"Then what?"
He tried to say it, to admit that he"d killedSharon, but the words wouldn"t leave his mouth. "Nothing.
Never mind." He faced himself in the mirror every day. He couldn"t bear to face Julianne, too. To have her look upon him with disgust.
She shook her head and he knew she was giving up, that she wouldn"t push him.
"I booked my flight for next Monday," she said.
A shot of loneliness iced through his veins. "So soon?"
"It hurts too much to stay here." She sank onto the edge of the sofa, as if her legs had gone as weary as her heart.
Bobby wanted to hold her, to pretend this wasn"t happening, but he asked about her plans instead.
"What about your car?"
"I"ve arranged to have it transported home, along with the rest of my belongings." She paused, took a breath. "I"m sorry about not following through on the boutique. But I"ll give you all of my files. I have a good start."
He didn"t care about the store. He wanted his woman. His child.
"And what about our son or daughter?" he asked. "Are we going to shift the baby back and forth?"
"We"ll do the best we can. Be the best parents possible."
"I know." But the knowledge that he wouldn"t see Julianne and the baby every day was tearing him
apart. "Have you worked out everything else? Lined up a job? A new apartment inPennsylvania?"
"I"m going to stay with Kay and her husband until I rent a place. And I"m not worried about a job. I"ll find one."
Of course she would. She was a capable lady. Strong. Independent. Beautiful. "I"ll send you a check every month. Enough to-"
"Bobby-"
"Don"t argue. Give me this much. Let me help you."Let me feel as if I matter , he thought.As if you can"t live without me.
They looked at each other for a moment and then he said, "I"m going to miss you."
Her eyes watered and her voice broke. "I love you, Bobby. More than you could ever know."
Unable to stop himself, he sat next to her and held out his arms.
But she didn"t fall into his embrace. She didn"t cry in his arms. Instead she shook her head, refusing the
shallow comfort he offered.
Loving each other wasn"t enough, he thought.
He looked into her watery eyes and saw her strength, her beauty, the Irish temper that kept her from
breaking down.
"I"m sorry," he told her. Sorry he couldn"t be the man she needed him to be. That he couldn"t marry her.
"You should go," she said, her voice cracking just a little.
Knowing he didn"t have a choice, he left the cabin, then stood in the wind and asked the Creator to stop
time before Monday.
To keep Julianne here.
Chapter 13.
On Monday, Julianne waited on the porch. Bobby had offered to drive her to the airport and he was due to pick up her up at any moment.
She b.u.t.toned her jacket, warding off the moisture in the air. Could she actually go through with this?
Could she leave him? Live so far away from the man she loved?
When she saw his truck coming toward the cabin, she hugged herself.
He parked and climbed out of the vehicle. He wore a denim shirt, blue jeans and a brown leather jacket.
His hair had been plaited into its usual braid. The brim of a felt cowboy hat shielded his eyes, but he still
looked exhausted, as if he"d been battling sleep. She knew how much this was hurting him. Suddenly she wanted to hold him, to never let go. "Are you ready?" he asked. "Yes." He motioned to a leather satchel. "Is this it?"
She nodded. "Everything else is packed in boxes. Maria is going to make sure the moving company has access to them."
Bobby reached for the bag. "Maria doesn"t want you to leave."
"I know." TheLatinawoman had become a dear friend. "I"ll come back to visit with the baby. I won"t stay away forever."
"I"ll keep this house available for you. I won"t rent it out again."
She glanced back at the cabin. "You don"t have to do that, Bobby."
He started down the porch steps. "I can do whatever I want. I own this place. Besides, I"m going to
finish decorating the nursery."
"Yes, of course." But knowing the house would be empty, waiting for her and the baby to return, made
her homesick forTexasalready. "I feel like I"m leaving a piece of my heart behind."
He stopped, turned to look at her. "Yeah, and you"re taking a chunk of mine with you."
Julianne met his troubled gaze. Her decision had broken both of their hearts, leaving them aching for
each other. Then don"t go, a voice in her head reasoned.Stay with him . And do what? Remain his desperate lover? The lady he kept at a distance? The lady he refused to marry?
An arrangement like that would only enable Bobby to become more reclusive, to keep more secrets.
And eventually it would destroy Julianne"s self-worth, her confidence as a woman.
Why couldn"t he see that? Why couldn"t see how unhealthy it was?
She descended the stairs, clutching her purse strap a little too tightly.
Without speaking, he opened the pa.s.senger door for her. She thanked him and buckled her seat belt.
They drove in silence, down country roads, past farms and ranches. She stared out the window and
watched the patchwork scenery go by, images of the Texas Hill Country she would never forget.
Finally, when they hit the main highway, the sky opened up, showering the earth with rain.
With tears from heaven, Julianne thought as an unspeakable loneliness crept into her soul.
The windshield wipers swept across the gla.s.s and Bobby did his best to remain strong, to tell himself he
would survive. But when he glanced at Julianne, his resolve shattered. She had her hand on her tummy, cradling their baby, the tiny life they"d created.
Tears filled his eyes, but he forced them away, refusing to let her see him cry.
Pride, he thought. His egotistical pride.
He"d killedSharonwith it. And now he was losing Julianne because of it.
He gripped the steering wheel, felt his palms sweat. He couldn"t send her away without telling her the
truth. Without admitting what he"ddone. He blinked and his gaze fogged. Was it the rain? Or was it his tears? Suddenly he couldn"t see. He couldn"t- Oh, G.o.d. What if he killed Julianne and the baby? What if he crashed thetruck, rolled it the way he"d done that day?
"I can"t do this," he said, releasing the panic. "I can"t."
He guided the vehicle to the side of the road, put it in Park and cut the engine. Then he looked at
Julianne, his heart pounding in time to the rain.
"What"s going on?" she asked. "What"s wrong?"
"If anything ever happened to you, I"d die," he said. "I"d cease to exist."
She gazed at him with confused eyes. "What are you talking about? Nothing is going to happen to me."
"I killed Sharon, Julianne. The accident was my fault." He paused, his stomach clenching. "It was raining