"Do you think it is a sin I ought to confess, Fritz?" I said; "I did not mean it deceitfully; but I am always making such blunders about right and wrong. What can I do?"
"Does Aunt Ursula know?" he asked rather fiercely.
"No; the mother will not let me tell any one. She thinks they would reflect on our father; and he told her only last week, he has a plan about a new way of smelting lead, which is, I think, to turn it all into silver. That would certainly be a wonderful discovery; and he thinks the Elector would take it up at once, and we should probably have to leave Eisenach and live near the Electoral Court. Perhaps even the Emperor would require us to communicate the secret to him, and then we should have to leave the country altogether; for you know there are great lead-mines in Spain; and if once people could make silver out of lead, it would be much easier and safer than going across the great ocean to procure the native silver from the Indian savages."
Fritz drew a long breath.
"And meantime?" he said.
"Well, meantime," I said, "it is of course, sometimes a little difficult to get on."
He mused a little while, and then he said--
"Little Else, I have thought of a plan which may, I think, bring us a few guldens--until the process of trans.m.u.ting lead into silver is completed."
"Of course," I said, "after that we shall want nothing, but be able to give to those who do want. And oh, Fritz! how well we shall understand how to help people who are poor. Do you think that is why G.o.d lets us be so poor ourselves so long, and never seems to hear our prayers?"
"It would be pleasant to think so, Else," said Fritz, gravely; "but it is very difficult to understand how to please G.o.d, or how to make our prayers reach him at all--at least when we are so often feeling and doing wrong."
It cheered me to see that Fritz does not despair of the great invention succeeding one day. He did not tell me what his own plan is.
Does Fritz, then, also feel so sinful and so perplexed how to please G.o.d? Perhaps a great many people feel the same. It is very strange. If it had only pleased G.o.d to make it a little plainer. I wonder if that book Eva lost would tell us anything!
After that evening the barrier between me and Fritz was of course quite gone, and we seemed closer than ever. We had delightful twilight talks in our lumber-room, and I love him more than ever. So that Aunt Agnes would, I suppose, think me more of an idolater than before. But it is very strange that idolatry should seem to do me so much good. I seem to love all the world better for loving Fritz, and to find everything easier to bear, by having him to unburden everything on, so that I had never fewer little sins to confess than during the two weeks Fritz was at home. If G.o.d had only made loving brothers and sisters and the people at home the way to please him, instead of not loving them too much, or leaving them all to bury one"s self in a cold convent, like Aunt Agnes!
Little Eva actually persuaded Fritz to begin teaching her the Latin grammar! I suppose she wishes to be like her beloved St. Catherine, who was so learned. And she says all the holy books, the prayers and the hymns, are in Latin, so that she thinks it must be a language G.o.d particularly loves. She asked me a few days since if they speak Latin in heaven.
Of course I could not tell. I told her I believed the Bible was originally written in two other languages, the languages of the Greeks and the Jews, and that I had heard some one say Adam and Eve spoke the Jews" language in paradise, which I suppose G.o.d taught them.
But I have been thinking over it since, and I should not wonder if Eva is right.
Because, unless Latin is the language of the saints and holy angels in heaven, why should G.o.d wish the priests to speak it everywhere, and the people to say the Ave and Paternoster in it? We should understand it all so much better in German; but of course if Latin is the language of the blessed saints and angels, that is a reason for it. If we do not always understand, THEY do, which is a great comfort. Only I think it is a very good plan of little Eva"s to try and learn Latin; and when I have more time to be religious, perhaps I may try also.
IV.
Extracts from Friedrich"s Chronicle.
ERFURT, 1505.
The university seems rather a cold world after the dear old home at Eisenach. But it went to my heart to see how our mother and Else struggle, and how worn and thin they look. Happily for them, they have still hope in the great invention, and I would not take it away for the world. But meantime, I must at once do something to help. I can sometimes save some viands from my meals, which are portioned out to us liberally on this foundation, and sell them; and I can occasionally earn a little by copying themes for the richer students, or sermons and postils for the monks. The printing-press has certainly made that means of maintenance more precarious; but printed books are still very dear, and also very large, and the priests are often glad of small copies of fragments of the postils, or orations of the fathers, written off in a small, clear hand, to take with them on their circuits around the villages. There is also writing to be done for the lawyers, so that I do not despair of earning something: and if my studies are r.e.t.a.r.ded a little, it does not so much matter. It is not for me to aspire to great things, unless, indeed, they can be reached by small and patient steps.
I have a work to do for the family. My youth must be given to supporting them by the first means I can find. If I succeed, perhaps Christopher or Pollux will have leisure to aim higher than I can; or, perhaps, in middle and later life I myself shall have leisure to pursue the studies of these great old cla.s.sics, which seem to make the horizon of our thoughts so wide, and the world so glorious and large, and life so deep.
It would certainly be a great delight to devote one"s self, as Martin Luther is now able to do, to literature and philosophy. His career is opening n.o.bly. This spring he has taken his degree as Master of Arts, and he has been lecturing on Aristotle"s physics and logic. He has great power of making dim things clear, and old things fresh. His lectures are crowded. He is also studying law, in order to qualify himself for some office in the State. His parents (judging from his father"s letters) seem to centre all their hopes in him; and it is almost the same here at the university. Great things are expected of him; indeed there scarcely seems any career that is not open to him. And he is a man of such heart, as well as intellect, that he seems to make all the university, the professors as well as the students, look on him as a kind of possession of their own. All seem to feel a property in his success. Just as it was with our little circle at Eisenach, so it is with the great circle at the university. He is _our_ Master Martin; and in every step of his ascent we ourselves feel a little higher. I wonder, if his fame should indeed spread as we antic.i.p.ate, if it will be the same one day with all Germany? if the whole land will say exultingly by-and-by--_our_ Martin Luther?
Not that he is without enemies; his temper is too hot and his heart too warm for that negative distinction of phlegmatic negative natures.
_June_, 1505.
Martin Luther came to me a few days since, looking terribly agitated.
His friend Alexius has been a.s.sa.s.sinated, and he takes it exceedingly to heart; not only, I think, because of the loss of one he loved, but because it brings death so terribly near, and awakens again those questionings which I know are in the depths of his heart, as well as of mine, about G.o.d, and judgment, and the dark, dread future before us, which we cannot solve, yet cannot escape nor forget.
To-day we met again, and he was full of a book he had discovered in the university library, where he spends most of his leisure hours. It was a Latin Bible, which he had never seen before in his life. He marvelled greatly to see so much more in it than in the Evangelia read in the churches, or in the Collections of Homilies. He was called away to lecture, or, he said, he could have read on for hours. Especially one history seems to have impressed him deeply. It was in the Old Testament.
It was the story of the child Samuel and his mother Hannah. "He read it quickly through," he said, "with hearty delight and joy; and because this was all new to him, he began to wish from the bottom of his heart that G.o.d would one day bestow on him such a book for his own."
I suppose it is the thought of his own pious mother which makes this history interest him so peculiarly. It is indeed a beautiful history, as he told it me, and makes one almost wish one had been born in the times of the old Hebrew monarchy. It seems as if G.o.d listened so graciously and readily then to that poor sorrowful woman"s prayers. And if we could only, each of us, hear that voice from heaven, how joyful it would be to reply, like that blessed child, "Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth;"
and then to learn, without possibility of mistake, what G.o.d really requires of each of us. I suppose, however, the monks do feel as sure of their vocation as the holy child of old, when they leave home and the world for the service of the Church. It would be a great help if other people had vocations to their various works in life, like the prophet Samuel and (I suppose) the monks, that we might all go on fearlessly, with a firm step, each in his appointed path, and feel sure that we are doing the right thing, instead of perhaps drawing down judgments on those we would die to serve, by our mistakes and sins. It can hardly be intended that all men should be monks and nuns. Would to heaven, therefore, that laymen had also their vocation, instead of this terrible uncertainty and doubt that will shadow the heart at times, that we may have missed our path (as I did that night in the snow-covered forest), and, like Cain, be flying from the presence of G.o.d, and gathering on us and ours his curse.
_July_ 12, 1505.
There is a great gloom over the university. The plague is among us. Many are lying dead who, only last week, were full of youth and hope. Numbers of the professors, masters, and students have fled to their homes, or to various villages in the nearest reaches of the Thuringian forest. The churches are thronged at all the services. The priests and monks (those who remain in the infected city) take advantage of the terror the presence of the pestilence excites, to remind people of the more awful terrors of that dreadful day of judgment and wrath which no one will be able to flee. Women, and sometimes men, are borne fainting from the churches, and often fall at once under the infection, and never are seen again. Martin Luther seems much troubled in mind. This epidemic, following so close on the a.s.sa.s.sination of his friend, seems to overwhelm him. But he does not talk of leaving the city. Perhaps the terrors which weigh most on him are those the preachers recall so vividly to us just now, from which there is no flight by change of place, but only by change of life. During this last week, especially since he was exposed to a violent thunder-storm on the high road near Erfurt, he has seemed strangely altered. A deep gloom is on his face, and he seems to avoid his old friends. I have scarcely spoken to him.
_July_ 14.
To-day, to my great surprise, Martin has invited me and several other of his friends to meet at his rooms on the day after to-morrow, to pa.s.s a social evening in singing and feasting. The plague has abated; yet I rather wonder at any one thinking of merry-making yet. They say, however, that a merry heart is the best safe-guard.
_July_ 17.
The secret of Martin Luther"s feast is opened now. The whole university is in consternation. He has decided on becoming a monk. Many think it is a sudden impulse, which may yet pa.s.s away. I do not. I believe it is the result of the conflict of years, and that he has only yielded, in this act, to convictions which have been recurring to him continually during all his brilliant university career.
Never did he seem more animated than yesterday evening. The hours flew by in eager, cheerful conversation. A weight seemed removed from us. The pestilence was departing; the professors and students were returning. We felt life resuming its old course, and ventured once more to look forward with hope. Many of us had completed our academical course, and were already entering the larger world beyond--the university of life.
Some of us had appointments already promised, and most of us had hopes of great things in the future; the less definite the prospects, perhaps the more brilliant. Martin Luther did not hazard any speculations as to his future career; but that surprised none of us. His fortune, we said, was insured already; and many a jesting claim was put in for his future patronage, when he should be a great man.
We had excellent music also, as always at any social gathering where Martin Luther is. His clear, true voice was listened to with applause in many a well-known song, and echoed in joyous choruses afterward by the whole party. So the evening pa.s.sed, until the university hour for repose had nearly arrived; when suddenly, in the silence after the last note of the last chorus had died away, he bid us all farewell; for on the morrow, he said, he purposed to enter the Augustinian monastery as a novice! At first, some treated this as a jest; but his look and bearing soon banished that idea. Then all earnestly endeavoured to dissuade him from his purpose. Some spoke of the expectations the university had formed of him--others, of the career in the world open to him; but at all this he only smiled. When, however, one of us reminded him of his father, and the disappointment it might cause in his home, I noticed that a change came over his face, and I thought there was a slight quiver on his lip. But all,--friendly remark, calm remonstrance, fervent, affectionate entreaties,--all were unavailing.
"To-day," he said, "you see me; after this you will see me no more."
Thus we separated. But this morning, when some of his nearest friends went to his rooms early, with the faint hope of yet inducing him to listen, while we pressed on him the thousand unanswerable arguments which had occurred to us since we parted from him, his rooms were empty, and he was nowhere to be found. To all our inquiries we received no reply but that Master Martin had gone that morning, before it was light, to the Augustinian cloister.
Thither we followed him, and knocked loudly at the heavy convent gates.
After some minutes they were slightly opened, and a sleepy porter appeared.
"Is Martin Luther here?" we asked.
"He is here!" was the reply; not, we thought, without a little triumph in the tone.
"We wish to speak with him," demanded one of us.
"No one is to speak with him," was the grim rejoinder.
"Until when?" we asked.