"Why not?"
"Because I shouldn"t have gotten so upset."
"You know what C. S. Lewis said?" Todd asked. "He said, *Anger is the fluid that love bleeds when you cut it." I just read that the other day. You love Katie; Michael is cutting into that relationship; you"re bleeding anger. It"s natural."
"So you think it"s right for me to feel this way?"
"I didn"t say it was right; I said it was natural. The right way is hardly ever the natural way. The right way is G.o.d"s way, which is supernatural."
"How am I supposed to get from the natural to the supernatural?" As soon as Christy asked, she had a feeling she knew what Todd was going to say.
"Pray."
"That"s what I thought you"d say."
Todd let out a low chuckle. "It"s hard, isn"t it?"
"Yes, it is. I thought the longer I was a Christian, the easier it would become. It seems to only get harder."
"Harder and richer," Todd added. "I guess we shouldn"t want it any other way. All true love relationships seem to become harder and richer the more they grow."
Christy wondered if Todd was referring to his relationship with G.o.d, with her, or both. She thought the harder-richer part certainly applied to both relationships in her life.
"Well, I still want to apologize for hanging up on you, Todd. And I still feel concerned about Katie. I"ll try to pray about it more. If nothing else, I"ve learned that I don"t ever want to have to wait so long to apologize to you again. It was awful going a whole day without things feeling settled and right between us."
"Yeah, I didn"t like the feeling much either. I was over at Doug"s when I called you last night, and I have to admit that when you hung up on me I felt pretty weird about calling you back, especially with Doug right there. He told me to let it go. He even said it was probably good for our relationship to go through this. For a while I almost thought he seemed glad you were ticked off at me. He didn"t happen to call you last night, did he?"
"No. I tried to call your house but only got your answering machine."
"You want to come up here this weekend?" Todd asked. "Can you stay at Bob and Marti"s and go to church with me Sunday?"
"I have to work Friday night and Sat.u.r.day. And I have one more week to volunteer at the church nursery. I wish I didn"t have so many things going on. I"d really like to spend some time with you. More than just a quick Sat.u.r.day night movie."
"I know what you mean. How about next weekend then, if you"re done with nursery duty? Think Jon would let you off early on Sat.u.r.day?"
"I"ll work it out somehow, Todd. I need to spend more time with you. It seems like there"s so much going on, and we"re so far apart."
"Next weekend," Todd said. "We"ll get together then. I"ll call you this weekend after you get off work."
Christy didn"t even try to hide her disappointment when she replied. "You mean, you"re not coming down this weekend? We could do something when I get off work Sat.u.r.day or maybe Sunday afternoon."
"I"d better stick around here and get some studying done. This semester is taking off without me. I"m already behind. I"ll call you, and we"ll get together the next weekend."
Two horrible, long weeks! Christy thought. It was bad enough going twenty-four hours without feeling that things with Todd were settled. Now waiting two weeks to see him again seemed like an eternity.
It hadn"t seemed so difficult in the past, before they were actually going together. Then it was a treat whenever he did show up. Now it seemed like it was mandatory that they be together whenever possible.
Christy determined that she would get off work all of Sat.u.r.day the following weekend, and she would have her homework done so nothing would interfere with their time together.
Everything seemed fine until the next evening when Christy ran the plans past her mom.
"That"s Dad"s birthday weekend. I thought we"d do something together as a family." Mom said. "Maybe go to the mountains for a picnic."
"Todd could come with us, couldn"t he?"
"Well, I don"t know, Christy. It"s your dad"s weekend. He should be the one to choose who comes with us."
That didn"t concern Christy. Dad liked Todd. Although Todd had been included on lots of outings with Bob and Marti, he hadn"t done much with Christy"s parents. Certainly now was the time to start.
"I think we"ll just have a birthday cake here at home," Dad said later that evening. "I"m not much for gallivanting around the countryside."
"It"s okay if I invite Todd over, isn"t it?" Christy asked. She could immediately tell by the look on Dad"s face that the thought of including Todd in their quiet family celebration had never crossed his mind.
"Maybe not, Christy," Mom said, also interpreting Dad"s expression. "Let"s just keep it the four of us, and you and Todd can spend some time together the following weekend."
Three weeks! Christy thought it seemed like a lifetime. How could she contentedly wait three weeks to spend time with her boyfriend? Something had to change.
The first thing she thought of was her job. She would change her hours so she could have Sat.u.r.days off. Maybe she could work one or two weeknights besides Fridays, especially since Todd was busy with cla.s.ses and wouldn"t be coming down on weeknights anyway. That way they would have all their Sat.u.r.days free to spend together.
That Friday when Christy arrived at work, she approached Jon with the request. He looked thoughtful. "Perhaps if I can get someone to cover the Sat.u.r.day hours I can give you Sat.u.r.days off. but I don"t have any open shifts on weeknights right now. If you want to give up your Sat.u.r.day hours, it will most likely mean that all you"ll have for a while are your five hours on Fridays. Is that going to be enough money to put gas in the car?"
Jon was right. Five hours on her minimum-wage salary was not much money compared to the expenses she had, especially with all the added expenses that came with her senior year.
"I don"t know." Christy told Jon. "All I know is that I have too much going on and something has to give. I have no time for a social life."
Jon made a clicking noise. She had heard him use that sound to get the attention of the birds and guinea pigs when he was about to feed them. Now he seemed to be using it to comfort her. "Time is a funny thing, isn"t it? There never seems to be enough of it when you have something to do, and when you have nothing to do, there"s too much of it."
"You"re right." Christy looked as forlorn as she felt.
"Don"t worry about it. We"ll work out something. You might as well make time to enjoy your only senior year in high school." Then with a wink and grin, he added, "Let"s hope you only have one senior year in high school!"
What was it that Todd had said? Harder and richer. He might be right about the richer, but right now things just seemed harder.
As Christy drove home from work that Friday night, she knew she needed to get a few things in order in her life. First on the list was to make peace with Katie.
The next morning she called Katie to ask if she wanted to ride to work and plan to have their lunch breaks together. the way they used to. When Christy called, Katie obviously wasn"t up yet.
"What time is it?"
"A little after eight. Did I wake you?"
"Yeah, but that"s okay. I didn"t get home until almost two." Katie said with a huge yawn. "I"m really tired. But I"m glad you called. I was kind of wondering for a while there if you were going to ignore me forever."
"Why didn"t you get home until two? Where were you?" The instant Christy said it. she realized she sounded like a nagging old hen and was defeating her plan to rebuild bridges.
Katie paused and then in an irritated voice said. "We were at a concert in San Diego."
"I didn"t mean to sound like that," Christy said. Then trying hard to change her tone, she asked, "Did you and Michael have a good time?"
"Yes, we did. Michael and I always have a good time."
Christy tried to sound encouraging. "That"s great, Katie."
"Do you really mean that?"
Christy knew she couldn"t lie. How could she get around this? She paused and found she couldn"t answer.
"That"s okay," Katie said. "You don"t have to answer that. I know how you feel about Michael and don"t want you to lie to me, ever. I won"t lie to you, and you know that. I want you to be happy for me. I have never felt so wonderful in my whole life, Christy. I feel as if it"s finally okay for me to just be me. Michael likes me. Can you believe that?"
"Of course I can. There"s plenty to like. You"re a treasure, Katie."
"Do you understand what I"m saying? Michael likes me, Christy. He"s the first guy who has ever been really interested in me, and it"s killing me that you won"t be happy for me."
"I just wish he was a Christian," Christy said.
"Why does that make such a big difference to you? I"m not going to marry him! We"re dating, that"s all. He"s very open to G.o.d and to spiritual things."
Christy paused and chose her words carefully. "But Katie, you and Michael are getting close so fast, and I"m worried about you. He doesn"t have the same standards you do."
"Yes, he does," Katie quickly defended. "You don"t know him, Christy. You don"t know what he"s like. You"re too self-righteous to even get to know him because he doesn"t fit your perfect little Christian standard. Let me tell you something. Michael has been more of a gentleman to me than Rick Doyle ever was, and Rick was supposed to be some hotshot Christian. Rick kissed me, and it meant nothing to him. Another conquest. A game. When Michael kisses me, I can tell he means it from the bottom of his heart. Our relationship means as much to him as it does to me."
"He"s kissed you?"
"Of course he"s kissed me. You and Todd kiss. Why are you being so judgmental? I haven"t done anything you haven"t done. I"m not doing anything wrong!"
Christy could tell Katie was fully awake and on the defensive. It would be difficult for Christy to accomplish much bridge mending now. Instead she chose to redirect the conversation.
"Is there any way we can take our breaks together at one today and meet at the food court in the mall? I"ve really missed spending time with you, and I think if we"re going to talk, we should do it in person."
"I can"t today. I already have plans." Katie sounded like she was calming down some.
"How about after work? We could get together then. Do you still get off at six?"
"Well, actually, I don"t work at the photographer"s anymore."
"You don"t? Since when? What happened?"
"I kind of got fired."
"Katie, when did this happen? Why didn"t you tell me?"
"You haven"t exactly been available for small talk this past week," Katie said.
"What happened?"
"My boss didn"t like me taking so much time off, so he let me go. It"s for the best. I wouldn"t have had any time for a social life with all the hours I was scheduled to work."
Christy knew exactly what Katie meant, but still, being fired was a horrible thing. "Are you going to get another job?"
"I don"t think so. At least not right away. It"s not a big deal."
"Not a big deal? Katie-" Christy scrambled for the right words-"you"re changing. What"s happening to you?"
"I"m finding myself," Katie answered confidently. "And the good part is, thanks to Michael, I really like what I"m finding."
It was silent for a moment.
Katie spoke softly. "You know, Christy, I think about all the changes you"ve been through since we"ve been friends, all the guys, all the difficult situations. During those times I tried to be there for you, and I tried to understand. It would really help if you could take a turn now and support me. If you could try to understand and be even a little bit happy for me, it would mean a lot."
"Katie, I do want to support you. I have supported you in a lot of stuff over the years. Maybe more than you even know. The problem is that I"m watching you fall in love with a guy who isn"t a Christian, and there"s no way I can feel good about that."
"Well," Katie sighed, "I guess I misjudged you, and I misjudged our friendship. I thought you cared about me more than you cared about your pious little Christian rules. It"s exactly like Michael said, religion and politics are about the same things. They"re all a matter of taking sides and taking shots at those who aren"t on your side."
"Katie... it"s not like that."
"Yes, I think it is. I need to go, Christy; there"s a call on the other line. Think about what I"ve said, and let"s talk again when you"re ready to be a little more open-minded."
Christy had a hard time at work acting like nothing was wrong. Everything she had ever felt about friendships, dating, and Christianity had been shaken in that phone conversation. How could things have changed so much and so fast?
During the next week, Christy pursued Katie and continued trying to wedge back into their friendship. Somehow Michael kept interpreting the wedge as something to divide Katie and him.
After four tense lunches under their tree that week, Christy decided it would be best to leave Michael and Katie alone on Friday and pick up again on Monday. She felt she was doing the right thing sticking by Katie in this way. Todd had encouraged her to do exactly that and had warned her about getting her feelings hurt.
"Remember what happens with love when you cut it?" Todd had said. "The fluid it sometimes bleeds is anger."
That seemed to be exactly what was coming from Katie and flowing all over Christy-anger in the form of cruel remarks and defensive arguments.
"So is it just on Fridays and Mondays or what?" Christy heard Fred"s voice behind her only minutes after she had taken a lonely seat at the picnic tables. "Sort of a random first-of-the-week, end-of-the-week ritual?"
"Excuse me?"
"The last time you sat here was on a Monday, remember? Not this week but last week. I"m trying to figure out if there"s any kind of pattern here. Do you only eat by yourself on bad hair days or what?" Fred sat down beside her and popped the top on his can of Dr. Pepper.
"No, I only eat by myself when I don"t have anyone else to eat with." As she heard her own words. Christy realized how pathetic she sounded. The awful truth was that she had spent so much time with Katie over the last few years that she didn"t have any other close friends at school. At least no one who invited her to make a run to Taco Bell at lunchtime.
"Not a problem," Fred said confidently. "I happen to be available today, and I don"t mind eating with you a bit."
"Thanks, Fred." Christy"s sarcasm showed through. She hoped no one would see her with him. His constant attention was beginning to bug her. He seemed to always be at her side, not only in yearbook cla.s.s but also here at lunch.
Christy ate her sandwich in silence, aware of Fred"s noisy slurping from his soda can.
"You know, Fred, you would be a lot more, well...attractive if you didn"t make such loud noises while you"re eating and drinking."
"Good point," Fred said without seeming offended. "I hadn"t realized I was doing that, but you"re right, it is kind of uncouth."
Christy gave him a slight smile and continued eating her lunch.
"What else?" Fred asked.