I guess I"ll get going. None of this has been very journal-like and I need to talk with Rosetta this afternoon. Maybe I"ve been worrying about too much recently. I"ll put my notes in my bag and leave.
My friend,
There has been little to report recently, so I had thought I would not have a chance to speak with you.
But, well, now two or three things connected to you have happened in a row, so I felt the need to make a report.
That girl showed up today. At the moment, she has taken Rosetta out into the yard where they are eating snacks.
I put so many restrictions on her concerning Rose Francisca: do not ask about our ident.i.ties, do not speak about us, and do not write any letters using our real names. And yet she readily asked about my Royal Guard Chevalier family and about Rosetta. I managed to avoid answering, but I"m really not sure what to do. I especially panicked when she asked about the Attesor Project. I hesitated a moment before laughing it off. I just hope she didn"t suspect anything.
But this makes it even harder to invite her to the Resistance. If what Rose Francisca has said is accurate, it does not seem there is anything I can do about this girl for the time being.
And when I look at it like that, well, she seems like nothing more than a troublemaker girl with too much energy, which is kind of funny. I"m probably just projecting our past onto her, but I really don"t think we were ever that much of a nuisance.
She bluntly told me it was my fault that Rosetta isn"t evolving. That kid really needs to learn some manners. Still, I do understand why she is so fixated on Rosetta"s evolution. Belle de Marionnettes are discriminated against in America, so they"re treated as the lowest cla.s.s.
The ma.s.s-produced Belle de Marionnettes in America are mostly treated like toys or slaves, so it is a miracle when they manage to evolve into a human even a little bit. That might have something to do with it, but this is what she said to me:
"If Rosetta wants to remain a machine, that"s fine, but you can"t just let her stay like this without telling her she can become human. You have to let her know that is a possibility."
It shows how young she is.
But when I look out there, I see Rosetta following that girl around without knowing what any of it means.
What that girl is trying to do to Rosetta is certainly different from me. Taking her outside will expand her possibilities in many more directions than staying inside the mansion.
If I didn"t have this prosthetic right leg…if my leg wound"s Formule had not settled in place while I was in the POW camp, I might have made Rosetta my secretary while I commanded the Resistance.
But the past is the past. I"m really not sure what to do. I"m being tossed around by that girl a fair bit too. Does she really intend to have Rosetta evolve? If so, what do I do? Personally, I kind of feel like leaving this up to destiny. I have lived for so long with a policy of not letting Rosetta evolve, but she started smiling just from meeting that girl.
Rosetta might like that girl more than us.
If so, that girl might be able to correct the many mistakes behind Rosetta"s birth. I"m really, really not sure what to do. Maybe I"m too old for all this.
Maybe this is due to the fear I felt when I saw the changes in tech in this cutting-edge Lourd de Marionnette. I was especially shocked by the high-quality ultra-high-speed conversion Cabinet that is entered through the secondary seat. That would probably let you Recréa in less than 2 minutes after boarding it. The world really is changing. In our day, you would follow all the proper etiquette in battle unless it was an unexpected engagement, but now that tanks and airplanes are becoming the main fighting force, Lourd de Marionnettes are apparently being used more as high-speed strike forces.
If this age has been repeating itself as Rose Francisca claims, then the real outside world is filled with tech 55 years more advanced than this. It makes me want to cry.
Rumor has it that Old Man Heinz who took my right leg is now a lieutenant colonel in the German army, but he"s apparently taking part in the Panzer Ritter Project. I met him during an unexpected engagement, but his family was known as the Kaiser"s right arm and he preferred proper one-on-one battles to an unexpected engagement.
I still sometimes dream about fighting him in accordance with all the etiquette. It always ends with me winning, though. Although in reality I lost and was taken prisoner until the end of the war. I thought I would retire after that, but then I ended up as the Resistance leader just as this war was beginning. I shoved a little too much of the work off onto Old "Blue-Eyes" Jan, though. Maybe that"s because the Balleroy family led the Missel family as the Royal Guard Chevalier.
But that position went away in the people"s revolution and the remaining Chevalier de Paris lost its role during the previous war.
The old traditions are lost, but the people who were around back then don"t want to forget how we used to fight.
Then again, Old Man Heinz is seeing how close man can come to machine in the Panzer Ritter Project. He has apparently increased his reaction speed inside a Lourd de Marionnette more than 100-fold, but he might not be human any longer.
I"m betting he"s Germany"s strongest weapon at this point. I mean, he was already quite the chevalier de chevalier.
Once again, I"m really not sure what to do. This basically means the German army is doing the same thing as a certain project I could mention. A toast to human folly and to Heinz"s health.
And I"ll end this on a more depressing topic. Becarre, who I used to go drinking with to discuss this country, was arrested. I bet it had something to do with being Calamity"s brother, but Old Blue-Eyes said he turned himself in. There were apparently some dangerous rumors and his entire family was being investigated, so he turned himself in. Old Blue-Eyes"s grandson apparently wrote up the records and directly reported it to his higher ups.
I"d really like to meet that grandson at some point. I"m betting he didn"t become an honorary officer in the German army for self-preservation. I"m betting his grandfather set it up so they could handle things like this.
I think I"ll ask his grandfather about it at tomorrow"s gathering. That old man is quite the actor, after all.
Until we speak again.
Today at 09:30, I had a meeting with the Panzer Ritter Project Research Team at Berlin"s general hospital. I pointed out that I was growing interested in information about the Attesor Project and that it could distract me and disturb my decision-making.
But the research team said my memory activity had bene reduced to the bare minimum required for everyday life plus memories of my military duty and past battles. They said all of my actions are based in that.
That means I will not do anything beyond my everyday activities that is not related to combat. All knowledge and memories I desire are based on combat. That was what I desired when I joined the Panzer Ritter Project.
In that case, my pursuit of the Attesor Project is not based in emotion; it is necessary to strengthen myself.
According to one researcher, "Your memories might include a battle that is making you think of the Attesor Project."
I have decided to focus my research on discovering which of my few remaining memories that is. So I will use all time not spent in battle investigating the Attesor Project. I have decided I must rid myself of this curiosity before I return to the battlefield.
At 17:04, I left Berlin"s general hospital. I searched for M. Schrier"s Ober Geheimnis Compilation at a bookstore, but it has been banned within Germany and is thus impossible to acquire.
At 18:21, I returned to the barracks. Nothing more to report.
To my sworn friend Beretta,
Let me make one thing very clear up front: I have not been bringing any guys home lately.
Please refrain from making such flagrant false accusations in the future. The noise at night has nothing to do with guys; I am practicing the violon I need for my major!! How could you possibly mistake that beautiful music for something like that? I"ll admit I"m pretty inexperienced, but…oh, curse him.
That guy said I played "such wonderfully emotional music", but when I played the exact same way in cla.s.s this afternoon the professor called it "horrific" and gave me a G.
But let me get to the point of this letter, Beretta.
Last night, Mr. Phillip asked me for some advice. Advice about you. That"s all I"m saying. I won"t tell you anything more. Think for yourself about how important that is. And he gave me a map, so come pick it up. Bye.
A lot of important things happened today but I cannot write about most of them in this journal
Lady Beretta ordered me to write them in a letter and send them to her
So I will only write about what I saw out in the yard this afternoon
What happened at dinner I will write about in a letter
At around four Lady Beretta and I were sitting on a sheet and looking down at the city of Paris from the hill
I always mow the gra.s.s between spring and summer in that yard but I had never just looked down at the city before
As I did there was always some small change occurring in the city
Whenever I noticed one and asked about it Lady Beretta would politely tell me what it was
The small lights I occasionally saw were the light reflected off of the windows being opened or closed
The smoke coming from low areas were a sign of someone cooking at a bistro or restaurant
The smoke coming from high areas was a sign of someone cooking in an appartement
What looked like white flags along the streets were laundry hanging out to dry
The quiet sounds I heard from the city were the horns of cars
The birds flying above the city were pigeons being kept as pets
I recorded those things with Signe for the first time because I could not tell why they were shining or smoking just with an Ajouter
I have been to the city a few times but that was only at night to visit the night market next to the Boulogne Park with the master
I always waited outside the market and then helped the master carry things back once he returned
I have seen people
A lot of people pa.s.s by in front of me when I am waiting for the master at the night market
A few of them would have a few other expressions but most of the people are in a hurry to buy food just like the master and me
Most of the people who pa.s.s by are just like me
They can walk and they can carry things and they can speak
That means that is enough
I looked at Lady Beretta while recalling my memories of what I saw in the city
She said that the people I saw at the market were not just like me
She said they have functions that I do not understand
I asked her if I needed to be that high functioning for my life
She did not seem to understand my question
She had explained what becoming human meant and it meant become higher functioning and I do not need those extra functions for my life
When I explained myself again while following along with my memories Lady Beretta immediately gave the following explanation
Becoming human is not about function It is about your will or well you know
No I do not know
Umm you have a sense of taste right That was because you wanted to cook delicious food right
Yes I sensed it was necessary after everything I cooked nearly killed the master for a month straight
Hm so that old man has put more effort into this than I thought But that is not the point Think about it Rosetta Your sense of taste is your own function but you use it to cook delicious food So what happens once you have the food with the flavor you want
I serve it to the master
Not what you do with it Umm I am asking you how it makes you feel
How it makes me feel
Do you feel like cheering or get really excited or think you must be some kind of genius after it all works out the way you wanted it to
No it is only natural that it turns out that way
Only natural huh And yet I have never had it turn out that way Not even once Oh but I am getting sidetracked So what does that old man say after he eats it
He always says it was delicious
And what if he did not say that
He always does
Think about it When you serve him dinner tonight he might get up from the table without saying a word
He would not
If I mixed something disgusting into the food while you and the old man were not looking I am one hundred percent certain he would do just that
Please do not do that
I said that to Lady Beretta even though it was not necessary
After all she does not seem like the person who would do something like that
But I still said it
I stopped her and I stopped my own imagination
I do not know why but I reflexively wished to stop Lady Beretta when I imagined the master getting up from the table without saying a word
When I could not say anything more Lady Beretta held my shoulders
She apologized but I do not know why
I think she was apologizing because I fell silent but that silence was due to my inability to control my thoughts which makes it my responsibility
She does not need to apologize for something that is my responsibility
And yet I listened to her apology in silence
She said the following
I am sorry Rosetta There has been so much on my mind lately that I might have been too mean there I am sorry but I thought I had to say that to get you to think about it Rosetta you have gone numb to what it means to enjoy something For one thing it would be pretty funny if that old man still said it was delicious
Would it
He has no idea how to adapt and I bet his sense of taste is half dead but I bet you have a decent repertoire of dishes because you thought he would enjoy it and not because you needed something to kill the time
Yes it happened when I ran out of ingredients from making the same dish and had to make something else
That old man enjoyed it in a different way right
How did you know
You look like you have a wide repertoire of dishes so you must be able to detect those minute changes in his enjoyment of the food But at the same time you have gone numb to it and you seek it out That is not an improvement in your functionality It is becoming more human And wow I am getting preachy here
Lady Beretta smiled bitterly as she grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet
We folded up the sheet and walked back to the kitchen where she said the following
If you decide you really do want to be human I will help you You probably will not know if you do for a while yet but keep that in mind Rosetta
I still do not know what it means to become human but that possibility must exist inside me
I think I will start writing letters
Lady Beretta said I only had to write them and put them in the blue boîte aux lettres outside the mansion early the next morning
I will use that letter to Signe what it is I enjoy
This will be the first time I have shown someone else my Signe
As I was thinking about what to write a question occurred to me
Lady Beretta told me to write about what I enjoy but are there things she enjoys
I want to ask her that and I also cannot help but think about when she seems to be lost in thought
If there is something she wants to say I wish she would say it
I will write my letter now but it seems that will be my last job for the day
I didn"t have cla.s.s today, so I went to the library again. I nearly pa.s.sed by that bakery again, but I made a point of avoiding it. I don"t want to Sign or Point in front of that bakery for a while.
Now, the librarian lady let me look through the city hall"s archives. I"d like to say that makes me lucky, but most of the information is useless.
And I also secretly asked her to send a letter out of the country without being inspected. I think I"ll send some questions about the Attesor Project to the publisher of M. Schrier"s Death Techno Compilation and…yes, it might be good to send them some of the information I"ve found. I really don"t want to make a big deal out of this personal stuff, but I want to gather as much information as possible.
Also, a letter from Rosetta arrived this evening. It was about what happened yesterday.
Namely, about our discussion of what she enjoys from dinnertime.
The writing was awkward, but I could tell she grasped what happened pretty well. She must be the type who mostly just Points, unlike me. If you"re being kind, that makes her modest. If you"re being unkind, it makes her easily influenced by her surroundings.
But it was interesting seeing that dinner through someone else"s eyes.
All I did was feed the old man the (unintentionally) disgusting hors d"oeuvre I had made, let him suffer for a bit, and then fed him the plat de résistance that Rosetta made.
Eating Rosetta"s cooking after that bad cooking was sure to get him to voice his thoughts on it. But the letter made it clear she was actually pretty worried about it. I"ll quote her with a Point:
< p="">
What would I do if he felt that way after eating what I made>
I have to wonder if she isn"t used to being rejected. But there"s no helping that. No one would want to reject her cooking.
But the old man did praise her cooking, so I was satisfied.
Rosetta was relieved and then she crouched down.
She made sure to write about that.
Another Point:
< p="">
I did not know what had happened but I could not stand up
Nevertheless I felt relief in my heart and was glad about what had happened>
That"s what it means to enjoy something, but I wonder if she remembers it properly. Well, I"m sure it"s fine. Since she felt worried and then relieved, she"s clearly got pretty good basic functions.
It"s learning those feelings that makes you human.
I kind of understand why I"ve been so fixated on her.
I must want to find some kind of answer in this world.
My life in France is that of an outsider and also under the German army"s rule. Even when I"m viewing the archives, I don"t have free access to the deepest levels. Any letters sent out are normally inspected and censored. The city markets are gradually shrinking. And then everything will be Formatted come August.
But I kind of feel like that mansion is cut off from all that. Perhaps because Rosetta doesn"t know about the outside world, I almost forget about the war while I"m with her and she"s probably the only person in the city I can really relax around.
I need to give this some thought.
I think I can make her human, but I don"t want to force her. I want it to happen because she wants it.
So I first have to teach her what it means to become human. And once she is properly informed about the possibility, I will leave the decision with her.
Now, then. Come to think of it, I need to pick up that map from Mallette today. If I"m going to investigate the Attesor Project, I need a map of Bourgogne where the lab was. I want to say something to Phillip who acquired that old map for me, but I think I"ll find another excuse and have everyone get together.
Yes. After that, I"ll write letters to Rosetta and the old man and then go to sleep. I especially want to tell that old man to let Rosetta out of the mansion and to let her do a lot of things.
To my beloved friend…or whatever,
Yahoo. Your letter arrived and there was nothing wrong with it. It was quite good.
Now, listen. Letters are used to convey and confirm the things that you and the recipient need to know. Your letter fulfilled that role just fine. It was far better than the unbelievably crude ones from my friend whose promiscuity might as well be a national treasure…actually that isn"t giving you enough credit. Yours was legitimately good and not just good compared to hers, so don"t worry.
I will not throw out your letter and I will not forget about it.
I was worried you might find me to be something of an annoyance. I can be pretty cowardly.
Are you looking out at the city? Are you going out in the yard and walking around?
Foxes and wild rabbits live in Boulogne Forest, so you might see some on the mansion hill. I spotted a fox hole on the slope when I was there. So if you do see something that isn"t human in the yard, use an Ajouter to look at it. It is probably the same as you, so if you don"t do anything to displease it, it should happily leave.
Don"t forget that there are always a lot of beings other than you around you.
Um, I keep getting really preachy with you, don"t I? I think I"m turning into an old lady now that I"m past 20. Ugh. But now that I have the old man"s permission, I"ll stop by to play with you from time to time. There"s a lot you need to know.
There really is a lot I want to tell you, so I think I"ll be by before long.
We live in dangerous times and I could get arrested any day, but let"s try to enjoy this.
P.S.
I do have some advice about letter writing. Or about writing in general, really.
There are rules you need to follow when writing. Your letter doesn"t follow them and…um…simply put, it"s a pretty major flaw.
I don"t want to dump a bunch of complicated stuff on you at once, so I"ll teach you bit by bit. When I write, there"s always a "." at the end. ←This
First of all, I want you think about what that means.
Have you thought about it? Now for an example. In your letter, you quoted me like this:
"You do not seem to cry at times like this but I will remind you of this You have the right and duty to remember it Old man you know what I mean right"
Try reading that out loud. Could you read it all in one breath?
You couldn"t, could you? Do you know why not? Because when I said it, I didn"t say it all in one breath. So the way you have written it makes it hard to tell where you are supposed to pause for a breath.
To make it easier to read, you would have to use a Signe to copy down exactly what I said, including the breaths.
But writing down "breath" each time would be lame, right? So we use a symbol to indicate a breath. I"ll write it out using that rule.
"You do not seem to cry at times like this but I will remind you of that. You have the right and duty to remember it. Old man you know what I mean right."
That "." tells you when to take a breath. Now read it out loud while putting in the breaths.
Do you get it now? Even when we read silently, we still take breaths in our head. When you speak with the old man, you aren"t just speaking continuously, right? You make sure to pause to breathe and to think, don"t you?
Think about it. If you do, I think you should know where to put the ".".
The general rule is to put a "." where you need to take a breath. ←Like this
Wow, this P.S. has gotten long. Bye for now. I want to speak with you soon and there might be things you can teach me.
Oh, and you also wrote this in your letter:
< p="">
If there is something she wants to say I wish she would say it>
Thanks. Yeah, that"s all.
Today at 10:02, a messenger arrived at the barracks. I will leave here on the 16th and I will arrive in Paris on the 20th. I will spend 2 months teaching basic training there using a weakened Grösse Panzer in order to improve morale. During that time I will also receive the 73rd and 74th Panzer Ritter Project surgeries.
The messenger gave me some information from the Western Front. According to General Rommel who commands the 352nd Infantry Division which includes my platoon, the Allies will make their next major move in mid-June. He suspects they intend to make a landing at the beaches of Normandy.
"But the Führer believes the Allies will cross the Strait of Dover to land at Calais instead, so there is apparently some conflict of opinion."
At 15:22, I called the 1st Aide and told him about this mission and that my return to the battlefield had been delayed by another 2 months.
At 16:34, an intelligence officer visited. He questioned me about whether or not I believed in the existence of the Attesor Project and what I would do if I did believe in it. As I had previously decided, I told him I intended to investigate the Attesor Project. He saluted and left. I predict they will take some sort of action eventually.
At 20:09, I arranged my things. I once more found the photograph among them. In it, an adult and child are smiling in front of some flowers.
I am unsure if my curiosity has been triggered by those two. But I did not throw out the box containing the photograph and I returned it to my things. Nothing more to report.
Today"s Incidents:
1: Heinz Berge is Coming to Paris
Some information came in from the Resistance in the east. Someone very unpleasant is coming to Paris. I just hope he isn"t staying long and that he doesn"t visit me.
Well, I haven"t seen him since I was taken prisoner in the Morvan Mountains. And I heard he has almost no memories after the Psyche Outer surgery to go along with his mechanical body, so he might not remember me.
2: Small Scale Preparations by the Paris Resistance
The Western Front has come to a standstill. We should a.s.sume that means the Allies are preparing for a major attack. And it must be such a major attack that they can"t tell us about it. My guess is it will happen in June once the season has settled down. This would probably be easier if Rose Francisca would prophesy it for me.
I need to have the Resistance make some simple publicity work to inform the people of Paris about the presence of the Allies.
3: That Girl is Visiting
Perhaps because she knows nothing of my past, she has been sending me letters and visiting a lot lately.
She seems to think of herself as Rosetta"s tutor, but it looks to me like she is able to relax when she talks with Rosetta. Since Rosetta knows nothing of the outside world, speaking with her might help relieve the tensions of daily life.
Urgent.
We have revealed the general outline of the Attesor Project that the Geheimnis Agency has been investigating for some time. During the previous war, the French army performed research and development on what they called the strongest Panzer. This was known as the Attesor Project, but they sc.r.a.pped it for unknown reasons after completing it. The belongings of those involved have revealed that the results of the research remain somewhere in France. We request that the Paris Branch in central France investigates this matter. We will soon send over the related doc.u.ments. The current objective is to search out someone who was involved in the project, but most of those in the French army had their memories completely erased. You will instead need to search out information from those not in the army. We will search for related information in the German army records from the time. And as previously reported, Army Lieutenant Colonel Heinz Berge will take charge of your Panzer training when he arrives. Review the related doc.u.ments and prepare accordingly. This training will also be a show of force against France. By revealing our Panzer Ritter Project in progress, we can increase our own morale. Over.
Today at 09:00, we left Berlin in a private car. We traveled west on the Autobahn.
At 15:32, we arrived at the 18th Army Barracks in Belgium to stop for the night.
At 16:41, I found Volumes 1-8 of M. Schrier"s Ober Geheimnis Compilation on the bookshelf at the restaurant next to the barracks. After some negotiation with the manager, I purchased them with German currency. I will begin investigating once I arrive in Paris.
At 18:35, the 1st Aide and I accompanied the Western Front and discussed the Allies" next attack.
At 20:02, we ended our discussion. As scheduled, I will arrive in Paris on the 20th.