"Oh, yes! more depth in the darkness, and more glory in the light; less electric expression, more ideal serenity,--above all, more pain above the forehead, more peace about the crown. Moonlight without a moon, sunshine without the solar rays,--the day of heaven."
"I can only say, Miss Lawrence, that you deserve to be able to do as you have done, and to feel that no one else could have done it."
"Very exclusive, that feeling, but perhaps necessary. I have it, but my deserts will only be transcended if Seraphael himself shall approve. And now for another question,--Will you go with me to this choir-day?"
"I am trying to imagine what you mean. I have not heard the name until you spoke it. Is it in the North?"
"Certainly not; though even York Minster would not be a bad notion--that is to say, it would suit our Beethoven exactly; but this is another hierarch. What do you think of an oratorio in Westminster Abbey, the conductor our own, the whole affair of his? No wonder you have heard nothing; it has been kept very snug, and was only arranged by the interposition of various individuals whose influence is more of mammon than of art,--the objection at first being chiefly on the part of the profession; but that is overruled by their being pretty nearly every one included in the orchestra. Such a thing is never likely to occur again. Say that you will go with me. If it be anything to you, I shall give you one of the best seats, in the very centre, where you will see and hear better than most people. Imagine the music in that place of tombs,--it is a melancholy but glorious project; may we realize it!"
_I_ could not at present,--it was out of the question; nor could I bear to stay,--there was nothing for it but to make haste out, where the air made solitude. I bade the paintress good morning, and quitted her. I believe she understood my frame.
CHAPTER XIV.
I walked home also, and was tolerably tired. Entering the house as one at home there, I found n.o.body at home, no Starwood,--no Chevalier. I lay upon the sofa in a day-dream or two, and when rested, went out into the garden. I searched every corner, too, in vain; but wandering past the dividing hedge, a voice floated articulately over the still afternoon.
All was calm and warm. The slightest sound made way, and I hesitated not to scale the green barrier, nowhere too high for me to leap it, and to approach the parlor of the cottage in that unwonted fashion. I was in for pictures this while, I suppose; for when I reached the gla.s.s doors that swept the lawn wide open, and could peep through them without disturbing foot on that soft soil, I saw, indeed, another, a less impressive, not less expressive, view. Clara sat at her piano, her side-face was in the light. His own, which I was sure to find there, in profile also, was immediately behind her; but as he stood, the shade had veiled him, the shade from the trembling leaves without, through which one sunbeam shot, and upon the carpet kissed his feet.
She was singing, as I could hear, scarcely see, for her lips opened not more than for a kiss, to sing. The strains moulded themselves imperceptibly, or as a warble shaken in the throat of a careless nightingale that knew no listener.
Seraphael, as he stood apart drinking in the notes with such eagerness that his lips were also parted, had never appeared to me so borne out of himself, so cradled in a second nature. I could scarcely have believed that the face I knew so well had yet an expression hidden I knew not of; but it was so: kindled at another fire than that which his genius had stolen from above, his eye was charged, his cheek flushed.
So exquisitely beautiful they looked together,--he in that soft shadow, she in that tremulous light,--that at first I noticed not a third figure, now brought before me. Behind them both, but sitting so that she could see his face, was Laura,--or rather she half lay; some antique figures carved in statuary have an att.i.tude as listless, that bend on monuments, or crouch in relievo. She had both her arms outspread upon the little work-table, hanging over the edge, the hands just clasped together, as reckless in repose; her face all colorless, her eyes all clear, but with scarcely more tinting, were fixed, rapt, upon Seraphael.
I could not tell whether she was feeding upon his eye, his cheek, or his beauteous hair; all her life came forth from her glance, but it spent itself without expression. Still, that deep, that feeding gaze was enough for me; there was in it neither look of hope nor of despair, as I could have interpreted it. I did not like to advance, and waited till my feet were stiff; but neither could I retire.
I waited while Clara, without comment on her part or request of his, glided from song to _scena_, from the romance of a wilderness to the simplest troll. Her fingers just touched the keys as we touch them for the violin solo,--supporting, but unnoticeable. At last, when afraid to be caught,--for the face of the Chevalier in its new expression I rather dreaded,--I went back, like a thief, the way I came, and still more like a thief in that I carried away a treasure of remembrance from those who knew not they had lost it.
I found Starwood yet out, and roved very impatiently all over the house until, at perhaps five o"clock, Seraphael came in for something.
The dog in the yard barked out; but I was in no humor to let him loose, and ran straight into the hall.
"Carlomein," said the Chevalier, "I thought you were in London. Is it possible, my child, that you have not dined?" and he gave orders for an instant preparation. "I am truly vexed that I did not know it, but Stern is gone to his father, and will stay till the last coach to-night. I thought you would be absent also."
"And so, sir, I suppose you had determined to go without your dinner?"
He smiled.
"Not at all, Carlomein. The fact is, I _have_ dined. I could not resist La Benetta benedetta. I never knew what young potatoes were until I tasted them over there."
"I daresay not," I thought; but I was wise enough to hold my tongue.
"Then, sir, I shall dine alone; and very much I shall enjoy it. There is nothing I like so well as dining alone, except to dine alone with you."
"Carl! Carl! hadst thou been in that devil when he tempted Eve!
Pardon, but I have come home for a few things, and have promised to return."
"Sir, if you will not think it rude, I must say that for once in your life you are enjoying what you confer upon others. I am so glad!"
"I thought it says, "It is better to give than to receive." I do like receiving; but perhaps that is because I cannot give this which I now receive. Carlomein, there is a spell upon thee; there is a charm about thee, that makes thee lead all thou lovest to all they love! It is a thing I cannot comprehend, but am too content to feel."
He ran into his study, and returning, just glanced into the room with an air of _allegresse_ to bid me adieu; but what had he in his arms, if it were not the score of his oratorio? I knew its name by this time; I saw it in that nervous writing which I could read at any earthly distance,--what was to be done with it, and what then? Was he going to the rehearsal, or a rehearsal of his own?
I had not been half an hour quiet, playing to myself, having unpacked my fiddle for the first time since I came to London, when the lady of the scanty silk arrived at my door and aroused me. Some gentlemen had called to see the Chevalier, and as he was supposed to be absent, must see me. I went down into a great, dampish dining-room we had not lived in at all, and found three or four worthies, a deputation from the band and chorus, who had helplessly a.s.sembled two hours ago in London, and were at present waiting for the conductor.
It was no pleasant task to infringe the fragrant privacy of the cottage, but I had to do it. I went to the front gate this time, and sent up a message, that I might not render myself more intrusive than necessary. He came down as upon the wings of the wind, with his hat half falling from his curls, and flew to the deputation without a syllable to me; they carried him off in triumph so immediately that I could only fancy he looked annoyed, and may have been about that matter mistaken.
Certainly Clara was not annoyed, whom I went in-doors to see; Laura had vanished, and she herself was alone in the room, answering my first notes of admiration merely, "Yes, I have sung to him a good while." I was, however, so struck with the change, not in manner, but in her mien, that I would stay on to watch, at the risk of being in the way more than ever in my days. Since I had entered, she had not once looked up; but an unusual flush was upon her face, she appeared serious, but intent,--something seemed to occupy her. At last, after turning about the music-sheets that strewed the chamber everywhere, and placing them by in silence,--and a very long time she took,--she raised her eyes. Their l.u.s.tre was indeed quickened; never saw I so much excitement in them; they were still not so grave as significant,--full of unwonted suggestions. I ventured to say then,--
"And now, Miss Benette, I may ask you what you feel about the personality of this hero?"
I could not put it better; she replied not directly, but came and sat beside me on the sofa, by the window. She laid her little hands in her lap, and her glance followed after them. I could see she was inexpressibly burdened with some inward revelation. I could not for a moment believe she trembled, but certainly there was a quiver of her lips; her silken curls, so calm, did not hide the pulsation, infantinely rapid, of those temples where the harebell-azure veins pencilled the rose-flower skin. After a few moments" pause, during which she evidently collected herself, she addressed me, her own sweet voice as clear as ever, but the same trouble in it that touched her gaze.
"Sir, I am going to tell you something, and to ask your advice besides."
"I am all attention!" indeed, I was in an agony to attend and learn.
"I have had a strange visitor this morning,--very sudden, and I was not prepared. You will think me very foolish when you hear what is the matter with me, that I have not written to Mr. Davy; but I prefer to ask you. You are more enlightened, though you are so young."
"Miss Benette, I know your visitor; for on returning home next door, I missed my master, and I knew he could be only here. What has he done that could possibly raise a difficulty, or said that could create a question? He is my unerring faith, and should be yours."
"I do not wonder; but I have not known him so long, you see, and contemplate him differently. I had been telling him, as he requested to know my plans, of the treatment I had received at the opera, and how I had not quite settled whether to come out now or next year as an actress. He answered,--
""Do neither."
"I inquired why?
""You must not accept any engagement for the stage in England, and pray do not hold out to them any idea that you will."
"Now, what does he mean? Am I to give up my only chance of being able to live in England? For I wish to live here. And am I to act unconscientiously? For my conscience tells me that the pure-hearted should always follow their impulses. Now, I know very few persons; but I am born to be known of many,--at least I suppose so, or why was I gifted with this voice, my only gift?"
"Miss Benette, you cannot suppose the Chevalier desires your voice to be lost. Has he not been informing and interpenetrating himself with it the whole morning? He has a higher range in view for you, be a.s.sured, or he had not persuaded you, _I_ am certain, to annul your present privileges. He has the right to will what he pleases."
"And are we all to obey him?"
"Certainly; and only him,--in matters musical. If you knew him as I do, you would feel this."
"But is it like a musician to draw me away from my duty?"
"Not obviously; but there may be no duty here. You do not know how completely, in the case of dramatic, and indeed of all other art, the foundations are out of course."
"You mean they do not fulfil their first intentions. But then nothing does, except, certainly, as it was first created. We have lost that long."
"Music, Miss Benette, it appears to me, so long as it preserves its purity, may consecrate all the forms of art by raising them into its own atmosphere,--govern them as the soul the body. But where music is itself degraded, its very type defaced, its worship rendered ridiculous, its nature mere name, by its own master the rest falls. I know not much about it, but I know how little the drama depends on music in this country, and how completely, in the first place, one must lend one"s self to its meanest effect in order to fulfil the purpose of the writer. All writers for the stage have become profane, and dramatic writers whom we still confess to, are banished from the stage in proportion to the elevation of their works. I even go so far as to think an artist does worse who lends an incomparable organ to such service than an unheeded player (myself, for example), who should form one in the ranks of such an orchestra as that of our opera-houses, where the bare notion or outline of harmony is all that is provided for us. While the idea of the highest prevails with us, our artist-life must harmonize, or Art will suffer,--and it suffers enough now. I have said too long a say, and perhaps I am very ignorant; but this is what I think."
"You cannot speak too much, sir, and you know a great deal more than I do. My feeling was that I could perhaps have shown the world that simplicity of life is not interfered with by a public career, and that those who love what is beautiful must also love what is good, and endeavor to live up to it besides. I have spoken to several musicians abroad, who came to me on purpose; they all extolled my voice, and entreated me to sing upon the stage. I did so then because I was poor and had several things I wished to do; but I cannot say I felt at home with music on the stage in Italy. The gentleman who was here to-day was the first who disturbed my ideas and dissuaded me. I was astonished, not because I am piqued,--for you do not know how much I should prefer to live a quiet life,--but because everybody else had told me a different story. I do not like to think I shall only be able to sing in concerts, for there are very few concerts that content me, and I do so love an orchestra. Am I to give it all up? If this gentleman had said, "Only sing in this opera or that," I could have made up my mind. But am I never to sing in any? Am I to waste my voice that G.o.d gave me as he gives to others a free hand or a great imagination? You cannot think so, with all your industry and all your true enthusiasm."