More likely, no man would want her now, especially not one as kind and good as Adam. Or Edward. Oh, Edward. What will I do now?
At least she need worry no longer about a babe; her courses had come as she had hoped they would. But despite that welcome news, hopelessness filled her, and she craved the oblivion of sleep. A sob escaped, and Eva hurried to her side. In her shame Gwenyth could not look the woman in the eye.
"There now, la.s.s," Eva crooned, stroking the hair back from Gwenyth"s face much as her own mother might have. "You are safe now from everything but your own fears."
Gwenyth closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her mother was only recently buried, her father and brothers dead at Bruce"s hand or in battle against him. Who knew where Daron was? Alonea"unloved, unlovable, abandoned even by her G.o.da" she bowed to despair. Shunning Eva"s condolence, she wanted nothing more than the privacy to grieve for all she"d lost.
As her world spun out of control, she searched frantically for something to hold fast to. Something to anchor her in the tempest that threatened to destroy her sanity. And out of the chaos, out of the pain, came a bright guiding light of kindness and hope.
She found Adam"s smile.
ADAM STOOD OUTSIDE his father"s chamber, preparing himself for the sight of his once-robust sire, now reduced to a bedridden old man. His knock was met with a surprisingly hardy "Come in."
Angus sat propped up in his bed. The swelling of his hands and face was less noticeable, and for a brief moment, Adam allowed himself to hope that Nathara was wrong about the condition of his father"s heart.
"You"re looking fit today," he said.
"Aye, and feeling fit too. Come, lad. Bide awhile and tell me of yer visit to Macpherson."
Adam sat on the stool next to the bed and took a deep breath. "It did not go as planned."
"He challenged ye outright? Already?"
Adam hesitateda"he must tread carefully. Nathara had warned them not to allow Angus to become upset. But he knew his father hated to be treated like an invalid as much as Adam hated keeping things from him.
"Come, lad. "Tis not likely I"ll leap from my bed and beat ye over bad news."
Chuckling at that image, Adam replied, "Aye, he challenged me. But his plan miscarried."
As Adam debated the best way to tell his father about Gwenyth, his father scowled.
"All right, Da, I"ll finish. But you must promise to calm yourself."
"Calm myself." Angus yanked at the bedcovers. "Fine. I"m calm."
Adam knew better than to believe it and felt himself cringe even as he said, "I returned with a handfast wife."
The old man"s face flushed scarlet. Through gritted teeth he said, "And just how did ye manage that?"
Adam jumped to his feet. "You"ll have mother in here clucking at you if you don"t quiet down." He stalked to the table and poured his father a dram of whiskey in hopes of calming him. He returned and gave the goblet to his father. "Here."
Angus took the drink and quaffed it in one swallow. "Thanks to ye." He leaned back against his pillows and motioned Adam closer. His color returned to normal, much to Adam"s relief.
"I doubt if Nathara would approve of the whiskey," Adam said as he sat down, "or my method of breaking news."
Waving the thought away, Angus replied, "She means well, but I don"t have time to be coddled, Adam. I want to leave with my affairs in order, and I can"t do that if ye hide things from me."
Adam nodded. "I"ll tell you the rest now, but another outburst, and I"m done."
"Aye. Speak yer piece."
He pulled his stool even closer to the bed and told of his trial and subsequent punishment, carefully observing his father all the while.
However, Angus listened without interruption until Adam finished. "Well, I wanted to see ye marrit before I die, but I thought to have ye choose. Does she suit ye?"
"She"s a servant."
"She isna comely, then?"
Adam smiled as he envisioned Gwenyth as she had defied Leod. Bruised and battered, still the fire in her eyes had given him a glimpse of the woman hidden beneath the pain, the woman she might become again when time had healed her.
He collected his thoughts and answered, "Nay, her appearance is not the problem. "Tis her name that troubles me."
His father gave a quizzical look. "What"s wrong with her name?"
"She is Gwenyth of Buchan, a lady"s maid and no doubt loyal to Balliol."
"Ye haven"t asked her?"
"Da, we haven"t had time to discuss politics."
Adam observed his father for signs his anger was returning, but Angus only stared at his son. Thinking he"d said quite enough, Adam waited for his father to resume the conversation.
"Yer handfast, you say?"
"Aye."
"Ye were smart not to take the binding vows, Adam." Angus paused, and a grin lit his features. "Still, we canna fault her wisdom in saving yer life, now can we?"
"Nay, I"d say not." He captured his father"s gaze before going on. "But there"s still the matter of her accusing me of rape."
Angus sobered. "I can understand yer anger at being falsely accused."
" "Tis hard to stay angry under the circ.u.mstances. I"ve given her my protection and promised to help her reach England. That much I owe, and nothing more."
"Aye, the sooner "tis done, the better, although I doubt that anyone who knows ye believes for a minute ye would force a la.s.s."
Reluctantly, Adam nodded. "Aye, the la.s.ses are most willing to marry the laird"s son, even when he has only one working arm."
"Yer charms as a man and laird go beyond physical strength, Adam."
So, they were back to this argument again. "And that isn"t the most important thing?" Adam wished he could believe his father"s words. "The clan will follow the strongest man."
"Nay, Adam, they will follow the man who will fight as hard in battle as he will fight to lead them safely in times of peace. Leod isna that kind of leader, boy. The only ones who stand for him now are those as greedy and power hungry as Leod himself."
"But what of a man"s character? Gwenyth has besmirched even that with her accusation."
"Those who know ye will know "twas a false claim."
Adam steered the conversation back to Leod. "So, you think "tis a small group that follows Leod?"
"Aye, I don"t believe he has near the support ye credit him with."
Mustering his patience, Adam asked, "What if you are wrong, and I must fight?"
"Then ye will fight and win," Angus said with conviction.
Adam stifled the urge to leap from his stool. If he allowed his anger to show, Angus would feed off it and they"d be yelling again.
When Adam felt able to continue, he replied, "Perhaps. But I would rather avoid confrontation. I want no more of my clan"s blood to be shed."
"Ah, see. That is just what makes ye a better man than Leod Macpherson will ever be. He doesna think of others, only of himself."
But Adam worried that the real reason he wished to avoid bloodshed was his belief that in pitched battle, he would lose, would be shown to be incompetent as a warrior as he had been at Dalry. It wasn"t death he feared so much as being remembered as a weak and tragic figure. No man wanted the bards to sing of him as anything but a mighty hero.
His father"s misplaced faith frightened him. "I value your opinion of me, Da. But I"m afraid this marriage to a servant with questionable ties to the Comyns gives Leod needed fuel to gain further support."
"Perhaps. Ye can send the woman away."
"I"ve thought of that, but the vows are binding for a year."
"Surely you can come to an agreementa"she can leave as long as neither of ye marry within the time."
"Aye, I suppose so. But I may not be able to get rid of her as soon as I"d like." And if she stays too long, I may very well be tempted to change my mind.
"Why is that?"
"Becausea"" Adam caught himself before he answered the wrong question. Gwenyth could not be his wife; duty demanded he seek a wife who would strengthen the federation, not weaken it. Still, he had always been one to protect and help the defenseless, and Adam felt most protective toward the la.s.s.
Protection or attraction? Was it her beauty or her vulnerability that called to him? Or something morea"a core of inner strength and dignity that drew him? Again he wished to have met her under other circ.u.mstances, to be free to know her better.
Aye, he wanted her. Adam shook his head to clear it of that last, dangerous thought. Intimacy was the last thing Gwenyth needed just now. Such thoughts were best kept well hidden for many reasons. Not the least of which was his determination, sealed during his heartfelt discussion with Father Jerard, that he would not lie with Gwenyth or any other woman until G.o.d and the church sanctioned the union.
Hoping his face did not betray his mind"s wanderings, he looked up to see his father studying him carefully.
Angus spoke softly. "Ye"ve a lot on your mind, boy. And I think the maid is not the least of it. Send her to me."
"Nay, father. She is fragile just now. Do not add to her burden."
" "Tis ye I worry about, son. I admire yer tender heart, "tis a good thing for a laird to be concerned for those in his care. But ye cannot let it lead ye where ye shouldn"t go. I"ll not be here for much longera""
"Naya""
He raised his hand, cutting off Adam"s protest. " "Tis true and we both know it."
Angus a.s.sessed Adam, and Adam wondered if he measured up. "Answer me one thing, son. Do ye want to be laird, want it bad enough to fight for it if need be?"
" "Tis my duty and my birthright. I have no choice."
"That"s not the answer I want to hear. Do ye want it or no?"
Adam groaned in defeat. "I don"t know."
"When are ye going to forgive yerself for what happened at Dalry? Because Leod Macpherson senses yer lack of confidence, mark my words." Angus" voice became more heated as he continued. " "Tis why he is pressing ye, and he will continue until ye stand up to him. What I want to know is this. Shall I name another as my successor, or will ye fight?"
In anguish Adam shouted, "I can"t fight, you stubborn old man!
I cannot use the shield to protect myself."
"Then find a way to fighta"train yer men to protect yer weak side. Do something, but don"t just give up without trying!" His voice rose until he, too, was shouting. "Otherwise, ye"re not the son of my loins, but some impostor."
Angus had grown red in the face and his breathing became labored. Fearing for his father"s well-being, Adam grabbed his hand. "Da, calm yourself. Please, Da, don"t vex yourself."
The door burst open. "What the devil goes on in here?" Eva glared at Adam. "Well? Have ye nothing to say?"
"He"s angry with me."
"I can see that. What have ye done to stir him up?"
"Eva, leave the boy be," Angus whispered. His color was again returning to normal, Adam noted with relief.
No one spoke as Angus, calmer now, dropped Adam"s hand and patted the bed for his wife to sit down. She closed the door and took the seat he offered.
"Our son has a decision to make," Angus said. "Adam, for the good of the clan, I must force this upon ye. If ye wish it, I"ll choose another, but we must not linger. I won"t live much longer."
Adam"s emotions reeled. He rose and paced. First a forced marriage, now a decision that would affect not only his own future, but the future of his people. Could he be what they needed? Could he win against Leod if it came to a fight? And most importantly, could he live with himself if he gave up without trying?
He looked at the man in the bed, his once great frame now thin except for the unnatural swelling that spelled his death sentence.
"Who would you choose, Father? If I say I don"t want to be laird, who would you choose?"
Adam heard his mother draw in her breath.
Angus looked at his wife and son, and Adam saw love and pride outshining anger in his father"s eyes. "I will not answer that. I choose ye, Adam. Ye were born and raised to the job. Ye have the moral character and devotion to others that make a good chieftain. If only ye believed it."
"But a laird must also be able to lead in battle!" Adam shouted in frustration.
"And I tell ye that is the least important thing!" his father shouted back.
"Enough," Eva said, raising a hand that stopped them both. "I"ve heard enough. Two more stubborn men have never graced this earth." She turned to her husband. "Ye said he must make this decision. Then let him. And ye," she pointed to Adam, "take heed of yer father"s words and share yer thoughts with no one. If Leod finds out what an uproar ye"ve caused, he"ll have just the advantage he needs to make yer decision moot."
Adam"s heart was heavy as he acknowledged her words. "You are right, both of you. You needn"t cast about for someone else. I will fight and win, or die trying."
He spun on his heel and just as he reached the door, his father called out, "Send the la.s.s to me, Adam."
Adam heaved a sigh of resignation. "Aye, Da."
ANGUS KNEW, as he and Eva watched their son depart, that she would have her say. She always did, and for that, he was thankful. Eva Macpherson had not been meek as a young maid or at any time in their marriage. If such were not true, he doubted she"d have survived the upheaval their union had caused.