Chapter Nine.
December 29, 2009 "Hi, Brennan." The soft voice, so close behind him, startled Brennan out of his obviously pointless perusal of the security feed.
"Julie. s.h.i.t." He scrambled to his feet, instinctively placing the chair between them. His heart was racing as he turned to face her. "Where"d you come from?"
Some security guard he was. d.a.m.n it, he should have quit this job long ago. What was the point of even having cameras in a place like this? Or hiring people like him to monitor them? Given how quickly and quietly those d.a.m.n vampires could move when the mood struck them, they might as well be invisible...except to other vampires, he supposed. Or until they"d buried their fangs in your neck. The memories brought on a full-body shudder. Rough hands. Hot breath. A sharp sting. The relentless pull of lips on his flesh. His blood draining and draining and draining away...
Julie"s eyes had widened in surprise and Brennan could only imagine how he must look right now, hiding behind his chair, flushed, fl.u.s.tered, furious, frightened. c.r.a.p. He so did not need this. Ducking his head, he rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry. I didn"t mean to snap at you like that. I guess I"m a bit jumpy tonight."
"Why? What"s wrong?" She took a few steps toward him, her voice concerned, protective. "Has something happened? No one"s been bothering you, have they?"
"It"s nothing." Brennan waved the questions away, his gesture stopping her in her tracks. What was wrong was she"d given him too much time to think. She hadn"t been waiting for him when he got off work that morning. She hadn"t been there warming his bed while he slept. Somewhere in the middle of those long sleepless hours, he"d realized he liked it that way. So now, the last thing he wanted to do was talk. "Forget it, okay? Everything"s fine."
Her concern he appreciated, the protective vibe-not so much. Maybe she was old enough to be his mother. So what? That still didn"t mean he wanted her to treat him like a kid. Was this something new, or had it always been like that between them? Whatever. It was just one more reason for him to stick to his guns. Always a.s.suming she"d let him.
"Are you sure? No one"s approached you about...you know...doing anything you didn"t want to do?"
"Drop it," he barked, much sharper than he"d intended. "I said I"m fine, all right?" His nerves were shot, his temper was on its very last thread and if he"d been forced to decide, right there and then, which one he needed more-her, or her venom-he"d have had a hard time making the choice.
Quitting cold turkey, now there was a s.h.i.t-for-brains plan if ever he"d had one. One day without her and he was already going crazy. On the verge of apologizing once again, he snapped his mouth shut, determined to say nothing more. He"d made his choice. Now, all he had to do was figure out some way to live with it-and convince her to do the same.
"Okay, well...good to know." Julie glanced away, biting her lip, sharp, white teeth coming close to tearing the tender flesh. Brennan felt the knot in his chest pull tighter.
"So what"s up?" he asked, trying to ignore the sight of those teeth and all the complicated emotions they stirred up. Despite everything he"d just gotten finished telling himself. All the reasons why he wanted, needed to quit... He still wanted her so bad he ached with it.
Julie sighed. "We need to talk." She glanced at him and, for a moment, he thought she was going to move in closer. He slouched back a half step and shoved his hands in his jean pockets. She seemed to take the hint. "I spoke to Conrad last night. I told him what"s been going on and...and he"s agreed to let you go."
Brennan"s mouth fell open. "I"m fired? Julie...why would you do something like that? What the f.u.c.k am I supposed to do now?" He thrust his hands through his hair, pacing as much as the tight confines would allow. Holy s.h.i.t. And here he"d been worried she"d be heartsick if he broke things off, that she"d go all fem-dom vamp on his unlucky a.s.s and refuse to let him go. He guessed he"d been worried for nothing. This sure solved that problem...and created a whole bunch of new ones for him. He shook his head. "I don"t f.u.c.king believe this."
"No, it"ll be okay," Julie promised quickly. "I worked things out. Conrad"s taking care of everything-helping find you another job and a new place to live. He"s even agreed to keep paying you until you"ve got yourself set up someplace else."
Brennan scowled. "Why would he do all that?" It was a stupid question and he couldn"t imagine he was going to like the answer. Nothing came for free. Every time he forgot that fact, he found himself in bigger trouble than before.
Julie shrugged. "Well, because I asked him to. And why wouldn"t he? He knows how important it is to me."
Which was even worse than he"d thought. "Oh, yeah? And what did he want in exchange?"
"What are you talking about?" Julie appeared mystified. "What kind of exchange?"
"C"mon, you know what I"m talking about. Don"t play innocent with me. You always act like Conrad is some kind of father figure to you, like that"s all there is to your relationship, but I know better. I"ve been to their parties, Julie. I"ve seen what goes on there. I know what they want, what they"re like."
Julie"s eyes flashed. "I can"t believe you"d think something like that. Don"t you know me at all? And what do you mean they? Did you forget? I"m Vampire too."
"Huh." Brennan huffed out an angry laugh. "I wish I could forget. In fact, I wish I"d never found out about any of it. Do you know how much better off I"d have been?"
"Well, maybe you"ll get your wish," Julie suggested sadly. "After you leave here tomorrow, there"s no reason you can"t put it all behind you. No one is going to come after you or anything like that. If that"s something you"re worried about, don"t be. That"s something else I made Conrad promise. No one"s gonna bother you. So, you know, maybe you will forget. At least you won"t have any reason to think about it anymore, so..."
"Great." Brennan shook his head. It was great. And, d.a.m.n it, she was right-he had been worried about that. But he didn"t want her doing anything more for him, managing his life, deciding what was best, helping him out...even if he did need it. "Well I guess I should get back to work then, especially since it"s my last night and all. Or maybe I should just start packing now?"
Julie shrugged. "It doesn"t matter. Whichever you want." But she didn"t move away and if she thought he was coming even one step closer until she did, if she thought he intended to kiss her good-bye or hug her or anything like that, she was crazy. He couldn"t. If he touched her, he"d have to have her again. If she kissed him, he"d never want to leave.
"I"m sorry, Bren." Her voice was so low he could barely hear her. "I didn"t want things to end like this. I never wanted to hurt you."
"Same here," he said and deliberately turned away. As he busied himself moving papers around, he wondered if she realized how much courage it took to turn his back on her, how much trust. He hoped to G.o.d she understood how much he cared about her. Because he sure as h.e.l.l didn"t dare to let it show.
"Good-bye, Brennan," she said at last. He nodded, waiting until he was sure she"d left before turning back around. When he did, the little room mocked him with its emptiness.
Forget? Yeah, right. Like he"d ever be able to forget the time they"d spent together, the way she made him feel, all the little things he already missed.
He could tell himself all he wanted that it was for the best, that he"d get over her and move on, and maybe that was true. Sometimes, when things like this ended, it was to make room for something else. It was so that other things, better things, could take their place. But sometimes there was no shiny upside. Sometimes things ended for a whole other reason, because there was nothing else they could do. Or because the opposite of moving forward wasn"t going backward, it was dying in place.
Armand was in the gym running through his usual workout and attempting to rid himself of the tension that had left all his muscles-and all of his nerves-feeling stretched too tight. He was making progress, until the door edged open. He didn"t even have to look to know who"d come to join him. He felt her essence, her presence, the weight of her stare, from clear across the room. And, just like that, all his good work came undone.
"If you"ve come to tell me you"ve changed your mind, you"re too late," he said, continuing to stretch and doing his best to ignore her. "I"ve already talked to Conrad about making you give back the suitcase." And while he hadn"t received an answer yet, he saw no reason to mention that fact.
"I don"t care about that right now," Julie replied stepping into the room and closing the door behind her. "That"s not why I"m here."
Armand cast a quick glance in her direction as she approached him. "Well, judging by what you"re wearing, you"re clearly not here to exercise. So why are you here?"
"Because I knew this was where I"d find you."
Armand straightened. "And why should that matter all of a sudden?"
"It"s not sudden," Julie protested. She gazed at him entreatingly. "Please don"t be like that. Just because we don"t agree all the time, that doesn"t mean we can"t still be friends, does it?"
He could have flinched at the word. He was somewhat proud that he didn"t. "So what"s happened that you need a friend so badly?"
Julie shrugged and looked away. "I broke things off with Brennan. I told him he had to leave, that he couldn"t stay here anymore."
Armand rolled his eyes. "I bet that went over well."
She shook her head. "It was awful. He wouldn"t even look at me."
"That"s not so surprising," he said gently. "Did you expect him to be happy about it?"
"No. Not happy, exactly. But why should he be so mad? He knows I"m only doing what"s best for both of us. And don"t you start telling me I should have handled things differently. You"re the one who told me he was addicted. You"ve been b.i.t.c.hing at me to do this for weeks."
"I do not b.i.t.c.h," Armand insisted, reluctantly amused in spite of himself. "Besides, I didn"t say his addiction was altogether a bad thing. I merely pointed out that it made it unlikely that he would choose to break things off with you."
"And that"s exactly why he has to go." Julie scowled. "Because n.o.body here sees it as a problem. Everyone would just keep hitting on him and hitting on him and he wouldn"t be able to say no to any of us-just like before. He doesn"t want that, Armand. He hated being fed on all the time, feeling like a piece of meat. He said so. So...yeah, you know what? He should be happy that I took care of things for him."
"Oui. I"m sure it must give him great pleasure to know you do not think him capable even of caring for himself."
Julie sighed. "Well, that"s just stupid."
"Come, cherie, try and view it from his perspective. You"re not only depriving him of your company, but at the very same time you"re threatening to turn him out of his home and taking away his livelihood. How could he not be upset?"
"But that"s not true. He knows that. I told him. Conrad promised to help him out until he"s back on his feet."
"Wait. You went to Conrad about this?"
"Of course. I asked Conrad to let him go."
Armand shook his head. "Unbelievable."
"What?" Julie asked frowning at his expression.
"It"s as I said the other night. You really are spoiled, aren"t you?"
"Me? I"m spoiled? You went to him about a...about a suitcase and some clothes and a dead girl who means more to you than- At least I was concerned about a-a live person. Someone I care about. Someone I...I..."
Armand watched in horror as Julie dissolved into tears. "No, no, cherie," he said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her toward one of the weight benches. "Don"t cry," he begged as he urged her to sit, then sat beside her. "You said yourself, it"s for the best."
"I told you I needed a friend right now, didn"t I?" she demanded between sobs. "You didn"t have to say a word. You didn"t have to ask me all these questions or be so mean. You could have just held me. Why couldn"t you just have held me?"
"Why should you want me to hold you at a time like this?" he asked bitterly. "Is that something a friend would do?" He didn"t want to be "just friends" with her. If he were honest, that was never what he"d wanted.
Julie raised her tear-stained face and gazed piteously at him. "I know that"s not what you want, Armand, but...I don"t really know if we can ever be anything more. And if you tell me now that I can"t even have that..."
"Shhh, don"t cry, cherie," he begged as she burst into tears again. He held her close, rocking her a little in his arms. "Of course we can. I"ll always be your friend, no matter what. We"re linked by blood, after all. Are we not?"
"So what?" Julie demanded in petulant tones. "So are you and Damian."
"Very true. But, then again, we didn"t start out as friends, so why should that change either? N"est pas?"
"Maybe. I guess."
"I"m sure of it. Now, come. What is it that"s making you so sad? Tell Uncle Armand all about it."
To his astonishment, however, Julie gasped and shook her head. "No! Oh, G.o.d, no, Armand. Don"t say that! Please!"
"What?" Armand asked in alarm. "What did I say?"
"Uncle Armand."
"But that was a joke, cherie. I was merely trying to cheer you up."
"It"s not a joke," she sobbed, leaning against him and crying even harder. "Don"t you see? I wish it was a joke, but it"s not. You really could be my uncle. Or worse!"
"Julie," he chided. "Of course I could not. Aside from the fact I was an only child, I think I would know if I had such a pretty niece. Besides, you call Damian "uncle" don"t you? I"m sure I"ve heard you do so."
"Exactly," Julie answered in somber tones. "That"s exactly right. It would be just like that."
Armand sighed. "This is too much. I don"t understand. What is he to you? For months I"ve been trying to make sense of it. How are you connected to him? He can"t actually be your uncle...can he? You can"t possibly be that old?"
"Please don"t ask me that," Julie begged. "You know I can"t talk about it."
"Oui. I know that"s what you"ve said. But why is it so? You claim I"m your friend, so good. Here"s your chance to prove it. Tell me what I want to know."
"I can"t," she insisted, eyes flashing as she straightened away from him. "Stop pressuring me."
Armand"s arms ached to reach out and reclaim her. "Of course you can! You can tell me anything. When will you realize that? Why won"t you trust me?"
She stared back at him, breathing hard, her internal struggle plain on her face. But, just when he thought she might finally answer him, she launched herself back into his arms instead. Her hands clutched his shoulders. She pressed her lips to his. For all of an instant, Armand tried to resist. He would not be distracted. He would not be so easily manipulated. But the taste of her lips, salty-sweet with her tears, the faint pinch of her teeth as they closed on his lip, obliterated his resolve. Groaning, he pulled her more fully against him and kissed her back.
Julie"s breath shuddered out in a lengthy sigh as Armand dragged her into his arms then turned to straddle the bench, so that she ended up caged between his strong thighs. This was a mistake. It was everything she"d wanted and needed in a kiss, everything she"d wanted and needed, period-but it was still a mistake.
How could he think she didn"t trust him? She"d come to him tonight with her heart in her hands, stripped-bare and broken. Did he think that was something she"d do with just anyone? All she"d wanted from him was a shoulder to cry on. A hand to hold. Maybe a few choice words. They didn"t have to be lengthy or involved, just something to show he understood, that she"d made the right choice, that she"d done a good thing. Instead, she got questions and criticism and a sickening reminder of the last thing she wanted to be reminded of right now-how hopeless this all had to be.
When all the words she wanted to say were forbidden, what choice was left but to take action? So she"d kissed him.
She"d thought it might rea.s.sure him. She"d hoped it would at least make him shut up for a little while. One kiss. One quick kiss. That"s all she"d had in mind. But this kiss-this kiss!-was nothing she"d expected, nothing like any of the kisses they"d shared before. And now, she was really in trouble because she never wanted it to end.
His fingers caressed her throat, gentle, possessive. She wanted more. She wanted his hand to dip lower, wanted to feel his fingers trail beneath her clothes. She wanted his hot mouth on her throat, wanted his venom in her blood, but even that wouldn"t be enough tonight. She wanted to lie back on this bench, right here, right now, and let him lay claim to everything...
Action followed thought. Julie wrenched her mouth from his and twisted out of his arms. Her eyes met his and she smiled in invitation as she lowered herself onto the cushioned vinyl. Heat swirled in the hazel depths of his eyes and then went molten, bronze and green.
Bad idea. Such a bad idea.
The feeling came out of nowhere, washing over her like a wave, leaving her insides a knotted ma.s.s of guilt. Whose thoughts are these? She couldn"t even tell.
We can"t do this. We mustn"t do this.
The thoughts and emotions that swirled through her were alien. Inexplicable. Undeniable. In a panic, Julie pulled herself erect. "Wait." She couldn"t stop the racing of her heart as she swiveled around on the bench again, this time to face away from him.
"What is it? What"s wrong?" Concern and confusion laced Armand"s voice. "Julie?"
His hands closed lightly on her arms. She shrugged them off. "Stop. I don"t know."
"Julie..."
"This is what"s wrong, all right? You. Me. Everything. We can"t. We just can"t." She wasn"t sure why, exactly, but she"d never been more certain of anything in her life.
Stunned silence met her outburst. A moment later, Armand surged off the bench.
Julie risked a glance in his direction. "Armand?"
"No." He held up a hand to stop her. "No more words, no more games. Do you know what it is that I can"t do anymore? I can"t do this."
"Please," she begged as she got to her feet. "Can"t we just..."
"What?" he asked, taking one quick step closer. His gaze was so angry she would have retreated, if there"d been any room. "Can"t we what, cherie? Can"t we just stay friends? You started this, remember? You kissed me."