Wu took the broom"s handle from where it had been leaning against the wall and started to finish the task of cleaning. Nolan moved back to give her room to clean. Janna had pushed up the sleeves of the black underarmor that she wore under her scrubs. She spoke darkly as she worked. The angle of her face was down so it shadowed her already severe expression. "If you have goals for yourself, the last place you should be here helping an older woman. You need to look out for yourself and your goals. Working here is a waste of your talents, you should aim higher."Nolan was frozen as he shakily tried to make sense of what she was telling him. "I don"t understand what you mean? Why are you saying these things all of a sudden? I thought there was something here. I consider you to be a friend, don"t you feel the same?" Nolan felt his heart beating loudly to keep up with his racing thoughts. He tried to be careful to not say the wrong thing, such that she would cast him away permanently. He had come so far and it was about to explode in his face. He couldn"t keep the anxiety from cracking his voice. She had noticed his clothing and even said he was cute. Cute? Nolan had never considered that anything he was doing was illegal. He was of legal age. But now, he wondered if looking older had been more of a boon than he had considered earlier. This boon was what had allowed his entrance into her world.
Wu paused her dusting as she tried to salvage the conversation to make it less personal and more professional. "I do think I will reflect on the time we spent together with good memories. Your company was always nice. It"s a shame that things have to come to an end." Her professionalism irked him as their previous conversations had always been playful and light. "You"re a young man in his prime. Spending time with an old hen like myself in restaurants and offices isn"t right. If my fellow doctors found that I was spending time with you that way it would leave the wrong impression. You"re not even a resident and you"ve paid for things. I shouldn"t let you pay for anything." The whole of her logic was true and made sense, but Nolan didn"t want it too. Professionally Nolan knew that women were judged more harshly than their peers. Although he was not a patient, if too many people found out about their close bond, it would lead to a distancing of Wu"s colleges and patients. "I can"t even begin to say how sorry I am for continuously dragging you away from your friends. You should spend more time with people your age, enjoying your current position for what it brings you. College is a wonderful place to explore. I, however, am not in a position to do the same."
The way she looked at him made him feel sick to his stomach. Just because he looked more attractive had made her reason that his use to her had dried up. Henry"s help had turned the love of his life away from him. Nolan felt a crushing sense of doom as his knees felt weak. He couldn"t take such a loss. "I . . . I"ll do anything to make this right. If it really matters what everybody thinks around you, there is a way for it not to hurt you. All of your male surgeon friends bring their wives around and no one will bat an eye. I know I"m nothing compared to you, but if you give me a chance I"ll spend every day of my life proving to you that I"m worthy to be your husband." As he said the words, like a mountain of stones crashing on his back he froze. Tears began to leak out of the corners of his eyes unbidden as he stared open mouthed at the woman in front of him.
Janna Wu turned her head with a dazed look on her face. "Nolan, are you sure of what you just said? Marriage isn"t something to just throw out at random like a stone. I"m not a young bird anymore. If I get hit with that type of rock, I know the probabilities for me to recover are slim."
"I know and yeah I"m sure. My intentions are far from hurting you, Janna. I would never do that to the person that matters most to me." Nolan nodded vigorously, a hot blush blooming on his cheeks as he felt the heat delve lower.
Janna"s breath hitched as she caught herself before putting the waste material in the appropriate disposal receptacle and locking the cabinets. The movements were practiced and mechanical as if she was only doing them to avoid unleashing a response to the current situation. It was not a surprise to her that one of her patient"s relatives had developed feelings for it, it was inevitable in her position as a healer. For it to be Nolan, made her heart ache. He was such a breath of fresh air in the very stale monotony of hospital life. His interest was wide eyed and open. It was so beautiful that she did not want to resist being seduced by his hypnotic charm. It had been many years since someone had taken an interest in her the way that Nolan had. It had filled something missing to have such a close friendship. When it had slipped beyond the boundary of kindred hearts to more, she hadn"t noticed. How cruel to the empty hands of the waiting lover.
"You know, I did have a marriage license once." The way her voice grew grim made the hairs on the back of Nolan"s neck raise. He knew it before she said it. The way the proud woman looked harrowed and simultaneously like a young haunted child broke his heart. It was obviously that it was something she had worked very hard to get past. He couldn"t believe that she could be more beautiful than she already was.
He hardly breathed as he worried if he did, she would walk away. "I"m here for you, you can tell me. Please, I want to know everything."