Don"t I know that if your favorite, that you made so much of--your adopted son, Bill Hinkley--if he could have got her to look at him, they might have walked all night and you"d never have said the first word.
He"d have given one eye for her, and so would every girl in the village give an eye for Brother Stevens. I"m not so old but I know something.
But it won"t do. You can go to the widow Thackeray, Mr. Calvert. It"ll do her good to tell her that it"s very dangerous for her to be thinking about young men from morning to night. It"s true you can"t say anything about the danger, for precious little danger she"s in; but, lord, wouldn"t she jump to it if she had a chance. Let her alone for that.
You"d soon have cause enough to give her your good advice about the danger, and much good would come of it. She"d wish, after all was said, that the danger was only twice as big and twice as dangerous."
Such was the conclusion of Mr. Calvert"s attempt to give good counsel.
It resulted as unprofitably in this as in most cases; but it had not utterly fallen, like the wasted seed, in stony places. There was something in it to impress itself upon the memory of Mrs. Cooper; and she resolved that when her daughter came in, it should be the occasion of an examination into her feelings and her relation to the worthy brother, such as she had more than once before meditated to make.
But Margaret Cooper did not return till a comparatively late hour; and the necessity of sitting up after her usual time of retiring, by making the old lady irritable, had the effect of giving some additional force to the suggestions of Mr. Calvert. When Margaret did return, she came alone. Stevens had attended her only to the wicket. She did not expect to find her mother still sitting up; and started, with an appearance of disquiet, when she met her glance. The young girl was pale and haggard.
Her eye had a dilated, wild expression. Her step faltered; her voice was scarcely distinct as she remarked timidly--
"Not yet abed, mother?"
"No! it"s a pretty time for you to keep me up."
"But why did you sit up, mother? It"s not usual with you to do so."
"No! but it"s high time for me to sit up, and be on the watch too, when here"s the neighbors coming to warn me to do so--and telling me all about your danger."
"Ha! my danger--speak--what danger, mother?"
"Don"t you know what danger? Don"t you know?"
"Know!" The monosyllable subsided in a gasp. At that moment Margaret Cooper could say no more.
"Well, I suppose you don"t know, and so I"ll tell you. Here"s been that conceited, stupid old man, Calvert, to tell me how wrong it is for you to go out by night walking with Brother Stevens; and hinting to me that you don"t know how to take care of yourself with all your learning; and how n.o.body knows anything about Brother Stevens; as if n.o.body was wise for anything but himself. But I gave him as good as he brought, I"ll warrant you. I sent him off with a flea in his ear!"
It was fortunate for the poor girl that the light, which was that of a dipped candle, was burning in the corner of the chimney, and was too dim to make her features visible. The ghastly tale which they told could not have been utterly unread even by the obtuse and opinionated mind of the vain mother. The hands of Margaret were involuntarily clasped in her agony, and she felt very much like falling upon the floor; but, with a strong effort, her nerves were braced to the right tension, and she continued to endure, in a speechless terror, which was little short of frenzy, the outpourings of her mother"s folly which was a frenzy of another sort.
"I sent him off," she repeated, "with a flea in his ear. I could see what the old fool was driving after, and I as good as told him so. If it had been his favorite, his adopted son, Bill Hinkley, it would have been another guess-story--I reckon. Then you might have walked out where you pleased together, at all hours, and no harm done, no danger; old Calvert would have thought it the properest thing in the world. But no Bill Hinkley for me. I"m for Brother Stevens, Margaret; only make sure of him, my child--make sure of him."
"No more of this, dear mother, I entreat you. Let us go to bed, and think no more of it."
"And why should we not think of it? I tell you, Margaret, YOU MUST THINK OF IT! Brother Stevens soon will be a preacher, and a fine speck he will be. There"ll be no parson like him in all west Kentucky. As for John Cross, I reckon he won"t be able to hold a candle to him. Brother Stevens is something to try for. You must play your cards nicely, Margaret. Don"t let him see too soon that you like him. Beware of that!
But don"t draw off too suddenly as if you didn"t like him--that"s worse still; for very few men like to see that they ain"t altogether pleasing even at first sight to the lady that they like. There"s a medium in all things, and you must just manage it, as if you wa"n"t thinking at all about him, or love, or a husband, or anything; only take care always to turn a quick ear to what he says, and seem to consider it always as if "twas worth your considering. And look round when he speaks, and smile softly sometimes; and don"t be too full of learning and wisdom in what you say, for I"ve found that men of sense love women best when they seem to talk most like very young children--maybe because they think it"s a sign of innocence. But I reckon, Margaret, you don"t want much teaching.
Only be sure and fix him; and don"t stop to think when he asks. Be sure to have your answer ready, and you can"t say "yes" too quickly now-a-days, when the chances are so very few."
The mother paused to take breath. Her very moral and maternal counsel had fallen upon unheeding ears. But Margaret was sensible of the pause, and was desirous of taking advantage of it. She rose from her chair, with the view of retiring; but the good old dame, whose imagination had been terribly excited by the delightful idea of having a preacher for her son-in-law who was to take such precedence over all the leaders of the other tribes, was not willing to abridge her eloquence.
"Why, you"re in a great hurry now, Margaret. Where was your hurry when you were with Brother Stevens? Ah! you jade, can"t I guess--don"t I know? There you were, you two, under the trees, looking at the moon, and talking such sweet, foolish nonsense. I reckon, Margaret, "twould puzzle you to tell what HE said, or what YOU said, I can guess he didn"t talk much religion to you, heh? Ah! I know it all. It"s the old story. It"s been so with all young people, and will be so till the end. Love is the strangest thing, and it does listen to the strangest nonsense. Ain"t it so, Margaret? I know nothing but love would ever dumbfounder you in this way; why, child, have you lost your tongue? What"s the matter with you?"
"Oh, mother, let me retire now, I have such a headache."
"Heartache, you mean."
"Heartache it is," replied the other desperately, with an air of complete abandonment.
"Ah! well, it"s clear that he"s got the heartache quite as much as you, for he almost lives with you now. But make him speak out, Margaret--get him to say the word, and don"t let him be too free until he does. No squeezing of hands, no kissing, no--"
"No more, no more, I entreat you, mother, if you would not--drive me mad! Why do you speak to me thus--why counsel me in this manner? Leave me alone, I pray you, let me retire--I must--I must sleep now!"
The mother was not unaccustomed to such pa.s.sionate bursts of speech from her daughter, and she ascribed the startling energy of her utterance now, to an excited spirit in part, and partly to the headache of which she complained.
"What! do you feel so bad, my child? Well, I won"t keep you up any longer. I wouldn"t have kept you up so long, if I hadn"t been vexed by that old fool, Calvert."
"Mr. Calvert is a good man, mother."
"Well, he may be--I don"t say a word against that," replied the mother, somewhat surprised at the mildly reproachful nature of that response which her daughter had made, so different from her usual custom:--"he may be very good, but I think he"s very meddlesome to come here talking about Brother Stevens."
"He meant well, mother."
"Well or ill, it don"t matter. Do you be ready when Brother Stevens says the word. He"ll say it before long. He"s mighty keen after you, Margaret. I"ve seen it in his eyes; only you keep a little off, till he begins to press and be anxious; and after that he can"t help himself.
He"ll be ready for any terms; and look you, when a man"s ready none of your long bargains. Settle up at once. As for waiting till he gets permission to preach, I wouldn"t think of it. A man can be made a preacher or anything, at any time, but "tain"t so easy in these times, for a young woman to be made a wife. It"s not every day that one can get a husband, and such a husband! Look at Jane Colter, and Betsy Barnes, and Rebecca Forbes, and Susan Mason; they"ll be green again, I reckon, before the chance comes to them; ay, and the widow Thackeray--though she"s had her day already. If "twas a short one she"s got no reason to complain. She"ll learn how to value it before it begins again. But, go to bed, my child, you oughtn"t to have a headache. No! no! you should leave it to them that"s not so fortunate. They"ll have headaches and heartaches enough, I warrant you, before they get such a man as Brother Stevens."
At last, Margaret Cooper found herself alone and in her chamber. With unusual vigilance she locked and doublelocked the door. She then flung herself upon the bed. Her face was buried in the clothes. A convulsion of feeling shook her frame. But her eyes remained dry, and her cheeks were burning. She rose at length and began to undress, but for this she found herself unequal. She entered the couch and sat up in it--her hands crossed upon her lap--her face wan, wild, the very picture of hopelessness if not desperation! The words of her weak mother had tortured her; but what was this agony to that which was occasioned by her own thoughts.
"Oh G.o.d!" she exclaimed at length, "can it be real? Can it be true? Do I wake? Is it no dream? Am I, am I what I dare not name to myself--and dread to hear from any other? Alas! it is true--too true. That shade, that wood!--oh, Alfred Stevens! Alfred Stevens! What have you done! To what have you beguiled me!"
CHAPTER XXVIII
STRENGTH AFTER FALL.
That weary night no sleep came to the eyelids of the hapless Margaret Cooper. The garrulous language of the mother had awakened far other emotions in her bosom than those which she labored to inspire; and the warning of Mr. Calvert, for the first time impressed upon herself the terrible conviction that she was lost. In the wild intoxicating pleasures of that new strange dream, she had been wofully unconscious of the truth. So gradual had been the progress of pa.s.sion, that it had never alarmed or startled her. Besides, it had come to her under a disguise afforded by the customary cravings of her soul. Her vanity had been the medium by which her affections had been won, by which her confidence had been beguiled, by which the guardian watchers of her virtue had been laid to sleep.
What a long and dreadful night was that when Margaret Cooper was first brought to feel the awful truth in its true impressiveness of wo. Alas!
how terribly do the pleasures of sin torture us. The worst human foe is guilt. The severest censure the consciousness of wrong doing. Poverty may be endured--nay is--and virtue still be secure; since the mind may be made strong to endure the heaviest toil, yet cherish few desires; the loss of kin may call for few regrets, if we feel that we have religiously performed our duties toward them, and requited all their proper claims upon us. Sickness and pain may even prove benefits and blessings, if it shall so happen that we resign ourselves without complaint, to the scourge of the chastener, and grow patient beneath his stripes. But that self-rebuke of one"s own spirit from which we may not fly--that remorseful and ever-vexing presence which haunts us, and pursues with a wing even more fleet than that of fear--which tells clamorously of what we had, and scornfully of what we have lost--lost for ever! that is the demon from whom there is no escape, and beyond whom there is no torture. Vainly would we strive with this relentless enemy. Every blow aimed at its shadowy bosom recoils upon our own. In the crowd, it takes the place of other forms and dogs us with suspicious glances; in the solitude, it stalks boldly to our side, confronts us with its audacious truths and terrible denunciations--leaves no moment secure, waking or sleeping! It is the ghost of murdered virtue, brooding over its grave in that most dark and dismal of all sepulchres, the human heart. And if we cry aloud, as did Margaret Cooper, with vain prayer for the recall of a single day, with what a yell of derisive mockery it answers to our prayer.
The night was pa.s.sed in the delusive effort of the mind to argue itself into a state of fancied security. She endeavored to recall those characteristics in Alfred Stevens, by which her confidence had been beguiled. This task was not a difficult one in that early day of her distress; before experience had yet come to confirm the apprehensions of doubt--before the intoxicating dream of a first pa.s.sion had yet begun to stale upon her imagination. Her own elastic mind helped her in this endeavor. Surely, she thought, where the mind is so n.o.ble and expansive, where the feelings are so tender and devoted, the features so lofty and impressive, the look so sweet, the language so delicate and refined, there can be no falsehood.
"The devotion of such a man," she erringly thought, "might well sanction the weakness of a woman"s heart--might well persuade to the momentary error which none will seek more readily to repair than himself. If he be true to me, what indeed should I care for the scorn of others."
Alas! for the credulous victim. This was the soul of her error. This scorn of others--of the opinions of the world around her, is the saddest error of which woman, who is the most dependant of all beings in the moral world, can ever be guilty. But such philosophy did not now deceive even the poor girl by whom it was uttered. It is a melancholy truth, that, where there is no principle, the pa.s.sions can not be relied on; and the love of Alfred Stevens had hitherto shown itself in selfishness.
Margaret Cooper felt this, but she did not dare to believe it.
"No! no!" she muttered--"I will not doubt--I will not fear! He is too n.o.ble, too generous, too fond! I could not be deceived."
Her reliance was upon her previous judgment, not upon his principles.
Her self-esteem a.s.sisted to make this reference sufficient for the purposes of consolation, and this was all that she desired in this first moment of her doubt and apprehension.
"And if he be true--if he keep for ever the faith that his lips and looks declare--then will I heed nothing of the shame and the sin. The love of such a man is sufficient recompense for the loss of all besides. What to me is the loss of society? what should I care for the a.s.sociation and opinions of these in Charlemont? And elsewhere--he will bear me hence where none can know. Ah! I fear not: he will be true."