And indeed he did, as for example, in my birthday poem where he rhymed "seventeen" with "Halloween." I actually do have a birthday; it"s November first.
"What about Briony?" said Eldric. "Which of the Old Ones would attack her?"
"The Fairies," said Cecil. "They love golden hair and beauty and wit."
"They also like good housekeepers," I said, "so there"s an end to that."
"Which Old One would take Eldric?" said Cecil.
I was allowed to look at Eldric now, stare at him if I liked. "I don"t know him well enough." I flatter myself that I am quick to see what sort of mask a person wears, but I hadn"t yet with Eldric.
When Tiddy Rex returned to our table, he laughed and laughed to see Salt and Pepper dancing. He"d traded Cecil"s sixpence for licorice, and he gave quite a lot to Rose.
Cough, Tiddy Rex! Cough!
He really was a very nice little boy. Too bad he"d have to grow up.
Wait! I didn"t really mean that, not the way it sounded. I wanted him to live to grow up. I didn"t want him to die of the swamp cough. Not Tiddy Rex, the boy with the star-powered freckles.
But you"d think he"d live forever at the rate of not-coughing in which he was currently engaged, which was one hundred percent. That"s the way of the swamp cough, though. You can live with it for months, comfortably enough, and only at the very end do you get dreadfully ill.
They oughtn"t to have took the Boggy Mun"s water.
The Boggy Mun"s water.
The Boggy Mun.
I couldn"t speak to the villagers about the swamp cough without ending up swinging beside Sam Collins. But what if I called on the Boggy Mun? What if I spoke to him? He"s killed people; we"ll probably get along. What if I promised to give him something he wanted in exchange for taking back the swamp cough?
The Boggy Mun couldn"t have what he really wanted. I was the only person who could stop the draining, because I was the only person who knew the connection between the draining and the swamp cough. But I"d never stop it, because I value my neck. So why not take back the swamp cough like a good little Boggy Mun and take the next best thing, which is blood and salt.
There are certain things the Old Ones can"t abide, such as Puree of Christ. There are certain things the Old Ones go mad for, such as blood and salt. That then is what I"d offer the Boggy Mun, salt from the kitchen and blood from the witch.
It was a good scheme. I could save Rose from the swamp cough-if she had it-without risking my neck. I"m not like that fellow who thought it a far, far better thing to trade his life for that of another. I"m nothing like him: I"d never volunteer to lay my head in the lap of Madame la Guillotine. No, that fellow was a hero and I"m not a hero at all.
9.
A Good Little Boggy Mun The sky was the color of porridge. The wind slapped at the ancient trees. It slapped at me too, but I slapped back and pushed ahead. I mustn"t miss my opportunity. The Boggy Mun shows himself just as the evening mist rises, and he keeps strict business hours.
A V of geese flew above, strung beak to tail as though on a wire. The Flats turned into the Quicks and gobbled up my feet.
In my pocket, I carried a paring knife. Pearl keeps the kitchen knives bright and sharp. If you believe in justice and a connect-the-dots world, you"d think I"d trip and die on my own knife. But I"d wrapped it in multiple sheets of the London Loudmouth and carried it point down.
I arrived at the Boggy Mun"s bog-hole just as the mist was rising. A melted-b.u.t.ter sunset pooled on the horizon. The mist was thickening over the dark splat of the bog-hole. It grew thicker, now still thicker. I set a twist of newspaper on an island of moss. Against it, I set the knife.
A burble of water-that meant the Boggy Mun was stirring. A wailing of wind-that meant the Boggy Mun was rising.
I opened the twist of newspaper, sprinkled salt onto the moss. Next came the knife. Which hand to use, left or right? My left hand is nimbler, but my scar constricts my range of motion. I took the knife with my right hand.
Slicing yourself is harder than you"d think. Your skin doesn"t slice, not like bread or cheese. Your flesh pushes back. It"s resilient, like the skin of a mushroom.
I pushed at the knife. My mushroom skin pushed back.
I thought of what I did to Rose. I thought of what I did to Stepmother. I pushed through my mushroom skin. Self-hatred is powerful: Out came the blood, drizzling into the salt.
"Boggy Mun, I, Briony Larkin, come to beg of you a boon." Should I tell him I"m a witch, or would he already know? If he knew I was one of the Old Ones, might he be more likely to grant my request? A trade discount, so to speak?
The water lip-lapped; the wind wailed.
"You have sent the swamp cough to us, to the people of the Swampsea. Our loved ones are dying and dead. If you will take back the swamp cough, I promise to visit this spot every evening and give to you our salt, and give to you my very own blood."
The wind wailed.
"Every evening," I said. "I promise faithfully."
"An" church days?" said a dry little voice.
A witch can feel surprise, but it takes her only a minute to swallow it down.
"Church days too."
The water lip-lapped.
"The blood don"t satisfy," said the Boggy Mun.
"But it"s my own blood!" I said, because that"s how the Old Ones like it best-the personal touch. "And still warm."
"I got me a few years" experience wi" the human fo"ak," said the Boggy Mun. "Aye, a few years. I learned more on you fo"ak than you learned on your own particular selves."
The mist pressed against me, as though the air had thickened. As though it were mist thickened with beard, the Boggy Mun"s beard.
I sat back on my heels, but the beard-mist pressed at me.
"She be a lovely la.s.s," said the Boggy Mun. "Oh my, yes. A lovely la.s.s."
He was speaking to me, I realized. He could see me.
"Happen this lovely la.s.s got herself a sweetheart?"
I shook my head. "You can see me but I can"t see you."
"I fixed it up that way," said the Boggy Mun. "I thinks it be a grand system. What do the la.s.s think?"
"Grand," I said.
"I sees thee, right enough," said the Boggy Mun. "An" what I sees tell me tha" doesn"t be all mortal, though it be a puzzlement what sort o" the Old Blood tha" has."
"I"m a witch."
"There be a deal o" mortal in thee. I hasn"t been learning on mortals all these years that I doesn"t know there be someone tha" needs must save. Tha" be certain tha" doesn"t got no sweetheart?"
"No sweetheart."
"But there be someone particular tha"s o" the mind to save. There always be someone particular."
"My sister," I said. "My twin sister." I thought of Rose, back in the Parsonage, in Pearl"s care. Pearl, sworn to keep her eyes on Rose, except for blinking. "We are identical, she and I."
"What be the name of this sister?"
"Rose Larkin."
The moment I said those words, I knew I"d made a mistake. The sky leaned on my shoulders, all ashes and smoke.
"It want but a moment for a body to be striked wi" the swamp cough." The Boggy Mun paused. "There, now it be done. Tha" sister, she be striked wi" the swamp cough. If"n tha" be o" the mind to save her, tha" best stop these mortal fo"ak from taking the water from my home. Water what be mine."
The Boggy Mun was gone. I rose, the ground trembled beneath me. I was a fool. I"d thought to make a bargain with the Boggy Mun, but he"d given Rose the swamp cough.
I"d pretended to heed Stepmother"s warnings about the swamp, but I broke my promise, and look what had happened! Mr. Dreary, dead. Rose, struck with the swamp cough.
My thoughts drifted like cold ashes. I didn"t want to hang. I was responsible for Rose. I promised Stepmother to care for Rose. But I didn"t want to hang.
It"s strange how a person can have a distinct distaste for herself, but still she clutches on to life.
I hate myself.
It doesn"t matter, Briony. You have to remember how you hurt Rose, because now you"ve hurt Rose again.
Tell yourself the story. Remind yourself how you hurt Rose. Remind yourself of the swings, the froth of petticoats, Rose"s screams.
You must remind yourself. You must hate yourself.
Remind yourself what Stepmother said to you, not once, but many times. Remember how she"d look at you, how she"d say, "Never tell your father."
Remember how those words would make your heart lurch and cut off your breath.
"I"ll protect you," Stepmother would say. "I"ll lie if I have to." She"d tell me that if Father knew what I did to Rose, he"d turn me over to the constable. "He"s a righteous man, your father," she"d say. "He"d not exempt his own daughter from the law."
Overhead, the plovers called out. Full moon! Full moon! The Quicks were a scribble of charcoal.
Remind yourself what you did to Rose; remind yourself what Stepmother did for you. She hid your wickedness. She tried to stop it too. She knew you ought not to enter the swamp. You thought at first it was nonsense. You argued with her. You pointed out that you weren"t in the swamp when you called Mucky Face, but she reminded you that you were standing at the very edge of the river. That it didn"t matter that you were on the Parsonage side, because even in the swamp, you couldn"t possibly have gotten any closer to Mucky Face.
You pointed out that the swings weren"t in the swamp, but Stepmother reminded you that they too hung as close to the swamp as could be.
By the time I reached the Flats, the moon had risen. Full moon! Full moon! I was mid-stride when I saw her, saw the Chime Child, drifting across the Flats. I stood flat and still, a paper doll cut from moonlight. She mustn"t see me. I edged into the shadows. If the Chime Child saw me, she"d want to know my business in the swamp, a thing I was disinclined to divulge.
I didn"t want to hang. Not hanging involves keeping my mouth shut, a thing at which I excel. I didn"t want Rose to die, but Rose living means Briony dying. I didn"t want to hang.
I prayed that she not turn, I prayed she not see me.
Why was I so determined to hold on to life? I"ve so often wished I could stop breathing and let go.
The Chime Child drifted back toward the village. I"d prayed that she"d do so, but actually, I don"t believe in prayer. I believe in good luck. I don"t mean to be ungrateful, but if someone"s out there answering prayers, mine"s not at the top of the list.
Back in my wolfgirl days, I"d often met the Chime Child in the swamp. I"d almost forgotten. She and I were the only people who regularly visited it. But who cares, anyway? This particular witch has other things to think about, such as whether she"s willing to reveal she"s a witch in order to save her sister.
I"d wait until I reached the river. Then I"d decide.
Moonlight floated on the water like spilt cream. The bridge stretched before me. I"d cross the bridge, then I"d decide. Remember, Briony, remember how Rose screamed. You must always remember.
The bridge yawned its reflection onto the river. My feet took me onto the planks. My feet pushed me toward the decision. My feet were turning the far bank into the near bank; they were turning then into now. What was the point of anything?
Of course I"d do it. I had to save Rose. I"d known that all along, of course. I"d just been pretending.
I"d tell someone tomorrow. I"d let myself have until tomorrow.
Father is not a fire-and-brimstone sort of clergyman, but he does sometimes talk about h.e.l.l. I think h.e.l.l"s a myth, but don"t tell Father I said so. I think strands of h.e.l.l are woven into our everyday world.
Take this example.
As I pushed open the gate to the Parsonage garden, the smell of mint and apple sprang up at my feet. I recognized it at once.
"I told you to go away." I would not look at him, no, not at the Brownie, creeping around my skirts on his horrid stick legs.
"That you did, mistress," said the Brownie. "But now, with the stepmother dead and gone-"
"Don"t you speak of her!" I said.
I"d banished the Brownie after the library fire. I didn"t argue with Stepmother this time, not when she said that the Brownie and I were a dangerous combination-even the mint-and-apple Brownie-and that the Brownie must go. Not when she said the library wasn"t near the swamp, which meant my witchy anger must have ridden upon the Brownie"s power to call up the fire: He was the only Old One anywhere near. He was always very near, in fact. He tended to follow me about.
The Brownie crept alongside me on his double-jointed legs.
"Go away!"
Silence.
"Go away!"
Silence.
I slammed the Parsonage door behind me, but that was only for show. Doors mean nothing to a Brownie. He squirmed inside in his own oily way. The Brownie was back, the Brownie who"d helped me call up the fire. There"s a bit of h.e.l.l for you.
Another strand of h.e.l.l: I return from my visit to the Boggy Mun, knowing that Rose has the swamp cough. The Parsonage appears empty. Pearl has left for the evening. I walk about; there is a slant of light beneath the parlor door. Shall I knock?