asked Belcovitch.
There was a murmur of a.s.sent with a fainter mingling of dissent. The motion that the _Maggid"s_ application be refused was put to the vote and carried by a large majority.
It was the fate of the _Maggid_ to be the one subject on which Belcovitch and the Shalotten _Shammos_ agreed. They agreed as to his transcendent merits and they agreed as to the adequacy of his salary.
"But he"s so weakly," protested Mendel Hyams, who was in the minority.
"He coughs blood."
"He ought to go to a sunny place for a week," said Belcovitch compa.s.sionately.
"Yes, he must certainly have that," said Karlkammer. "Let us add as a rider that although we cannot pay him more per week, he must have a week"s holiday in the country. The Shalotten _Shammos_ shall write the letter to Rothschild."
Rothschild was a magic name in the Ghetto; it stood next to the Almighty"s as a redresser of grievances and a friend of the poor, and the Shalotten _Shammos_ made a large part of his income by writing letters to it. He charged twopence halfpenny per letter, for his English vocabulary was larger than any other scribe"s in the Ghetto, and his words were as much longer than theirs as his body. He also filled up printed application forms for Soup or Pa.s.sover cakes, and had a most artistic sense of the proportion of orphans permissible to widows and a correct instinct for the plausible duration of sicknesses.
The Committee agreed _nem. con._ to the grant of a seaside holiday, and the Shalotten _Shammos_ with a gratified feeling of importance waived his twopence halfpenny. He drew up a letter forthwith, not of course in the name of the Sons of the Covenant, but in the _Maggid"s_ own.
He took the magniloquent sentences to the _Maggid_ for signature. He found the _Maggid_ walking up and down Royal Street waiting for the verdict. The _Maggid_ walked with a stoop that was almost a permanent bow, so that his long black beard reached well towards his baggy knees.
His curved eagle nose was grown thinner, his long coat shinier, his look more haggard, his corkscrew earlocks were more matted, and when he spoke his voice was a tone more raucous. He wore his high hat--a tall cylinder that reminded one of a weather-beaten turret.
The Shalotten _Shammos_ explained briefly what he had done.
"May thy strength increase!" said the _Maggid_ in the Hebrew formula of grat.i.tude.
"Nay, thine is more important," replied the Shalotten _Shammos_ with hilarious heartiness, and he proceeded to read the letter as they walked along together, giant and doubled-up wizard.
"But I haven"t got a wife and six children," said the _Maggid_, for whom one or two phrases stood out intelligible. "My wife is dead and I never was blessed with a _Kaddish_."
"It sounds better so," said the Shalotten _Shammos_ authoritatively.
"Preachers are expected to have heavy families dependent upon them. It would sound lies if I told the truth."
This was an argument after the _Maggid"s_ own heart, but it did not quite convince him.
"But they will send and make inquiries," he murmured.
"Then your family are in Poland; you send your money over there."
"That is true," said the _Maggid_ feebly. "But still it likes me not."
"You leave it to me," said the Shalotten _Shammos_ impressively. "A shamefaced man cannot learn, and a pa.s.sionate man cannot teach. So said Hillel. When you are in the pulpit I listen to you; when I have my pen in hand, do you listen to me. As the proverb says, if I were a Rabbi the town would burn. But if you were a scribe the letter would burn. I don"t pretend to be a _Maggid_, don"t you set up to be a letter writer."
"Well, but do you think it"s honorable?"
"Hear, O Israel!" cried the Shalotten _Shammos_, spreading out his palms impatiently. "Haven"t I written letters for twenty years?"
The _Maggid_ was silenced. He walked on brooding. "And what is this place, Burnmud, I ask to go to?" he inquired.
"Bournemouth," corrected the other. "It is a place on the South coast where all the most aristocratic consumptives go."
"But it must be very dear," said the poor _Maggid_, affrighted.
"Dear? Of course it"s dear," said the Shalotten _Shammos_ pompously.
"But shall we consider expense where your health is concerned?"
The _Maggid_ felt so grateful he was almost ashamed to ask whether he could eat _kosher_ there, but the Shalotten _Shammos_, who had the air of a tall encyclopaedia, set his soul at rest on all points.
CHAPTER XIII.
SUGARMAN"S BAR-MITZVAH PARTY.
The day of Ebenezer Sugarman"s _Bar-mitzvah_ duly arrived. All his sins would henceforth be on his own head and everybody rejoiced. By the Friday evening so many presents had arrived--four breastpins, two rings, six pocket-knives, three sets of _Machzorim_ or Festival Prayer-books, and the like--that his father barred up the door very carefully and in the middle of the night, hearing a mouse scampering across the floor, woke up in a cold sweat and threw open the bedroom window and cried "Ho!
Buglers!" But the "Buglers" made no sign of being scared, everything was still and nothing purloined, so Jonathan took a reprimand from his disturbed wife and curled himself up again in bed.
Sugarman did things in style and through the influence of a client the confirmation ceremony was celebrated in "Duke"s Plaizer Shool."
Ebenezer, who was tall and weak-eyed, with lank black hair, had a fine new black cloth suit and a beautiful silk praying-shawl with blue stripes, and a glittering watch-chain and a gold ring and a nice new Prayer-book with gilt edges, and all the boys under thirteen made up their minds to grow up and be responsible for their sins as quick as possible. Ebenezer walked up to the Reading Desk with a dauntless stride and intoned his Portion of the Law with no more tremor than was necessitated by the musical roulades, and then marched upstairs, as bold as bra.s.s, to his mother, who was sitting up in the gallery, and who gave him a loud smacking kiss that could be heard in the four corners of the synagogue, just as if she were a real lady.
Then there was the _Bar-mitzvah_ breakfast, at which Ebenezer delivered an English sermon and a speech, both openly written by the Shalotten _Shammos_, and everybody commended the boy"s beautiful sentiments and the beautiful language in which they were couched. Mrs. Sugarman forgot all the trouble Ebenezer had given her in the face of his a.s.surances of respect and affection and she wept copiously. Having only one eye she could not see what her Jonathan saw, and what was spoiling his enjoyment of Ebenezer"s effusive grat.i.tude to his dear parents for having trained him up in lofty principles.
It was chiefly male cronies who had been invited to breakfast, and the table had been decorated with biscuits and fruit and sweets not appertaining to the meal, but provided for the refreshment of the less-favored visitors--such as Mr. and Mrs. Hyams--who would be dropping in during the day. Now, nearly every one of the guests had brought a little boy with him, each of whom stood like a page behind his father"s chair.
Before starting on their prandial fried fish, these trencher-men took from the dainties wherewith the ornamental plates were laden and gave thereof to their offspring. Now this was only right and proper, because it is the prerogative of children to "_nash_" on these occasions. But as the meal progressed, each father from time to time, while talking briskly to his neighbor, allowed his hand to stray mechanically into the plates and thence negligently backwards into the hand of his infant, who stuffed the treasure into his pockets. Sugarman fidgeted about uneasily; not one surrept.i.tious seizure escaped him, and every one p.r.i.c.ked him like a needle. Soon his soul grew punctured like a pin-cushion. The Shalotten _Shammos_ was among the worst offenders, and he covered his back-handed proceedings with a ceaseless flow of complimentary conversation.
"Excellent fish, Mrs. Sugarman," he said, dexterously slipping some almonds behind his chair.
"What?" said Mrs. Sugarman, who was hard of hearing.
"First-cla.s.s plaice!" shouted the Shalotten _Shammos_, negligently conveying a bunch of raisins.
"So they ought to be," said Mrs. Sugarman in her thin tinkling accents, "they were all alive in the pan."
"Ah, did they twitter?" said Mr. Belcovitch, p.r.i.c.king up his ears.
"No," Bessie interposed. "What do you mean?"
"At home in my town," said Mr. Belcovitch impressively, "a fish made a noise in the pan one Friday."
"Well? and suppose?" said the Shalotten _Shammos_, pa.s.sing a fig to the rear, "the oil frizzles."
"Nothing of the kind," said Belcovitch angrily, "A real living noise.
The woman s.n.a.t.c.hed it out of the pan and ran with it to the Rabbi. But he did not know what to do. Fortunately there was staying with him for the Sabbath a travelling Saint from the far city of Ridnik, a _Chasid_, very skilful in plagues and purifications, and able to make clean a creeping thing by a hundred and fifty reasons. He directed the woman to wrap the fish in a shroud and give it honorable burial as quickly as possible. The funeral took place the same afternoon and a lot of people went in solemn procession to the woman"s back garden and buried it with all seemly rites, and the knife with which it had been cut was buried in the same grave, having been defiled by contact with the demon. One man said it should be burned, but that was absurd because the demon would be only too glad to find itself in its native element, but to prevent Satan from rebuking the woman any more its mouth was stopped with furnace ashes. There was no time to obtain Palestine earth, which would have completely crushed the demon."
"The woman must have committed some _Avirah_" said Karlkammer.
"A true story!" said the Shalotten _Shammos_, ironically. "That tale has been over Warsaw this twelvemonth."
"It occurred when I was a boy," affirmed Belcovitch indignantly. "I remember it quite well. Some people explained it favorably. Others were of opinion that the soul of the fishmonger had transmigrated into the fish, an opinion borne out by the death of the fishmonger a few days before. And the Rabbi is still alive to prove it--may his light continue to shine--though they write that he has lost his memory."