"When did you ever listen to Jill before?" Maureen countered, and they all laughed.
Nora bought Christmas cards, and signed them "Nora Buckley and family." She had them out December 10. She decorated the house as she always had with lights and garlands of greens with red plastic apples, pinecones, and red plaid ribbon. There was a large real pine wreath on the front door hung just below the polished bra.s.s knocker. Carl Ulrich as usual got his painter friend with the small cherry picker to decorate the large concolor fir on Nora"s lawn with colored Christmas lights. Since the Buckley house sat at the end of the cul-de-sac, the tree had always been a centerpiece for the street. When it had become too tall for even a person on a ladder to decorate, Carl had called in his buddy to do it.
"I wonder if the new people will let us decorate the tree," Rina said to Joanne.
Carla began to cry, standing out in the street, watching her husband and Carl up in the cherry picker draping lights while Nora directed from below.
"Don"t cry, Carla," Tiffany said, putting an arm about the woman. "Everything"s going to be alright. I just know it is!"
"Nothing is ever going to be the same again if Nora goes," Carla replied, and thought they said nothing because what could they say? They all knew she was right.
All the kids on Ansley Court came home for the holiday season, and as they always had, they celebrated together. They were at Sam and Rina"s for the first night of Hanukkah, watching as their four-year-old grandson lit the first candle. They went to Joe and Tiffany"s for Christmas Eve, eating her traditional cheese lasagna and salad before going off to the local Congregational church to sing carols. On Christmas Day they all went to Nora"s for a traditional dinner of prime rib, Yorkshire pudding, and all the tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs. And after dinner they moved to Joanne and Carl"s home for a beautiful table of homemade desserts. And finally on New Year"s Eve Rick and Carla gave a party for the families on the court.
It wasn"t uncomfortable at all for Nora. The kids came briefly, and then went off to their own parties, where they would remain until morning. And Nora had been with her friends so often without Jeff that nothing seemed different this year at all. They ate a wonderful buffet, drank sparingly as people their age did these days, and played board games and cards. They laughed and gossiped, and everyone avoided the fact that this time next year, there would be strangers living in the Buckley house on Ansley Court. Midnight came. They had turned on the television to watch the ball drop in Times Square in New York. They sang "Auld Lang Syne" off-key, kissed each other, and then they had all gone off home again. New Year"s was for kids.
Jill had flown back to North Carolina on the twenty-ninth. She had met a young man at Duke, a teaching a.s.sociate in the doctoral program, and they planned to spend New Year"s Eve together. Nora had driven her daughter to the airport, and while they were waiting for Jill"s flight to be called, she had told her daughter of the settlement agreement she would sign on the second of January. "You are not to tell your brother," Nora warned Jill. "I"ll tell him before he goes back. He and Maureen are taking the bus back up to State on the first, rather than waiting until the last minute. They both have papers due and the dorms are open on the first."
"It all stinks," Jill said bitterly. "How could he throw you out of the house?"
"Let this be a lesson to you, honey. Get as much as you can in your name before and after you marry. Don"t be a trusting little dope like I was," Nora said.
"You weren"t a trusting dope, Ma. You were innocent," Jill replied.
"Same thing, honey, where money and property are concerned," Nora laughed.
Her daughter"s flight was called. Jill and her mother embraced, and Nora hugged her daughter perhaps a little harder than she usually did.
"What"s that for?" Jill demanded, suspicious.
"I just love you," Nora responded, "and I don"t know when I"m going to see you again. Can"t a mother hug her grown kid?"
"I"ll come home whenever you need me," Jill said. "Don"t be a martyr, Ma. Call me, okay?" Then she turned and was gone.
"I will!" Nora called after her daughter.
Now New Year"s Eve was over, and returning to her house, Nora went upstairs and packed up her son"s belongings for his return to college. She had promised him she would do it if he would remain at Lily"s house overnight and not try to drive home. "Too many drunks out tonight. Come home by eight, and I"ll have breakfast for you before you take off. I"ll even do your packing. Stick out all the stuff you want, okay?"
"Ma, you"re the greatest!" he"d told her.
Nora smiled, remembering the words. She looked at all the stuff J. J. had put out on his bed, and wondered how it was all going to fit in his two duffels. Then she laughed. Wasn"t she the world-champion packer? She was. When she had finished, she considered going to The Channel, but decided against it. If she lay down now, she could grab a nice nap before she had to get up, and fix her son a terrific going-back-to-college breakfast. She set her alarm for seven a.m. That would give her an hour.
J. J. stamped into the house at eight fifteen, looking slightly bleary-eyed. "I"ll sleep on the bus ride up," he told her in answer to her raised eyebrow.
"Sit down," she told him, and then began bringing out the food she had prepared.
"Oh, Ma! Wow!" He gazed at the platter of fluffy scrambled eggs with both bacon and his favorite sausage links. "French-bread French toast!" He began filling his plate after grabbing first at the tall gla.s.s of cranberry juice and swallowing it half down.
Nora refilled it and sat down to join him. She smiled, pleased as he shoveled the eggs into his mouth, his eyes lighting up.
"You put cheese in them!" he exclaimed.
"You like them that way," she replied, helping herself to a teaspoon of eggs, two sausage links, and a piece of French toast. "There"s soft b.u.t.ter and maple syrup for the French toast, J. J. Eat, and then we"ll talk. I"ve got stuff to tell you before you take off."
"What"s up?" he asked her.
"Eat first talk later." She smiled, hoping he"d a.s.sume she was going to give him the usual back-to-school speech. When they had finished Nora suggested that they sit in the den where the fire was going.
"Yeah, the house has been a little cold, I"ve noticed. Have you had the furnace checked, Ma?" he wondered.
"I"ve had to keep the thermostat at sixty-eight during the day, and sixty-five at night," Nora told her son. "Your father isn"t paying for the oil anymore, and I have to watch my pennies. You should have told me you were cold, J. J."
"I just wore more clothes" he grinned"but Jill sure b.i.t.c.hed. She"s gotten used to a North Carolina climate, I"m made of sterner stuff, Ma. Now, what up? You saw my first-semester grades. I"ve done great, and I promise I"ll keep up the good work. Honest! I"m not even going to consider pledging a frat until next year. I know I"m a legacy at Dad"s old house, but that"s the one I"m not interested in, seeing how Dad turned out."
There was no easy way to do this, Nora thought bleakly. "The divorce settlement has been agreed upon in principle," she began. "I"m signing the papers tomorrow, J. J. Your dad is going to give me alimony for the next five years. Not much, but I"ll be job hunting by spring, and so I"ll manage. In five years" time I should be able to do without any help from anyone, don"t you think?" She smiled at him. "And, honey, we"ve gotten your dad to pay for your dorm room until you graduate. You"ll have to pay for your own meal plan, and if you want to move off of campus, he won"t pay, but since you"re on the soccer team, and on scholarship, I think you"ll want to stay in the dorms."
"The house?" J. J. demanded to know. "He"s selling it, isn"t he?"
"Yes," Nora admitted. "I just don"t have any option there. But Rick got me forty percent of the sales price. There"s no mortgage on it, and Rick says I"ll probably end up with almost four hundred thousand, honey. It"s not bad. Really."
"When do we have to be out?" J. J. asked her.
"The house goes on the market April first," Nora said, "but Rick says I"ll probably have at least two months after a sale before it closes, to move. Jill has said she"ll come and help me pack, and you"ll be here too."
"Where are we going to live?" he said low.
"I don"t know yet, honey, but I"ll tell you what. When you come home for your spring break, we"ll go looking together, okay? It won"t matter to Jill. She"s hardly home at all anymore. It"ll be fun. Just you and me. I know after next summer you"ll probably be staying up at State, or going somewhere else for a job or an internship, but you"ll always have a room at your ma"s place. Wherever it is." She put her arm about him, and gave him a hard hug.
"I hate him!" J. J. said fiercely.
"No, honey, feel sorry for him," Nora told her son. "He"s growing old, and he can"t face it. It"s unlikely Heidi is going to stay with him till death do them part. Your father is going to end up alone one day in spite of everything he has done and everything he has. But we"ll always have each other, J. J."
"I"m glad I didn"t go to see him while I"ve been home," J. J. said. "He called and asked Jill and me to go. She went "cause she thought she might convince him to pay for her other two years at Duke Law. She was really p.i.s.sed when she got back."
"Because he wouldn"t," Nora said softly. "I did try for her too, you know."
"Serves her right," J. J. muttered, "kissing up to Dad and his b.i.t.c.h."
"Honey!" Nora chided her son gently.
"Well, it does," J. J. said angrily. "Why the h.e.l.l is Dad treating you like this? All you ever did was be exactly what he wanted you to be, and do everything he wanted you to do. I can still remember those parties you used to hostess for Dad"s clients and partners when Jill and I were little. They all loved them. They all thought you were great. What happened, Ma? Why doesn"t he think you"re great anymore?"
"His needs have changed, honey." Nora tried to explain it to her son, although she wasn"t certain she really understood it herself. Jeff was having one whale of a midlife crisis. "I don"t fit the profile anymore of what he needs, or thinks he needs, now. Heidi does. I"m learning it isn"t unusual for men his age to do this. Particularly men in positions of importance or power within their career arenas. Suddenly the wife who provided the backup and support while they were climbing the ladder of success is no longer the wife they want. They want someone young and intelligent because they think it makes them look younger and smarter."
"I"ll never be like Dad," J. J. said stonily. "When I marry it"s going to be forever."
"I hope it is, honey," Nora told him. "It used to be like that." She stood up. "You had better get your shower. Your bags are all packed. I"m taking you and Maureen to the bus in just an hour."
J. J. arose, and putting his arms about his mother, he hugged her hard, planting a kiss on her cheek. "I"ll always love you best, Ma," he said.
"Best of your parents is flattering, honey," she said, "but love the girl you marry one day best of all, and above all other women. That"s the way it should be. And if it is that way, then your wife and I will always be friends and never jealous of one another."
Releasing her, he ran off to take his shower, returning forty minutes later smelling of soap, shampoo, and too much aftershave. He was wearing his best worn jeans, a flannel shirt with an Irish sweater over it, and his favorite leather work boots. His hair was wet.
"You can"t go out with wet hair," she scolded him. "Use the dryer in my bathroom. You"ve got time before we have to go."
Grumbling, he returned back upstairs, and when he came down again his hair was dry, and slicked back with some kind of goop he used. "Better?" he demanded to know.
"Better," she said, resigned as she watched him slap his favorite baseball cap, brim backward, on his head. She couldn"t convince him that he would ruin his hair with that d.a.m.ned cap on his head all the time. She picked up the car keys from the bowl on the hall table. "Let"s ride, Clyde," she said with a small smile.
He picked up his two duffels. "You get everything in here, Ma?" he asked.
"Everything you left out, and some other stuff you forgot," she told him as they walked to the car in the driveway. She popped the trunk, and he tossed his bags inside.
Joe came staggering across the street with Maureen"s matching luggage, his daughter followed pulling another suitcase on wheels, and Carla carried a shopping bag that Nora knew had sandwiches, chips, goodies, and juice boxes for the long bus ride. The luggage was all loaded up. Hugs and kisses all around, and Nora got into the car and drove her son and neighbor"s daughter to the bus station. Reaching their destination, J. J. and Maureen were out of the car quickly, waving and calling to two other kids they knew, who were obviously returning to State today as well. Then he unloaded the trunk.
"You don"t have to wait, Ma," J. J. said. He wasn"t embarra.s.sed yet, but he was going to be if she didn"t take the hint and go.
How long until she saw him again? Nora wondered, struggling with herself not to cry. "Give me a hug and a kiss, honey," she said, and he did.
"Bye, Ma. I"ll call you tonight, okay?"
"Call early," Nora said. "I"m going to bed right away. Tomorrow is going to be a b.i.t.c.h of a day for me. Before eight, okay?"
"Sure," he said, and turning away, he joined his friends as they gathered up all their luggage and began loading it on the waiting bus.
"Bye, Mrs. Buckley," Maureen said, giving her a quick kiss. "Thanks for driving me down here."
"Have a good term, Mo," Nora told the girl. Then she got into the car and drove away. She tucked the car carefully into the garage when she got home. The house was cold when she entered it. She kicked the thermostat up to seventy-two degrees. Screw the cost. It was only for a few hours. It was just a little after 11 a.m. Nora went into the living room. The ornament box was waiting for her. She had pulled it out early this morning. She looked a final time at the tree. It wasn"t the biggest she had ever had, but it had been a pretty tree. She removed the many ornaments efficiently, replacing them in their slots in the special box she had bought years ago for just this purpose. When the ornaments were all stowed, she drew off the strands of tiny colored lights, wrapping each strand neatly and placing them in a row on the top shelf of the box. Finished, she closed down the lid of the box. The tree still smelled fragrantly rich with its piney scent.
Nora picked up a telephone handset and called Rick Johnson. "I"m ready now," she said when Carla answered.
"We"ll be right over, sweetie," Carla replied. "I"m only half finished."
"I got going early," Nora answered, and hung up the phone.
They were at her house a few minutes later. Together the three of them took the tree from its holder and jostled it out the front door to the curb, where the town would be picking it up on Tuesday next.
"Thanks," Nora told them, turning to go back into her house.
"I"ll pick you up at eight a.m. tomorrow," Rick reminded her.
"I"ll be ready," Nora said, but she didn"t turn to face him.
"Nora, wait a minute," Carla said, catching up with her friend, and walking with her back to her house. "Look, I know tomorrow"s going to be a b.i.t.c.h. I have to work, but I"ll be home by three thirty, and I"ll come over, okay?"
Nora debated a moment, and then said, "Listen, Carla, whatever happens, I don"t want you to worry about me, alright? I"ll be fine."
"Sure you will," Carla said halfheartedly.
"No, Carla, you don"t understand. I"m not going to sign those papers tomorrow. Jeff isn"t going to get my house." She put her fingers over Carla"s mouth even as her best friend was opening it to speak. "Carla, whatever you see, whatever they tell you, I will be alright. I"m going away. That"s why I spoke with Mr. Nicholas all those months ago. I needed to know if I could use The Channel as a refuge, and he said I could. If I don"t sign those papers tomorrow, then Jeff is stuck until I do."
"But what good will that really do?" Carla whispered.
"Look, how long do you think Heidi will wait around, especially if because he can"t sell the house, he has to get rid of her co-op?"
"But Jeff owns the house," Carla reminded Nora.
"Yes, he does, but I know Jeff far better than Heidi does. How he appears to the public, to his partners, his clients, is far more important to Jeff than anything else."
"Are you trying to break them up so he"ll come back to you?" Carla asked, surprised that Nora would even consider such a thing.
Nora shook her head. "I don"t want him back," she said, "but yes, if I can break them up, then there is no need to sell the house. At that point, Rick might even be able to convince Jeff to give me the house in exchange for relief of all his other obligations toward me and the kids. Look, Rick says she"s been paying the bridge loan. With the way good real estate is going in town, he can sell the co-op for a profit, pay her back, and still come out of it smelling like a rose. He could even have enough to buy himself a small place. Yes, Jill will have to get herself through her last two years of law school, but she"ll do it. And I"ll have to help J. J. get a student loan so he has a dorm room, but it"s possible. I"m taking a gamble, I know, but I just can"t let Jeff sell the house!"
"What will happen to you?" Carla asked.
"It will look like I"m unconscious, Mr. Nicholas said," Nora replied.
"And you believe him?" Carla wasn"t certain about any of this.
"Yes, I do believe him," Nora said.
"They"ll put you in the hospital at first," Carla told her.
"I know."
"How long are you going to stay unconscious?" Carla queried her friend.
"As long as it takes, but knowing that my dear husband has absolutely no patience, I expect a few weeks, a few months at the most," Nora told her companion. "Listen, sweetie, I"m going to be fine. You should see my apartment. It"s right out of Architectural Digest. And I"ve told you about Kyle, and Rolf. Incredible! I have absolutely everything I want there. While I"m going to look like I"m at death"s door, I"m going to be having a h.e.l.luva good time, and the best nonstop s.e.x I"ve ever known. It"s going to be alright, and I already know how this is going to mess up Jeff"s life and screw with his mind. I"ll bet you the first thing he says is that I did it deliberately."
Carla laughed aloud. "You"re right!" she said.
"You can"t tell anyone, Carla. Not Rick because he wouldn"t believe you, and he"d think you were losing it. Not Rina, Tiff, or Joanne. Give them hope as a nurse, and don"t let them be too upset, but you can"t tell them what I"ve done."
"How will you know what"s happening in this reality?" Carla asked.
"I don"t need to. I know Jeff. And I"ll contact you in a few weeks to see how it"s all going, okay?"
"How will you contact me?" Carla asked.
"I"m not certain yet, but I think if you want me in your fantasy, I can be there. I"ll ask Kyle, and if he doesn"t know, Mr. Nicholas"s door is always open to me, I"m told. But honestly, I think you just have to put me in your fantasy. I can be a barmaid at one of your island inns, or maybe another female pirate captain you know. You work it out." She gave Carla a hug. "I"m freezing. I"ve got to go in now."
"Be careful," Carla said. "G.o.d, I wish you didn"t have to do this!"
"So do I," Nora responded, "but if I don"t, by this time tomorrow, I"ll have signed my house away and be on my way to a final divorce. I don"t give a c.r.a.p about Jeff, but I"m not letting my house go. Wait a couple of weeks before you contact me unless Jeff cracks sooner, but I don"t think he will."
"Okay," Carla said, and then she turned away before she started to cry. She heard the front door of the Buckley house close behind her, and the lock turn with a loud click. Nora"s plan scared the h.e.l.l out of her, but what else could Nora do? Jeff had driven her into a very tight corner. Nora was far braver than she herself was, and Carla would never even have considered that until recently. And what about Jill and J. J.? Nora wouldn"t have told them. How could she? Jill, in particular, would have thought her mother crazy. We"re all going to have to be there for them, Carla thought to herself.
Nora watched her best friend walking slowing across the street from the bay window of the living room, where the Christmas tree had recently stood. There were needles all over the floor. She got out the vacuum and cleaned them up. Then she took the ornament box back upstairs and stored it in the attic. If she was going away, her house was going to be in perfect condition when they found her unconscious body. She had always had a thing about being in an accident, and strangers coming into her house and finding an unmade bed, or dishes in the sink. It was similar to your mother"s warning you to always wear clean underwear.