She raised her arm to create a shadow so she could at least see what was in front of her, but instead she saw a hand reaching out through her windshield which was why she swerved. Then, she was stuck in a free fall as instead in the wreckage of her car she was floating above a well-loved amus.e.m.e.nt park. She watched as below her both Nolan and her younger selves raced go carts against kids their age.
Her face was streaked with black as she had continuously been wiping the watery tar that had come off from her sweaty hands on the steering wheel onto her face to prevent sweat from getting into her eyes. She could see one of the larger boys try to push her against the sidelines of the track while her father had been shouting that the boy was cheating to the official. The underpaid teenager had shook his head and ignored this while Ellie had continued to accelerate more and more until she had crossed the finished line. Her father had run over and s.n.a.t.c.hed the metal from the official before handing it to her reminding her that she was the strongest one.
Ellie looked back at the other boy who had made fun of Nolan for finishing last. In her dream, her younger self had given her brother the medal before pulling him away. She knew that she had said what they always said to one another, "Don"t look back. They"re just losers."
She had inched towards the corner of the bed and one arm reached out to grab the retreating kids in her dream. Ellie wondered if she could get to the window, could she see her old Midwestern town in the distance or a racing track. Her whole body yearned to see one again. But Michael grabbed ahold of her unsteady body and tried to sooth her. Ellie babbled about the perfect race and that she just needed to get behind the wheel one last time to regain her strength. The elderly butler only smiled before rea.s.suring her, she would race another day.
She was ushered back into bed, but she knew she would never sleep . . .