"I do feel so perfectly happy," said the Old Lady, with a long, rapturous breath.
III. Each In His Own Tongue
The honey-tinted autumn sunshine was falling thickly over the crimson and amber maples around old Abel Blair"s door. There was only one outer door in old Abel"s house, and it almost always stood wide open. A little black dog, with one ear missing and a lame forepaw, almost always slept on the worn red sandstone slab which served old Abel for a doorstep; and on the still more worn sill above it a large gray cat almost always slept. Just inside the door, on a bandy-legged chair of elder days, old Abel almost always sat.
He was sitting there this afternoon--a little old man, sadly twisted with rheumatism; his head was abnormally large, thatched with long, wiry black hair; his face was heavily lined and swarthily sunburned; his eyes were deep-set and black, with occasional peculiar golden flashes in them. A strange looking man was old Abel Blair; and as strange was he as he looked. Lower Carmody people would have told you.
Old Abel was almost always sober in these, his later years. He was sober to-day. He liked to bask in that ripe sunlight as well as his dog and cat did; and in such baskings he almost always looked out of his doorway at the far, fine blue sky over the tops of the crowding maples. But to-day he was not looking at the sky, instead, he was staring at the black, dusty rafters of his kitchen, where hung dried meats and strings of onions and bunches of herbs and fishing tackle and guns and skins.
But old Abel saw not these things; his face was the face of a man who beholds visions, compact of heavenly pleasure and h.e.l.lish pain, for old Abel was seeing what he might have been--and what he was; as he always saw when Felix Moore played to him on the violin. And the awful joy of dreaming that he was young again, with unspoiled life before him, was so great and compelling that it counterbalanced the agony in the realization of a dishonoured old age, following years in which he had squandered the wealth of his soul in ways where Wisdom lifted not her voice.
Felix Moore was standing opposite to him, before an untidy stove, where the noon fire had died down into pallid, scattered ashes. Under his chin he held old Abel"s brown, battered fiddle; his eyes, too, were fixed on the ceiling; and he, too, saw things not lawful to be uttered in any language save that of music; and of all music, only that given forth by the anguished, enraptured spirit of the violin. And yet this Felix was little more than twelve years old, and his face was still the face of a child who knows nothing of either sorrow or sin or failure or remorse.
Only in his large, gray-black eyes was there something not of the child--something that spoke of an inheritance from many hearts, now ashes, which had aforetime grieved and joyed, and struggled and failed, and succeeded and grovelled. The inarticulate cries of their longings had pa.s.sed into this child"s soul, and trans.m.u.ted themselves into the expression of his music.
Felix was a beautiful child. Carmody people, who stayed at home, thought so; and old Abel Blair, who had roamed afar in many lands, thought so; and even the Rev. Stephen Leonard, who taught, and tried to believe, that favour is deceitful and beauty is vain, thought so.
He was a slight lad, with sloping shoulders, a slim brown neck, and a head set on it with stag-like grace and uplift. His hair, cut straight across his brow and falling over his ears, after some caprice of Janet Andrews, the minister"s housekeeper, was a glossy blue-black. The skin of his face and hands was like ivory; his eyes were large and beautifully tinted--gray, with dilating pupils; his features had the outlines of a cameo. Carmody mothers considered him delicate, and had long foretold that the minister would never bring him up; but old Abel pulled his grizzled moustache when he heard such forebodings and smiled.
"Felix Moore will live," he said positively. "You can"t kill that kind until their work is done. He"s got a work to do--if the minister"ll let him do it. And if the minister don"t let him do it, then I wouldn"t be in that minister"s shoes when he comes to the judgment--no, I"d rather be in my own. It"s an awful thing to cross the purposes of the Almighty, either in your own life or anybody else"s. Sometimes I think it"s what"s meant by the unpardonable sin--ay, that I do!"
Carmody people never asked what old Abel meant. They had long ago given up such vain questioning. When a man had lived as old Abel had lived for the greater part of his life, was it any wonder he said crazy things?
And as for hinting that Mr. Leonard, a man who was really almost too good to live, was guilty of any sin, much less an unpardonable one--well, there now! what use was it to be taking any account of old Abel"s queer speeches? Though, to be sure, there was no great harm in a fiddle, and maybe Mr. Leonard was a mite too strict that way with the child. But then, could you wonder at it? There was his father, you see.
Felix finally lowered the violin, and came back to old Abel"s kitchen with a long sigh. Old Abel smiled drearily at him--the smile of a man who has been in the hands of the tormentors.
"It"s awful the way you play--it"s awful," he said with a shudder. "I never heard anything like it--and you that never had any teaching since you were nine years old, and not much practice, except what you could get here now and then on my old, battered fiddle. And to think you make it up yourself as you go along! I suppose your grandfather would never hear to your studying music--would he now?"
Felix shook his head.
"I know he wouldn"t, Abel. He wants me to be a minister. Ministers are good things to be, but I"m afraid I can"t be a minister."
"Not a pulpit minister. There"s different kinds of ministers, and each must talk to men in his own tongue if he"s going to do "em any real good," said old Abel meditatively. "YOUR tongue is music. Strange that your grandfather can"t see that for himself, and him such a broad-minded man! He"s the only minister I ever had much use for. He"s G.o.d"s own if ever a man was. And he loves you--yes, sir, he loves you like the apple of his eye."
"And I love him," said Felix warmly. "I love him so much that I"ll even try to be a minister for his sake, though I don"t want to be."
"What do you want to be?"
"A great violinist," answered the child, his ivory-hued face suddenly warming into living rose. "I want to play to thousands--and see their eyes look as yours do when I play. Sometimes your eyes frighten me, but oh, it"s a splendid fright! If I had father"s violin I could do better.
I remember that he once said it had a soul that was doing purgatory for its sins when it had lived on earth. I don"t know what he meant, but it did seem to me that HIS violin was alive. He taught me to play on it as soon as I was big enough to hold it."
"Did you love your father?" asked old Abel, with a keen look.
Again Felix crimsoned; but he looked straightly and steadily into his old friend"s face.
"No," he said, "I didn"t; but," he added, gravely and deliberately, "I don"t think you should have asked me such a question."
It was old Abel"s turn to blush. Carmody people would not have believed he could blush; and perhaps no living being could have called that deepening hue into his weather-beaten cheek save only this gray-eyed child of the rebuking face.
"No, I guess I shouldn"t," he said. "But I"m always making mistakes.
I"ve never made anything else. That"s why I"m nothing more than "Old Abel" to the Carmody people. n.o.body but you and your grandfather ever calls me "Mr. Blair." Yet William Blair at the store up there, rich and respected as he is, wasn"t half as clever a man as I was when we started in life: you mayn"t believe that, but it"s true. And the worst of it is, young Felix, that most of the time I don"t care whether I"m Mr. Blair or old Abel. Only when you play I care. It makes me feel just as a look I saw in a little girl"s eyes some years ago made me feel. Her name was Anne Shirley and she lived with the Cuthberts down at Avonlea. We got into a conversation at Blair"s store. She could talk a blue streak to anyone, that girl could. I happened to say about something that it didn"t matter to a battered old hulk of sixty odd like me. She looked at me with her big, innocent eyes, a little reproachful like, as if I"d said something awful heretical. "Don"t you think, Mr. Blair," she says, "that the older we get the more things ought to matter to us?"--as grave as if she"d been a hundred instead of eleven. "Things matter SO much to me now," she says, clasping her hands thisaway, "and I"m sure that when I"m sixty they"ll matter just five times as much to me." Well, the way she looked and the way she spoke made me feel downright ashamed of myself because things had stopped mattering with me. But never mind all that. My miserable old feelings don"t count for much. What come of your father"s fiddle?"
"Grandfather took it away when I came here. I think he burned it. And I long for it so often."
"Well, you"ve always got my old brown fiddle to come to when you must."
"Yes, I know. And I"m glad for that. But I"m hungry for a violin all the time. And I only come here when the hunger gets too much to bear. I feel as if I oughtn"t to come even then--I"m always saying I won"t do it again, because I know grandfather wouldn"t like it, if he knew."
"He has never forbidden it, has he?"
"No, but that is because he doesn"t know I come here for that. He never thinks of such a thing. I feel sure he WOULD forbid it, if he knew. And that makes me very wretched. And yet I HAVE to come. Mr. Blair, do you know why grandfather can"t bear to have me play on the violin? He loves music, and he doesn"t mind my playing on the organ, if I don"t neglect other things. I can"t understand it, can you?"
"I have a pretty good idea, but I can"t tell you. It isn"t my secret.
Maybe he"ll tell you himself some day. But, mark you, young Felix, he has got good reasons for it all. Knowing what I know, I can"t blame him over much, though I think he"s mistaken. Come now, play something more for me before you go--something that"s bright and happy this time, so as to leave me with a good taste in my mouth. That last thing you played took me straight to heaven,--but heaven"s awful near to h.e.l.l, and at the last you tipped me in."
"I don"t understand you," said Felix, drawing his fine, narrow black brows together in a perplexed frown.
"No--and I wouldn"t want you to. You couldn"t understand unless you was an old man who had it in him once to do something and be a MAN, and just went and made himself a devilish fool. But there must be something in you that understands things--all kinds of things--or you couldn"t put it all into music the way you do. How do you do it? How in--how DO you do it, young Felix?"
"I don"t know. But I play differently to different people. I don"t know how that is. When I"m alone with you I have to play one way; and when Janet comes over here to listen I feel quite another way--not so thrilling, but happier and lonelier. And that day when Jessie Blair was here listening I felt as if I wanted to laugh and sing--as if the violin wanted to laugh and sing all the time."
The strange, golden gleam flashed through old Abel"s sunken eyes.
"G.o.d," he muttered under his breath, "I believe the boy can get into other folk"s souls somehow, and play out what HIS soul sees there."
"What"s that you say?" inquired Felix, petting his fiddle.
"Nothing--never mind--go on. Something lively now, young Felix. Stop probing into my soul, where you haven"t no business to be, you infant, and play me something out of your own--something sweet and happy and pure."
"I"ll play the way I feel on sunshiny mornings, when the birds are singing and I forget I have to be a minister," said Felix simply.
A witching, gurgling, mirthful strain, like mingled bird and brook song, floated out on the still air, along the path where the red and golden maple leaves were falling very softly, one by one. The Reverend Stephen Leonard heard it, as he came along the way, and the Reverend Stephen Leonard smiled. Now, when Stephen Leonard smiled, children ran to him, and grown people felt as if they looked from Pisgah over to some fair land of promise beyond the fret and worry of their care-dimmed earthly lives.
Mr. Leonard loved music, as he loved all things beautiful, whether in the material or the spiritual world, though he did not realize how much he loved them for their beauty alone, or he would have been shocked and remorseful. He himself was beautiful. His figure was erect and youthful, despite seventy years. His face was as mobile and charming as a woman"s, yet with all a man"s tried strength and firmness in it, and his dark blue eyes flashed with the brilliance of one and twenty; even his silken silvery hair could not make an old man of him. He was worshipped by everyone who knew him, and he was, in so far as mortal man may be, worthy of that worship.
"Old Abel is amusing himself with his violin again," he thought. "What a delicious thing he is playing! He has quite a gift for the violin. But how can he play such a thing as that,--a battered old hulk of a man who has, at one time or another, wallowed in almost every sin to which human nature can sink? He was on one of his sprees three days ago--the first one for over a year--lying dead-drunk in the market square in Charlottetown among the dogs; and now he is playing something that only a young archangel on the hills of heaven ought to be able to play. Well, it will make my task all the easier. Abel is always repentant by the time he is able to play on his fiddle."
Mr. Leonard was on the door-stone. The little black dog had frisked down to meet him, and the gray cat rubbed her head against his leg. Old Abel did not notice him; he was beating time with uplifted hand and smiling face to Felix"s music, and his eyes were young again, glowing with laughter and sheer happiness.
"Felix! what does this mean?"
The violin bow clattered from Felix"s hand upon the floor; he swung around and faced his grandfather. As he met the pa.s.sion of grief and hurt in the old man"s eyes, his own clouded with an agony of repentance.