"Have we not the Saviour?" she said, bowing her head.
"But think how hard people find it to please him," I said. "Think of the pilgrimages, the penances, the indulgences!"
"I do not quite understand all that," she said; "I only quite understand my sentence and the crucifix which tells us the Son of G.o.d died for man.
That _must_ have been for love, and I love him; and all the rest I am content to leave."
"But to-night as I look at her dear child-like face asleep on the pillow, and see how thin the cheek is which those long lashes shade, and how transparent the little hand on which she rests, a cold fear comes over me lest G.o.d should even now be making her spirit "fair enough for him," and so too fair for earth and for us."
_April_ 4.
This afternoon I was quite cheered by seeing Christopher and Pollux bending together eagerly over a book, which they had placed before them on the window sill. It reminded me of Fritz, and I went to see what they were reading.
I found, however, to my dismay, it was no church-book or learned Latin school-book; but, on the contrary, a German book full of woodcuts, which shocked me very much. It was called Reinecke Fuchs, and as far as I could understand made a jest of everything. There were foxes with monk"s frocks, and even in cardinal"s hats, and wolves in ca.s.socks with shaven crowns. Altogether it seemed to me a very profane and perilous book; but when I took it to our father, to my amazement he seemed as much amused with it as the boys, and said there were evils in the world which were better attacked by jests than by sermons.
_April, St Mark"s Day._
I have just heard a sermon about despising the world, from a great preacher, one of the Dominican friars, who is going through the land to awaken people to religion.
He spoke especially against money, which he called "delusion, and dross, and worthless dust, and a soul-destroying canker." To monks no doubt it may be so; for what could they do with it? But it is not so to me.
Yesterday money filled my heart with one of the purest joys I have ever known, and made me thank G.o.d as I hardly ever thanked him before.
The time had come round to pay for some of the printing materials, and we did not know where to turn for the sum we needed. Lately I have been employing my leisure hours in embroidering some fine Venetian silk Aunt Ursula gave me; and not having any copies, I had brought in some fresh leaves and flowers from the forest and tried to imitate them, hoping to sell them.
When I had finished, it was thought pretty, and I carried it to the merchant, who took the father"s precious models, long ago.
He has always been kind to us since, and has procured us ink and paper at a cheaper rate than others can buy it.
When I showed him my work he seemed surprised, and instead of showing it to his wife, as I had expected, he said smiling,--
"These things are not for poor honest burghers like me. You know my wife might be fined by the sumptuary laws if she aped the n.o.bility by wearing anything so fine as this. I am going to the Wartburg to speak about a commission I have executed for the Elector-Frederick, and if you like I will take you and your embroidery with me."
I felt dismayed at first at such an idea, but I had on the new dress Fritz gave me a year ago, and I resolved to venture.
It was so many years since I had pa.s.sed through that ma.s.sive gateway into the great court-yard; and I thought of St. Elizabeth distributing loaves, perhaps, at that very gate, and inwardly entreated her to make the elector or the ladies of his court propitious to me.
I was left standing what seemed to me a long time in an ante-room. Some very gaily-dressed gentlemen and ladies pa.s.sed me and looked at me rather scornfully. I thought the courtiers were not much improved since the days when they were so rude to St. Elizabeth.
But at last I was summoned into the Elector"s presence. I trembled very much, for I thought--If the servants are so haughty, what will the master be? But he smiled on me quite kindly, and said, "My good child, I like this work of thine; and this merchant tells me thou art a dutiful daughter. I will purchase this at once for one of my sisters, and pay thee at once."
I was so surprised and delighted with his kindness that I cannot remember the exact words of what he said afterwards, but the substance of them was that the elector is building a new church at his new university town of Wittemberg which is to have choicer relics than any church in Germany. And I am engaged to embroider altar-cloths and coverings for the reliquaries. And the sum already paid me nearly covers our present debt.
No! whatever that Dominican preacher might say nothing would ever persuade me that these precious guldens, which I took home yesterday evening with a heart br.i.m.m.i.n.g over with joy and thankfulness, which made our father clasp his hands in thanksgiving, and our mother"s eyes overflow with happy tears, are mere delusion, or dross, or dust.
Is not money what _we_ make it? Dust in the miser"s chests; canker in the proud man"s heart; but golden sunbeams, streams of blessing earned by a child"s labour and comforting a parent"s heart, or lovingly poured from rich men"s hands into poor men"s homes.
_April_ 20.
Better days seem dawning at last. Dr. Martin, who preaches now at the elector"s new university of Wittemberg, must, we think, have spoken to the elector for us, and our father is appointed to superintend the printing-press especially for Latin books, which is to be set up there.
And sweeter even than this, it must be from Fritz that this boon comes to us. Fritz, dear, unselfish Fritz, is the benefactor of the family after all. It must have been he who asked Dr. Martin Luther to speak for us. There, in his lonely cell at Erfurt, he thinks then of us! And he prays for us. He will never forget us. His new name will not alter his heart. And, perhaps, one day, when the novitiate is over, we may see him again. But to see him as no more our Fritz, but Brother Sebastian!--his home, the Augustinian cloister!--his mother, the church!--his sisters, all holy women!--would it not be almost worse than not seeing him at all?
We are all to move to Wittemberg in a month, except Pollux, who is to remain with Cousin Conrad Cotta, to learn to be a merchant.
Christopher begins to help about the printing.
There was another thing also in my visit to the Wartburg, which gives me many a gleam of joy when I think of it. If the elector whose presence I so trembled to enter, proved so much more condescending and accessible than his courtiers,--oh, if it could only be possible that we are making some mistake about G.o.d, and that He after all may be more gracious and ready to listen to us than His priests, or even than the saints who wait on Him in His palace in heaven!
VIII.
Fritz"s Story.
ERFURT, AUGUSTINIAN CONVENT, _April_ 1.
I suppose conflict of mind working on a const.i.tution weakened by the plague, brought on the illness from which I am just recovering. It is good to feel strength returning as I do. There is a kind of natural irresistible delight in life, however little we have to live for, especially to one so little prepared to die as I am. As I write, the rooks are cawing in the church-yard elms, disputing and chattering like a set of busy prosaic burghers. But retired from all this noisy public life, two thrushes have built their nest in a thorn just under the window of my cell. And early in the morning they wake me with song. He flies. .h.i.ther and thither as busy as a bee, with food for his mate, as she broods secure among the thick leaves, and then he perches on a twig, and sings as if he had nothing to do but to be happy. All is pleasure to him, no doubt--the work as well as the singing. Happy the creatures for whom it is G.o.d"s will that they should live according to their nature, and not contrary to it.
Probably in the recovering from illness, when the body is still weak, yet thrilling with reviving strength, the heart is especially tender, and yearns more towards home and former life than it will when strength returns and brings duties. Or, perhaps, this illness recalls the last,--and the loving faces and soft hushed voices that were around me then.
Yet I have nothing to complain of. My aged confessor has scarcely left my bed-side. From the first he brought his bed into my cell, and watched over me like a father.
And his words minister to my heart as much as his hands to my bodily wants.
If my spirit would only take the comfort he offers, as easily as I receive food and medicine from his hands!
He does not attempt to combat my difficulties one by one. He says--
"I am little of a physician. I cannot lay my hand on the seat of disease. But there is One who can." And to Him I know the simple-hearted old man prays for me.
Often he recurs to the declaration in the creed, "I believe in the forgiveness of sins." "It is the command of G.o.d," he said to me one day, "that we should believe in the forgiveness of sins; not of David"s or Peter"s sins, but of _ours_, our own, the very sins that distress our consciences." He also quoted a sermon of St. Bernard"s on the annunciation.
"The testimony of the Holy Ghost given in thy heart is this, "Thy sins are forgiven thee.""
Yes, forgiven to all _penitents_! But who can a.s.sure me I am a true penitent?
These words, he told me, comforted Brother Martin, and he wonders they do not comfort me. I suppose Brother Martin had "the testimony of the Holy Ghost in his heart;" but who shall give that to me? to me who resisted the vocation of the Holy Ghost so long; who in my deepest heart obey it so imperfectly still!
Brother Martin was faithful, honest, thorough, single-hearted,--all that G.o.d accepts; all that I am not!
The affection and compa.s.sion of my aged confessor often, however, comfort me, even when his words have little power. They make me feel a dim hope now and then that the Lord he serves may have something of the same pity in his heart.
ERFURT, _April_ 15.