His words struck a familiar chord in her. "Killara is the same kind of sanctuary for me."
"I know it is, and I understand."
But he had left his sanctuary. "Where are your parents buried?"
"The Star." He was silent for a moment. "That"s a funny question to ask."
"I know. Sony. I guess I was thinking about roots and under what circ.u.mstances I would consider moving to another country."
It was an issue he should address too. Bria was so much a part of Killara and the land the Delaneys had tamed, he was uncertain she could ever be happy in Australia or anywhere else. Ultimately, taking everything into account, if he asked her, would she even want to come with him?
"People move for a variety of reasons, Bria, and Australia is a wonderful country."
"I know, but you said you moved there to escape memories, but that it hadn"t worked. What did you mean?"
He absently smoothed a hand up and down her arm He had discovered he loved her, but love was so new to him, such an unfamiliar emotion, that he was floundering. And he wasn"t sure he could explain what she wanted to hear. He certainly didn"t feel as if he could explain everything to her-maybe one day, but not now. He even wondered if he was capable of explaining part of it.
He had been too alone for too long. It was easy for him to give his body to her without reserve. But he was finding that revealing parts of his heart was excruciating and painful. He could try though.
"When I was five, my mother died in an automobile accident, one of those stupid, senseless accidents that never should have happened. When I was nine, my father died."
"How?"
For a moment he was silent. "He committed suicide."
With a cry of distress she came up on her elbow. "Kells, I am so sorry. You were so young. That must have been very hard on you."
He nodded. "Yes, but fortunately for me I had my grandfather. He wasn"t much for shows of affection, but he was a genuinely good man. He was also a smart man, and he taught me to go after what I wanted. When he died, I buried him beside my mother and father. Afterward, I would go out to the graveyard and sit for hours, staring at those three graves."
She almost wept as she visualized the scene. Kells, all alone, sitting by the graves of his family. She had been surrounded by her family her entire life, and she couldn"t even begin to imagine the pain he must have felt with every member of his family gone. "I wish I"d known you then. I could have tried to make it easier for you somehow."
Yes, he thought. Once he had let her past his guard, she would have made him feel better simply by being with him. "I got through it all right. In their individual ways, each of them played an important part in my life, but they weren"t with me any longer. And what I wanted wasn"t on that ranch. So I decided to go somewhere completely new and different."
"You decided to follow your own dream."
He nodded again. "I"m in an incredibly exciting business. No matter how far computers have come today, they are going to go even further in the future. The technology will have continuing surprises. We"ve only sc.r.a.ped the surface. I have so many ideas..."
"And you can make those ideas a reality."
"Yes, with Burke"s money." He had already laid out to himself the reasons he had agreed to accept that money, but another reason suddenly came to him, a reason that shocked him. He had grown to admire Burke.
"I wish you well, Kells. I really do."
Her soft voice drew his attention back to her. Her green eyes stared solemnly at him. "Why are you talking like we"re about to part?"
"Because in a few days we will."
The idea was so abhorrent to him that it was almost impossible to make himself think about it. He didn"t want to leave her, but he didn"t know if he could make her come with him. It had always been hard for him to face the fact that there was anything beyond his ability. He had no intention of giving up on making her his. But... dammit, why did this have to be so hard for him, so complicated?
He linked his fingers with hers. "When we get to that point we"ll face it, but not now. Now I want to make love to you again."
"Again?"
"And again."
In the midnight, moonlit darkness of the bedroom, Kells lay with Bria in his arms. Her face was pressed to his chest, her leg and arm thrown over him, her hair a silken spill that fell over her shoulders and onto his chest.
This was their last night in Tucson, and because it was, he couldn"t sleep.
By nature and circ.u.mstances he had always been a loner. He lived alone, traveled alone, had always accomplished everything that was important to him alone. But now Bria burned in his blood, a permanent pa.s.sion, a forever love. He had overcome a lot of things in his life, but he wasn"t sure he"d be able to make it from now on without her.
He would do anything to keep her. Anything.
Bria awoke before Kells, and to her delight she was able to watch him while he slept. His hard face didn"t soften much in sleep; only his lips showed a relaxation-those lips... His breathing was strong and even, and his skin showed a night"s growth of dark beard that she longed to touch.
She was in love with him.
The realization had dawned slowly, but once she had admitted the knowledge to herself, she had been struck hard.
By happiness. By doubt.
The earth had shifted beneath her; the center of her gravity seemed to have altered.
After this time in Tucson she felt she understood him better, but he remained a man of granite. She wasn"t intimidated by him, nor was she afraid of him. But the happiness she felt about being in love with him was shadowed. He didn"t love her.
She could worry and speculate over the situation until the end of time and it wouldn"t matter. There was nothing she could do about her feelings. She had been in love with him since before she had met him. She had looked into the mirror and into his eyes and felt the air leave her body. And over time his effect on her hadn"t lessened one iota.
She was in love with him.
Cara perched on the end of Bria"s bed and watched as her daughter unpacked a small bag. "Did you have a good time in Tucson?"
"Shopping is shopping," she said carefully, knowing how intuitive and sharp her mother was, "but I"m really pleased with the presents I chose. They"re being gift-wrapped, and they"ll be sent out tomorrow or the next day."
"The s.p.a.ce beneath the tree is really getting filled up. The presents from h.e.l.l"s Bluff and Shamrock have arrived, plus a shipment from Australia that included Patrick"s."
"He"s already done his shopping?"
"Apparently." Cara studied her daughter. "Did you see much of Kells while you were in town?"
"Some."
"Just some?"
Bria turned and looked fully at her mother. Cara was smiling. Apparently her mother was sharper than
even she had suspected. "You know."
"Honey, I would have to be blind not to see the electricity between the two of you. Before you left for Tucson, you and Kells were so absorbed in each other, it was all your father and I could do to keep the
conversation going at mealtimes."
"Dad noticed too?"
"It was obvious to everyone, Bria, except maybe the two of you. Your dad wasn"t surprised when Kells
decided to spend a couple of days in town. Because of his high regard for Kells and his desire for you to be happy, he didn"t object."
Bria sank down onto the bed beside her mother. "I love Kells, Mom."
A smile spread across Cara"s lovely face, and she put her arm around Bria. "I am so happy for you."
"No, you don"t understand. He doesn"t love me."
Cara"s smile faded as her expression turned skeptical. "I"m not sure I believe that. What man in his right mind wouldn"t love you?"
"Mom."
"Well, anyway, maybe he loves you but just hasn"t admitted it to himself. Sometimes men have things they need to work through."
"Well, whatever it is, it"s not simple. He"s a difficult man."
Cara made a dismissive sound. "Darling, you"ve been surrounded all your life by difficult men, and you"ve had no trouble wrapping any of them around your little finger."
"They"re my family. There"s a difference."
"Listen to me. If you love Kells and think that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, then don"t
give up hope. It will happen. True love has a way of winning in the end. I know, because it happened to me and your father."
Bria gave her a hug. "Thanks for being my mom."
Cara solemnly nodded her head. "You"re entirely welcome. Except for the labor pains, it"s been my great
pleasure."
Bria burst into laughter, and Cara joined her.
Late that night Bria made her way to Kells"s room.
There was an expression of relief on his face when he opened the door. "I thought you"d never get here."
He took her hand, pulled her into the room, and shut the door behind her.
"I wanted to wait until everyone was settled."
He gathered her into his arms. "Do you think your parents would be shocked by the idea of you sleeping
in my bed?"
She frowned at his faintly mocking tone. "No. They"re not prudes by any stretch of the imagination. It"s
just that I don"t think it would be in good taste for us to flaunt our-" She hesitated, briefly panickingwhen she couldn"t think of a word to describe their relationship. "Affair?" She nodded, wishing with all her heart he had said lore affair. "Yes. Our affair." "I understand." He nibbed her back through the satin of the robe. "Forgive me. I"m not used to having to consider a family."
"I know, and it"s all right. It"s no big deal, just my preference." She stood on tiptoe and placed a light kiss on his lips.
He laughed huskily. "I got used to being with you all the time when we were in Tucson. It"s been d.a.m.ned
hard on me this afternoon and evening having to pretend a polite friendliness when it wasn"t what I was feeling at all."
"No?" she asked playfully. "What were you feeling?"
"Well, first of all;" he said, smoothing his hands down her spine to her firmly rounded bottom, "I wasn"t feeling at all polite. I kept wanting to leap across the room or the table or wherever we were at the time and grab you up against me so that I could feel you, pretty much like I"m doing now."